Drew

by Lagomarsino, Giulia

  “Okay, I’m pretty sure I have everything,” Sarah said with her hands on her hips. She looked like she hadn’t even bothered to get herself ready this morning, only throwing on clothes to run around in. Her hair was tossed up messily on her head and her buttons on her shirt were mismatched. Still, she looked like the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I frowned, wondering when I had started thinking of her as the most beautiful woman and not Iris. I shook that thought from my head. It wouldn’t help to think about that right now.

  “If you don’t, you only live across the yard from me. I can bring it over.”

  Sarah came over and gave me a hug. “Thank you so much for everything, Drew. I really appreciate everything.”

  One minute, I was holding Sarah and breathing in her motherly smell and the next, all four of them were out the door before I even got to hold the babies one last time. The door shut and I watched from the window as the girls hustled across the yard, keeping the babies tucked into them to avoid the cold breeze. A pain grew in my chest as I saw them walk up the steps to her porch and then shut the door, leaving me unable to see my family anymore. My family. That’s what they were to me and now they were gone.

  I turned and looked at the living room. There were no baby blankets there. I headed to the kitchen, opening the fridge looking for bottles of breastmilk. There were none to be found. Suddenly, it was imperative that I find something of theirs, something that I could hold onto. I ran from room to room, checking for anything that I could hold. The room that was used as the nursery was empty. There wasn’t even a burp cloth left behind. Cara’s room held no traces either. The bathroom was cleared of all girly products and baby paraphernalia. The last room I looked in was Sarah’s. Glancing around the room, my heart sank when it appeared that she really hadn’t forgotten anything.

  An envelope on her pillow gave me hope. I pulled it open and read the handwritten letter inside.

  Drew,

  I just wanted to say thank you for all you have done for me. I don’t know how I would have gotten through these past few months without you. You have been my rock and as much as I want to stay with you, I know that I need to continue to build my life on my own for a while. I hope that when I’m ready you will still be waiting, but I know that may not happen. I know the babies will miss rocking with you at night, so please feel free to stop by whenever you want. My door is always open for you.

  Love,

  Sarah

  It was by no means a love letter, but it did give me hope that there could be something between us in the future. I walked downstairs and sat in the living room. The silence was overwhelming and I wished more than anything I would hear a baby cry. My thoughts drifted to Iris and it dawned on me that it wasn’t Iris that I wanted to hear or feel, it was the family that was now sitting in the house across the lawn from me. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time that I had felt Iris around me. Her absence wasn’t sad, though. It was as it should be. She was gone and this time I had a sneaking suspicion that she wouldn’t be coming back.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Sarah

  THE NEW YEAR brought all kinds of changes in my life. I had officially started back to work the week after Christmas to prepare for New Year’s Eve. As much as I would have liked to start after New Year’s, I couldn’t blame Hank for wanting me there that week. There was much to do to prepare for the celebration and I was glad that I had been there to get things organized.

  Cole and Alex had decided on a destination wedding in Hawaii for right after New Year’s, but since I had just started back to work, I didn’t go. Drew went and said the wedding was beautiful. Cara hadn’t gone either and offered to watch Ethan, so that Harper wouldn’t have to take him along. Their next child was due later in April.

  Drew had taken me shopping for a new car right before Christmas. There was no way I would take the twins out in the death trap I called my car. I ended up getting a Toyota Camry and was completely satisfied, though Drew was convinced that only an SUV would do. He debated with the salesman for close to an hour about the safety of an SUV versus a car. Finally, I’d had enough and told the car salesman that Drew did not actually have any say in what car I would be getting. That drew his attention from, well, Drew awfully fast.

  Cara had been staying home alone with the twins for a few weeks now, and even though she seemed thoroughly exhausted at the end of the day, most days she still put food on the table. On days that she was too tired, I made dinner when I got home. The twins were three months old now and were finally gaining a little personality. I took lots of pictures and made sure to send them to Drew. He had been busy working late and when he stopped by, the babies were already in bed for the night. Still, he snuck into their rooms and gave them each a kiss goodnight. I could see how hard it was on him that he didn’t get to spend more time with them, but there was nothing I could do about that. It was imperative that Cara and I kept them on schedules, otherwise they would fall out of their routine and the whole world would implode.

  Every time that Drew stopped by, I could see how hard it had been on him for us to move out. When he stopped by on the weekends, he spent close to the whole day with us and if I had errands to run, he gave Cara and I some time to ourselves and stayed with the twins. He never seemed happy to be heading home and I wanted so badly to tell him he could stay the night if he wanted, but I didn’t want to redraw the lines of our relationship yet.

