Drew

by Lagomarsino, Giulia

  I pulled out my phone and put on Elton John. He had always been her favorite artist and I put him on whenever I wanted to feel close to her. I didn’t even like him, but she always sang along to his music, her favorite being Your Song. She said it was one of the most romantic songs she had ever heard. When it came on, the tears came faster and I totally lost it there in the darkness. My chest hurt so bad, aching to hold her again. I wanted one more kiss from her, one more “I love you”. I needed more time with my sweet Iris.

  When the song was over, I turned my phone off. That was enough for one night. Any more and I would need a strong drink to get through the night. I looked up to heaven and said a prayer for my Iris and our little one.

  “Goodnight, sweet Iris. Until I hold you in my arms again.”

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  Work flew by this week. I had been working at Ryan and Logan’s construction company for about a year now and I found the work somewhat satisfying. It wasn’t my dream job, but it kept me busy, which was the main purpose of me having a job. I didn’t need the money, but I needed to keep my mind busy. I could probably find something to do with myself that would be more satisfying, but I honestly didn’t have the ambition. I was still too wrapped up in my own grief to do anything else with my life.

  My furniture had been delivered Sunday and I had to admit, it was nice to finally have something of my own. The guys invited me out for drinks tonight and I really didn’t want to go, but the thought of sitting around my house doing nothing with nobody was depressing. We met down at The Pub that had been newly renovated after the fire at New Year’s, and I ordered tequila. It was probably not a good idea, but moving into the new house had been hard for me.

  The guys laughed about things going on at work and they took turns ragging on each other about their significant others. Ryan and Sebastian didn’t have girlfriends, so they were doing most of the teasing. Me, however, I drank. Hearing them all talk about their girlfriends and wives depressed me. By the time we had been there a few hours, I was way past drunk.

  Sebastian had left about an hour ago with a woman that had come over and blatantly flirted with him. Jack left also to go home to his wife. Apparently, he couldn’t stand to be away from Harper for the night. I should have gone over to see Harper instead of coming here.

  “Drew, right?”

  A mousy brunette stood in front of me and even in my drunken state, I could see it was my neighbor.

  “What the fuck do you want? And why are you in a bar if you’re pregnant?”

  She blushed furiously and looked down at her hands.

  “Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” Ryan asked.

  “I actually just came in to fill out an application.”

  Cole spoke up. “I think they’re still looking for someone since Alex isn’t here anymore.”

  “Who’s Alex?” neighbor lady asked.

  “My girlfriend,” Cole answered sharply. “She got hurt and she can’t work anymore right now. I’m sure they’ll be grateful for your application. I’ll introduce you to the boss.”

  She gave a small smile and said her thanks as Cole guided her away. I slammed back another shot of tequila and was waving down the waitress for another, when Ryan cut in.

  “Don’t you think you’ve had enough, Drew?”

  “Not nearly enough,” I slurred. Normally I didn’t get drunk, but all this talk about girlfriends had fucked with my head and I just wanted to forget.

  “Come on. I’ll drive you home.”

  “I can take him home if you want. He’s my neighbor. I’m Sarah.”

  Ryan shook her hand and introduced himself. “That’s fine by me. Are you sure you can get him in the house?”

  “Yeah, we’ll be fine. It wouldn’t be the first drunk I’ve dealt with.”

  She blushed as she said it and looked down, like she hadn’t meant to reveal that. Ryan grabbed my keys and then grabbed me by the arm, dragging me out to her shitty car. I barely fit in the front seat because I was so large. I was a tall guy and I worked out, so I was quite muscular. This was like fitting a block of cheese into a toilet paper roll.

  “I’ll bring your truck in the morning,” Ryan said as he walked away. I flung my middle finger up, hitting the door frame and jamming my finger.

  “Son of a bitch.”

  I saw Sarah roll her eyes at me before peeling out of the parking lot. She drove like a maniac and I was pretty sure I would die tonight. Thank God I was numbed from the alcohol. I wouldn’t feel a thing. We were pulling into the driveway when Your Song came on the radio.

  “Not again,” I grumbled.

  “What?”

  “Why the fuck does this have to be on the radio?”

  I stumbled from the car and threw my hands up toward the sky. “Are you trying to give me a fucking message?”

  “What are you talking about?” I turned around to see Sarah looking at me in confusion. “What’s going on?”

  “She fucking left me, that’s what’s going on. Now I hear that fucking song everywhere I go.”

  My words were slurring and my walking was even worse. I’d be lucky if I got in the house at this rate. Sarah grabbed my arm and helped inside, plopping me down on the couch before disappearing. I closed my eyes and my sweet Iris appeared before me.

  “Drew, what are you doing? You’re better than this.”

  “Why did you leave me, Iris? I’m so lost without you,” I whispered to her. She looked so beautiful and I wanted so badly to believe she was real. I reached out for her and I could swear I felt her hand touching mine. “Iris, why’d you leave me?”

  “Drew, I’m forever yours. Nothing can take me from you.”

