Falling Stars

by Grubor, Sadie

  "We already discussed that. It's not an option, Doc!" I spit out.

  "Okay, well…I'm going to come to Chicago with you so we can talk more the day after your concert."

  I looked to him and then at the clock. We had barely made it forty-five minutes.

  "I know we're cutting it short, but you have to get on your bus and we most likely won't get any further today." He stood up "So I'll let you get going. And Christopher?"

  I looked up to him.

  "Think about what I've been asking you to do." Before I could protest he continued, "Just consider it."

  Nodding, I rolled my eyes.

  "Oh and one more thing."

  Annoyance all over my face, I looked to him again.

  "Are you sure you've never been in love?"

  He left me, with a furrowed brow, before I could question him or could give him an answer.

  Everyone was on the bus when I climbed on.

  "Hey man," Elliott said without looking away from his handheld video game.

  "Hey," I replied.

  "Ready for a long trip?" Jackson lounged on the couch with a movie starting on the TV.

  "Yeah, sure."

  In my bedroom on the bus, I got my notebook and guitar. Jimmy snoring from a bunk outside my room was grating on my nerves.

  We made one stop on the way to Chicago, but other than that, it was straight to the arena for rehearsals. Mia and I rehearsed on the stage one more time before we performed tonight. Richard had unexpectedly joined us in Chicago, so both of us knew we had to make the performance its best.

  The rehearsals went smoothly and the girls were finishing their last song of the night. When led out to the stage, we passed the girls. Mia rushed to wardrobe with annoyance on her face as the make-up and hair people were all over her.

  Taking my center position on stage the audience start to cheer and chant. Looking to my left there was movement in the shadows. Mia was getting into position.

  The song started.

  As I began singing, a single spotlight illuminated me. The crowd erupted. Mia joined in with her own spotlight. The intensity of her approach rippled over my skin. She started walking toward the front of the stage, beginning her solo verse.

  Following her, we got to the front of the stage and backed away as rehearsed. Turning back toward each other, I saw her for the first time tonight. The intensity was there in her dark eyes, her hair pulled up loosely with pieces hanging out, her make-up was a little darker and the dress she was wearing made my stomach flip.

  The black dress reached to the floor and flowed around her body with every movement. A studded belt ran just below her breasts, accentuating her curves, and one strap ran over her left shoulder.

  The moment she took my breath away, was thankfully an instrumental part. I had time to regroup before we started the final verse. With my arm tightly wrapped around her waist, I sang the last word and put my forehead against the side of her head. The audience erupted into cheers, chanting our names. I inhaled deeply and tightened my hold on her.

  My entire being protested when she pulled away and waved to the crowd, leaving the stage. It took everything in me to let her leave. The cheers and applause faded in my ears watching her walk away.

  "She won't be on tour with you forever" rang between my ears. "Oh and one more thing" I looked back to Doctor J. "Are you sure that you've never been in love? "

  Elliott started tapping out our next song, snapping me from my daze. Pulling myself together, the rest of the concert went according to schedule.

  Walking through the lobby, multiple fans had congregated. With pictures, posters, t-shirts and pens in hand, they pressed forward through security for autographs. I was signing the t-shirt on the back left shoulder of a fan, when one of the girl’s security guards shouted.

  "Step back, young man." His voice boomed and his thick muscled arm pushed back a dark haired man.

  "I know them." He pushed at the security guys arm. "Mia, Serena," he called out, "we went to school together!"

  Mid eye roll of the commonly used statement, my back stiffened when Mia turned to him. She called off the guard and pulled the guy into a one armed hug. Serena quickly joined them.

  The fans calling out to me faded into nothingness. I watched her pose for pictures and sign a book the guy produced. Is that a yearbook? My hands balled into fists and the pen in my hand snapped. The ink collected in the crease of my fingers.

  There was laughter and more embracing. No matter how hard I listened, there was nothing that helped me figure out who this guy was.

  By the time, we all congregated in the elevator, all the talk was around the guy Serena and Mia were just posing with. Kat and Laney seemed disappointed to have missed him, but all were excited to have a fan they knew.

