Reluctant Activists

by Helena Phillips

  Homarta sat with her horror at this for so long Irri-tat was worried she had done something wrong. “You don’t have to help me,” she said. “I shouldn’t have asked you. I should already know.”

  “Oh no, darling,” Homarta said. “The Source sent me to help you!”

  Startled by this, Irri-tat said, “Well,” she paused a question in her voice, “Let’s get going then.”

  Homarta smiled slightly. How much this young spirit needed her assistance! “Well dear, what is it you suggest we should do?”

  “We have to get this rubbish looking more interesting. I can’t think of any ideas. Can you?”

  Homarta spent the afternoon, through the night, and into the next day attempting to coax Irri-tat to see the world differently. She had made considerable progress by the time I arrived, but Irri-tat still feared Homarta was wrong about the entire direction she was taking.

  ***

  Bridey

  I was excited waiting for Sandro to come. The computer was closed. Lunch eaten, I went to check on my appearance again. My hair was pulled back and up out of my way, leaving just little curls around my face. My jeans were a bit old, but still fitted well because my weight never changed, no matter how much I ate, or how little exercise I was getting. The wind was cool, and the sun had disappeared so I wore a short corduroy jacket which I’d found in an op shop in Brunswick St. The green matched my eyes exactly. It wasn’t a colour that was easy to find. While I was still admiring myself, there was a knock at the door.

  Sometimes, he came and stood there like today and stared at me, surprised. When he didn’t speak or move to kiss me, I was puzzled. “What?”

  “Come here and let me touch you,” he said. That was better. His lips told me much about his mood. Today, it was thoughtful and soft. “I’m looking forward to this,” he said. “Let’s do it.”

  In the car, he proposed we visit a large bathroom display in Brunswick. The afternoon was completely in his hands with me having no idea about such things. “I’d also like to show you my place if you don’t mind.” It was funny how we’d never been there together, and he’d often been to mine. This was progress maybe, but his hesitation was puzzling. Perhaps he didn’t take girls there because he liked to keep his private life separate; but that didn’t make sense because one of the first things he’d done was take me to meet his mother.

  “That’s fine with me,” I said. “I’m interested to see how you live.” It was difficult to imagine Sandro untidy. He was highly organised.

  He laughed. “It’s taken me a while hasn’t it?”

  “It has.”

  “Bridey, I’ve been wary about this because of our beginning. You live in a dump, and I live in a brand new place where everything that opens and shuts matches and moves smoothly.” Was he saying he wasn’t sure I was up to his standard? “Maybe you will be disgusted with me,” he said. He had no idea how much I wanted him at that precise moment, but perhaps he did because the atmosphere in the car began to get electric.

  “Perhaps we should go there first.”

  “That’s a bad idea Sandro.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we wouldn’t get to choose tiles,” I said, thinking the tiles were of no importance at all.

  “Okay.” Just like that he gave up. What was wrong with this man? Couldn’t he feel my desperation?

  “Good.” I said. He grinned, which just made me more frustrated and hot and bothered.

  But once we arrived at the showplace, we behaved ourselves well. It was great fun. We didn’t only look at tiles, we chose a new vanity unit to match the bath and new glass for the shower door which leaked. I’d had an idea about how these renovations could work for me. “If you could get the guys to do the work on a Wednesday, Sandro, I reckon I could cope.” Although it certainly wasn’t my preference! “I could shower at work Wednesday night and then again on Friday night, and you could just stay away from me on Thursday.” He laughed at that. “How long do you think they would take? I suppose if they don’t finish it on Friday then that will be a real pain.”

  “I’ll do my best madam. But don’t forget my offer.”

  “You’d have to come and pick me up.”

  “That would be very difficult.”

  “Let me just check out your place first, before I make any rash decisions.”

  We went to a cafe for coffee. One of the best things about Sandro was his need to eat regularly. It worked for me. He asked me about my study efforts this morning, and I was pleased to report on my progress. Then I asked him to tell me about his work which we never discussed. It occurred to me he hadn’t mentioned the search for his father either, but it didn’t seem like a good idea to go there yet.

  ***

  The Source

  The third day came and it was time to visit again with Irritat. Unlike Homarta, I did not call in on the way to visit Elaris. It was important to be in a right frame for the task ahead. Irritat was standing on the far side of the lake with a bunch of flowers in her hand and a smile on her face which vanished abruptly when she saw me. She dropped the flowers, and I asked her to pick them up again and put them in water.

  “It would be a pity to waste their lives wouldn’t it?”

  She ducked quickly to recover the flowers apologising for what I imagined was picking them in the first place. Her rattled mind made it difficult for me to find a clear thought, and consequently, her words were even more incoherent.

  “What have you done with Homarta, Irri?”

  She was confused. “Nothing. She’s over there,” she said pointing to the other side of the lake. There was Homarta smiling and waving at me. It did my heart good to see that, partly because I was enjoying our reconnection, but also because it was possible she may have experienced the past two days as another punishment.

  “Let’s go over and visit with her,” I suggested. Homarta had done her work well. Although she moved several steps behind mine, Irri-tat followed. This was considerable progress. And she had her nose buried in the flowers rather than holding them behind her back guiltily.

