L8r, G8r
Page 17
*thumbs nose at friend and flounces off*
SnowAngel:
make that *LIMPS*!
Sat, Mar 18, 3:50 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
*hobbles back to bedroom* *drops onto bed*
SnowAngel:
i forgot to ask due to all the trauma. did mark and pelt-woman say they’d take the squishies?
mad maddie:
maybe
SnowAngel:
did they???
mad maddie:
yes, IF you can get them to them. but how are you gonna deliver them, huh?
SnowAngel:
i will very nicely ask logan to drop them off after he takes care of the jeep. so there!
Sat, Mar 18, 11:32 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
angela! i wanted to make sure i said good-bye before you left!
SnowAngel:
i was just emailing pelt-woman instructions on taking care of the squishies. i sent written notes with logan, but i wanted to add a few small details, like that the smallest squishy really likes music, anything by taylor swift.
SnowAngel:
what’s up with you?
zoegirl:
i’m kinda wired. i just gave doug his very first blow job.
SnowAngel:
*falls backward out of computer chair*
SnowAngel:
WHAT?!!
zoegirl:
it was a going-away present, since i won’t see him for a week. i feel so proud of myself!
SnowAngel:
well, for sure. you can list it right up there with your other accomplishments: straight As, honor council, giving head …
zoegirl:
it wasn’t all that fun for *me*, but i think he really liked it, and that made me happy.
zoegirl:
but my jaw got really tired.
zoegirl:
have you ever given logan a blow job?
SnowAngel:
no, and i don’t plan 2. i have … odor issues.
zoegirl:
hmm. yes, i can see that.
zoegirl:
but i was just like, “this is doug, and i love him.” and i hope you don’t think it’s bad that i’m talking about all this, i just needed someone to process it with! i mean, it’s a really big deal!
SnowAngel:
sweetie, of course
SnowAngel:
anyway, he prolly talks to his friends about what you guys do and don’t do, don’t you think?
zoegirl:
oh god, he better not!
SnowAngel:
so: spit or swallow?
zoegirl:
i swallowed, but i don’t think i’m going to next time. i’ll just tell him very politely so he’s not offended.
SnowAngel:
erm, i bet he’ll be ok with it. what’s he gonna say, “nuh uh, no way! in that case, no blow jobs for YOU, missy!”
zoegirl:
i don’t *want* a blow job
SnowAngel:
you know what i mean
zoegirl:
doug tried to go down on me (geez, that sounds dorky), but i was like, “no no no no no. that’s ok.”
SnowAngel:
why?
zoegirl:
like you said, the whole odor thing. but in reverse. ack, i’m blushing just talking about it!
SnowAngel:
what about plain old sex? if yr embarrassed to have him go down on you, won’t you be embarrassed to have sex?
zoegirl:
that’s different
zoegirl:
but … maybe
zoegirl:
i’ll cross that bridge when i come to it, which i guess will be soon, because pill-wise i’m one day away from being safe. can you believe it? but i leave for tennessee tomorrow, so there goes that good timing.
SnowAngel:
which means you’ll have more time to get ready.
zoegirl:
exactly
zoegirl:
i’m gonna go brush my teeth (again!), and then i’m going to bed. and then i won’t see you for a week! sad!
SnowAngel:
no worries. we’ll be reunited soon!!!
Sun, Mar 19, 8:19 PM P.D.T.
SnowAngel:
hey, madikins. i’m txting from the lurvely el cerrito to tell you to have a good spring break!!!
SnowAngel:
u there?
SnowAngel:
no?
SnowAngel:
well, i saw yr tweet about how yr mom is already making plans to turn yr room into a study, and ooo, that’s cold.
SnowAngel:
dr. phil sez parents aren’t supposed to convert their kids’ rooms until they’ve been gone for at least a year. otherwise it sends the wrong message.
SnowAngel:
okay, back to me. omg, mads, it’s WEIRD to be here! chrissy looks so much older. her clothes r hipper than mine, which is extremely scary and wrong.
SnowAngel:
well, they’re not REALLY hipper. c’mon. but too hip for comfort.
SnowAngel:
but i’m glad i’m here, despite the fact that my right ear is all pluggy from the airplane. and you know what occurred to me as i was in the cab? next year when i visit my family in el cerrito, i can pop over and visit YOU in santa cruz! IF you send in your thingie, that is. have you yet? cuz yr kinda taunting me by not, you know! it makes me get my hopes up for georgia!
SnowAngel:
okey-dokey, smokey. fam’s taking me out for thai.
SnowAngel:
kissies!!!