  I hated him, but why should I? She could be with whoever she wanted. She was single, right? Then it struck me. Maybe she’s not. Is there someone in her life? Someone I don’t know about? My stomach knotted.

  Once on our floor, the girls disappeared into their room, still conversing over the idiot from the lobby.

  "Well who the fuck was that?" Elliott growled when we entered our room.

  Jimmy chuckled.

  "I don't know." Jackson tried to play it cool about the stranger.

  I walked directly to the shower.

  The thoughts of her having a boyfriend, a lover, or a goddamn fuck-buddy were eating at me. Was this why I never saw anyone around? Was there some guy, her guy? The hot water wasn't easing my tension at all. Climbing out, I dried off, and found a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. I couldn't get the image out of my head or the knot in the pit of my stomach. I hate this guy.

  I released a groan into the empty room. Why do I even care?

  After the television proved an unsuccessful distraction, I tried sleeping. Before I closed my eyes, I knew it was a mistake, but I just couldn't go there and see her with him. My mind raced back to my session this morning.

  "Oh and one more thing" I looked back to doctor J. "Are you sure that you've never been in love?"

  Was that really it…did I have stronger feelings for her than I wanted to admit? No. Is it supposed to feel this way? No. This wasn't love. This is irritation because I just wanted to sleep, but couldn’t stop thinking about this boyfriend I’d created for Mia. Falling asleep with a pounding headache, the haunting of my past crashed on me full force.

  The smell of sulfur filled my nostrils, the taste of sweat and tears on my tongue, and the fear. The fear was like a dense fog. My mother lay dead, but morphed in a ripple of blood into Mia. Dropping to my knees, I pulled her lifeless figure into my arms cradling and sobbing.

  "What have you done?" Looking up into Mia's accusing eyes. I looked back into my arms, they were empty. "You're a monster," she screamed and then she ran.

  "Mia! Wait, please!" It was too late. She was gone.

  My body propelled to the end of my bed and the scream of her name echoed against the eggshell colored walls. My breathing stayed ragged and my mind wouldn't stop revolving the images. The vision of her, of Mia, was plaguing the back of my eyelids. Her lifeless body, the accusing eyes, the disgust in her voice, all of it was on a constant loop.

  Jackson, Jimmy, and Elliott crashed through my door, falling over each other, with panic across their faces. They halted at what had to be a crazed look plastered across my face.

  With jerking movements, I grabbed and pulled on my jeans.

  "Christopher?" Shaking off Jimmy's hand, I stepped toward the door.

  "Where are you going?" Jackson blocked the doorway. I shoved him.

  Elliott bound toward me from behind. I'm sure in an attempt to subdue me, but I made it to the door before he caught up.

  "Christopher!" Elliott yelled. I ran. I had to get to her. I need to make sure.

  Reaching the hotel room door, I pounded with both fists. Elliott grabbed my arms pulling me away from the door.

  "Calm down, man," he yelled at me.

  "
Let. Go!" I growled and tried to shake him off me.

  "No way!"

  "Christopher! Calm down!" Jackson was standing in front of me, pressing on my chest with both hands.

  "Let. Go!" I growled again.

  The door opened and Laney stood there. A horrified expression spread across her tiny face.

  "J-Jackson?"

  "Shut the door Laney" Jackson ordered. "Call my dad."

  Then there she was, looking over Laney's shoulder. A tear slipped over her cheek as she looked at the scene before her. Curiosity had changed to worry and fear.

  Shifting my weight back, I caused Elliott to lose his footing and fall against the wall. Jackson reached for my shoulders.

  "Christopher, stop!"

  Shoving him out of my way, I forged ahead.

  Laney jumped out of my way. Stopping directly in front of Mia, I looked down on her wide fear filled eyes. Grabbing her arms, I pulled her to my chest, taking us to her room.

  "Christopher? Christopher, please?" Kicking her door shut once we were inside, I held her tighter to my chest. She was okay.

