Russ wondered if knowing this would help convince Tanzy that any continuation of the hostilities was Stocker’s doing.
“You done with your lesson?” Tardy asked.
“Guess so,” Russ said. He wasn’t in the mood to continue, and he doubted Tanzy was, either.
“He did well,” Tanzy said to Tardy. “You helped him a lot last week.”
“I didn’t do nothing,” Tardy said, yet still looked pleased at the compliment. “He learns stuff as fast as I can tell him.”
Learning words was easy. It was learning how to get along in life that was the problem. It seemed everything he did either turned out wrong or landed him in a heap of trouble. He’d come back from prison with three promises to himself.
First, he was going back to Boulder Gap to prove he was a model citizen, not the thieving ex-con everybody thought. That had come to nothing when Stocker made it his business to see that nobody would give him a chance.
Second, he’d made up his mind to build a ranch on land nobody else wanted with cows nobody claimed. That had been fine until Stocker realized he had the best grass in the area.
The third promise was that he’d steer clear of women. That all went to hell when Welt brought Tanzy to Boulder Gap. How did a guy with so many good intentions go so far wrong?
Now he’d decided to do something sensible—learn to read—only to find he liked being around Tanzy. He was an intelligent, determined, practical, logical man. So if he could just figure out what kind of hold Tanzy had on him, he could get rid of it, explain it away, or just outright ignore it.
“You’d better go,” Tanzy said. “The children will start coming soon.”
“Yeah. If Jem sees you here, he’ll tell everybody in town.”
“Why?” Russ asked.
“He’s sweet on Miss Gallant,” Tardy said, grinning.
Russ turned to Tanzy, who flushed uncomfortably. Could she possibly be interested in Jem? They were close in age, but he’d never thought of Tanzy as a girl.
“That’s ridiculous,” Tanzy said, turning to Russ, then back to Tardy. “I’ve never done anything that could possibly make him think I was interested in him that way.”
“He says you’re the best-looking single female around, and he’s the best-looking boy. He says it’s only natural for the two of you to hook up. He says that’s the only reason he’s still coming to school.”
“He’s here because his mother makes him come,” Tanzy said.
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” Russ said. “It’s only natural for boys to think they’re in love with a young, pretty schoolteacher.”
“Were you ever in love with your teacher?” Tardy asked.
“I didn’t go to school.”
“I guess that’s why you didn’t learn to read.”
Russ was annoyed that Jem was mooning over her. Had she made it really clear she wasn’t interested in schoolboys? Jem’s father owned a successful business transporting supplies between Denver and Boulder Gap. He made a still greater profit transporting supplies to Fort Lookout. Any woman who married Jem would be assured of a comfortable future. Russ wanted to believe such a thought had never crossed Tanzy’s mind, but he couldn’t be sure.
It made him furious he even cared. When he got back to the ranch, he was going to break Welt’s head all over again. If Welt had minded his own business, Russ wouldn’t be bothering himself with anything as foolish as whether or not Tanzy was making eyes at a boy who was still wet behind the ears.
The children are coming,” Tanzy said.
Russ knew he’d agreed to be gone before the children arrived, but it irritated him that she sounded so anxious to get rid of him.
“You can go out the back way’ Tardy said. They’ll never see you if you duck behind the bushes along the creek.”
It was clear from Tanzy’s expression that she expected him to slink out of the schoolhouse like a guilty fox with his tail between his legs. It infuriated him, but it was his own fault for hanging around so long. Damn, you’d think a man could try to learn to read without it turning him into a kind of fugitive. He should have known better. Nothing good ever came of being involved with a woman.
“See you next week,” Tardy said as Russ prepared to make a hasty escape. “I promise I won’t be sick again.”
The boy could save himself the trouble of getting up early. Russ wasn’t coming back for any more lessons.
The two men tumbled around the cabin floor, their punches more angry than dangerous, displacing rugs and overturning chairs in their struggle.
“I knew you couldn’t read,” Welt said to Russ. “That’s why I wrote those letters.”
“What do you mean I can’t read, you lying son-of-a-bitch?” Russ fired back. “I can read as good as you can.”
