by Carina Adams
As her breath quickened in panic, I couldn't stop the smirk. She should be scared. She was a grown ass woman that should know when she dressed the way she was tonight, she’d attract attention. Maybe she thought Freddy would save her—I had no doubt that the giant softie would break his fists on anyone that tried to touch her without her permission. But, he wouldn’t be able to save her this time. Not from me.
Using every ounce of patience I had, I didn’t drag her off the floor. I didn’t knock out the teeth of the douche that was still eyeing her like she was an edible desert. Instead, I yanked her hard against me and growled in her ear, "Hello, lil' kangaroo."
Chapter 3
Jo
“Rocker?” I turned around so quickly I made myself dizzy, almost falling. Thankfully his arms were still behind me, holding me upright. I braced my hands on his chest, surprised to feel the taut muscle underneath, just to be sure I stayed on my feet in the stupid high heels I was wearing. “What the hell are you doing here?” I yelled, so he could hear me over the music.
Instead of answering, he let go of me, stepped back, and tipped his head towards the side of the bar. I nodded, knowing he wanted me to follow him, and was happy that he did. Walking behind him brought back serious Deja vu. It hadn’t been that long ago when Fred led me off this dance floor and walked me over to the tables that Rocker was headed to now. Yet, it felt like a lifetime ago.
I sat across from him, his large frame making the small square table seem almost miniscule. I’d only spent a few days with this man, but I genuinely liked Rocker, and I knew my feelings were reflected in the smile on my face. I waited a few minutes for him to say something, but he just stayed silent, dark eyes surveying me. I grinned, barely containing my laughter. I’d once imagined the Hulk every time I thought of Rob. Now, the image of a green monster was the last thing on my mind whenever Rocker entered it. Rob may be huge, and by huge I meant monstrous—he towered over me by at least a foot and couldn’t weigh an ounce less than 260 pounds—but he was hilarious and a loyal friend. I was happy to see him, surprised he was here alone.
The thought struck me hard as I realized that he probably wasn’t alone. If he was in Maine, it was either for a job or to see… My eyes snapped over his shoulder, searching the bar patrons to see if I could find the familiar face. Maybe he had come after all.
“He’s not heah, Lil’ Kangaroo.” The voice was low and gruff, and proved without a doubt that he hailed from South Boston.
I tried to hide my disappointment and fought the urge to ask where he was. This wasn’t his weekend to have Sammy, and before our argument, he’d mentioned he was probably going to hang out with friends. I’d assumed he’d meant the Bastards. If he wasn’t here with these friends… My mind wandered to a place I didn’t want it to be. The only reason I could think of that would keep him from spending time with Rocker would be if he were on a date. I hated that I was that insecure, and that I would automatically assume the worst. But, I had told him to move on, and Matty was who he was.
I definitely hadn’t made the greatest choices over the past few months, especially where Matt was concerned, so it was probably a good thing that he wasn’t here. I wasn’t sure how to tell him about all the changes I’d made or even how to explain what I was feeling. Part of me had been so sure he would show up though, because Matty was always there when I needed him. Or, at least, he always used to be. Regret settled in my gut and I closed my eyes, trying to make the sudden nausea go away.
“Jesus, Joey, you ah wicked pale. Did you eat suppah before you came out and decided to get shitfaced?” The irritation in his voice surprised me, and I snapped open my eyes to find him glaring at me.
I would probably never get used to that gruff attitude that seemed to be ever present in these crazy Bastard boys. They were either ordering me around, telling me exactly how to live my life, or bitching about how I lived it. They all seemed to have the need to lecture me constantly about the dumbest stuff and jump to conclusions. This time, Rob was way off. I took a deep breath and raised an eyebrow.
“No,” I started slowly, “I haven’t had anything to eat yet. I was…” I cleared my throat, searching for words, “busy before we came out, and we’re going out for breakfast after we leave here.” I paused while Rob swore and muttered something sexist about women like me not being able to take care of themselves. I chuckled and then started to talk over him. “As for being shitfaced, the last time I checked, you can’t get drunk off water. I guess we can always check with Fred to make sure that’s all that’s been in my drinks.”
