by Carina Adams
I slowly released the breath I’d been holding, feeling like an idiot, but relieved at his explanation. I thought about his offer for a few minutes, not sure it was a good idea. Matty’s little sister had offered to let me stay with her until I found my own place, but she wasn’t planning on me arriving until the morning. I shook my head. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to get Cris to meet me then… it’ll be early tomorrow morning by the time we get down there. And, I don’t have any of my stuff.”
I could just make out the frown on his face in the parking lot lights. “Ya know that I have tons of room, right? You can crash there for the night. We’ll stop and get your shit on the way.” He seemed to sense my hesitation. “Joey, Cris knows where I live. She can come get you there—aftah you’ve had a decent night’s sleep.” He shut off the truck. “Go say goodbye to your friends while I grab mine.”
He slammed the door behind him as he got out. Apparently the discussion was over and the decision had been made. It would be more convenient for me than riding down on the Amtrak tomorrow. I just didn’t know how I was going to survive a three-hour ride with Matty’s friends. Hopefully I’d fall asleep quickly.
Rocker waited and followed me into the building. As soon as we were inside, he headed towards the bar in search of Hawk and God knew who else, while I stopped and scanned the crowd. I found the girls quickly on the dance floor, almost right where I’d left them. Mere only laughed and jumped up and down excitedly when I told her I was bailing on breakfast and heading home with Rob. I shook my head, denying her implications, but she only smiled and winked, telling me to live it up, have a little fun, and that it was time to break my dry streak. I was slightly irritated as I turned and went in search of my ride. The music suddenly quieted and the lights came on—last call was over. I groaned, realizing we wouldn’t be back to the apartment before sun up.
Rob wasn’t hard to spot. A man his size was generally given a wide berth. He was leaning against the bar talking to Fred and Hawk. I was half-surprised the three of them didn’t have a bunch of drunk nitwits hanging off them, begging for attention—or more. They were all very handsome, if you liked that tattooed, rugged, dangerous biker look. I smiled, thinking of the one tattooed biker that I definitely found beautiful. Thoughts of Matty invaded and I shook my head, trying to clear it. Now was not the time to get my libido all wound up. I walked towards them slowly, dreading finding out who else had come up with Rocker.
“I haven’t seen him in hours. Should be back by now.”
Fred rolled his shoulders, clearly annoyed. “Didja call him?”
Hawk nodded. “Yeah, a few times.”
“If he’s not back in ten minutes, he can find his own fuckin’ way home.” Rocker’s voice was low and gravely, obviously irritated.
I stepped up next to Hawk. “Who we missing?”
“Dean.” Hawk spoke up before anyone else could. I saw Fred glance at me out of the corner of my eye, but I met Hawk’s eyes instead. He smiled, giving his face a softer look. This man had intimidated me when I’d first met him, and I had no doubt that he had the same effect on many others. Not as tall as Rob, he still towered over most men. His broad shoulders combined with his height made me feel much smaller than I actually was, something a girl my size could seriously appreciate. The top half of his shoulder length, blonde hair was pulled back, allowing me an unobstructed view of his muscular face, showing a wide nose, thin lips, and an adorable dimple in his chin. One dark eyebrow suddenly shot up as he watched me inspect him. “Like what you see?” His voice was full of humor, but I could feel the embarrassment creep in and my cheeks flame just the same.
“Jesus, leave her alone!” Fred’s deep voice interrupted as he slammed a massive fist down on top of the counter. “Joey, aah ya really gonna ride to Beantown with these assholes?” I laughed, nodding. I was about to tell him that I’d be fine when Rob swore.
“It’s about fucking time. Where in the hell have you been?”
Dean just smirked, shaking his head as he strolled up to our group. “You’re wicked smaht, Brotha. I’m suah you can figyah it out.” He winked, his eyes twinkled, and I didn’t have to see more than the untucked shirt or his messed up hair to know exactly what he’d been doing. I didn’t want to know where—or with whom. He looked like he was going to go into detail though, and I groaned at the idea. Dark green eyes snapped to me, widening in surprise. “Joey?” He looked uncomfortable, glancing between Rocker and Hawk.
