Falling Stars

by Grubor, Sadie

  "Whoa, Serena, I don't know if I can."

  "It's not easy but you know what it's like."

  "No you don't get what I'm saying. I don't think I can go through with the pregnancy. I think maybe the best option here would be –"

  "Don't finish that sentence! Don't even think it." She shouted loudly, which brought Laney, Kat and Una into the room. "You can't do that. That's the most horrible thing you've ever –"

  "What the hell is going on?" Kat approached the bed and sat at the end. Laney and Una stood next to her. Neither of us responded. Instead, we acted as if she never said a word.

  "I have to consider all of my options and that is one of them. I'm not you!" I argued back.

  "Someone please tell me what's going on?" Laney sighed loudly and dramatically.

  "She wants to kill the baby!" Serena yelled.

  My eyes grew large and quickly turned to Una, who now turned her wide eyes on me. She moved her eyes over my stomach and back to my face.

  "Mia…you…you're pregnant?" She barely whispered out.

  I nodded as tears started to slip past my lashes. Laney stood up and put her arm around me.

  "Serena, take it easy on her, she's fucking scared."

  "Mia you know I was scared at nineteen, but I did it and look at Ryan. Would you want me to have gotten rid of him?"

  "How can you even ask me that?" I sobbed.

  "Okay everyone, calm the hell down," Kat broke in. "This is Mia's decision, not ours. We need to support her, not scream at her." Kat shifted her eyes to Serena who was still steaming mad.

  "No, I think it's his decision too." Serena snapped her eyes to me and raised a brow. I wanted to rip out the damn eyebrow piercing.

  "You wouldn't?"

  "Mia, you can't honestly think the best option is to kill an innocent child," Serena pleaded.

  "Alright, enough!" We turned our stunned faces to Una. She took a deep breath. "I just made a call to the doctor and he'll be here in about thirty minutes." She turned to look at me. "How do you know for sure?"

  I pointed at Serena.

  "The pregnancy test Nazi made me take a test this afternoon because I threw up!"

  Una rubbed her forehead with her hand.

  "You did this in public? What if someone would've seen all of this happen?" Una sunk down to the bed. "You guys have to think more about being in public. The paparazzi could get a hold of this story and run wild with it." She sighed.

  Kat assured her she collected the tests and only gave the clerk a hundred dollars without explaining why. Una looked slightly relieved, but started to make more phone calls. A half hour later the doctor arrived and did some basic tests on me while everyone waited outside of my room.

  "Well, the urine test is a positive, but it will take a couple of days to get the blood test results. We also have to get you into a doctor's office for more blood work, a checkup, and some other things if the blood test confirms the urine sample. I'll get it all scheduled for you and keep it a private matter." He smiled at me and headed out of the room.

  Serena was the first one to enter the room. "Mia –"

  "You know what Serena I need my big sister right now, not a pro-life advocate!" I spat and lay back down on the bed. My door shut.

  "I'm sorry Mia. I really am I just hate the thought of –"

  "I know," I sighed. "I'm sorry if it bothers you, but I have to make the best decision for me." I heard her open her mouth to speak again. "I haven't made up my mind Serena. I'm just considering all options." We sat in silence for a long time before Una came back into the room.

  "Mia the doctor has scheduled your appointment with me and I'm going to move the meeting with Christopher and Nicholas to another day, okay?" I could only nod.

  The mention of Christopher made me feel nauseated. I decided not to leave the hotel room until it was absolutely necessary.

  * * * * *

  Sitting in the hotel living room, Nicholas mentioned my meeting with Mia today would be rescheduled because of an appointment. I tried not to look disappointed about not getting to be with her.

  Seeing Mia at each concert, I could see a drastic change in her attitude and physically. She just wasn't the same. Her body looked thinner, her skin a sickly pale white, and her eyes were plagued with deep purple bags. I’d heard rumors of her being sick again, but my pride didn’t allow me to inquire any further.

  Once Nicholas left, Jackson followed me into my bedroom slamming his door shut.

  "What the fuck Jackson?"

  "You fucking liar," he yelled.