  My arms went out to Homarta who came into them without hesitation. Good. She’s not put out. We stood together enjoying each other until Homarta stepped back and beckoned Irri-tat to come forward. Not keen, but obedient, she took a couple of steps towards us. “See how ku is not checking anything out but just enjoying visiting with us.”

  Thank you Homarta, I smiled. Let’s see how far you have been able to take this. I held out my hand for Irri’s. She regarded it warily for a moment or two then put her hand in mine. Its tentative touch reminded me of a wild animal nosing out danger before eating proffered food. Slowly, my fingers closed around hers, withdrawing them before she had time to panic. She was a sweet thing and had been left too long on her own.

  “Well Irri,” I said softly. “Have you thought about my invitation?”

  She stood tall carefully framing the words, “Yes. Thank you for asking, but I would like to stay here please.” Disappointed, I glanced across at Homarta who appeared unfazed by this answer.

  “Very well, Irri. If that’s what you would like, you may remain here.”

  Homarta stepped in and said, “Well, Irri-tat, it has been lovely visiting with you. Thank you for giving me a place to rest and making me so welcome. I have enjoyed talking with you.” Maybe she could have been a trifle more coaxing.

  Taking Homarta’s hand in mine, I turned to Irri-tat to bid her farewell only to see she was crying. My hand went out to touch her, but she avoided it staring longingly at Homarta.

  “Don’t cry darling,” Homarta said. “I’ll visit you again.”

  “When?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. It will depend on the work the Source has for me now. It could be a long while before I can manage it, but I will come back.”

  The picture became clear.

  “Homarta, I’m not sure I can spare you at the moment. Could be a month or two.”

  Irri-tat sent me a pleading look
, but I failed to notice. “I don’t want to be lonely again for all that time,” she cried piteously.

  “You could come with us Irri,” Homarta suggested. “For a short visit. Just until the Source can spare me for a day or two to bring you back.” She glanced at me. “Is that alright with you, my Eagle?”

  “Homarta, you are one of my greatest treasures.”

  “I won’t keep her away for too long,” said Irri misunderstanding me completely as usual. “I could come for a short visit,” she said, “if you will bring me back, Homarta.”

  All her terms settled and agreed upon, Irri-tat put her hand in Homarta’s, and I took them both back to the outskirts of the great city of Melbourne.

  12

  The Source

  Elaris lay in her prison brooding; her mind on the injustice dealt her. She could think only in intermittent patches. The remainder of the time chaos reigned inside her. Because there were no animal or insect noises, no rustle of leaves or movements in the grass of the dell, and especially for Elaris, no wind, not even the slightest breeze, the silence isolated her completely. If this continued much longer, she would lose herself over the edge into madness, but I was trusting to the strength of her will to pull her through. The worst possible punishment for a spirit was to be separated in this way.

  Over the decades, Elaris had been the darling of the world around her. Until recently I had called her ‘Elaris, my darling’, the three words belonging together in my mind. She had slipped out of connection with me and begun to behave like a cart disconnected from the engine. The exhilaration in the ride had caused her to over value the joys of the downhill run. She now found herself at the bottom of the slope unable to move. Elaris had given me up in favour of her own importance, seduced by her capacity for seduction. She truly believed it was I who had deserted her.

  When spirits set off on their own missions of importance, they are in serious danger of ending up in darkness. No light can enter into a closed receptacle. Once a spirit closes the lid by believing they have answers which don’t need my wisdom, they remain lost until such time as they recover their place. All of her beauty was enlivened and enriched by constant connection with the spirit of the Source. Without that, it was a river backing up and clogging until the water had fouled.

  Torrenclar had heard my request for him to visit with her. This was not at all to his liking. His sensitive nature had been ripped at by the sight of Elaris’ ugly attacks and my determined power. I found him quiet by a stream not far from the rear of Bridey’s house awaiting my directions with trepidation. He was repelled by the task.

  “Don’t ask this of me, Love,” he said. “I will be able to do nothing with her. If she won’t respond to you, how do you see I have any possibility of influencing her?”

  I rested my hand on his shoulder gripping it and passing through to him all the courage it would take for the task. He felt himself strengthen, but it made no difference to his distaste for it. “You will only be able to let her know she is thought of,” I told him. “If we leave her too long alone, she will not come back to herself.”

  “I know this Love. It doesn’t help me. It’s facing her again in this state knowing she will block and attempt to poison me.”

  He was right. It would be an encounter which no Caretaker would choose. “Do you think I ask too much of you, Torrenclar, my dear friend? Because you are so obliging, I am in danger of using you without enough care for your own wishes.”

  “I would like to do more gentle work, Love. Leave me with Bridey and Sandro. Walking beside them has been a great delight; there’s been nowhere near enough of it.”

  “Very well, my friend, I won’t ask this of you. You are right, it is a big ask to use the heart of someone so committed to me to wrestle with spirits who are not.” My hand tightened on his shoulder, filled with affection. We stood in silence, and I was about to bid him farewell when he turned to me, kissed me and offered to take on the challenge. He said. “It’s not as though I must do this alone. It only feels that way. I want to be here for the evening with Irri-tat.”

