Affection: book 7

by KT Fisher

  Our dancing becomes a little hotter as Ryder spins me around to face him and grabs my face in his hands, kissing me as if his life depends on it. My breath is stolen in the kiss as I moan against his mouth. Spurring him on.

  “What do I have to do?” Ryder asks, sounding strained as he pulls away from the kiss.

  “Prove to me that you want me and that you’re serious. You wait for me, no fucking with others, no more flirting with the whores, not when you want me.” I watch his non reaction. “You hearing me Ryder?”

  He nods in answer. “I’m sure I can do that.”

  I lean up and kiss him on the cheek. It’s softer and sweeter than the one we just shared.

  As we continue to dance, I get a text message from my sister.

  LuLu: Just warning you that Dad is waiting for you.

  “Shit.” I put away my phone and tell Ryder what she wrote.

  That sort of puts a damper on our night, so we pack away our things on the bench and begin to make our way back. All the way, while my arms are wrapped around Ryder, completely settled against him after our heart to heart, I dread what’s going to happen when I get home.

  Ryder stops in front of the house, I did tell him to drop me off away from the house but he said that he wasn’t a ‘bitch boy’ so here we are. As soon as I’m off the bike, the front door to my childhood home opens and I cringe as I see my dad waiting. His eyes dead set on Ryder.

  “Dad.” I go to walk over and clear the air, but my father stops me.

  “Inside Poppy.” He orders.

  I look back to Ryder, not wanting to leave him alone with my dad but Ryder winks to me, giving me the all clear to go. I still don’t like it.

  I walk past my dad, sensing his annoyance and I pause beside him. “Dad,” I whisper and without looking, he tells me once again to go inside. As I enter the house, my mum and sister are waiting. They both look sympathetic to my situation.

  “Oh Poppy.” My mother rushes over to me and wraps me in her arms. “What have you done?”

  I push back from her. “Nothing!”

  “Not exactly nothing.” She rolls her eyes back at me.

  “I’m going to my room.” I snap, making sure to be as loud as possible as I climb the stairs. I still feel like shit, but being around Ryder helped me take my mind from it. I’m not standing around here with my mother’s judgemental eyes and my sister’s worried ones. I’m going to bed and hoping that Ryder is doing well outside with my dad.

  ***

  Around two hours later, there’s a knock on my door. Lulu is sat on the bottom of my bed as she flashes me a worried look as our dad walks in.

  “Give us a minute Lu.” My dad requests, stepping inside my bedroom.

  Lulu came up about an hour ago to check on me and hit me with questions, but I know she cares. The same goes for my mum, I know she cares and that she was worried about me when I came in from my date with Ryder, but she doesn’t know how to word things correctly. Lulu gives me one last look of ‘good luck’ before leaving me alone with dad.

  Lulu leaves through our joined bathroom, closing the door behind her. Dad doesn’t waste any time at all to begin his questioning.

  “I’ve had a chat with your man outside.” He says, sitting on the end of my bed. “You wanna tell me your side?”

  “First of all, he’s not my man.” I start but my dad frowns.

  “Don’t play with me Poppy. “ He doesn’t seem happy with me at all.

  “Well he isn’t exactly.” I shrug but when I see that my dad isn’t looking any less angry, I decide to drop the sarcasm. “I like him dad, plain and simple.”

  “How long has it been going on?” He asks me with very little expression.

  “I don’t really know, months.” I shrug. “We just flirted and one thing lead to another when we met in a bar.”

  My dad nods, grimacing slightly. “I don’t need all the details.”

  I look down at my fidgeting hands, wondering how Ryder went on with the questions and if I’ll be allowed to see him again after this.

  “Relax Poppy.” My dad invades my thinking. “Look, I was young and wild once,” I cringe and dad laughs. “What I mean is that me and your mother met in similar circumstances, I had to prove myself to your grandparents so I could get to know her better. I already know Ryder well, and I can see how much he likes you.”

  “Really?” I ask, slightly weirded out by how understanding he’s being.

  My dad nods. “If Ryder is the man you want and he treats you well, then I’m happy.”