  By mid-March, I finally felt like I was making something of my new life and felt maybe it was time to move forward. It had been almost a year since Todd had died and while I missed him terribly, I knew that he would want me to be happy. He died for me, so that my kids and I could have a good life. I once told Drew what I would want my spouse to do if I passed away before him. If I didn’t take that advice, I would be a hypocrite. Besides, Drew wasn’t just anyone. He had become the person that I depended more than anyone else. Well, there was Cara and she provided emotional support along with caring for the twins, but nobody did what Drew did for me. He made me feel like I could love someone again and be happy. I had seen him struggle to move on from his wife and she had been gone over seven years now. I didn’t want that for myself. If I was still mourning Todd seven years later, I was pretty sure he would come back from the dead and find a husband for me.

  After two weeks of determining that I was in fact ready to start again, I found myself wondering how I would even bring this up to Drew. Did I just come out and say that I was ready to date? Maybe I should just walk up to him and lay a big kiss on him. Or did I take the initiative and ask him out on a date? Things were starting to get weird between us because I knew what I wanted, but didn’t know how to ask.

  Being the beginning of April, I thought spring was quite apropos for this new beginning. Drew was going to be coming over this morning to spend some time with all of us, so I decided that I would ask Cara to watch the twins so I could take Drew out somewhere. I hoped that nature would take its course and guide me down the correct path. Cara readily agreed, knowing that there was something between Drew and I that I wanted to explore.

  I got dressed in a cute pair of jeans and top with a sweater to keep me warm. My ankle boots completed the outfit. Cara approved of the outfit, so I went with it and practically jumped out of my skin when Drew knocked and then walked in. He stared at me for a moment in confusion before his expression turned slightly sad.

  “Are you going out? I thought we were spending the day together.”

  “Um, well Cara said that she could watch the kids and..” I had to clear my throat and I saw anger rising in Drew. Forgetting about my uncomfortableness, I rushed forward so Drew wouldn’t assume that I was telling him he wouldn’t be spending time with the kids. Well, he wouldn’t be, but he would be with me instead. “I thought you and I could go out together.”

  He looked confused for a minute and I was sure he was about to tell me that he didn’t understand and I would have to explain. Luckily, I saw understanding dawn as I
fidgeted with anything I could get my hands on. He seemed to take in my nervous appearance because he turned to Cara and thanked her for helping us out today. He didn’t even turn to say hello to the babies. It was like he was showing me that he wasn’t just coming around for the kids.

  “Are you ready to go now?”

  “Yeah. Can you drive?”

  “Sure. See you later, Cara.”

  We walked to his truck and he held the door for me, something that he normally did anyway, but still felt really good. When we were about to leave the driveway, he turned to me.

  “So, what would you like to do today?”

  “I want to do something that has nothing to do with kids. I want to feel like a free adult for one day.”

  “I’ve got you covered.”

  He pulled out of the driveway and headed down the road, pulling into a winery an hour later. It was brunch time and the sign outside said that they hosted a brunch wine tasting every Saturday and then an afternoon wine tasting and an evening wine tasting.

  “How did you know about this?”

  “Harper was saying how she had wanted to come here, but she couldn’t because she was pregnant.”

  “How is she doing? She’s about to have the baby, right?”

  “Yeah. I think another two weeks or so.”

  “I stopped by to see Cece the other day. Their son, Archer, is so cute. He’s almost three and a half months old. Time really flies by. I can’t believe the twins are almost five months old. They seem huge to me.”

  “They’re growing like weeds. You need to find out what Cara’s feeding them when you’re gone and tell her to stop.”

  Drew got out of the truck and walked around to my side, helping me down from the truck. I didn’t let go of his hand as we headed into the winery. I saw Drew glance down at our clasped hands and smile. I hoped he understood that I wasn’t holding his hand in friendship.

  We spent the morning and part of the afternoon eating food and tasting wine. I had so much fun and was happy to be away from the house for a few hours. I loved the kids, but it felt like the year since I moved here was filled with adjustments and only doing the responsible thing. I wanted to feel carefree for just a few hours.

  I ended up buying a few bottles of wine to bring home for when I stopped breastfeeding. I really shouldn’t have indulged so much today, but I sipped only small amounts and it probably equaled less than a glass of wine, which my doctor assured me was fine every once in awhile.

  “I’m going to call Cara and check up on the kids before we head back.”

  “Okay.”

  Pulling out the phone, I quickly called Cara and was assured that the twins were perfectly fine. In fact, she insisted that we stay out longer and enjoy the day, maybe even go to dinner. After she suggested for the tenth time things that we could do to entertain ourselves, I rolled my eyes and hung up on her. This was hard enough without her bringing sex into the equation.

  “Everything okay at home?”

  “Yep. She said we could stay out longer if we wanted. Do you want to go somewhere else? Maybe grab some dinner?”

  “Are you asking me out on a date, Sarah?” He was teasing me, but I wanted him to know I was serious.

  “Yes, I am.”

  The teasing twinkle left his eyes, replaced by hunger. He stepped forward and wrapped his large hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to his lips. I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth, trying to remember what it was like the last time he kissed me. I licked my lips in anticipation moments before his lips came crashing down on mine.

