“I do want to ask him, but I’m afraid of the answer. I’m scared he will reject me again, and I don’t know if I can cope with that. I was so certain it was him but now how can I be sure? How can he be sure? After what my mother said in that letter I just don’t know anymore. I was so clear about what I wanted before. Now I am so confused and don’t know what to do for the best. Will he use that doubt to reject me? Sometimes I just wish I had never started all this.”
“I can understand that. Do you want to tell me who he is?” Anna asked.
“Hmm…”
“You know I’ll tell no-one. You needn’t be afraid on that score.”
“Yes, I do, love, and it’s not that. I just know your attitude to him will change when you know, that’s all.”
“I know him then?” Anna looked at Lennox in puzzlement.
“Yes, you do. Look closely at me. Do I remind you of anyone?”
“In the club, you mean?”
“Yes.”
She searched his face as she thought. Then he saw the thought strike her. Her face changed.
“Oh my god, is it really him?”
“Who?” She saw he was not going to suggest anyone and put an idea into her head.
“Master Angus.”
“Yes, I believe it is, well I did believe it, now I don’t know.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“That’s the sixty-five-thousand dollar question. Am I? Should I?”
“And the answer is …?”
“I dither. I make up my mind to do it, and then I chicken out. I worry that I’ll approach him and if he rejects me it will all be over. Until I approach him, I at least have hope. And what if he turns out not to be my father? It’s all such a mess now and I don’t know what to do for the best,” Lennox said in a low voice.
“That’s very true, but you need to make a decision. You can’t dither forever.”
“Yes. I need to make up my mind and stick to the decision.”
“Well, there’s no time like the present. Go for it tonight,” Anna urged.
Lennox looked at his hand in hers. Then he looked up at her face. What he saw in her eyes left him breathless. He leaned in and kissed her tenderly.
“You do care then.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes, I do. I care more than you’ll ever know.”
“That’s a big relief then because I care, too. Now let’s go and see if I can sort this out, and we’ll talk later about our future.”
He started the car and left the car-park. He made his way to the club and parked outside Prometheus in Chains. He sat for a moment to gather his thoughts, and then he got out and helped Anna out of her seat-belt. He closed the door and locked the car. They entered the club together. He had a feeling the next couple of hours were going to change his life irrevocably.
Chapter Seven
Inside the club, Lennox saw Angus sitting alone at the bar. His eyes were on the door through which Lennox and Anna had just entered. Lennox assumed that Jane must be in the ladies’ as it was well known that Angus didn’t let her out of his sight. Anna went over to the uncollared subs’ area, giving Lennox a reassuring pat on the arm and a nod in the direction of the bar.
Diffidently, he approached the big man at the bar. In full highland dress, he looked intimidating, even seated as he was on a stool chatting to the Dom behind the bar. Lennox straightened his shoulders and decided to do it.
“Excuse me, Master Angus, can I have a word? I’m Lennox Greene.”
“Oh, yes. Jane has spoken about you. What can I do for you?”
“I have a very private matter I wish to discuss with you. Can we go somewhere else?”
Angus looked at him quizzically. Just then the door opened and Jane came back in, and Angus’s face lit up. She came over at once, and he kissed her on the nose, settling her in the crook of his arm.
“Lennox wants to talk to me in private, mo run. I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Jane can be present as it will concern her, too,” Lennox said. He saw Angus glance at Jane and her nod.
“Let’s go to Prometheus’s office. I will call and ask Eric to turn off the monitoring system,” Angus suggested.
In Prometheus’s office, Angus strode over to the fireplace and turned his back to it, waiting for Lennox to speak.
“Come over here and sit down, Master. You look so frightening there.”
“Very well, mo run.”
He came over and sat next to her, settling his kilt and crossing his legs at the ankles. Then he looked expectantly at Lennox. He narrowed his eyes as seemed to take in Lennox’s features. Lennox knew he must be wondering about the complexion, the eyebrows and the blue eyes.
“Do I know you from somewhere? Your face seems familiar.”
“Before I say anymore, I want you to read this letter,” Lennox said, holding out the letter. Angus took it and read it through. Then he began again and re-read the whole thing very slowly, frowning over some parts.
“This is certainly my first wife’s writing. Where has it come from? How long have you had it? Why didn’t you show me earlier?”
“Let me explain. I was put into foster care when I was a baby, and my foster parents told me my mother was dead. They told me nothing of my father. When I was eighteen, they asked if I wanted to find him, and I was young and feeling rejected by my parents, so said I didn’t want to know. Now I’m thirty. My foster father needs a kidney, and as I’m not his son, I am of no use to him as a donor. I began to think. What if my natural father was ill and needing something? I decided to investigate and find out who my parents were. If I want to marry, that will be important for my children, too.”
“You believe I’m your father?”
“We are very much alike physically, and until I read that letter two days ago, I did believe it. I don’t know what to think now. She doesn’t name either of you, but I did discover that she married you, so I made the obvious assumption given the dates. I thought that she’d rejected me and so had you.”
“If she’d ever told me of your existence, I wouldn’t have left you abandoned. I don’t know if you are my son either, but you certainly look like me.”