“Wait… what?” Rob stopped short, shaking his head as if he didn’t believe me. “Watah? You’re tellin’ me you’ve only been drinking watah? Not countin’ all the shots, right? I think you are forgettin’ that I saw you out there dancin’.”
I smiled. “Yeah, I kinda figured that when you came up behind me and started to cuddle.” I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped. “It’s called having a good time, silly. You should try it. It’d do you some good. I’m letting loose and having a good time, yes. But, I am painfully sober.”
Rocker sat back, his dark eyes traveling all over my face as if trying to decide if I was lying. “You must be wicked hungry.” His tongue wet his bottom lip. “I haven’t had anything either. Is there anywhere near heah where we could go?”
I nodded without really thinking about it. “There’s the Little Hole in the Wall down the street. Do you like Mexican?” I asked, not sure if I wanted him to say no or not. He nodded
“Let’s go then.” He must have seen my hesitation because he gave me a toothy smile. “I’ll bring ya back in one piece.” I looked over his shoulder, trying to see where my friends were dancing. They didn’t seem to miss me, all having a good time swaying with each other on the floor. I shrugged and then nodded. Why not? Rob stood suddenly, reaching out and pulling me to my feet. “I’ve gotta tell the boys, then we’ll go.”
The boys? I took a deep breath. I didn’t know which ones were here, but I was pretty sure that I wasn’t up to facing any of them. Most of Matty’s friends hadn’t liked me to begin with, and after the way things ended, I was positive they hated me. I tugged back on Rocker’s hand. “I’ll stay here and wait for you.”
Rob turned back to me, his dark thick eyebrows raised in silent question. “The hell you will!” he growled, tightening his hold on my wrist as if I was going to run away and dragging me behind him towards the bar.
“Wait!” I tried to pull my hand away again. “I need to tell my friends that I’m leaving.”
Rocker stopped suddenly, turning. “Friends?” he sneered. “They never once came over to check on you, to make sure you were ok with me. Those aren’t friends.” He turned back just as abruptly and pulled me to the bar.
Hawk shook his head when he saw me trailing behind Rob, but did offer a smile and said hello. He didn’t hide the look of shock on his face when Rocker told him we would be back before closing. Even though I couldn’t hear the words he whispered to Rob, I was positive he was pissed at the idea. Within seconds, though, we were outside in the cold early spring air, and Rocker was pulling me through the parking lot, stopping suddenly at a giant black Ford.
“This is your truck?”
He only offered me a nod as he unlocked the front door, pulling it open for me. I eyed the tall step, wondering if I could make it up in the dangerously high heels and tight jeans Teagan had convinced me to wear with them. I must have hesitated a second too long because Rocker’s hands grabbed my hips and he lifted me up as if I didn’t weigh a quarter of what I did.
“Yeah, it’s mine.” He shrugged as he turned. “Big Little Man Syndrome,” he offered as he shut the door. I contemplated his words as he walked around the front of the obtrusive vehicle. Little Man Syndrome, or Napoleon Syndrome, I knew, but Big Little Man Syndrome was lost on me. I reached over and opened his door, not sure if I wanted to know what he meant.
He laughed at my look as he slid into the driver’s se
at. Raising a single eyebrow, he held up his half-bent pinky finger. “Ya know, the luck o’ the Irish?” His voice took on a Celtic accent that was spot on. I just wasn’t getting it. What did the luck of the Irish have to do with anything? I was about to ask when he burst out laughing. “Jesus, Joey, you fuckin’ kill me!” He cleared his throat and tipped his head. “I guess you would say that I’m over compinsatin’ for life’s short comings.”
Holy shit! As realization hit me, I could feel my face flame and I started to giggle. Leaning my head back, I stared at the ceiling, letting the laughs subside. “But what does that have to do with the luck of the Irish? Wouldn’t life’s, um…” I cleared my throat, “short comings be bad luck, not good?”
