Still, I kept going back to a few days ago when we were in the hospital. There were several times that she started to say something and then stopped herself. I couldn’t help but wonder what it was she was trying not to say. It bugged me and a part of me wanted to go over there and demand answers, but there was no way she would give them to me. She was right, I never even smiled at her. I basically treated her like shit the majority of the time.
I ended up working the weekend at Jackson Walker construction. Since I had taken most of the week off, when they called and said they needed to work Saturday to finish a job, I gladly offered to work. It would help keep my thoughts off my neighbor. Sunday, I offered my services to Wyatt and he gladly took me up on his offer, putting me to work on his fence again. His stables and barn were built and now he just had to finish the fence. By the end of the day, I really needed a shower, but my garden hadn’t been tended to in a few days and I needed to take care of that.
I spent another hour working in the garden and then sat on the porch watching the sunset. Again, my thoughts drifted to Iris and I heard her voice as I closed my eyes. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t erase Iris from my memory. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but some days, it seemed that it would be the easiest way forward. However, the thought of never hearing her voice again or seeing her smiling face in my dreams was more than I could stand. Just keep moving forward. That’s what I had to do.
I got up and glanced over at my neighbor’s house. The thought struck me that she was all alone and about to have twins and she pushed on, knowing that she was the one that had to get herself through. She had more courage than I did. She pushed on while I barely lived. I shook my head in disgust. Six years later and I was still a fucking coward.
✯✯✯✯✯
Over the next few months, I worked on putting my life back together and moving forward. I finished fixing up a lot of the upstairs and had a few ideas for what I wanted to do with the downstairs. It was now mid-summer, so working around the house was getting to be a pretty sweaty job. Still, with every room I finished, I felt more and more like I was finally doing something to move forward.
I was outside getting vegetables from the garden when I saw Sarah outside working in her flower beds. She now had a nice, round belly to her that looked like a basketball under her shirt. We had exchanged pleasantries every once in awhile, but mostly we kept to ourselves. I had watched over her house and kept an eye out for anything suspicious, but so far, I hadn’t seen anything of concern.
I thought it would be the neighborly thing to take her some vegetables from my garden, so I went inside and grabbed a basket. After I had picked what was available, I divided it up between us because there was way more than I had expected. I grabbed the basket and headed over to where she was planting flowers.
She was sitting on her knees in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and she had on a straw sun hat. I had to admit, she looked adorable. I studied her as I walked closer and noticed that her color looked a lot better and she didn’t look so tired anymore. Her breasts had filled out also, and I felt a bit like a pervert for ogling a pregnant woman. I didn’t know why I hadn’t noticed her before. Perhaps it was because I was still too caught up in myself or maybe it was because she really didn’t look that great when she first moved here. No doubt that was due to her pregnancy.
As I stepped up next to her, she looked up at me with a big smile on her face.
“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.” I couldn’t help but smile back at her. The look on her face was pure contentment. It was infectious.
“Is that a smile I see on your face? No way, Drew. You never smile.”
“Like you said, it’s a beautiful day. And I do smile.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile.”
“I brought you some vegetables from my garden. It turns out, I planted way too many and now I have more than I know what to do with.”
“Oh, thank you.” She started to stand and I held my hand out to help her up. Her left hand slipped into my hand and my gaze lingered on the thin silver band on her ring finger. When I looked up into her eyes, she quickly diverted them and clasped her hands together. “Let’s go inside. I need something to drink.”
I followed her inside and set the basket down on her kitchen table. She walked over to the fridge and took out a large pitcher of tea. She poured two glasses and handed one to me as we sat at the table. I about choked on my first sip.
“Shit. Is there any tea in this?”
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s just that all I taste is sugar.”
“It’s sweet tea. I’m trying a few things now that I’m living in the country. I saw a recipe from a southern magazine about sweet tea being this really big deal. I don’t really like sweet tea, but it’s supposed to be pretty popular, so I wanted to try it.”
“I think I prefer regular tea with just a touch of sugar.”
“Me too. Besides, I don’t think all that sugar is good for me.”
“Probably not.”
My gaze flicked to her left hand again, but the ring was gone, leaving only a thin, white line in its place. Obviously, I was not meant to see that. That led me to wonder, was she divorced? Maybe the guy had just up and left her when he found out she was pregnant, or perhaps she was like me and was a widower. Although, I couldn’t understand how any of that would warrant such secrecy. Maybe she’d had an affair and the pregnancy was a result of the affair.
She stood from the table and dumped the rest of tea, then retrieved two water bottles from the fridge. “Ya know, if you have too many vegetables, I could can them for you.”
I raised an eyebrow at the suggestion. “You know how to can?”
“No, but it’s another thing that I read about and thought I’d try.”
“Well, if you do it, it wouldn’t be for me. We can split them and you let me buy the supplies.”
She narrowed her eyes as she studied me. “Deal, but I’ll tell you, I know very little about canning, so this might not turn out very well.”