“According to her letter I could look like this other man, too. I thought it was going to be so simple. It was just a matter of plucking up the courage to approach you with only the risk of rejection. Then this letter changed it all.”
“Where did the letter come from?”
“My foster parents had it and didn’t show it to me when I was eighteen for the reasons I’ve outlined. When I told them, two days ago, that I’d changed my mind, they came and gave me this.”
“It’s certainly a big shock. She never mentioned the possibility of a child, and she never sent me a copy of this letter, or I would have found you long before this.” There was sincerity in the deep voice.
“Well, we don’t know now if I’m your son or not, so I don’t know what to do next.”
“Well, if you are agreeable, we can do DNA tests and see what the results are. What do you think? Will you agree to that? We will know for certain then.”
“How long will that take?” Lennox asked.
“About three weeks I should think. It depends on how much work the lab has.”
“I think that’s an excellent idea. Let’s do it.”
“Very well, I’ll make an appointment tomorrow and let you know. Give me your mobile number and e-mail,” Angus said.
Lennox saw that Jane was smiling. Evidently the turn of events pleased her. He was glad because he liked her, too, and she was an important part of Angus’s life. If Lennox hadn’t got along with her, he knew it would have been difficult to see much of Angus. He couldn’t allow himself to say “my father” yet. It was all on account of that letter. Things hadn’t turned out the way he’d thought they would. Nevertheless he was content with this first approach. Angus hadn’t rejected him, far from it, and if the DNA were to prove he wasn’t Angus’s son, at
least he’d tried. Then he would have to try and find this other man his mother had had an affair with, and that would certainly not be easy as she never named him. Well, he’d face that hurdle when he came to it. There was no use worrying about something that might never happen.
He returned to the uncollared subs’ area where Anna was waiting anxiously. They had no class with Llewellyn, and Lennox just wanted to be alone to think.
“I’m sorry, Anna, I’m going to go home now. You can stay and enjoy tonight’s demonstrations. I am sure someone will be willing to give you a lift home.”
Anna stood up. “I need a word with you before you go, Lennox. Let’s go and sit over there.” She pointed to a conversation area and Lennox followed her and sat on the sofa beside her.
“You can’t just go away and not tell me what’s happened. Why do you want to leave me here?”
“I want you to enjoy the club and I’m just not in the mood for it tonight.”
“Well neither am I if I tell the truth. I will go and get my coat and we can both leave together.”
Lennox waited for her to collect her coat and they got in his car and drove to his flat. Once there Anna telephoned for fish and chips, as there was little to eat in the ‘fridge. When the take-away arrived she served it up on warmed plates with a pot of tea and bread and butter in the typical Yorkshire fashion. They sat at the kitchen table, and as they ate Lennox began to thaw. He had felt as though a lump of lead had settled in his stomach, and Anna had been right not to let him come home alone.
“I spoke to Angus, and he confirms that he knew nothing about me at all. He suggests we have DNA testing to clear up the matter of who is my father. It will take three weeks to complete. In three weeks I shall know if he is my father or not.”
“It’s good that you now believe he didn’t know you, and so he didn’t reject you after all.”
“No he didn’t. I can’t help wondering what my life might have been like if my mother had sent him a copy of the letter. That makes me feel so disloyal to Elsie and Ron. They gave me a good upbringing and encouraged me to better myself. I have no complaints about them whatsoever.”
“Yes I do understand that, but they are not your real parents. Now there is a fifty-fifty chance that Master Angus is your real father. It’s only natural that you should have regrets. I don’t understand why your mother didn’t send him a copy of the letter either but we shall never know why, so it’s useless to keep on asking that question.”
“All this is going round and round in my head, I feel sick, and I just can’t think anymore.”
Lennox put his head in his hands then he heard Anna get up, and he felt her cradle his head against her soft breasts. She rocked him as if he were a small child and kissed the top of his head. He put his arms around her and held her close, breathing in her scent and taking comfort from her arms and her closeness. Slowly he calmed and regained control of himself.
“Come along, love. Time we were in bed. You go and clean your teeth. I’ll deal with these plates. We don’t want the flat to reek of stale fish and vinegar in the morning.” Lennox did as he was bid and soon was lying in bed listening to Anna clean her teeth in the bathroom as she prepared to join him. When she’d finished she came and got into bed beside him. He held out his arms, and she snuggled into his side. They lay there together not speaking, not moving just holding one another, taking comfort from the closeness and the warmth of the other’s body. It was just what Lennox needed, and he was grateful to her. He held her closer and cuddled her to him. He was about to tell her so when the soft, slow sound of her breathing told him she was asleep, so he lay back on the pillows.
Two hours later he still hadn’t slept. Thoughts whirled in his brain and he was unable to stop thinking. What would my life have been like if she had sent Angus that letter? Why did she have to sow the seeds of doubt? It was all so clear before, now it’s a mess. I don’t know if he is my father or not and what will happen if he isn’t? I like him. I like him and Jane a lot, too. Whatever they say it will not be just as good to be mere friends of theirs. I want more. Am I being disloyal to Elsie and Ron? These, and thoughts like them, went round and round in his head. He could see no solution, and although he was usually a patient man in this case he wanted, no he needed to know, and soon. Restless he got up, visited the bathroom and drank a glass of water then he settled back in bed, hoping for sleep and respite from his thoughts. By now his head was aching.
