Falling Stars

by Grubor, Sadie

  "Not one of them are drunk you stupid fucks!" Elliott winked.

  "Are you serious?" The three of them turned and looked at me as if it were the first time I'd ever spoke. Elliott shook his head.

  "Yeah, I'm serious. They just like to have a good time without worrying about what people think. Something that you," he pointed directly at me "Mister 'Emo-Boy, should give a try." He smiled and headed back, taking Serena and Kat under his arms.

  "He's right." Jackson said, looking at me. I glared. "What?" He asked.

  "He's right?"

  "I told you pretty much the same thing the other night." Jimmy chimed in as he got up and followed suit over to the group.

  "Well fuck me if I'm going to sit here with you when I could be over there." Jackson punched my shoulder and chuckled.

  Finishing my water, I headed up to the bar for another when I felt a presence next to me. Looking down to my right, my eyes landed on Serena, who was giving me an intense look of despise.

  "Can I help you?"

  "Don't you dare hurt her."

  "Excuse me?"

  "You heard me." She poked me hard in my chest and turned away.

  Looking up, I locked eyes with Mia. She smiled warmly and then looked away. My chest tightened up. I wanted her to look back at me again. Growling at myself silently, I shook it off.

  We headed back to our rooms. When we reached the girls hotel room Laney wrapped her arm around mine and pulled me into the suite with her. She sat on the couch pulling me down next to her.

  Everyone sat around while Laney set up IPods for the 'Name that Song' game. Laney had decided she would set everyone up with a partner. Serena and Elliott, Jimmy and Kat, and then she put Mia and me together. I looked to Mia, but she didn't seem bothered by it at all.

  Why did I let that fucking doctor make this so uncomfortable? His bullshit about her caring for me and having feelings for her…now I'm over freaking analyzing every damn thing!

  Laney began the game while sitting on Jackson's lap – deeming him the tiebreaker judge. To my surprise, Mia and I were a force to be reckoned. She was good and we complemented each other well. I wasn't big on hip-hop or rap and she didn't have the classical background knowledge I did. In the end we dominated.

  Soon the beers and the late hour had gotten to everyone. Two by two, they started to dwindle off to bed. Jackson took Laney with him by piggyback. Elliott quickly followed Serena to her room, without invitation. Jimmy disappeared, as did Kat. I didn't see them go together, but I assumed.

  Mia stood and walked into her room. Getting up from the couch, I was still amazed that I didn't know what to do.

  "You coming?" I didn't say anything. "I'd prefer not to be woken up at two, three or four in the morning if you don't mind." I tensed until I heard her laugh lightly.

  She was teasing me.

  Walking into her room, I realized I didn't have anything to change into. While she was in the bathroom, I stripped down to my boxers and climbed under the covers.

  Ten minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom and slid in next to me. My body twitched all over to get closer to her. I brought my hands up behind my head to prevent them from reaching out.

  "Are you okay?" Her voice was hushed but was enough to make me jerk in her direction.

  "Uh…yeah."

  Nothing else said. Laying there thinking about what the doctor said and how she was going to react to sitting in one of my sessions with me. I was torn from my thoughts when her warm body pressed against me.

  Mia had rolled over. Her arm around my chest, leg wrapped over me, and her face partially pressed against my side. I could feel her warm breaths against my bare skin. My body lit up as if electricity was coursing through me.

  Angling my head, I looked down at her. Instead of sleeping, I got lost in her again. By the time I was finished watching her sleep, I think I'd memorized every line, curve, freckle, the exact spot of her nose piercing, the small 'v' shaped scar near her hairline, and any mark on her face. Wrapping my arms around her, the calm and ease rush over me. Like the addict I was, I overdosed in her and drifted to sleep.