“I used to help my mom can, so I can help you.”
“That’s so cute that you used to help your mom.”
“Yeah, well, she only had me. She always wanted a girl, but it wasn’t in the cards for them.”
“You’re an only child?”
“Yep. What about you?”
I saw the moment she hesitated. It was getting personal and she didn’t want to answer. “No brothers or sisters.”
I didn’t understand why that was so hard to answer, but I figured that if that was difficult for her, I wouldn’t get too much other stuff out of her. Silence fell between us and I wasn’t sure what more to say to her. Luckily, she stood up, taking the decision out of my hands.
“I’d better get back out and finish my garden.”
“Okay. You’d better put the broccoli in the fridge so it doesn’t wilt.”
“Oh, thanks.” She picked the basket up and unloaded it in the fridge, then I followed her outside.
“You look like you’re doing a lot better. Is everything going okay?”
“Yeah. It’s been good so far. I uh… I found out the sex of the babies last month.”
A shy smile spread across her face and I found myself returning it. “What are you having?”
“A girl and a boy.”
“Wow. That’s great. One of each, huh?”
“Yeah. You’re the first person I’ve told. It feels so good to finally say it to someone else.”
That was a sucker punch to the gut. How sad was that for her that I was the first person she had told such great news to? I couldn’t imagine how lonely that had to feel. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her, surprising both of us. I just couldn’t let her go on any longer feeling like she was the only one that cared about this pregnancy. It wasn’t that I was involved, but I could be someone that she shared good news with. I coul
d give her that, at least.
“I’m glad you told me.” Her hands gripped me tighter and I heard a slight catch in her breath. I waited until she let me go before pulling back and smiling at her. “You know, you can come talk to me if you want. I know we got off to a rough start, but I can be your friend.”
“Thanks, Drew.”
“Do you want some help with your garden?”
“No. It’s good therapy to do it alone.”
I nodded and waved goodbye as I headed back to my own place. I kept thinking about the fact that she didn’t have anyone to talk about this pregnancy with. I remembered when Iris found out she was pregnant. She called about every single person she knew to tell them the good news. Every time I walked in the door, she was on the phone with a girlfriend talking about her pregnancy and her plans for around the house.
I thought back to what Sean had said about how I had been willing to help Harper, but I was treating Sarah like dirt I scraped off my shoe. He was right. It didn’t matter what I initially thought of Sarah. She was alone and needed some good people in her life. I was fortunate enough to know some great people that could be a part of her life.
✯✯✯✯✯
The next weekend, I walked over to Sarah’s house and knocked on the door. I waited a minute and then heard her walking across the floor and checking the peephole before opening the door.
“Hey, Drew. What’s going on?”
Sarah was wearing a tank top and striped, blue pajama bottoms. Her hair was pulled up out of her face and she looked a little tired, but still beautiful
“I came to invite you over for a cookout tonight. I’m gonna be grilling and some friends are coming over. Everyone’s bringing a side dish and it’s gonna be a lot of fun.”
“Oh, well I don’t have anything to bring.”
“That’s okay. You can just bring yourself. I’ll have some veggies from the garden.”
“Um..Maybe another time.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why don’t you want to come?”
“I just don’t know anyone and I don’t want to intrude on your company.”
“Well, you’re not going to meet anyone if you don’t come over to meet them. You see how that works? Besides, I’m inviting you over, so you aren’t intruding. Oh, and Harper will be there. She has a kid, so you two can talk all about girly shit.”
“Who’s Harper?”
“My buddy, Jack’s, wife. She’s really awesome. She was the first person I met when I came to town. I actually lived with her for a while before she married Jack.”
“I didn’t really sleep too well last night. I think I’m just going to stay home and get some rest.”
“Look, why don’t you take a nap and then come over around five.”
“I just don’t-”
“Sarah, these are good people and think of all the good advice Harper could give you.”
She fidgeted for a minute and I saw the gears turning in her head as she tried to think of some excuse not to come over. I wasn’t going to give her the chance to back out though.
“Well, I’ll see you around five.” I turned and walked off her porch and headed back to my place. I glanced over my shoulder to see her standing uneasily on her porch. She’d come around. The idea of talking to another woman about motherhood would be too much to resist.
I brought the grill out and set up the tables and chairs on the back porch, then went to the fridge and took out the meat for grilling. I seasoned everything and stuck it back in the fridge until everyone came over, then went about the rest of my day. I still had quite a bit to fix up around the house, but that would have to wait for another day. I cleaned up the messes that I had left from my latest project and then got cleaned up.
I was just getting out of the shower when I heard the first knock on the door. Throwing on some shorts and a t-shirt, I headed downstairs and pulled the door open to the most beautiful sight I’d seen in awhile. Sarah was standing at the door holding a delicious smelling pie, but that wasn’t what caught my attention. She looked…different. Her brown hair was shiny and slightly curly and she had put on some makeup, not a lot, but enough to make her eyes really stand out. She was wearing a tight, yellow sundress that showed off her growing baby bump. I had to admit, pregnancy really agreed with her. Now that she wasn’t sick all the time, she really did glow. It was in that minute that I really understood how much of an ass I had been to her.
