So here I sat, early on a Saturday morning, stirring paint to get started on the next room. Not being able to sleep, I’ve accomplished a lot. The walls were white, or dirty white from years of neglect, so I didn’t have to use as much paint as I thought. I wanted bright colors to keep me feeling happy. Blue would make me sad, and though it was my favorite color, it would do nothing for my down days. I painted the kitchen a bright yellow that reminded me of baking with my grandmother when I was little. I stuck with white in the living room, since I hadn’t decided yet how I would decorate. I had decided on lavender for my bedroom because I have never been allowed to use any pretty colors with Todd. Everything needed to be masculine. If I was going to start over, I needed to make this place mine.
I still hadn’t decided on a color for the baby’s room yet. Not knowing what I was having, I decided I would wait on that until I found out what I was having. According to the doctor, I would do an ultrasound when I was five months along. It seemed like such a long time to wait. Right now I was hanging on to any small piece of information about my baby to keep me going. My child was all I had right now, so every month, when I got my exam, my baby’s heartbeat reminded me that life does go on.
I was brought out of my thoughts by a knock on the door. I put down the paint stick and walked to the door, peeking through the peephole. A small flutter swept through me when I saw my neighbor on the other side.
“Good morning,” I said in a small voice.
“Good morning. I didn’t know if this was too early to come over or not, but I was up, so I thought I’d come over and get to work.”
His gaze swept over my body and a scowl appeared on his face.
“Aren’t you fucking eating? You’ve lost weight since the last time I saw you. And when was the last time you slept?” My smile immediately dropped from my face as he snapped at me. I didn’t need this shit. I was doing the best I could and him pointing out my flaws wasn’t what I needed. Instead of responding, I slammed the door in his face and walked back to my can of paint. I tried not to let what he said bother me, but my chest tightened as I held back the tears that threatened to fall. Pulling myself together, I poured the lavender paint in the tray as I listened to banging and yelling coming from the front door. I ignored it and got out my roller and started painting my bedroom.
After I finished with the first wall, I moved on to the wall that my dresser was against. I would have to move it by myself, which would have been easier if Drew was here, but he wasn’t and I wasn’t going to rely on anyone else to help me out right now. I was barely able to move the dresser out of the way and then I finished painting. The room took me half of the day to paint and by the time I was finished, I was completely exhausted. I had to be at work in a few hours and I hadn’t eaten very much today, so I grabbed some food and then started getting ready for work.
My stomach had been feeling off for a few days now. I didn’t feel sick, but I got dull pains that I assumed were caused by the stress I had been under. They had been getting progressively worse throughout the week and it was starting to make me think that I needed to make an appointment with my OB-GYN. I sat down and considered calling in to work, but it was too late to get someone to replace me. Besides, it was a Saturday night and the best time for tips. I pulled myself together and headed into town. When I arrived at The Pub, I clocked in and got to work waitressing. Every step was hell on my body and I finally realized that I had over done it and needed to slow down.
About ten o’clock, Drew came into the bar with another man I didn’t recognize. They sat down in my section and I reluctantly went over to take their order.
“What can I get for you?”
“Water. I’m Sebastian. I don’t think I’ve see you around before.”
“I’m new to town. I’m Drew’s neighbor actually.”
Sebastian looked over at Drew and raised an eyebrow. “He didn’t mention he had a new neighbor.”
“Well, I haven’t been there that long. What can I get for you, Drew?”
“Beer. Whatever’s on tap.”
I nodded and turned to walk away, but Drew caught my wrist and pulled me back toward him. “Look, I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to be such an ass. You just don’t look like you’re feeling all that well.”
“You know, some people would say ‘how are you?’ or ‘are you feeling okay?’. Next time, start with one of those.”
I walked back to the bar and put in my order, then grabbed the tray with the drinks and made my way back to their table. I was just lowering the tray when pain shot through my belly. My hands shook and I squeezed my eyes at the pain, hoping that it would pass and I could get to the back room to rest. The pain got worse and the tray slipped from my hands as a wave of dizziness washed over me. I barely registered the drinks falling to the floor or the glass shattering at my feet. Hands caught me as the world spun around me, sending me into a tailspin. A moment later, I was picked up and carried out to a truck. My heart beat wildly and I tried to calm my breathing. This wasn’t normal.
“Hang on, Sarah. I’m getting you to a doctor.”
“Sarah, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Just hang on and trust Drew. He’s a good man.”
I looked over and for a minute, I could swear that Todd was sitting next to me. My head lulled against the seat as I stared at my husband who couldn’t be here because he was dead.
“Todd, how are you here?”
He looked at me funny and when he spoke, his voice didn’t sound like Todd’s. “We’re almost to the hospital, Sarah. Just hang on.”