  I sit in silence for a few seconds, watching my dad and wondering when he’s going to stop playing me and tell me how he really feels.

  “What’s going on?” I doubtfully ask.

  My dad then chuckles, shaking his head. “Nothing.”

  “So, you’re telling me the truth?” My voice sounds high pitched to my own ears.

  When my dad nods, letting me know he’s really fucking being serious I can’t help the huge grin from spreading across my face and I fall into my dads arms, I squeezing him tightly. “But don’t think I’ll go easy on him if he hurts you.”

  “Oh, I’m counting on that.” I laugh and my dad joins me, shaking his head.

  He stays in my room for a little while longer, not too long though because I think he starts to feel a little weird, asking about Ryder and me and if we’ve spoken about us being together. I suppose that would be awkward for any parent situation, never mind a father.

  When I’m left alone I quickly reach for my mobile and type as fast as I can, sending Ryder an eager text message.

  Me: Are you ok? How did it go?

  I stare at my phone as he types back.

  Ryder: I’m fine, your dad loves me so no worrying

  I smile as I read his message. Ryder is playing it cool but I know my dad would have given him a grilling even though he was cool with me.

  I’m about to send Ryder a reply when the door connecting mine and Lulu’s rooms opens and my sister pops her head into my bedroom.

  “So?” She asks, a slight look of dread covering her face. She was expecting my dad to go hard on me too.

  “Fine.” I shrug, still not quite believing it myself.

  Lulu steps further inside my room, frowning now. “What?”

  “I know.” I giggle. “I was ready for nagging and shouting but nothing,” I shrug. “Dad said he understands because of him and mum and that he knows Ryder is good.”

  “Wow.” Lulu’s eyes widen.

  Nodding I smile as I watch my sister approaches my bed in a daze. “Yeah.”

  “I thought it was odd when I couldn’t hear the two of you shouting.”

  Just then, my phone rings as it sits between Lulu and me on my bed, on the screen flashes Axel’s name, our big brother.

  “Shit.” I whisper and Lulu looks down at my phone as if it’s a bomb.

  “He won’t go easy on you.” Lulu points out, referring to our brother. “He’ll go after Ryder.”

  I nod, knowing Lulu is right. Axel is overprotective and thinks that the old rules of the MC are the absolute law. In his mind, if Ryder was interested in me he should have spoken to my parents, or himself but things have changed! My parents don’t even go by the old rules now, they’re seen more as guidelines. It would have been trickier if Ryder was an outsider, with all the club traditions but in some ways it is worse that Ryder is a club member. My brother will hold him more accountable than if he wasn’t a member plus, the two of them are friends. Close friends!

  And it’s not as if we’re just flirting with one another, we had sex for fuck sake!

  That makes it even more complicated.

  Lulu and I stay silent as we stare at Axel’s name on my mobile, as if he could hear us if we were to speak. When Axel hangs up I bury my head in my hands.

  “He’s definitely going to be worse than dad.” Lulu grumbles. “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” I start to dread.

  �
��You can’t hide forever.”

  “I’m going to try.” I’m not entirely joking.

  Lulu stands, smiling at me sympathetically. “I really don’t envy you right now, but if I was you I would want to get it over with sooner rather than later. He already knows, if mum and dad do, so you might as well.”

  I watch her return to her own room, thinking about what she’s just said. I should take her advise and seek out my brother, getting this crap over with but I’m scared of what he’s going to say and I begin to feel sick with worry. I’m going to go with my original plan and hide for as long as I can. I just hope Ryder does the same.

  Chapter Nine

  Poppy

  Before I even have the chance to open my eyes the sensation in my stomach is too much to handle. I jump from my bed and run for the toilet, dropping to my knees. I don’t care how hard I land because my belly squeezes painfully as I’m sick into the toilet. I’d like to think that I’m not loud when I’m vomiting however I seemed to have woken Lulu.

  “Poppy?” She asks as she cautiously walks into the bathroom.

  I groan from my kneeled position. I feel fucking awful!