Rocker didn’t just laugh at me that time, he tipped his head back and howled. I didn’t want to join him, but it was too hard not to. When he finally got control, he wiped his eyes and looked at me with a smirk. “Lil’ Kangaroo, the Irish have the worst luck of any people ever. When someone says they have the luck of the Irish, it means they’re anything but lucky. I’m Irish to the core, third generation American, but as Irish as they come. Matty likes to tell people I drive a big truck to make up for the fact that I have a little dick.” He shrugged. “Big Little Man Syndrome.” He turned to look at me, smiling. “So, where is this place?”
My face flamed red, and I was relieved he couldn’t see me. I gave him directions as he turned the key and the beast of a truck roared to life. A few minutes later, he pulled into the tiny parking lot. “Little Hole in the Wall?” he asked, reading the hand painted sign on the side of the building. “I thought you were telling me that this place was just a crappy little restaurant, a dump. Not that it was the actual name.”
I smiled as I opened my door. “It looks sketchy, but it’s the best Mexican food around.”
The tiny, dimly lit restaurant was almost empty. The only other patrons were a young couple huddled together at the corner table. We ordered, Rob refusing to let me pay, and then sat by the window to wait for our food. I was about to ask him how he’d been over the last few months when he broke the silence.
“What in the hell are you doing, Joey?”
I stopped trying to fold the napkin into different shapes and glanced up, the look on his face confusing me. “Sorry?”
He scowled, looking away. “With your life, Lil’ Kangaroo. Why in the hell are you dressed like that? Why are you out with people like that?” He nodded his head towards the window. He didn’t say, ‘instead of with Matty’ but he didn’t have to. I knew exactly what he meant. “He’s fuckin’ miserable, you know that, right?” His voice dropped like he didn’t want to say the last few words.
There was no reason to lie. “I was saying goodbye.” Confusion crossed his features. “I’ve made some seriously screwed up decisions over the last few months, Matty included,” Rocker nodded his agreement eagerly, and I narrowed my eyes at him, “and I needed to start over.” I paused, trying to figure out how to explain it. “One morning, after the divorce was final, I was lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I had gone from having everything to practically nothing in a matter of weeks. Hell, I don’t even have my own apartment. When I’m not with the kids I stay with a friend. I only have my kids two weeks out of the month, so for the other two weeks the only thing that kept me going was a job I dreaded going to.” I took a sip of my Coke. “I realized that morning that this was a chance for me to find myself, to start over and do things right this time. So, I did.”
Rocker leaned forward onto the table. “And what did you do?”
The food arrived, saving me from answering. I dug into my enchilada quickly, almost moaning at the taste. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was. If Rocker heard me, he didn’t say anything. But, then, he was too busy shoveling his food into his mouth to notice much of anything. We ate in comfortable silence.
It wasn’t long before Rocker sat back and smiled. “You were right. Best Mexican evah.” He finished off his soda and then met my eyes. “So, you gonna tell me this big thing you’re celebrating?”
“I decided I didn’t want to be a caseworker anymore, that I needed something more me. So, I applied to and surprisingly got accepted into grad school. But, I had to take some undergrad refresher courses this semester, just to be prepared next fall.” Rocker looked disappointed, as if he thought my life change was going to be much more interesting. I swallowed my smile. “I talked to Will and he was on board. He thought I should focus on the kids and school, not work. So, I quit my job.” I nodded as he frowned. “I’m actually going down to your neck of the woods tomorrow to look at apartments. I’d like to start moving no later than Monday because commuting all the time sucks, and I need to find a part-time job.”
“My neck of the woods?” I nodded. “Why?” His brows knit together. “Joey, where in the hell aah you goin’ to school?”
“Boston College. They have the best psych grad program around.” I smiled at the blank look on his face. “Yes, Rocker. I’m moving to Boston.”
“Holy shit.” He dragged out the words in complete surprise. “Faack, Joey.” Then the surprise turned to a look I couldn’t read. “You haveta tell Matty.”
Chapter 4
Jo
I wasn’t sure how long we’d sat in front of Hooligan’s Pub, but the silence made it feel like hours. I didn’t know what to say to him, but since he’d left the truck running, the heater on, and hadn’t attempted to leave, I could tell he didn’t want me to head back into the bar yet. I was more than happy to sit there in the quiet, avoiding life for a few more minutes.