  The doorknob rattled as someone tried to open it. Slamming my hand on the door, I then locked it. With one tight arm still wrapped around her, I leaned against the locked door.

  "C-Chris you…you need to calm d-down," she stuttered.

  She was attempting to put on a brave front. I was scaring her and I hated it. It wasn't my intent, but I needed to know she was okay. I had to know, to be near her, to protect her.

  My breathing was still as ragged as when I first woke. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself. The image was still there. Pulling her along to the bed, I finally released her onto the bed. Gripping at my hair, I tried to purge the image of her dead body from my head. Mia pulled herself as far from me as she could. With my fists in my hair, I paced the floor at the end of her bed.

  "She was there…she was gone…you were in her place," Rambling I tried to explain. "It's my fault…I could've stopped it…why didn't I stop him?" Stopping mid pace, I turned to her. "I won't let it happen to you too." My pacing continued.

  "Christopher?" She had barely spoken loud enough for me to hear her over the yells behind her bedroom door.

  Jerking my head to look at her, she forced a relaxed expression.

  "Hey…calm down, okay?"

  Sitting down forcefully on the bed, I looked away from the fear on her face. No longer able to fight the sobs, they were now spouting out from me.

  The warmth of her hand on my shoulder sent a wave of relief over me. Climbing onto my knees in front of her, she cupped my face and looked into my eyes.

  "It's okay. Just a bad dream," she whispered.

  "No, you were there. You were…" I choked on a sob and buried my head in my hands. "She was…she is…He…"

  "I'm right here," her voice was gaining volume.

  "Christopher! Open the door!" Nicholas was yelling and pounding on the door.

  "Just let me break the fucking thing down," Elliott shouted.

  "No!" Mia yelled. "It's fine." She shouted to the crowd behind the door.

  "Mia, you need to let us in. You don't know what –"

  "It's fine. I'm fine…just please be quiet, please!"

  "Unlock the door," Doctor J. had joined the group.

  She moved to stand off the bed, but I grabbed her waist pulling her back down and burying my face into her shoulder.

  "Let me unlock the door."

  I shook my head. "Don't let him in."

  "Nicholas?" Her voice was trembling.

  I shook my head.

  "Jackson?"

  I shook my head, again.

  "The voice I don't recognize?" She meant the doctor. I shook my head and held her tighter.

  "Who is 'him' Christopher?" I just shook my head.

  Images of 'him' raced in my mind, and I squeezed her tighter.

  "Okay, okay." Wrapping her arms around me, she squeezed me back.

  "I can't right now, but everything is fine." She yelled back to the door.

  "Christopher, please let us in." The door muffled Doctor J’s voice.

  I shook my head.

  "Not right now," she yelled. "Just give me a minute," she finished.

  "Fuck this. Get me a knife or a fingernail file." Kat demanded.

  "Christopher?" I looked up into her face. There was no fear. There was only sadness and kindness. She cares. "Are you okay?"

  I shook my head slightly.

  "Do you want to tell me?"

  I didn't move, just stared at her. She chewed on the inside of her mouth.

  "She is…and you were…" The tears started streaming down my face again. I could taste them as they pass my lips.

  "I'm right here," she said sternly and took my face into her hands. She looked me directly in the eyes. "I'm fine, you're fine. It was just a bad dream."

  Pressing the side of my head to her chest, I could hear her heart beating rapidly. Her right hand stroked my head and the left pressed between my shoulder blades.

  Pushing us over so we were lying on the bed, my head still pressed to her chest, I closed my eyes and held her. Her soft, warm, familiar scent filled my senses and calmed me. Her hand ran soothingly in my hair.

  "You're fine," I mumbled into her t-shirt.

  * * * * *

  I'd expected him earlier and made sure to get Jace out of here before Christopher arrived. Explaining things to Jace would be worse than dealing with Serena. We'd known Jace for years, having met him when I was ten and Serena was twelve. He was like a brother to us.

  Chris never arrived though.