  Lulu rushes to my side and helps smooth some hairs from the front of my face. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrug, talking carefully as not to risk the chance of being sick again.

  Lulu gets back up and fetches me a fresh glass of water. “Here, take some.”

  I gladly take it and eagerly drink. I move from my kneeling position and move away from the toilet, sitting on my bottom and leaning my head on the wall. When I’m finished drinking, I glance up to see Lulu staring down at me, looking slightly worried.

  “You know, you’ve been unwell for a while now.” She thinks out lot.

  “Your point?” I grumble, taking some more water.

  Lulu bites down on her lip and I know she’s wondering if she should say whatever she’s thinking about.

  “Lulu.” I snap. “Just say what you gotta say.”

  “I think you need to take a test.” She speaks quietly, glancing at the doorway worriedly and I don’t blame her. If dad heard what she just said I’d be in deep shit.

  “A pregnancy test?” I whisper and my sister nods. Oh shit!

  I begin to do the math, mentally figuring out my dates and how long it’s been since my last period. I’m on birth control but I do miss a day here and there and as I think about that and let in sink in, dread fills me. Why didn’t I think about this sooner?

  Tears fill my eyes and Lulu immediately drops to my side. “It’s going to be ok.” She tries to settle me, wrapping her arms around me.

  “How could I be so stupid?” I sob, wiping my wet face.

  Lulu helps me stand and follows me as I head to the sink. I begin to brush my teeth, trying not to gag on the toothbrush.

  “You might not be pregnant.” She tries to give me false hope, but now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure that I am. Stupid Poppy!

  I look at myself in the mirror as the toothpaste foams in my mouth, tears begin to wash down my face again. Lulu places her hand on my shoulder, trying to sooth my emotions.

  “Look, get cleaned up and I’ll go and fetch some tests.” Lulu hurries about the place, readying herself to go and buy me some pregnancy tests. At the same time, I clean my face and change into some grey sweat pants and a black top. Lulu stands beside me as I sit on the end of my bed, thinking this shit through, she’s fresh faced and has pulled her hair into a bun. “I won’t be long.” She places a kiss on the top of my head and rushes out.

  I stay put on my bed, pulling my blanket around me as I think through the last couple of weeks.

  Sure, I’ve been feeling nauseous and the thought of eating some foods turns my stomach but maybe being pregnant just didn’t enter my thought. Perhaps that’s stupid of me, but I genuinely didn’t even think about it seriously. Missing one or two pills here and there has never been a problem for me, but I’m beginning to wonder if my luck has ran out and I made too many mistakes.

  I grab my phone and search pregnancy symptoms. Right away I read that missing your period and feeling sick are the most common. When Lulu suggested I take a test, I realised that I am 9 days late! I’m usually on top of my periods but Ryder has been on my mind far too much instead.

  I continue to read on and discover sensitive breasts, tiredness and even peeing more than often are also early pregnancy signs. I touch my boobs and sure enough, they feel a little sore. I’ve been a little tired lately too, but I put it down to me not feeling great. I don’t know about the peeing part but I still read on, making a mental list of things that may be to come.

  It quickly becomes too much and I put my phone down and bury my head into my pillow, lying on my tummy. Hopefully this disguises my cries because the last thing I need right now is one of my parents popping their head into my room and asking if I’m ok.

  I’m truly terrified.

  It seems a long while for Lulu to return home, but in reality she’s only been gone twenty minutes. She has a McDonalds breakfast meal with her for the both of us too. “I told dad this is why I was leaving.”

  The smell turns me off so I push it away and watch as Lulu pulls out some pregnancy tests from her handbag. She places four on my bed and all of them are different.

  “I didn’t know which one to get.” She shrugs.

  “Thank you.” I smile at her and pick up the first box, reading the instructions on the back. “Two lines mean it’s positive and one line is negative.”

  “Or,” Lulu reaches to one of the tests and holds it up. “this one is digital, it just says PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT.”

  “Easy enough.” I take it from her and head to the bathroom.

  “You’re doing it now?” Lulu asks with wide eyes.

  “No time like the present.” I grin sadly.