Rocker was right. I did have to tell Matty, because I didn’t want him to find out from someone else. Things with Matty were still so screwed up, and I knew I couldn’t just pick up the phone and tell him I was moving to the one city he wanted me to stay away from. But, if he found out from anyone other than me that I had quit my job, the job he valued, and that I was moving to a city he thought was dangerous, he’d be furious. No matter how he found out, I knew Matty was going to be livid and wonder why I hadn’t told him before now, and why I had kept it a secret for so long. Especially when I was so adamant that we should tell each other everything.
I looked at Rocker. He was staring straight ahead at the building, his triangular face covered in shadows, thick fingers tapping a soundless beat on the steering wheel as if trying to work out some giant puzzle, and I knew that he was thinking about his best friend. Rob was more loyal than anyone I’d ever met and fear hit me suddenly. “Please don’t tell him before I can.” The words were a whispered plea.
He didn’t look at me, but I could see his bright white teeth working his bottom lip, as if he was lost in deep thought. He shook his head. “I’m not telling him shit, Joey! Not my business.” He snapped his head towards me then. “You drivin’ down or takin’ the train?”
I started. That was the last thing I expected him to ask. “Train. I’m staying with a friend tonight, and she’s dropping me off in the morning. Cris is meting me down at the station.”
“Where aah you lookin’ for apahtments?”
I shook my head. I actually didn’t know. “Cris set them up. I guess one of her friends is a realtor, and since I’m just looking to sublet for a while, she offered to help. My budget is pretty small compared to what some people want for rent, so we’ll see.” I sighed. “I also need to find a job, so I’m dropping off a ton of applications.”
His eyes narrowed. “What about your kids? You’re just gonna leave ‘em?”
I frowned at him for a minute before I realized he didn’t know. “Oh! I assumed Matty would have told you…sorry!” I offered him a small smile before explaining. “Will, my ex, and I have joint custody and we agreed that it was unfair to have the kids get uprooted. So, the kids live at the house all the time, and Will and I alternate. We tried doing the every other week thing, but it was just too much for everyone. Now the first two weeks of every month belong to him, and the last two weeks belong to me. If there is a fiv
e week month, I keep the kids an extra few days, and then he moves in a couple days early. Divorce sucks, but we want the kids to have as much stability as they can. They shouldn’t be punished because Mommy and Daddy can’t live together anymore.”
“That’s…” he paused, glancing back at the bar before meeting my gaze, “that’s a really great thing to do for your kids. Most parents only worry about themselves aftah a divorce.”
I nodded, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “The only thing Will and I ever did right was those kids, and we’re both pretty determined to make sure they don’t get hurt. I’ve seen how hard it is for Sammy when he has to go home after spending the weekend with Matty. I couldn’t imagine doing that to my babies.”
Silence filled the cabin again as Rocker seemed to lose himself in deep thought, but never took his eyes off me. The steady stare made me nervous, and I turned to look out my side window, watching people leave the building. Last call was getting close, and I needed to go inside and find my friends, but I couldn’t bring myself to open the door. I felt like there was more to say.
Rocker cleared his throat, feeling the tension in the air. “Come home with me.”
I jerked in surprise, hoping the gasp I’d let escape wasn’t as loud as it sounded in my head. I looked over my shoulder at him, sure my eyes were huge. “I’m sorry, but I think I missed a step. I…uh, I’m not...” a slut. Someone that would sleep with my ex’s best friend. Jesus, I know I hadn’t met Matty’s friends under the best circumstances, and that most of them thought I was a whore because I was still married at the time, but, wow. These guys had a really shitty opinion of me.
“You didn’t,” Rocker interrupted my thoughts, and I’m not sure if he realized where my mind had gone. He tipped his head and looked at me. “The boys and I are drivin’ home tonight. You can come with us. By the time you find your friends and go get food, it’ll be time to catch the Downeastah. It’s stupid to pay for a train when I’m drivin’ back.”