Rob leaned toward Dean. “You’ah lucky ya got back when you did. Five more minutes and I was leaving your ass heah. Your date would have hadta bring ya home.” He slapped the bar twice, tipping his head towards the door. “Let’s go. Later, Brothah,” he hollered to Fred as I stopped to give the massive barkeep a quick hug, kissed his cheek goodbye, and then followed Hawk out the door. “Joey’s got shotgun!” Rocker hollered as Dean yanked open the passenger door.
Dean jerked back as if the handle had burned him, turning slowly, surprise written all over his face. “What? Last time I checked we weren’t a fuckin’ taxi.” He waved his hand at me as if to shoo me away. “Go find some othah dumbass to rescue you, ‘cause we don’t give two flyin’ fucks.”
Rocker stopped next to me abruptly, reaching his hand out to the small of my back the way Matty always did. “Last time I checked, it was my fuckin’ truck, so you don’t tell me who can ride and who can’t,” he growled back. “Joey’s family. She’s coming with us.” Dean looked like he was going to argue again, but Rob shook his heat. “Just shut your trap.”
I tensed, not wanting to cause a problem between the friends, and wondered if it was too late to catch Mere and the girls. Rob moved his hand from my back to circle my upper arm as if he sensed I was thinking about bolting. Hawk only laughed, as if seeing his friends yell at each other was a normal occurrence, and climbed into the backseat on Rocker’s side. Dean didn’t move.
“You know Matty will throw a shit fit if he finds out you aah takin’ her home.” He glared at me. “Don’t do it, brothah.” His low voice held a warning.
“And you don’t know shit. Get in the truck and shut your fuckin’ mouth or find anotha way back.”
I tried to pull away from Rob, but he refused to let me go. Of course he’d be here with Dean. The man barely tolerated me when I was dating Matty and obviously loathed me now. Why couldn’t it have been Tiny? I groaned. I would not survive three hours with these men. Dean gave me a nasty look, but climbed in beside Hawk, leaving me alone in parking lot with Rocker. “That goes for you, too. Get in the truck, Joey.”
“Instead of stopping to get my stuff, you can just drop me off at my friend’s and then I’ll catch the train tomorrow, as planned.”
Rocker walked toward the black beast, shaking his head and pulling me along. “Naw. You’re comin’ with us. It’ll be fine.” He opened the door and lifted me up again.
It was anything but fine. I sent a quick text to Teagan to let her know I’d be stopping by and she and Tom better be decent, and then gave directions to Rob. The other two were silent as tension filled the cab. I could almost feel Dean’s glare burning a hole in my seat. Music. We needed music. Without thinking, I leaned over and turned on the radio, surprised as Midnight in Montgomery filled the air. I couldn’t stop the smile that formed.
“Alan Jackson?” I turned to look at the giant man next to me. “Really?”
Rob didn’t take his eyes off the road. “Yes, really.” He didn’t sound annoyed, just curious. “You got something against Alan Jackson? Or is it country music in general?”
I laughed. “No! I love country. I just pictured you listening to…something else.”
“Such as?”
I couldn’t see his face, but the humor in his voice was unmistakable. “I dunno… Godsmack. Disturbed. Marilyn Manson, maybe.” I shrugged. “You know, loud scary ‘stay the hell away from me ‘cause I’ll seriously fuck shit up if I don’t get my own way’ music.”
Rocker laughed. Stopping at a red
light, he turned towards me. “Why would you think that?” I just stared at him, taking in the whole picture. His outfit said he’d come to the bar right after work. Beat up work boots of some sort were hidden beneath jeans that were worn around the knees but still managed to make him look hot, a beat up tee covered a long sleeved gray waffle knit, sleeves pushed back to the elbows showing the tattoos that danced down his muscular right arm.
A ring graced the middle finger on his left hand, which he had draped across the steering wheel, and he wore two more on his right. The scruff around his jaw told me he hadn’t shaved in a few days, and while it would make most men look sloppy, it only made him look more precarious and appealing. His black beanie was pulled low so I couldn’t see his hair, adding to the overall picture. He was the epitome of dangerous.
Looks had never been more deceiving, but he wanted to know, so I gladly shared. “Gee, I don’t know.” My sarcasm was hard to hide. “Maybe ‘cause you look like you’re ready to beat someone to death.” I smiled. “Seriously, you dress like a badass biker thug.”