  I quickly read over the instructions and it seems simple. Pee on the stick and wait. It’s not so simple when your hand begins to shake from all the nerves. The shaking doesn’t stop as I wash my hands and rejoin Lulu. We both sit on my bed, the pregnancy test sitting over on my dresser. I stay away as if it’s a bomb about to explode.

  I take a deep breath to try and calm myself, I look across at Lulu eating her hash brown. How can she eat at a time like this?

  The alarm that Lulu set on her phone goes off, informing us that it’s time to look to see if I’m pregnant or not.

  “I can’t.” I panic, terrified to go over and look at the test. My legs feel so shaky that I think I would fall over anyway.

  Lulu gently smiles and places her hand on my leg. “I got this.”

  I watch nervously as my sister walks over to the dresser and picks up the test, she looks at the result and her wide eyes meet mine. Ah shit!

  Lulu walks back to me, holding out the stick to me and as I take it from her hand I see on the digital screen the words, PREGNANT in big bold letters. I immediately break down in tears and Lulu holds me tightly.

  “What am I going to do?” I cry.

  My sister pulls back so that I can see her. “You do whatever you want to do and I’m going to be here by your side.”

  This makes me cry even more. I’m so lucky to have a sister like her. No matter what Ryder or my family will say, I know that my twin sister has me. I would do exactly the same for her, without a doubt.

  I know within my heart that Ryder won’t want this baby, he’s only just explored the idea of us becoming a couple. A baby is a whole other level of commitment and I don’t think Ryder is ready for that. I’m not ready for a baby but here we are. This is just too much for me and my eyes fill with tears, they stream down my cheeks as I try to collect my sobs but it’s no use. I completely fall apart and Lulu is there to catch me.

  I don’t know how long I cry for, but as I start to calm down my cheeks feels tight as the tears dry. Thoughts of my family and having to tell them begin to creep into my thoughts and the ever growing dread doubles.

 
“So, I’m guessing the dad is Ryder.” Lulu interrupts my thoughts.

  I shoot her an annoyed look. “Obviously.”

  “Are you going to tell him?” She asks and I shake my head. “But Pop,” She starts and I hold a hand up to stop her.

  “Don’t, not now please.” I pause. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  “Does that mean you don’t know if you’re going to go ahead with things?” She now asks quietly.

  I look down at my flat belly, soon be a big round belly. “I’m keeping the baby.” I know that for sure.

  I’m young and in no way ready for a baby, but when I think of the alternative my stomach churns and sadness fills me. I know within my bones that that will be the wrong decision for me.

  “I meant, that I don’t know what I’m doing with telling Ryder.” I answer her.

  “You have to.” My sister argues.

  “No, I don’t.” I stand from my bed, suddenly needing some space. “Ryder was all for one night stands, never anything serious. You think he’ll want this?” I point to my stomach, now currently home to my future child. Lulu keeps quiet and I sadly smirk. “Exactly, I’m going to do this alone, he doesn’t even need to know it’s his kid.”

  Lulu frowns. “You’re going to lie and say he’s not the father? Just another random hook up?”

  “Correct.” I smile but a tear escapes my eye.

  “Poppy.” She exhales and I can hear in her voice how she doesn’t approve.

  “Don’t!” I snap. “Just leave me alone.” Lulu doesn’t move from her seat on my bed. “Lu, please I need to be alone.”

  She slowly stands, not taking her eyes from me and with a quick cuddle, she leaves me alone in my room. As soon as she’s gone I fall to my knees and cry as quietly as I can manage. What the fuck am I going to do?

  ***

  I spent the rest of yesterday in my bed, telling my parents that I had bad stomach cramps so they would leave me alone. It didn’t stop my sister from dropping by every minute of the day though.

  I’m not ready to face the outside world but I have work today. Lulu advised that I stay at home but I don’t want to hide in bed all day, every day. I can smell the bacon that my mother is cooking from downstairs and it’s making me feel sick. What I really want is some pancakes, in particular the ones they sell in the café on the way to work. Just thinking about them makes my belly rumble.