Tues, Mar 21, 3:33 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
i just made myself a whomping good peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich. anyone who slices their banana instead of mushing it up with the peanut butter is tragically misguided. agreed?
mad maddie:
ahhhh. so now YOU’RE away-from-phone, angela. naughty girl. wha’cha doing, shopping for souvenirs in bee-yoo-tee-ful san francisco? today is the day you’re going to san fran, right?
mad maddie:
you better bring me some of that cantaloupe-flavored gum you got last time. and i want a t-shirt with “i heart san francisco” on it, or your ass is grass.
mad maddie:
speaking of asses, i saw logan at the drugstore this morning. he was wearing those khakis that make his butt look fat, and all i cld think was, why oh why haven’t you plucked those from his closet and burned them?
mad maddie:
i went over to say hey, and he was totally no-eye-contact-boy, like he didn’t wanna talk. wassup with that?
mad maddie:
ok, enough talking to myself. l8rs!
Thu, Mar 23, 6:12 PM P.D.T.
SnowAngel:
saw yr instagram pic of that waffle. that was weird, mads.
mad maddie:
weird? or delightful?
SnowAngel:
BUT i figured that meant you had yr phone out and on, and sure enough you do! so yay! hello!
mad maddie:
hello, cali girl, hello!
SnowAngel:
i can’t talk for long, cuz we’re going over to mr. boss’s for dinner, where i will have to c the dreaded glendy. *sticks arms out and walks like a zombie*
SnowAngel:
want me to pass on any messages for you?
mad maddie:
yeah, to quit sending me her stupid chain letters. i got one yesterday about those damn bonsai kittens FOR THE 2nd TIME. she already sent me one about the damn bonsai kittens, and now here she is doing it again!
SnowAngel:
what bonsai kittens?
mad maddie:
you don’t know about bonsai kittens??? there’s someone in the universe who hasn’t heard of bonsai kittens?
mad maddie:
here, let me enlighten you. first i’ll paste in what she said at the top of the email:
i’m crying as i’m typing. this can’t be happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we H
AVE to stop this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mad maddie:
and here’s the body of the message:
A site that we were able to shut down last year has returned. We have to try to shut it down again! (bonsaikitten.com) A Japanese man in New York breeds and sells kittens that are called BONSAI KITTENS. That would sound cute, if it weren’t kittens that were put into little bottles after being given a muscle relaxant and then locked up for the rest of their lives!! The cats are fed through straws and have small tubes for their feces. The skeleton of the cat will take on the form of the bottle as the kitten grows. The cats never get the opportunity to move. They are used as original and exclusive souvenirs. These are the latest trends in New York, China, Indonesia, and New Zealand. This petition needs 500 names, so please put your name on it!!! Copy the text into a new email and put your name on the bottom, then send it to everyone you know! THIS NEEDS TO BE STOPPED NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SnowAngel:
omg, that is the most awful thing i’ve ever heard in my life!
mad maddie:
yeah, only IT’S NOT TRUE. there is no such thing as bonsai kittens, nor is there rat urine on or in your coke can, nor is there a mass murderer out there who lures women from their homes with a crying baby. NONE OF IT IS TRUE!!!!
SnowAngel:
a mass murderer lures women out of their houses with a crying baby?! ooo, that’s freaky. what does he do, leave the baby on the porch or something? what does he do with the baby afterward???
mad maddie:
yr yanking my chain, right?
mad maddie:
THERE IS NO CRYING BABY! THERE ARE NO BONSAI KITTENS!!!!!
mad maddie:
just go to urbanlegends.com. you can look up anything and see if it’s real or bogus.
SnowAngel:
oh, wow, you just used the word “bogus.” *touches maddie reverently*
mad maddie:
shuddup
mad maddie:
so i talked to zo yesterday. she’s all fluffy with pride cuz she’s officially safe birth-control-wise.
SnowAngel:
has she told doug?
mad maddie:
yeb’m. she couldn’t muster the courage in atlanta, but she was able to from tennessee when they didn’t have to be face to face. apparently she had to hike up a quasi-mountain in order to get a strong enough signal to call him. isn’t that so zoe?
SnowAngel:
awww. was he excited?
mad maddie:
they didn’t have phone sex, if that’s the kind of excited you mean.
SnowAngel:
no, that’s not what i meant
SnowAngel:
she prolly told him long-distance cuz she wanted to give him something to look forward to. something to keep her on his mind.
mad maddie:
why? doug wouldn’t stray, not in 1000 yrs.