Drew. It was Drew talking to me. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, Todd was gone. I breathed as calmly as I could, tears burning as I was reminded that once again I was alone.
“You’re not alone, sweetheart. I’ll always be watching over you.”
Drew drove frantically to the hospital, making me more nervous we would wreck than the fact that something was wrong with my body. We pulled up to the hospital and someone came out with a stretcher as Drew carried me to the ER doors. My body jostled as I was laid down and the lights were spinning above me as they wheeled me down a corridor. I didn’t understand what was happening to me and the pain was getting too intense. I let go and hoped the doctors would be able to save my baby from whatever was happening.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Well, you had kidney stones and we were able to remove them, but you have to drink more water. You were extremely dehydrated which probably caused the kidney stones. Water will help keep you and your baby healthy, so you need plenty of that and rest. Now, before you go, let’s take a look at that baby of yours and see how it’s doing.”
Dr. Walsh instructed me to put my feet in the stirrups. I wasn’t far enough along for a regular ultrasound, so I needed to have a transvaginal ultrasound. The only problem was that Drew was in the room with me. He had come in after I got out of surgery and hadn’t left since. He insisted that someone needed to be around to make sure I take care of myself and since he lived next to me, he argued that he was the best candidate. I didn’t understand why he would help. He never seemed to like me very much, so I didn’t really understand his concern.
“Um, Drew? Could you please step out of the room?”
He gave me a hard look and barely shook his head as he narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here while they check on the baby.” His look said not to argue with him and frankly, right now, all I wanted was to see my child and know it was safe. I shrugged at the doctor and lifted my legs as instructed while trying to maintain some sense of privacy with the blanket. It was slightly uncomfortable to have that giant wand stuck up my hoo-hoo, but I’d get over it.
I didn’t hear anything at first and dread filled me at the thought that I had lost my child. Drew must have thought the same thing because he grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring squeeze. A moment later I heard whooshing through the speaker and an image appeared on the screen. I had no clue what I
was looking at, but it filled me with joy.
“Well, I have some interesting news for you.”
“What? Can you tell the gender already?”
“No. I can’t see that yet, but I am happy to tell you that both babies look good.”
My head snapped around to the doctor’s smiling face.
“Huh? Um.. I mean…can you say that again?”
“You are going to have fraternal twins. Congratulations Ms. Anderson.”
My brain was still trying to catch up with what the doctor had just unloaded on me.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. There are no twins in my family or in…I just don’t understand how this is possible.”
“It really isn’t about whether they run in your family. If it runs in your family, it can increase your chances of having them, but fraternal twins means that you dropped two eggs and they were each fertilized by a different sperm cell. They each have their own placenta and amniotic sac so it’s pretty safe. Now that we know the babies are fine, you will be seen more often for ultrasounds starting at six months. We like to monitor twins more closely to make sure both babies are developing at a normal rate. I’ll put it in your notes and you can give the clinic a call on Monday to schedule an earlier appointment.”
She pulled the wand from my body and I felt a little sad that I didn’t have more time to look at them.
“What special instructions does she need to follow now that she’s carrying twins?”
I wanted to roll my eyes at Drew taking over like he had a say in this pregnancy. He was nothing but my annoying neighbor who only liked me when it was convenient for him.
“For the next week, you need plenty of rest and plenty of water, but after that, just resume your normal activities. If you’re feeling tired, take a break. You just have to recognize your limits and follow that. Everyone’s pregnancy is different, so it all depends on your body. I can tell you that the easier you take it, the easier your pregnancy should be. Or at least a better chance of an easy pregnancy. Also, I see that you haven’t really put on any weight yet. In fact, you seem to have lost some weight. Have you been sick a lot?”
“No. Just under a lot of stress. I had to go home for a tr…funeral.”
“I see. Well, try to eat some more. You need to put on a little more weight with this pregnancy. I’ll have one of the nurses bring in some paperwork for you to review about fraternal twins and your diet. Look it over and we’ll discuss any questions at your next appointment.”
“Thank you, Dr. Walsh.”
She smiled at me and then left me alone with Drew. I noticed that I was still holding his hand and quickly removed mine from his grasp. An uncomfortable silence fell between us as I tried to process what had just happened. I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant with twins. Figures that I would have two babies. Todd always said he had super sperm and was going to fill our house with noise. I started to laugh as I thought about the day he said that to me. He was such a goofball and always knew how to make me laugh. Pretty soon I was laughing so hard that Drew started to look at me funny. It didn’t last long though, as I thought about my kids never knowing their father and the fact that I had to raise them on my own. It wasn’t fair. Todd should be here with me.