  Intense. That was the only way to describe what I was feeling, what Drew was doing. He kissed me like I was the air he breathed and he couldn’t get enough. When he finally pulled away, I was dizzy and my knees felt like they would buckle. He was an amazing kisser to say the least. I smiled up at him before he took my hand and led me to the truck.

  Drew and I spent the rest of the afternoon driving around and exploring the countryside. Since both of us were fairly new to the area, neither of us really knew much about what there was to see. We came across a small town of about five hundred people and stopped at the bar in town. I used the word town very loosely because there were about five houses in “town” and the rest were scattered in the countryside.

  The burgers and onion rings were the best I had ever tasted. We talked about the twins and laughed at things they were doing. It didn’t feel strange to talk about the kids with Drew while we were on our date because Drew had already been such a large part of my life. When we got home, he walked me to the door, but didn’t try to come in. I got the feeling he wanted to end this like a real date where he kissed me goodnight and went home.

  Butterflies took up residence in my stomach as we reached my front door. Before I could say anything, Drew backed me up against the door and inserted his leg between mine. His chest was pressed against mine as he possessed my mouth in every way. His kisses were deep and fierce, pushing my senses to new heights. I could scarcely breathe when he finally pulled away from me. One thing was for sure, I was immensely attracted to Drew. There would never be any question about that.

  “I’ll call you later, sweetheart.”

  I could only nod as he walked away. My hands fumbled with the doorknob and after a few seconds, I was finally able to grip the handle and turn the knob.

  “How was it? Did he kiss you?”

  Cara was right up in my face the moment I walked in the door. I was still in too much of a daze to think coherently.

  “Good. It was good. How are the kids?”

  “Good? That’s it? The kids are sleeping, so you better start talking.”

  We walked into the living room and I plopped down in the nearest chair before my legs would collapse from the shaking that had overtaken them.

  “It was so much better than good. It was….it just felt right, you know? It was easy and natural.”

  “And did he kiss you?”

  My face grew warm with the blush that overtook my face.

  “He did! I knew it! So tell me, how was it? Is he a good kisser?”

  “He’s amazing.” I started fanning my face as I thought about the scorcher he placed on me before he left.

  “I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!”

  She was jumping up and down and yelling, acting like a total loon. I started laughing at how happy she was that I had been kissed. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined Cara being so excited over me kissing someone. When I first met her, she was bitchy and reserved around people, but over the past months that we had lived together, she had come out of her shell around me. I knew what had happened to her, but I didn’t bring it up. I figured that if she wanted to talk about it, she would.

  “So when are you going to see him again?”

  “I would imagine every day just like I have for the past few months. I doubt that will change.”

  “Oh my gosh. I can’t believe it’s finally happening. I knew ever since I moved into Drew’s house that he wanted you, but I didn’t know if it would ever happen, the way you two were acting.”

  “What do you mean, the way we were acting?”

  “He was all mopy because he wanted you, but didn’t want to push you. You were all, ‘woe is me’ and I still don’t know the reasons why. I’m sure it was a good reason, but you had someone right in front of you that wanted you and you couldn’t see it.”

  “I could see it. I just wasn’t ready until recently.”

  “Well, thank God you’re ready because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could see those looks of longing coming from him. It seriously depressed me.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. I had no idea that she saw so much. Apparently, the only people Drew and I were fooling were ourselves.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  Drew had taken me out every chance he got over the past few months. I felt closer to him than I had anyone else in my life. There were times that I even felt closer to him than Todd. Todd had been in
the military for so long and there were long stretches that I didn’t see him or hear from him and when he was home, he was distant. I understood, though. His job was hard and it was an adjustment. Then, when he left the military, there was another adjustment period. He had only been home a few years before he was killed and most of that was spent adjusting to being home and acclimating to his new job. Once he was fully on board at the security company, his hours were long and not always in sync with my schedule. It was a wonder we even managed to create the twins.

  Finally, I felt like I had found someone that I could truly share my life with. It wasn’t that I was happier with Drew than with Todd, but I felt like I finally had someone to share my everyday life with. Drew took me out to restaurants and line dancing. Every day brought us closer together and made me more sure than ever that I was ready to move on. Drew and I had a hard time keeping our hands off one another lately and I knew he wouldn’t want to hold out much longer. I had already decided that I was ready to take the next step in our relationship. The question was, where would it happen? I didn’t want to leave the twins alone overnight with Cara, but I couldn’t take this next step with Drew with two kids and another woman in the house.

  Tonight we were going out to dinner, but I didn’t know where. He told me to meet him at his house because he was running a little late. I grabbed my stuff and headed for the living room where Cara was hanging out with the twins.

  “Cara, I was wondering if you could maybe handle the babies for the night?”

  Her jaw dropped as she stared at me. “Are you serious?”

  “I’m sorry. It was stupid to ask. Never mind.”

  “No, no, no. That’s not what I meant. I’m just surprised that it took you so long to ask. I thought this would never happen between you two.”

  I blushed furiously and fiddled with my purse. “Well, you know. It’s been a few months. It’s not like we just started dating.”