  Waking up the next morning was something entirely new to our typical morning after.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Waking up next to Christopher wasn't something new; however, this morning I woke up to half-naked Christopher with me wrapped around him. Our bodies firmly pressed into each other, my palm resting flat on his tattooed chest, inner thigh pressed firmly against his extra band member and, Oh, Holy Baby Jesus, he was sporting morning wood. It was overwhelming, his scent and the physical contact. It'd been awhile and my body thought the drought was finally over.

  His left arm was snuggly wrapped around me with his hand flat against my lower back. His fingertips were grazing the band of my pajama shorts. As I tried to slide away slowly, praying he wouldn't wake up and see me draped across him, he tightened his hold and rolled so we were chest to chest.

  Our chests pressed to the others, his arms around me tightly, his sudden roll brought my leg up over his hip. My inner hooker slipped on her crotch less panties and stilettos, ready to dance on his pole.

  When his right hand slid further down, now partially on my butt, I took a deep breath to calm myself. Inhaling his scent did nothing but fill my body with fire. The heat built between our bodies and I had to fight my inner hooker not to press my hips forward into the large erection I knew was less than an inch from me. I mentally slapped a chastity belt on said inner hooker, who scowled with her hands on her hips.

  Biting my lip, I started to pull away. Just when I lifted my leg, his lower body shifted forward. I gasped. His eyes fluttered open and widened. He looked down at me, but didn't move. I couldn't speak and apparently, he couldn't either.

  "Mia!" Serena shouted from the other side of the door.

  We both jumped at her shout and our body smacked against each other in all places. Both of us gasped and rolled away from each other.

  "Yeah?" In a shaky voice, I called out and sat up to the edge of my bed, my thighs sought out friction against each other.

  "We need to get ready to go."

  "Okay." I yelled back and walked straight to the bathroom. My inner hooker threw an internal tantrum, screaming and kicking as I walked away from the bed.

  Thoroughly showering, applying two layers of lotion, brushing my teeth twice and actually doing my hair, I killed as much time as possible in the bathroom in hopes that he bolted from my room first chance he got. I walked out of the bathroom and sighed in relief that he had indeed followed our routine. Once dressed, I started bagging and tagging my things.

  There was a knock at my door. Turning, Una stood with Christopher's doctor.

  "Hey," I half smiled.

  "You all ready for Cleveland?" Una entered with the doctor close to her side. I nodded.

  "What's up?"

  "Good morning Mia, I'm Doctor J. We briefly met the other night." He stuck his hand out. I shook it. "I would like to speak with you for a minute if that's okay."

  "Um...sure, I'm about done here so just –"

  "Xander will finish it up for you Mia." Una smiled and Xander came in quickly. I smiled to him.

  "Okay…well, where would you like to talk?"

  "Here's fine," he motioned around the hotel room. Nodding slowly, I sat down on the bed.

  Xander and some of the crew grabbed my bags, closing the door behind them.

  "So Mia?" he began.

  "Yeah?" I chewed on my lip.

  "I've been trying to work on getting Christopher to talk about that night, among other things."

  I nodded in understanding.

  "What I would like to do is have you there during one of his sessions. Do you –"

  "Whoa…wait a minute. Aren't those supposed to be private or something?"

  "I think that private between you and Christopher passed some time ago" He smiled at me and lightly chuckled.

  "Good point." Warmth crept over my neck, chin, and chee
ks.

  "Christopher has already agreed to having you there, but only if you're willing of course." He paused. "Are you willing?"

  "Do I have to do anything?" I asked nervously.

  "Just whatever it is you do now," he smiled. "Listen, at first we're just going to have you close by and if necessary then we'll have you join the session. Obviously, you seem to calm him, so I'm hoping it's enough to get him to open up a little. I believe this will be the first big step for him, if it works."

  Silently, I sat thinking about it.

  How did I get into this? Oh, I know…the asshole carried me, sleeping, into this. I'm going to kill him. Taking a deep breath, I hoped would clear some of the nervousness and tension from my body. I'll just feel like shit if I don't agree and even if they attempt this without me I'm sure I'll just have another frantic visit to diffuse.

  "Okay." My voice was just above a whisper.