Sobs wracked my body the more I thought about Todd and all our wonderful times together. I could still see his gorgeous smile with the stubble that was always on his face. I covered my face and cried into my hands for what felt like forever. Drew had come and held me at some point, but all I noticed was my heart breaking all over again. I hadn’t let myself truly grieve over the loss of my husband yet. I had cried a little and it killed me when I saw him shot, but this was the first time I had truly let it all out.
“Shh. Sarah, you have to calm down. You’re crying out all the water they just pumped into your body.”
Laughter bubbled up inside me. It didn’t seem like a very Drew-like thing to say, but I guess I didn’t really know Drew all that well. He rubbed my back as my breathing hitched with every cry that I tried to hold back. I finally calmed down to the point that I could breathe normally again, but I was ashamed at my reaction and I couldn’t look at Drew.
“You’re not alone, Sarah. It’ll be okay.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Drew. I’m completely alone and none of this will ever be okay.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I spent the next few days imprisoned at Drew’s house. He insisted on taking me back to his place so he could make sure that I rested and I was properly taken care of. He was driving me nuts. I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed unless it was to use the bathroom or take a shower. Every meal was brought to me in bed, his bed, while he slept on the couch. I couldn’t take too much more of this. It might be sweet if he was my husband or at least if these were his babies, but they weren’t and he wasn’t. He mostly growled at me to stay put and to drink more water or eat more food. He was practically shoving meals down my throat, and while I did feel better, I really wanted to be on my own. I didn’t feel like I could think around him. He just wanted to make everything better for me, but the truth was, I needed to be able to do this on my own. The babies weren’t even close to being born yet and he was hovering like they would be delivered at any moment. He hadn’t even been in to work because he ‘needed to take care of me’.
After breakfast on the fourth day, I got out of bed while he was in the kitchen and got dressed. I started packing up the few things I had to bring home with me and was just turning around when he walked in the room.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Drew, I really appreciate you taking care of me, but it’s time for me to go home.”
“You’re supposed to be on bed rest for a week. How are you going to manage that if you’re alone?”
“I’m fine. I feel a lot better, but this isn’t working. You aren’t my husband and you aren’t the father of my children. Hell, we aren’t even friends. You’re just my neighbor, who for some reason, feels the need to look after me.”
“We are too friends.”
“Really? When was the last time that you looked at me and smiled?”
“I don’t like to smile,” he said with a shrug.
“Drew, I have to do this on my own. I’m all these kiddos have and I need to be sure that I can do it alone. Leaning on you won’t help. I can’t be relying on other people to help me when they’re born.”
“Why not?”
“Well, first of all, you’re the only person I know and you rarely have anything other than a scowl on your face when you look at me.”
“Maybe if you’d listen once in awhile,” he murmured under his breath.
Walking over to him, I placed my hand on his arm. “Thank you for everything.”
I walked out the door and went back over to my house and relaxed into the sofa for the rest of the day.
✯✯✯✯✯
I called my boss the next day and talked to him about my current predicament. I really wanted to keep working there, but working nights wouldn’t last too much longer before I got completely worn out.
“Hank, I was wondering if you could put me on days? I don’t think I’ll last too much longer on nights.”
“Well, days don’t make very good tips. Are you sure you want to do that?”
“I think I need to. Maybe I could work during the dinner shift and get off earlier? I know that might put you in a bind, so if that doesn’t work, I could just do days.”
“Honey, you are one of my hardest workers. I know this is hard for you, but we’ll work it out. Just one last thing, what do you plan to do when the babies are born? Will you be coming back to work?”
“Um, I hadn’t really thought about it. I know I’ll need to find a sitter for them so I can work.”
“Well, let me know your plans because I was actually thinking of hiring a day manager that could help me out with inventory and such. How about we see how you do on days and take it from there. If it looks like it’l
l be a good fit, we’ll see about that management position.”
“That would be great, Hank. I won’t let you down.”
For the first time since I moved here, I finally felt the slightest weight lifted from my shoulders. Everything so far had been so stressful and I felt like I would crack under the pressure. This opportunity would go a long way to help me out. The next step would be finding reliable daycare for the babies. I would take maternity leave, but I wouldn’t be able to do that for long.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Drew
I DON’T KNOW why I care that she left. I helped her out for a few days and now she could go home and take care of herself. It’s not like I’m responsible for her or anything. If she doesn’t want my help, then I’m certainly not going to go out of my way to help her anymore. She’s right. She’s going to be raising those kids on her own and she needs to be able to do it herself. Obviously, I would help if she was in a bind, but I needed to get back to my life and forget about her. She’s nothing special anyway.
Drew Page 7