Hawk’s laughter filled the truck as the light turned green. “Badass biker thug? Fuckin’ perfect.”
I was half-relieved when Rob turned into Teagan’s driveway because I needed to get out of the truck and away from the three of them. The other half was nervous though, wondering if I could go inside and lock the Bastards out so I wouldn’t have to go with them. I jumped out of the cab as soon as Rob stopped, somehow managing to stay on my feet, and walked as quickly as I could on the ice covered ground in heels. I was halfway up the front steps when his words stopped me.
“You got ten minutes, Joey. If you’re not out heah by then, I’m comin’ in to getcha.” His voice was low and full of warning. “I may listen to country, but I will fuck shit up if I don’t get my own way. Remember that.”
Chapter 5
Jo
Someone nudged me. I didn’t want to wake up—my dreams were too good. Matty and I were sitting on a couch, me leaning against his shoulders, his strong arms snug around me, kissing my temple lightly every few minutes. He was singing along to the music, laughing. He was happy, and when his eyes turned to me, they were full of affection. I wanted to stay in this moment forever, wrapped up in nothing but Matty, loving him for eternity. Another nudge made me open my eyes.
“Hey, you awake?”
I sat up a little, leaning forward, trying to figure out where I was. I blinked my eyes against the bright streetlights and wiped my mouth, ashamed when I realized I had a line of spittle working its way towards my chin. I couldn’t stifle the yawn that escaped. God, I was tired. Tipping my head back, I fought the urge to close my eyes again.
“You snore, ya know that, right?” I started, almost yelping, at the voice right next to my ear. Rocker laughed and then cleared his throat. “Sorry.” He moved underneath me, making me jump again. “Jesus, you aah wicked jumpy!
I blinked again, realization slowly dawning, my memories playing like a movie. The bar, a late supper with Rob, then he took me to Teagan’s. I’d changed my clothes and gotten back in the truck. After listening to the boys banter for a while, I must have fallen asleep. I rubbed my eyes, slowly becoming aware that I was leaning on him. I sat up quickly, pulling away. “Sorry!” My voice was raw, and I had to swallow to make the word come out. I wasn’t sure if I was apologizing for the fact that I fell asleep or that I fell asleep on him.
I stretched my neck from side to side, trying to get the crick out. When I tipped to the left, my eyes glanced over the instrument panel, confused when a picture of a little curly brown haired girl beamed back at me. I couldn’t keep my curiosity to myself. “Who’s that little beauty?”
“My dotah.” The love and pride was evident in his voice.
“Daughter?” The answer shocked me more than it should have. Rocker didn’t seem like a dad, and I couldn’t remember Matty ever telling me that he had kids. Unless, she didn’t get to see her dad, which would be awful, and would explain Rob’s earlier attitude towards me moving to Boston.
I saw him nod out of my peripheral. “Yeah, Hannah Jean.” He smiled at the words.
Hannah Jean? Hmm. I expected a Kathryn or a Mary Kathryn, something that sounded Irish. “She’s way too cute to be your kid, just so you know. How old is she—three?” I had similar pictures of Lily when she was that tiny and a sudden pang of lost time hit my gut. I missed my kids.
Rob cleared his throat. “She’d be twenty now. But, she’s two in that picture.”
My blood ran cold at his words. She’d be twenty now. Meaning she was gone. My heart broke for him, for the loss no parent should ever have to face. Without thinking, I reached over and grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry.” His only answer was to give my hand a quick squeeze and then let go. I sat where I was, even though I felt like me being in the middle seat might be invading his personal space, lost in my thoughts. Jesus, if she’d be twenty now then he’d just been a kid when she was born, only fifteen or sixteen. I looked out the window, wondering where we were, at a loss for words.
Rocker seemed to read my mind. “We’re in the city, L.K.”
I looked at him. “L.K.?”
He chuckled. “Yeah, Little Kangaroo is a mouthful, so we decided to shorten it aftah ya passed out.” Realizing it was too quiet, I turned around and scanned the backseat, laughing when I saw both men out cold. Dean was leaning over the middle onto Hawk, his mouth wide open in slumber. I needed a picture. I grabbed my cell and snapped one, ecstatic when the flash didn’t wake them up. “Blackmail?”