  Tears streamed from my eyes as I felt her hand on my face. God was torturing me by allowing me to feel her. God, I could feel her. Her skin was just as soft as it ever was. My mind drifted to blackness as she faded from my vision.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Sarah

  I STOOD IN front of him as he spoke about a woman named Iris. I could barely understand him, but I knew he was asking why she left him. Given his current state of drunkenness and his surly attitude, I could see why staying with him was less than desirable. I held out my hand to give him some ibuprofen when my skin touched his face. He started crying and I didn’t know what had just transpired, but he appeared to be in agony. He passed out a few minutes later and I thanked God that he had because I didn’t know how much more I could take of this.

  I was exhausted and I needed to go lie down, but I was afraid to leave him in this state. Not only had he been extremely distraught, but he was so drunk he could barely walk. What if he had to throw up? I really shouldn’t care. He had been rude to me last week and again at the bar tonight. I had barely spoken a full sentence to him and he seemed to have judged me already and quite harshly. He assumed that I was crying because I didn’t know who my baby’s father was. He couldn’t be more wrong. I knew and it was devastating. I just found out a few weeks ago that I was pregnant and when I moved here, I immediately found a new doctor for my prenatal care. It hit me when I got home that I was all alone in this. It felt like my whole world was collapsing around me and I was helpless to stop it.

  I decided that I would sleep in his recliner, so I could keep an eye on him tonight. I laid there thinking about how different my life was from a month ago. Everything had changed in the blink of an eye and I did my best not to break under the circumstances. My hand lay across my belly and I tried to imagine what it would feel like when my little bean sprout started to kick. I couldn’t help my thoughts from drifting to Todd and the life we would have had, but thinking about that wouldn’t do me any good right now. I had to focus on the present. I needed to find a job and have a way to provide for my little one. I hated that I felt so alone. This was my life now and I had no one to share it with. Even if my neighbor had been a friendly guy, I could never divulge what was truly going on to him. It was safer this way.

  “Sarah, what are you saying?”r />
  “I’m saying you’re going to be a daddy.”

  He placed his hand on my stomach and looked into my eyes. “I can’t believe it’s finally happening. We’ve waited so long for this. How far along are you?”

  “It’s still early. Maybe five weeks?”

  He bent down in front of me and talked to my stomach. It was a little weird, but I went with it. “Hey, little man. You don’t know me yet, but I’m your daddy and I promise that I will do everything possible to protect you. No one will ever hurt you as long as your momma and I are around.”

  He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my stomach before standing and wrapping me in his arms. He pressed kisses all over my face before lifting me and laying me down in bed with him. I thought he was going to make love to me, but instead, he wrapped his body around me and held me. His hand ran circles over my belly for a while.

  “Let’s go out to dinner tonight and celebrate.”

  It had been a wonderful suggestion at the time, but turned out to be the biggest mistake of our lives.

  I woke early the next morning with my stomach churning. I got up quickly from the chair and ran around the first floor, hoping to find a bathroom before my stomach heaved up whatever was bothering me. When I found it, I wasted no time spilling the meager contents of my stomach and then sat there for a few minutes waiting for it to pass.

  “Morning sickness?”

  The voice made me jump and caused the nausea to come roiling back. I threw up again and then laid my head against the toilet, hoping that was the last time. My eyelids fluttered closed as exhaustion hit me. Not only was I not sleeping well, but the nausea combined with stress was really killing my appetite. I was running on empty.

  A wet cloth was placed on my neck and I was grateful for the kind gesture. Drew reached around me and flushed the toilet. I knew it was gross to be that close to flying water, but I couldn’t care less at the moment. When I finally felt well enough to get up, I removed the washcloth and started to stand, his hand wrapping around my arm and helping me to stand.

  “Thank you.”

  “You want to tell me what you’re doing in my house at five a.m.?”

  I was momentarily taken aback by his harsh tone. He stood in front of me with his arms crossed over his bare chest. My eyes ran over his body, taking in the hulking man that stood before me. He was huge, extremely tall, and wide. He had muscles on top of muscles and with his arms folded in front of him, he looked like the Hulk, minus the green skin. He had short, dark hair and scruff over his face that made him look very dangerous. I unconsciously took a step back to get some space from him. He was radiating irritation and anger right now and I didn’t want to further upset the beast. He sighed in irritation and backed out of the bathroom. Then gestured for me to leave.

  He walked in the direction of the kitchen and I wasn’t sure if I should follow or not, but my feet went in that direction anyway. He pulled out some crackers and pushed them across the counter to me. It didn’t sound that appealing to me at the moment, but I took them and nibbled on them.

  “So, are you going to answer me?”

  I looked up into his pale, scruffy face and saw that his night passed out on the couch had done nothing to improve his looks or his attitude. He was a handsome man, but his heavy drinking last night left him looking like he was still drunk.

  “I was here because I brought you home last night and you were acting out of your mind. I was worried that you were going to choke on your vomit if I left, so I slept on the recliner.”

  He studied me for a minute before scowling at me. “I don’t need or want your help. Next time, just leave me alone. Better yet, don’t get involved at all.”

  “You don’t have to be an ass about it. No wonder she left you.”