She cleared her throat and I brought my eyes back up to her face, seeing a slight pink in her cheeks. “I made homemade apple pie. I’ve never made one before, but I found a recipe online and it had great reviews, so I hope I didn’t screw it up.”
“I’m sure it’ll be great. Come on in.” I moved aside and grabbed the pie from her, guiding her back to the kitchen.
“I’m early, aren’t I?”
“That’s okay. You can give me a hand getting everything together.”
“Sure. Just tell me what to do.”
“Can you go to the pantry and get out the paper plates, forks, spoons, and napkins?”
She nodded and walked over there. I watched her walking over and couldn’t help my perusal of her body. She was gorgeous. Still, I couldn’t fathom how I hadn’t seen it before. For the first time in years, I felt something stirring below the belt and I cursed my bad luck. Of course, now that everyone was going to be over here, I would get a chubby that I wouldn’t be able to hide. I started thinking of anything to get my body under control, but then I glanced back at Sarah and saw her bend over as something fell to the ground.
“Fuck.”
She turned around with concern on her face. “Is everything okay?”
“Uh..” I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I was just remembering something I forgot to do. I’ll be right back.”
I walked out of the kitchen and headed upstairs to my bathroom to pull myself together. After a few minutes of thinking about anything other than the woman downstairs, I finally got myself under control and went back downstairs where Sarah was sitting at the kitchen table.
“I’m gonna get the grill started. Can I get you something to drink before we head out?”
“I’m gonna stick with water today.”
I grabbed the cooler I had brought out this morning and loaded it up with ice, beer, and water. We went outside and I got the grill started. While we waited for everyone to show up, Sarah told me about working days at the bar and how Hank was training her to do the inventory and help out with scheduling so she could take over daytime management. She was mid-sentence when she gasped. I was out of my seat a moment later, kneeling next to her.
“Is everything okay? What’s wrong?”
I was struck once again when a big smile pulled across her face. “The babies kicked. Here, put your hand here.” She grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach. I waited, but nothing happened. I was about to pull away when I felt the slightest bump against my hand. I stared at her stomach in awe and swallowed thickly. That’s what I would have felt if my baby had survived. I quickly pulled my hand away and stood, walking over to the grill.
“I’m sorry if that was weird. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“No. I’m just gonna start grilling.”
She was about to say something, but a few trucks pulled up and people started making their way up to the back porch. Soon everyone was sitting around drinking beer and introducing themselves to Sarah. I made sure to keep myself occupied at the grill while they all caught up.
“Everything okay, Drew?”
I swear, Harper always knew when something was wrong.
“I’m good.”
“Yeah. I’ve said that enough in my life to know when it’s not true.”
I looked over at Sarah and saw her smiling at Cece, Vira, and Anna. They were laughing about something and I found myself wanting to know what that laugh sounded like.
“You know, you’ve never told me what happened and I’m not asking
, but it’s okay to move on, Drew. Moving on doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten, it just means you’re choosing to live your life.”
“I’m not moving on, I’m just…”
“Staring at your neighbor like she’s everything you want right now?”
“I wasn’t staring at her.”
“Right. If you want to keep lying to yourself, go ahead, but you won’t be able to hide it from everyone. One look at you and we can all see that you’re smitten with your pretty, little neighbor.”
She walked back to the group of women and I turned back to the grill. I focused on finishing the meat and then put it on plates on the table. Everyone else had set their food on the table and we all started digging in. I chose to forget my attraction for now and just enjoy everyone’s company.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Sarah
I HAD NO clue what I said to make Drew close up so quickly. He was quiet the rest of the day and he barely glanced my way. Maybe he thought I was trying to reel him in when I put his hand on my belly. I wasn’t looking for a surrogate daddy for my children. I was just so excited that I was feeling the kicks more often and I wanted to share that with someone.
He was right though. I did have a great time talking with Harper, Anna, Vira, and Cece. Alex, Cole’s girlfriend was still recovering from her attack and wasn’t up to visiting today. It felt almost like I had girlfriends again, which was something I desperately needed at this point. I had been here for months and had no friends, unless you counted Drew, which on most days I wasn’t sure about.
“So, Harper, you’re with Jack, right?”
“Yep. We’ve been together for a couple of years now and we have a son, Ethan.”
“How old is he?”
“Gosh, he’s almost seven months old now. He’s over at his grandma’s so that Jack and I could have a date night. We don’t get those very often, so this is like our second date in six months.”
“Wow. That’s nice that you have that.” I bowed my head as I said that, so that no one would see my face. I wouldn’t have that. There wouldn’t be anyone to go on a date with, let alone a family member to watch my children. That seemed awfully daunting at the moment and I felt tears prick my eyes. I quickly got up and left the porch before I broke down in front of everyone.
Drew Page 8