Two small hands cupped his face and a soft mouth closed over his.
“Love me, Lennox,” she whispered. He held her to him. Softly and gently she kissed him and he returned her caress. His tongue stroked over hers, and suddenly the gentleness turned to urgency. She rolled over on her back, and spread her legs invitingly.
“Fuck me, Lennox. Hard, and fast, and deep is what we need.” Lennox scrabbled in the drawer for a condom, and as he fumbled in his haste she took the foil packet from him, opened it, and rolled the condom over his throbbing dick. Gratefully he sank into her, she wrapped her legs around him, resting her feet on his buttocks, and he began to ride her hard and fast. He sank his whole length into her, and angled his cock so that it stroked over her G-spot. She moaned in encouragement, and clenched her pussy muscles around him. He was taking his weight on his hands, and he felt her slip her fingers down between them, and furiously rub her clit. His long, deep strokes, delivered with all the force of his muscular hips and legs, moved her whole body. Soon he felt the familiar electric tingles, and he knew that she was close too as she panted and continued to rub. She cried out as she came, and tipped him over the edge. His hot, copious release erupted from his cock as waves of intense pleasure flowed over him. Her legs flopped back on the bed, and for long minutes he couldn’t move. Resting on his hands, his head lowered, and his heart hammered, and he struggled for breath. Slowly his heart beat returned to normal, and his softening cock slipped out of her cunt. Reluctantly she let him go, and smiled up at him sleepily. He got up, cleaned her and then himself. By the time he got back into bed beside her he realised that she was fast asleep. He took her in his arms, and closed his eyes too. As he drifted off to sleep he knew that this was what he wanted in his future and wondered if she was of the same mind.
* * * *
That same evening at home in their sitting room, Jane was in her robe and almost ready for bed. Angus patted the sofa next to him.
“Come and sit here, mo run. I need to talk to you.”
“Do you want a drink? Tea or coffee or something stronger?”
“Whisky please. Some of that Cardhu eighteen-year-old special, single malt, I think.”
Jane poured him a generous glass. She knew better than to offer water or ice. She took a small glass of her favourite, Pedro Ximénex, for herself and went to sit next to him. Angus cradled the drink in his hands. He wanted to say so much but was uncertain as to where to begin.
“Jane, I’ve sent the DNA away for testing.”
“Good when it comes back, you can make the decision about whether to accept him into our family.”
“No, mo run, I want to talk to you about it now. I need to think, and talking to you is like thinking aloud.”
“I know, Master. I’m listening.”
“It will take three weeks before it comes back. I could have paid for the quicker results, but I want to take the time to get to know Lennox better, outside the club, and to make the best decision for all of us.”
“That sounds like a very good idea, Master. Lennox is a good man. I like him, and he looks a lot like you. I knew from the start, I think. He reminded me of someone, and it took me a long time to realise who that was. That was mainly because I was trying to remember where I’d met him and I hadn’t met him, but he looked like you, so I thought I had. That’s why it took me so long to connect the two.”
“Yes, mo run, convoluted as ever, but I do understand.” Angus smiled at her.
“You know me too well, Master.”
There was a pause. She
clearly knew he wanted to talk more, but it seemed he couldn’t find the words to start.
“What did you think of that letter?” Jane asked, giving him the opening he needed.
“Well it made some things very clear. I told you I wasn’t happy in the M/s relationship. It seems she knew it but needed it to punish herself. I just wish she’d told me all this and we could have sorted something out. It would have been easier then. I wouldn’t have felt so guilty or so resentful toward her either. I’ve spent so many years blaming myself for not being all that she wanted and feeling guilty on account of that. If Lennox turns out not to be my son, how is he going to find his real father and what will that do to him now he’s started all this?”
“Well, if he isn’t your son, it won’t really concern you, now will it?”
Angus looked at her in surprise. That seemed a harsh thing to be coming from the mouth of his ever-compassionate Jane. He saw she was smiling, and he realised she’d been playing Devil’s Advocate.
“No, I suppose it won’t.”
“Well, I like him. He seems to be a fine young man. He’s someone who you’d be proud to call ‘son.’”
“Exactly so. You know I’ve always regretted not having children. I didn’t say that to Charlotte in case she thought I was reproaching her. Maybe if I had done, she would have told me about Lennox. She must have thought he was mine. She gave him a good Scots name.”
“Yes, maybe she would, but you acted for the best according to the information that you had. Things always appear simpler with hindsight. You wanted to spare her pain, and the thought that you regretted not having children would perhaps have upset her. If she’d wanted you to know, she should have said or at least left you a copy of that letter. Then you could have gone and looked for him if you’d wanted. She never gave you the choice.”
“Worse than that was the wanting me to punish her and not telling me why she needed it. I hated it, but she begged for it. During her last months, we were estranged because she wanted to be punished and she was so ill that I refused. Why didn’t she tell me then?”
A Shock for Master Angus [Prometheus in Chains 10] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 5