  "What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't lie about anything!" Fighting between confusion and anger, I tried to stay calm.

  "Bullshit," he yelled. "You said you weren't sleeping with her." He raised one eyebrow cockily.

  I sighed and sat down on the bed.

  "I guess you heard from Laney."

  "No, not exactly."

  I looked up at him, confused.

  "I overheard a conversation when I was in their room."

  "Oh," I sighed again and ran my hand through my hair.

  "That's all you can say?" He stood in front of me, arms over his chest.

  "What do you want me to say? That it was just the one time, Dad?"

  "Just one time?"

  "Yes, asshole," my words soaked in more sarcasm.

  "Whatever. I can't believe you want her to have an abortion. That's just so pathetic Christopher, even for you. You're such a fucking cliché."

  Jackson’s words tore through me.

  "Abortion?" I coughed.

  "You didn't know?" he whispered realization.

  "How do you know, are you sure?"

  It all sank in. Her looking sick, the rumors of being sick, her appointment.

  "Shit!" he slapped myself in the head.

  "Jackson?"

  "Christopher…I thought you knew and you wanted….Fuck!" He rubbed my hands over my face.

  "This is your last chance Jackson!" I threatened.

  "I told you. I overheard part of a conversation when we were in Vegas." He took a deep breath. "Maybe it's not yours." His voice trailed into a whisper with the last two words.

  Pain and then anger took turns biting at me.

  "What did you hear? Are you sure that she is…and she's going to…Wait! You waited till now, and you found out in Vegas?" I searched his face and saw pain.

  He explained to me all he heard almost a week ago and then told of his suspicions about her appointment today.

  "Today?" I grabbed a sweatshirt and slipped on my shoes.

  "What are you doing?" He yelled as I ran out of the room.

  "I have to stop her!"

  Out of the suite, I ran for girl’s suite.

  Was it true? Mia was pregnant and she was going abort my child, our child. I had to get to her. I had to tell her…

  Reaching her door, I beat on it furiously. About to knock again, the door swung open and Laney's confused and nervous face greeted me.

  "Where is Mia?" I asked breathlessly and pushed by her. I went to her room to find her. It was empty.

  "She's not here," I turned to look at her and her eyes were sad. "She had an appointment."

  "Where is she Laney? I need to find her." I was practically begging for information.

  "Christopher…." She sighed and took a breath. "She went to an appointment. She'll be back later this after –"

  "No, Laney. Where is she now? What's the appointment?" Grabbing onto her shoulders, my fingers dug a little too deep.

  "It's a doctor appointment," she choked.

  "Let go of her Christopher," Jackson yelled and approached from the door. Releasing Laney I started pacing and running both hands though my hair.

  "What doctor Laney?" she bit her lip and furrowed her brow, clearly hesitant to answer me. "Damn It Laney! Tell me! I need to stop her!"

  Laney's eyes widen.

  "You know?" she said in a whisper.

  When she wouldn't respond I pulled out my
phone and called Una.

  "Christopher? What –"

  "Where's Mia?"

  "She's at an appointment. We'll be back –"

  "Una, let me talk to her, please!" I begged and headed downstairs to get a car.

  "I'm sorry Christopher. We'll talk when we get back." She hung up.

  The bitch hung up on me!

  "Fuck!" I screamed aloud in the elevator, scaring a small elderly couple. "Sorry," I mumbled to them before running off the elevator towards the front doors.

  There was a yellow car sitting right out front. Climbing in, my phone pinged. It was a text message from an unknown number.

  'I'm the only ally you have right now. 1505 Westlake Avenue – Dr. Lin. Hurry!'

  Throwing two hundred dollars at the driver, I gave him the address and told him to get me there in five minutes. He saw the money and floored the gas pedal.

  Rushing into the medical building, the main lobby filled with large bellies or tiny babies. I stood shocked for a moment before I remembered why I was here. One deep breath and I rushed to the large window. Behind the Plexiglas sat a plump brunette in blue scrubs.

  "Hello, I'm looking for someone." I tapped the window impatiently.