  I meant that last part to be said under my breath, but I was louder than I meant to be and he exploded at me.

  “What the fuck did you say?”

  “Who’s Iris?” I asked before I could think better of it.

  “She’s none of your fucking business. How do you know about her anyway?”

  I smirked. It looked like there was something about him that he didn’t want anyone to know about. Maybe his friends didn’t know he had been left by his girlfriend.

  “You were crying over her last night. Asking why she left you. Although, after seeing what an asshole you really are, I’m not surprised she left you.”

  He moved so fast around the counter that I barely registered his movements until he grabbed my arm and yanked me toward the front door. His fingers dug into my skin and I was reminded that sometimes it was better to keep my mouth shut. He threw the front door open and dragged me to the porch.

  “She didn’t leave me. She died. Now go home and don’t ever step foot on my property again.”

  He walked back inside and slammed the door in my face. I couldn’t say I didn’t deserve it. I had been a bitch to the only person in this town that had said more than two words to me. I was ashamed at my words to him. He was obviously hurting and I had thrown it in his face. He was still grieving for her and that’s why he was so drunk; to forget. I didn’t have that option. I was forced to be sober so I didn’t hurt my baby, the only piece of Todd I had left.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  Mornings sucked. What used to be my favorite time of the day was now something I dreaded. I hated waking up every morning puking my guts out. The nausea seemed to settle down by midday, which was a good thing because I got a job working at The Pub at night. I had been in this town for two months and I still didn’t have a single friend. Most people looked at me like I was something they scraped off their shoe. I couldn’t really blame them all that much. I wasn’t the friendliest person. I rarely spoke for fear that I would say the wrong thing. There was nothing about my past that I could share with anyone and frankly, I didn’t know anyone worth sharing that information with.

  I walked around the house that I now called home, looking at the current state it was in and decided that if I was going to live here for the foreseeable future, I needed to spruce it up a bit. Grabbing my keys, I headed into town and picked out some paint colors at the local hardware store. While the paint was being mixed, I wandered around the store to get the supplies I would need. I grabbed a roll of painter’s tape, an edger, paint brushes, a drop cloth, and paint stirrers. This was probably going to send me over budget, but I needed to put some life in that house. I was expecting my paycheck in two days, so I should be fine until then.

  When I went back to the paint counter, everything was ready and I put it all in my cart, then pushed it up front to pay. I was handing over my cash when Drew walked in the door, drawing my attention to the permanent scowl that seemed to be on his face. He walked past me and then paused when he saw what was in my cart.

  “You’re painting?”

  “You’re quick,” I said sarcastically. He didn’t seem to appreciate my comment, as he turned a glare on me.

  “You shouldn’t be painting. The fumes are bad for you.”

  “Well, I’ll just go call my husband and tell him to come take care of it for me.” Sarcasm dripped from my words, but inside it really hurt to say that. He didn’t know how much I wished I could call my husband right now, but I never allowed myself to think about him that much. I had too much else to worry about and I couldn’t let myself break down. Crying wouldn’t bring him back and it wouldn’t help my baby either.

  “Maybe you should have thought about that before you went and got yourself knocked up.”

  He walked away with a scowl on his face and I turned back to the cashier who had judgement all over her face. She looked down at my belly as if a baby would magically appear and then looked back up at me, pursing her lips and shaking her head at me. There was nothing I could do to change people’s minds about me. It was what it was and telling them that I did have a husband was out of the question. They would want more answers and I couldn’t give them that.

  I took my change and headed out
to my car, loading my supplies in the back. I drove out of town, tears threatening to spill down my face, wondering how life had gotten so messed up. I just wanted my old life back. I wanted to go back in time and change all the shit that had happened. My vision blurred and I briefly thought of pulling over, but then I took a deep breath and wiped the tears away, just in time to see a deer run out in front of me. I jerked the wheel to avoid hitting it, but the deer was faster and my car plowed right into it.

  I heard something hit the car, which I assumed was the deer, but nothing else really registered. The crash happened so fast that I didn’t even know what happened until my head was whipped back from hitting the air bag. I felt the strain of the seat belt as it held me back, keeping me from flying through the windshield.

  My head fell back at an awkward angle and I couldn’t lift my head. It felt like it weighed a million pounds and pain wracked my face. I wanted to get out of the car, but I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to. Nothing on my body seemed to function at the moment. Instead of trying to move anymore, I laid there hoping that someone would find me soon. Fear started to seep into my brain as I thought about someone else hitting me if they didn’t see me right away. I had no idea if my car was on the road or in the ditch.

  “Sarah, don’t stay there. It’s not safe.”

  I shook my head slightly, careful not to shake too hard in case I hurt my head. I must have hit my head because Todd’s voice was calling to me and telling me what to do, but that couldn’t be. Todd was dead.

  “Sarah, come on. Wake up, baby. You have to get out and get moving.”

  I must have slipped in and out of consciousness because I remembered it being light out when I crashed, but when I opened my eyes again, it was getting dark. I was trying to think back to what time I left the hardware store and I thought it was early afternoon, but my thoughts were too jumbled to be sure.