  He terrified me when he grabbed me. Shock and horror rose inside when he started dragging me around. The pacing and mumbling, I thought he was going to snap completely. Once I made out what he was saying, I realized he was just as scared and terrified. It had been one of his dreams that brought him here. When the tension left his body and his breathing returned to normal, I knew it wouldn't be long before he was out cold.

  The metal clicks came from my door just before the knob turned and Kat enter with a proud smile.

  "I told you I could do it," she boasted.

  Nicholas and an unfamiliar man rushed in looking down at the sight of Christopher and me.

  "Are you okay?" Serena knelt to the side of the bed and brushed hair from my face.

  I nodded, "I'm fine."

  "Mia I presume?" The unfamiliar man nodded and smiled toward me.

  "Yeah," my face warmed with my admission.

  "I'm Christopher's doctor." Nodding, I smiled small. "Any idea what happened?"

  "Not really. I think it was another dream, but…this time he seemed worried or panicked about me." With a shrug, I moved my hand from Christopher's head to remove some hair that fell into my eye.

  He startled me when his arm flexed and his hand reached up from my waist to put my hand it back on his head.

  "I thought you were sleeping." Pinching a couple strands of hair I gently tugged.

  He shook his head against me.

  The doctor sighed and half smiled at me. "I'll check back in on him later today."

  Looking at the clock, my movement caused Christopher to tighten his embrace.

  "I'm not going anywhere." His hold loosened and I was now free to read the time on the clock – 4 a.m.

  The doctor looked to Nicholas.

  "I'll be in my room, if anything changes, please, let me know." Nicholas nodded and the doctor left the room.

  "Come on," Jackson grabbed Laney and ushered everyone from the room except for Serena and Nicholas.

  "Will you be alright?" Serena asked kissing my forehead.

  "I'll be fine." I reassured.

  "She's fine," Christopher mumbled. Serena scowled at him and walked toward the door.

  "Mia..." Nicholas hesitated looking for the right thing to say.

  "It's okay Nicholas. I've gotten used to it at this point." I tried to laugh freely.

  "I just hope he realizes how much
you've done for him." Smiling at Nicholas, he left the room.

  My mind went into overdrive. Why do I do these things for him? Allow him to use me, to scare me, and then just...ugh. Chris curled up closer into my side. My face flushed hot when I realized the position put his face to my boob. First, it was my ass, now my boobs.

  After a few moments of mentally questioning myself, and the flush of embarrassment, I fell asleep.

  When I woke, Christopher was gone. Sitting up, I looked around, but he wasn't anywhere. Furrowing my brow, I took my irritation to the shower. That's right idiot. Used once again. Congratulations.

  Once I dried off, I slipped into a pair of boxer shorts and a white tank top. After last night, my plan was to stay in bed vegetating with the television and my laptop. We weren't leaving on the tour bus until tomorrow morning and the only real plans I had were to meet Jace later for dinner, before he returned to base.

  Wrapped up in my blanket and leaning against the headboard I placed my computer on my lap. With the turn of the doorknob, I expected Serena or Laney, but it was Christopher. My eyes widened and I sat up straighter.

  "Um…Hi," He mumbled from the door.

  "Hi." Suddenly my lip seemed like the best piece of bubble gum ever.

  "Do you mind if I come in?"

  "Uh…sure," Closing my laptop, I sat Indian style.

  As he shut the bedroom door, I saw two brown bags in his hands. He sat on the bed and opened the first one.

  "I, uh, got some coffee," he handed me a cup without looking at me.

  I took it.

  "Thanks". I spoke softly and pulled off the lid. While blowing on the coffee I saw him from the corner of my eye. He was watching me. "What?"

  He dumped out the bag. There were regular creamers, flavored creamers, sugar, cinnamon packets, etc.

  "I didn't know what you put in it." He shrugged. Then he took a white box out of the larger brown bag and sat in on the bed between us. "I got some donuts."

  "Thanks." I repeated.

  Pouring some vanilla cream into my coffee and then four packs of sugar, I felt Christopher's eyes on me. Ignoring it this time, I sat back against the headboard and sipped the coffee. This was…different.