  She turned to me with an annoyed expression.

  "I'm sorry sir you'll need to wait out here." She spoke nervously and took in my disheveled and distraught appearance.

  "You don't understand I need to get back there –"

  "Is your wife back here?"

  "No, not exactly…but I'm the….the…" I swallowed hard.

  "The father?" she raised her eyebrows.

  I nodded. That would take some getting used to.

  "Are you expected?" I hesitated too long in my response. She took that moment to realize I wasn't. "Give me the name and I will check with them."

  "M….actually, I would rather write it, just to keep it private," she looked at me like I was insane. I wrote it on a piece of paper ripped off the sign in sheet and slid it over to her.

  "I don't have anyone by this name here sir, you must be mistaken," she pushed the paper back to me.

  Pressing my head against the glass window roughly, it caused her to jump. I was so frustrated I could've smashed the window and climbed across the desk to look for her myself. Then a door to my right opened and a nurse appeared asking for a Mrs. Haney. While she was looking around the room, I took the chance and ran by her, down the hallways.

  "Sir, you can't be back here! Sir!" Nurses were yelling at me.

  I kept moving and looked at the charts on the wall. Passing all the doors, I hadn't found her name. Sliding down a wall, I sat on the floor with my head in my hands. They lied to me. I groaned loudly.

  "Sir, you need to leave now." A large red haired nurse stood above me with a stern look on her face.

  "I just need to find her. I need to tell her…that I….that….she can't do this." A tear escape from the corner of my eye. "Please…I need to find Mia Ryd –"

  "Shh, sir we don't have anyone here by that name," she sighed. She put a hand out to me and helped me up. Then she leaned in close to me. "There is no one here by that name," she said loudly. "But Amy White is there."

  She walked away.

  It took me four long strides to reach the door she showed me. I knocked, but got nothing. Opening the door, there was no one there, but clothes and bags on a chair. Turning around I looked back out the hallway. Then muffled arguing filled the space around me.

  "Serena, stop it! Please!"

  It was Mia. Rushing toward her voice, I busted through a gray door with a small window.

  "I don't want to hear it. Serena!"

  Storming into the room, a foreign sound filled the room.

  "Whoosh, whoosh whoosh, whoosh."

  "Sir. You can't be in here."

  Is that all anyone in this place says?

  "Is that –?"

  "Christopher?" Panic and fear filled her voice. It was too dark to see the expression on her face, but I was sure it wasn't a pleasant one. She scrambled up from the table and the sound disappeared. I rushed to her side.

  "You shouldn't be here."

  * * * * *

  "I'm sorry Christopher. We'll talk when we get back." She hung up. I exhaled the breath I'd been holding.

  "You should tell him and see how he feels about this." Serena chimed in.

  "Jesus, will you just shut up for a little bit. I'm not making any final decision in this car and I'm not telling Christopher." Serena finally went silent for a few moments, distracted by her cell phone. I pondered if he somehow found out.

  Arriving to the medical building, we entered a rear entrance. Shown into a room quickly, the nurse sat down a chart with my 'cover' name Amy White. The nurse went through a multitude of questions and basic stats—blood pressure, weight, etc.

  Doctor Lin arrived and conducted the pap smear, a belly check, and then informed me he wanted to get an ultrasound before I left so we could determine how far along I was and check on the heartbeat, etcetera.

  "I don't want to see or hear anything."

  "Mia, how can you –?"

  My glare shut her up. The doctor cleared his throat.

  "That can be arranged," he left the room and soon after a nurse arrived.

  Escorted to another room, a nurse helped me onto a padded table. The nurse moved the pillow to the opposite end so I wasn't able to see the monitor screen and told me the technician would mute the sound.

  When the technician came in, she darkened the room, and started to perform the procedure. First, a cold gel was squeezed onto my abdomen and then a wand like device was placed against my skin. I reminded her I didn't want to hear any sounds. She nodded in understanding.

  As I watched the wand move around, the technician's other hand clicked and tapped buttons. There was a muffled commotion out in the hallway.