  "Wonderful." he stood. "Thank you Mia, I think this will be good for him."

  Hesitantly nodding again, I half smiled.

  "Mia, can I ask something without you being terribly angry?" Looking up at him, I furrowed my brow.

  "Sure." I answered reluctantly.

  "Do you care about Christopher?"

  My mouth fell open. How…why…would he think…? Maybe because you sleep with Christopher every night even after all his crap, maybe because you step into crazy situations to help him.

  "That's what I thought," he smiled without me answering.

  "I didn't say –"

  "It's okay you don't have to say anything. You do realize that it's okay to care about him?"

  I stayed silent. He chuckled.

  "You two are definitely an unusual pair. Well, just so you know, there seems to be some sort of connection with you two regardless of the other stuff." He smiled "I'll probably have his next session in Cleveland, so I'll try to work something out with both your schedules while we're there, okay?"

  I nodded and he left. Throwing myself back on the bed, I released a large puff of air.

  * * * * *

  Waking up in the compromising position was slightly shocking, but mostly pleasing. My head screamed to let go of her, she was clearly trying to pull away. My body on the other hand locked up and screamed to roll her over and claim her in the name of Christopher Mason.

  My body was close to winning the internal battle until Serena caused a completely different effect. We both jumped and the friction was almost too much. If she hadn't scrambled to the edge of the bed so quickly, I would have definitely followed my body's demand for her.

  Being around her would've been even more awkward after that so I basically ran from the room once I heard the shower. Even if my body wanted to bust down the bathroom door and press her against the tiled wall. I received some confused looks from Kat and Laney when I exited shirtless.

  We were halfway to Cleveland when the doctor called me.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey," he responded. "I wanted to let you know that we'll be scheduling a session together in Cleveland and Mia will be joining us, okay?"

  I was silent for a moment. "She agreed?"

  "Of course she did, I told you already."

  "Okay, thanks." We said our goodbyes and hung up.

  She really agreed to this too. How much more before she's had enough. What would happen when she knew it all, when she knew exactly what I was?

  We ended up meeting the day after we'd gotten to the hotel in Cleveland. Arriving to the room first, Doctor J ushered me in. I took a seat.

  "How are you feeling today?"

  "Is it always about feelings with you?" Slouching back into the soft couch cushions, I grew more nervous about this.

  He laughed.

  I tried to get comfortable, but knew this was going to be hard, really hard. In fact, I wasn't sure if I could do it. Then the door opened and the doc greeted Mia. He motioned her in. She was chewing on her lip again. Sighing, I forced a smile when she glanced in my direction. Her nervous smile brought guilt into the fucked up mess of my emotions. The doctor showed her into the other room and then settled down in a chair across from me.

  "Okay, this is going to be hard and I realize that, but I think it'll be good." He nodded slightly and smiled to me. "Let's start off slowly though. Tell me about your mother."

  "Her name was Margaret and I look a lot like her." I shrugged

  "Go on," he pushed. I shrugged again.

  "Christopher, you have to try here. Tell me about the relationship with your mother. What do you remember from your childhood?"

  "I remember her laugh," I spoke quietly. "She was very funny and always happy." Swallowing the tears back down.

  "Continue," he pushed again.

  "She used to chase me around and tickle me, used to have me help her bake, and she always ran her fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head for no reason." Pausing, I tried to avoid the tears threatening to push passed my lids. Taking a deep breath, I continued to talk about how much of a great mother she was, how much I loved her, and how much love radiated from her.

  "Good. She sounds like she was a wonderful mother and woman Christopher. You are very lucky." His words angered me. Fire burned in my chest.

  "Lucky? I'm lucky? She's fucking dead!"

  "Yes, but you had her in your life, you got to experience her greatness and keep it alive in you."

  Still disgusted with his comment, I diverted my eyes to the wall behind him.

  "Tell me about Collin, before it got bad. Was he always a difficult man?"

  "No," was all my anger would allow me to say.