I nodded, laughing again, and moved away from Rob into the passenger seat. “You never know when it might come in handy.” I shrugged. “So, L.K.? I like it.” It was catchy, different than what I’d always been known as. This move was all about new beginnings, and the new name fit perfectly.
We drove the rest of the way in silence. When Rob punched in his code and pulled into the garage under his townhouse, the butterflies hit. I’d only been here with Matty, and the house held some of the best memories of our relationship. It was here that he’d let me in, let me see the person he really was, told me some of his secrets. Here that he’d told me he loved me for the first time, on a roof lit only by candlelight. Here that he’d made love to me in a way that only Matty could, his body telling mine that I was the only one for him. If I had realized that a house, this perfect and beautiful apartment, could make me miss Matty more than I already did, I wouldn’t have come.
Rocker didn’t let me lose myself in memories or wallow. He turned off the truck, yelled at the two ‘shitheads’ in the backseat to wake up, grabbed my bags from the tool-body bed, and called the elevator with his key in a matter of seconds. I practically ran behind him, not wanting to be caught alone with Dean, especially a Dean that had just woken up and looked pissed. When the elevator stopped, I followed Rob off, surprised when the other two stayed on.
We were on the second floor of the building, the bottom floor of the apartment—the bedroom floor. Large muscles rippled under his shirt as he lifted my heaviest suitcase, even though it had wheels, and walked straight towards the familiar door, opening it.
“No. I’ll take the spare room.” Dark eyes turned to me as he hesitated in the doorway.
“The boys are upstairs, and there’s no way I’m letting the three of you bunk together.” At that point, being alone with Hawk and Dean actually didn’t sound like a bad idea. “L.K. this is your room, you’ll sleep heah.” Without another word, he carried my bags into Matty’s bedroom, around the bed, and set them on a chest under the windows that were just starting to show the break of dawn.
I didn’t follow him. “No. This is Matty’s room.” I scanned the room quickly, looking for changes, but it was the same as it had been months before, right down to the picture of the two of us on his nightstand. I swallowed, meeting Rob’s eyes. “What if…” I lapped my lips, not wanting to ask and definitely not wanting the answer. “What if he’s had other guests here?”
Rob moved quickly, joining me in the hallway and staring down at me. “Joey, there hasn’t been anyone heah but you.” His voice was low, serious. “He’s been goin’ out of his fuckin’ mind.” He shook his head, and I thought he was going to say something else. Instead, he offered me a half-smile. “It’s late, get some sleep.” Then he walked across the long hallway towards his room and shut his door before I even had a chance to thank him for the ride.
Sighing, I walked into Matty’s domain and shut the door slowly behind me. He was everywhere in this room, from the pictures on the mantel, to the scent of his cologne in the air, to the clothes he had left draped over the chair near the bed. I pulled open his middle drawer and changed into one of his tee shirts, still my favorite thing to sleep in, and crawled into the giant bed. I took one last look around the room, at his beautiful face smiling back at me from the pictures, and then grabbed his pillow and hugged it tight, thankful it still smelled just like him.
Chapter 6
Jo
I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. Visions of Matty were mixed with nightmarish images of a beautiful little girl that looked just like her daddy, leaving this world too soon. In the weird way that your mind sorts through the day’s events, the toddler in my dreams was my Lily, and I could hear Matty’s voice telling me that Lily and I needed to stay away from his hometown, that he needed to keep us safe. Danger found us anyway, and I watched helplessly as the dream Jo cried at a tombstone housing her husband and daughter. The nightmares seemed never-ending, and I wasn’t sure when I finally passed into a dreamless slumber.
When I finally opened my eyes, the sun was shining bright, giving the room a warm, cozy, lazy afternoon feel. My entire body ached, and I wasn’t sure if I should blame it on the dancing, shoes, or the night I’d just had. I laid back against the pillows, smelling the cologne I loved so much, and sighed, trying to sort through the dreams. Remembering that Lily Belle was safe at home with her daddy, my mind settled on Rocker and his horrific loss. I hadn’t handled it very well last night, and that made me feel bad. I wondered if Cris would tell me what had happened to Hannah.