  “Would you rather go tomorrow?”

  “No. If I avoid it now, dread will dampen my spirits. You’ll need to put me back together again on my return.”

  “I will be with you all the way.”

  ***

  Bridey

  Sandro and I had been discussing the problem of my mother.

  This couldn’t be left to the future despite the appeal of that idea. With my mother, the longer you left her after a spat, the greater the conflict on your return. It would’ve been good to have at least one sibling. Her constant focus on me was unbearable and suffocating. Fortunately Sandro was very into family.

  “Do you think I went too far with her the other day, Bridey?”

  “Definitely,” I said. “But I love your strength.”

  He gave me an intense look, and I had to think about what it was I’d just said.

  “Do you love me, Bridey?”

  We were standing in his bedroom going over tile samples and paint chips. Sandro was keen to freshen up the bathroom even though it would need repainting after the house had been given some new feet.

  “I love your strength and power, and I don’t want it to go weak on me; although that doesn’t mean you can have your own way all the time. My father was such a weak man.”

  His timing superb, Flagran arrived. Sandro muttered, “That’s not the answer to my question.”

  “Well folks,” Flagran said. “What have we got going on here?” He looked from Sandro to me and back at Sandro, then his eyes fell on the tiles. “Hey! That looks like a project underway.” We nodded. He was puzzled, but decided to go on with his mission. “Bridey, I would like to invite you to your place for the evening. If you must,” he said to Sandro, “you can come too.”

  Sandro glared at him. Flagran just laughed. His way of handling Sandro was so effective. “Am I interrupting something?”

  “Yes, you are!”

  “No, not at all.” I was thinking, please don’t go away Flagran!

  “Mmm! Catch up with you tonight then,” he said, and walked back out the door closing it jauntily behind him. I’ve never felt so betrayed by a Caretaker. Weren’t they supposed to look after me?

  Sandro stood frozen in time waiting for the answer I wasn’t ready to give. He was always in such a hurry, and his certainty about everything had the opposite effect on me. I smiled at him. “You don’t need to know that Sandro. You know you’re irresistible.” He advanced, and I backed up towards a wall which in Sandro’s house was too far away. I didn’t make it. He took my upper arms in his hands preventing me from backing off further, and he stared into my face. “Let me go!” He tightened his grip for a moment and then released me walking out onto the balcony.

  After ten minutes, I went out to him.

  “Do you see me as a bully, Bridey?”

  “No. Not at all.”

  “Well, what’s that about then?”

  Fortunately I’d had time to think. “It’s overwhelming, your intensity sometimes.” He looked crushed by this. “I’m committed here, Bridey. This is not play to me.”

  “It’s not play to me either.” I tried to put my arms around him, but he was not having any of it. If we hadn’t been in his house, I think he might have walked. “It’s too early. We barely know each other.”

  “Why is it a worry to you?”

  I spun on one foot, becoming extremely anxious about where this was going. He let me move away without grabbing at me. “I’m scared to be so happy,” I said, squirming.

  “Me too.”

  It couldn’t be anything like the same as what was going on inside me, but I felt comforted by the words. He carried me into his bedroom and lay me on the bed. Then he sat straddled across my thighs; his hands attached to my hip bones. He was looking down at me with a hungry look in his eye. The passion in his kisses was a repeat of the intense conversation and it took a while for me to catch up and enter i
nto it. Eventually, he fell back onto the bed beside me and went quiet, trying to regain control over himself. At these moments I had to work hard not to climb on top of him.

  “I think it’s been a month,” I said.

  “Let’s talk about your mother.” That did it. A bucket of freezing water over us both.

  ***

  The Source

  Stopping here and there to drench himself in a rock pool, swim for a while upstream towards falls of rocks and shoot out at the top in a great fountain of water which he shook all around him, Torrenclar made his way swiftly to Elaris using every waterway he could to feed his need for strength and courage in the task ahead. Eager not to waste time, he cut across the bush around him with all the ease of a spirit but without pleasure.

  As he approached the dell which held Elaris prisoner, he began to sense the darkness and shuddered feeling cold and grim. The awful quiet almost undid his resolve to face the task square on, and he approached the barrier with extreme trepidation and disgust for the blackness; a darkness which had grown steadily over the days. Unlike Homarta, he made no attempt to enter the barrier but rather sat on the ground beside it and called softly to his old friend. At first there was no answer.

  His keen eyes began to discern a shape in the darkness curled into a ball and facing away from him head tucked deep into the body and lying motionless. He concentrated all his warmth and affection for Elaris as she had been, into his efforts to contact her and drew on my love and desire to connect with her as he did so. A hardly discernible change began to take place in the atmosphere surrounding the prison. This gradually expressed itself as light; very soft and not quite white in its essence. It appeared to distress the prisoner who tucked her head deeper into her chest in an attempt to shut it out, as a blind person regaining their sight might find light intolerable. He waited.

  “Is it you Torrenclar?” she whispered.

  “Yes, darling.”

  “Have you come to take me away from here?” The pleading drove a stake through his heart, yet he remained strong.