  "I know you hate him now Christopher, but please think back to when you didn't. Trust me it will be okay." He tried to be reassuring, but I knew talking about him was never a good thing.

  "Fine," I spat. "He was, at one point, the ideal father; baseball, football, and the entire father son crap."

  "Okay, when did it change?"

  "I was around seven, I guess."

  "What changed?"

  "Look he knew I wasn't his biological son. I didn't know until I was around six. That's when they had an argument and I overheard what he was saying." I took a deep breath. "My mother was pregnant."

  "Your mother had another child?"

  "Yes, but it died at birth or something. I didn't exactly get told the details." I shrugged again.

  "So what happened?"

  "They grieved."

  "How did they grieve Christopher?"

  "Collin became angry and my mother and I got closer."

  "Explain the anger, please?"

  "He started drinking a lot and they argued more, but it wasn't too bad. Then he lost his job at the bank because of his drinking and things got worse. He started to verbally abuse my mother; calling her a whore, calling me a bastard, telling her she caused the death of the baby, stuff like that." I clenched my fists and swallowed another sob.

  "When did it turn physical?"

  "My mother got a job, until Collin found another. After he found a job, it wasn't enough so she stayed working, but only part time. He didn't like it and kept trying to force her to quit. She wouldn't." My nose flared while deeply inhaling and exhaling in an attempt to calm the anger.

  "I was about nine years old when I saw her bruised for the first time. She tried to say she hurt herself by accident, but eventually I realized he was doing it to her."

  My body started shaking with anger and Doctor J could see it too, because he stopped questioning me. Sitting quietly he waited for me to get myself under control. Shaking my leg, my knuckles were bone white.

  He finally broke the silence and pulled me from the images starting to seep into my head.

  "Christopher, do you want to stop?"

  I couldn't answer.

  "Christopher?"

  Shaking my head no, my body started to go into the frenzy of feelings. I could see her. My mother was lying on the floor in her own blood. The rage was coming. I slammed the palm of my hands onto the ta
ble and clenched onto the edge trying to stop it, but it wouldn't stop. Rocking, the tears roll over my cheek to the edge of my lips. I brought my hands to my face, my elbows on my knees.

  "Fuck! This is why I don't want to talk about it!"

  Screaming through my hands, my fingernails began to dig into my scalp at my hairline. A cocoon of comfort wrapped around me and a hand was on my head.

  "Shhh," she whispered.

  As if she was some sort of magnet, I leaned my head onto her, wrapping my arms around her.

  "It's okay," she whispered.

  The doctor watched the exchange between us, but I didn't care. She was here and she helped.

  "Can you continue?" He broke me out of my thoughts.

  I nodded.

  "Are you sure?" she whispered to me.

  "Just don't leave, don't leave me." I said quietly and her embrace tightened. Sitting upright, she scooted next to me holding my hand.

  "Okay, whenever you're ready to continue," Doctor J spoke softer than before.

  "I started happening almost every night. Her begging him to go to bed or her screaming because of something he'd done; hit her, scared her, or broke something." Pausing, Mia leaned against me wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Her cheek pressed to my shoulder as she laced our fingers. Looking down at our entwined hands, I continued.

  "Then he became more physical with me, shoving me and smacking in the head. My mother wouldn't stand for it, but he would just attack her too. If I intervened then he would toss me into a closet and lock me in until she would come for me."

  A sob broke through. She ran her hand in circles on my back. I looked over at her, tears running over her cheek.

  "Can you tell me about that night?" He pushed and the image flashed.

  My hands tightened to fists. When Mia flinched away from me, I realized I'd been squeezing her hand too tightly. Releasing her hand, I pulled her to me, hoping she wouldn't leave after I hurt her.

  She pulled away. Panic and defeat begin to fill my chest, until she slid behind me on the couch. Wrapping her legs around my waist, her arms were around my chest. With her face pressed to my back, I took a deep breath and placed my hand on top of the one she placed over my heart.