  "Oh Mia, the baby…she, he, is –"

  "I don't want to know." My annoyance with Serena was growing. Why had I even brought her along?

  "Mia, how can you not want to at least see the baby inside of you before you decide you want to get rid of it," she lectured.

  "Serena, just drop it and let it go. You're supposed to be here for me, not for your speeches." I was getting frustrated and angry. "I should've had Laney come."

  "That's it." Serena walked around to where the technician was standing and leaned forward.

  "Serena, stop it. Please!" I shouted. "I don't want to hear. Serena!" Then the sound filled the room.

  "Whoosh, whoosh whoosh, whoosh".

  Tears immediately fell over my cheeks.

  Oh God! It was true. It was real. I was pregnant. There was a little person, alive and thriving inside of me.

  "Sir! You can't be in here." The technician yelled and I twisted my body around.

  "Is that –?"

  "Christopher?" I gasped. He knew…he knew something. Oh, shit!

  Scrambling I tried to get off the table. He was next to me before I succeeded.

  "You shouldn't be here." I growled.

  "I shouldn't be here?" he asked incredulously. "What the hell is going on? Why does Jackson think you're getting an abortion today?" He placed his hands on my shoulders.

  I pulled away from him.

  "Mia?"

  "Jackson's wrong and you shouldn't be here." Slipping off the table, I tried to walk around him.

  "Um...miss we aren't finished yet. I still need to finish with the –"

  "Okay!" I glared back to her in the darkness. "Christopher, you need to leave. I have to finish –"

  "Fine. Finish then." He plopped down in a chair.

  "You can't stay," I spat.

  "Oh, why can't I? There is not a part of your body I haven't seen," he smirked.

  He fucking smirked at me.

  "Someone get him out of here please," I begged and leaned back against the table.

  "Christopher, you should go so they can finish –"

  "No chance in hell, Una dear." He spat each
word out with inflection, his eyes never leaving me.

  I sighed.

  "Can we give them a few minutes?" Serena looked to the nurse and the technician. They nodded and left the room.

  "Una?" Serena and she walked together from the room. Climbing back up on the table, I let my legs dangle off the side.

  "So, are you ready to talk to me yet? Cause I'm not leaving you alone until you do." Where did this side of him come from? He usually ran the moment I pissed him off or rejected him. Why couldn't he do it now?

  "Christopher," I whimpered and rubbed my face with my hands. His hands circled my wrists, pulling them away from my face.

  "Are you pregnant?" The look on his face was something I couldn't read. Anger, fear, panic, excitement…I didn't know. I sat silently and swallowed hard.

  "Damn it, I deserve to know if you are!" He was definitely angry.

  Flinching a little at his tone, I still couldn't say that one word. It wouldn't come out. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. He caressed my face with his hands. Dear lord, those hands could make my whole body light on fire.

  "Mia, are you pregnant?"

  I nodded the confirmation.

  "And it's mine?" His words were whispered and almost not audible.

  I could only nod once more.

  He sighed loudly. At the sound of his ragged sigh, my eyes flew open.

  "See, this is why you didn't need to know." Shoving his hands away, I wrapped my arms around me.

  "W-what are you talking about?" he stuttered a little.

  "Your sigh…I know your angry, but it's not like I did this alone or on purpose. I'm on the pill for fucks sake! Yet still…somehow, you seem to…to…knock me up, damn it! God, I hate you!" I put my head back in my hands. Sobs bubble out of my chest. Again, he grabbed my wrists and pulled them away from my face.

  "Why won't you just leave?" I cried quietly.

  "I can't," he said in a hushed tone.

  He wrapped my arms around his waist, pushed himself between my legs, and lifted my chin. He kissed me firmly but lovingly. This was new.

  Pulling back, he looked at my face. I tried to look away but he wouldn't let me.

  "I need to tell you something." There was fear and anxiety all over his face and in his voice.

  "Wh –?" He placed his finger over my mouth before I could get the word out.

  "Mia … fuck!" He ran his hand through his hair. "Why is this so hard to say?" he half smiled at me and then pressed his lips to my forehead.