SnowAngel:
i know, but it’s part of zoe’s deal with him to be paranoid anyway. i’m sure she’s missing him like crazy.
mad maddie:
are you missing logan like crazy?
SnowAngel:
hmm, how to respond …
SnowAngel:
well, i saw a really cute boy at the embarcadero, and i totally lusted after him. like, bad hormone crazy-lust. does that answer your question?
mad maddie:
it should tell YOU something, that’s for sure
SnowAngel:
i know, which is why—*deep breath*—i’m gonna break up with logan as soon as i get back in town. i am, and no wimping out. and no worrying about the jeep, which of course i’ll offer to give back.
SnowAngel:
r u proud?
mad maddie:
yes, i am
SnowAngel:
this trip has been good for me, just to give me clarity on it all. it’s NOT fair to logan to keep going out with him. he’s such a good guy. he deserves better.
mad maddie:
right on
SnowAngel:
and i’m gonna drop the whole jana thing, i truly am. even if she does something to get back at me for the health center letter (which you’ve got to admit was frickin brilliant).
SnowAngel:
but we’re seniors. we should be above this crap.
mad maddie:
wow, i almost believe you. but let’s hold off on that 1 till yr back in the same state with her, k? i don’t want you holding yourself to unreasonable standards.
SnowAngel:
i just wanna rid my life of pointless shit, that’s all. i want my life to matter!
Fri, Mar 24, 10:00 AM P.D.T.
SnowAngel:
hey, sweet zoe! i know yr busy seeing relatives and eating lots of hush puppies. i’m just leaving you a message so you’ll feel loved.
SnowAngel:
can u believe it’s only a little over a month until we graduate?!
SnowAngel:
omg, that means we have GOT to figure out our senior quotes. when are we supposed to turn them in? the end of april?
SnowAngel:
aside from that, get this: i saw glendy last night. the girl is internet-obsessed. she made me look at her facebook profile with her, where she now has—yes, it’s true—4,987 friends. ridiculosity!
SnowAngel:
k, off to get a latte. hope yr having fun with the grands!
Sat, Mar 25, 3:21 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
hello to my ladies from I-75!
zoegirl:
either of y’all there?
zoegirl:
just inhaled delish dairy queen blizzard, as per driving-back-from-TN tradition. one of those full-service dairy queens with hot dogs and hamburgers and everything.
zoegirl:
i find it a little freaky, to tell the truth. mads, you would have loved. i know, i know.
zoegirl:
next up: obligatory stop in chatanooga so mom can revel in the outlet stores. oh, and then that horrible bridge across the mountain where i always think i’m going to die. joy!
Sat, Mar 25, 5:55 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
i’m back! i’m back! i am no longer trapped in the car with my parents, nor did i plunge to my death off the twisty turny mountain road!!!!
mad maddie:
welcome, dudette!
zoegirl:
they would not shut up about princeton the *entire* trip, i’m not kidding. they were bragging about it to my tennessee relatives—and i haven’t even gotten in! “well, when zoe’s at princeton … ,” as if my aunts and uncles are these big hicks who are going to be impressed by an ivy league school. aaaargh!
mad maddie:
what are they gonna say if you DON’T get in?
zoegirl:
i don’t know, and i don’t care. and it’s WHEN i don’t get in, not if. i should get my rejection in a week, and then it’ll all be over.
mad maddie:
maybe they’ll feel sorry for you. pity could work to your advantage, cuz then you can win them over to kenyon more easily.
zoegirl:
that’s the plan
zoegirl:
how’d pelt-woman do with the squishies?
mad maddie:
pelt-woman is in 7th heaven. pelt-woman is fulfilling her destiny as earth-goddess-chicken-lover, making the squishies homemade chicken feed and letting them run loose around their apartment. she loves them so much she wants to keep them fo-evah.
zoegirl:
seriously?
mad maddie:
i think they’re good for her image—it makes her seem authentically eccentric. one of her friends has a ferret … but what’s a ferret compared to 11 squawking chicks?
zoegirl:
true
mad maddie:
i brought ian over to see the chicks, and he let them walk on his tummy, it was cute.
zoegirl:
so you hung out with
ian over break, did you? verrrrry interesting. does this mean …?
mad maddie:
that he has nerves of steel? yes it does. he put one of the chicks on my stomach, and it was like some terrible tickle torture. pokey scratchy chicken feet, trip-trip-tripping along.
zoegirl:
nooooo. does it mean that things r moving forward with you and ian?
mad maddie:
hmmm
mad maddie:
i don’t know how to answer that question. i am confused in my own head about that question.
zoegirl:
why?
mad maddie:
cuz think about it! we’re graduating in may!