“Maybe you can after a few more lessons—you’re a lot smarter than I am—but you’re not that good yet.”
By the time Russ finished working out some more of his frustrations, Welt had a second bloody lip and a cut over his eye.
“Feel better now?” Welt asked, breathing hard.
“I won’t feel better until I’ve broken your head for real.”
It had all started because Russ came back to the ranch in a foul mood. Since Welt was in a worse mood, their tempers clashed immediately. Questions turned to accusations, and accusations turned to anger. Russ blamed Welt for ever thinking Russ ought to be married. Welt countered that it was stupid for Russ to let what his mother and sister had done ruin his life. Russ shot back that Welt wasn’t doing any better forgetting his sister, and Welt responded by saying Russ was wasting a perfectly good opportunity to get himself a perfect wife.
At that point Russ demanded to know what Welt was talking about. Welt, thoroughly angry now, replied that he’d followed Russ when he left the ranch in the middle of the night. He had listened at the schoolhouse door long enough to know Tanzy was teaching Russ to read. At that point the tempers of both men boiled over.
“Why didn’t you say something before?” Russ asked, between gasps for breath.
“Are you kidding?” Welt asked as he pushed Russ off him and rolled away without getting up off the floor. “You’d have beaten the hell out of me.”
“I still might.”
“No, you won’t. You’ve managed to tell two people you can’t read. Me knowing isn’t going to make any difference.”
“Breaking your head will make me feel better.”
“You just about did,” Welt said, touching his bleeding lip. Tim’s going to know we’ve been fighting again. He’ll want to know why.”
“You tell him I can’t read and I will bust your head.”
“He’ll think it’s about Tanzy.”
Russ punched the air with his fist. “Why should he think that?”
“Because you’ve been in a lousy mood ever since she got here. Besides, he knows you’ve been sneaking into town.”
“Is there anybody who doesn’t know everything I’ve been doing?”
“Not anybody on this ranch. You taught all of us how to find out everything that’s going on around us. You can’t blame us if we use those skills on you.”
Yeah, he could. He could blame them a hell of a lot, but it wouldn’t do any good. They’d keep right on doing it because they were the best bunch of guys he could ever have work for him. Money couldn’t buy the friendship and loyalty they gave him of their own free will. Except for Welt, he’d met these guys in prison. They’d helped each other endure their time. Now Russ was giving them the opportunity to make something of their lives, and they meant to see that nothing went wrong.
Russ got to his feet. “Go dunk your head in the trough. You’ve got blood all over yourself.”
“You put it there.”
“Well, go clean up before I spill some more of it.”
“What are you really so angry about?” Welt asked.
“I’m just in a bad mood.”
“Russ, I’ve known you since we were boys. You
couldn’t lie to me then and you can’t now.”
That was what came of being best friends with a guy for more than twenty years. You practically had to move across the country to keep him from knowing everything about you. Even best friends deserved some privacy.
“If you’re so smart, you tell me why I’m in a bad mood,” Russ said.
“It’s because of that woman.”
“If you’re right—and I’m not saying you are—then you know why I want to break your head.”
“I don’t see what’s to be upset about. You don’t want to marry her.”
Russ ran his fingers though his hair and straightened his clothes. “Fix yourself up. You look a mess.” He started righting chairs and putting rugs back in place.
“It’ll heal up in a couple of days. What’s eating you is going to fester until it busts like a boil.”
“Then I’ll be over it, won’t I, so there won’t be anything more to worry about.”
“I don’t think you’ll be over it any more than I’m over Adele”
Russ rounded on him in a fury. “Don’t you dare compare my irritation with that female to your obsession with my sister. Hell, man, Adele has been dead for more than ten years. When are you going to get over her? She was no good. You can’t let her ruin your life.”
“It’s already ruined. There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Sure there is. You can forget her and move back to town.”
“I’m not going back to Boulder Gap until that town apologizes for what they did to you.”
“Stop talking like a fool.”
“You deserve better. That’s why I wrote those letters. That’s why I sent the money for her to come out here.”
“I’m not the marrying kind.”
“Sure you are. You just don’t know it yet.”
“And what makes you think you know me better than I know myself?”
“I’ve been watching you for more than twenty years. I hear what you say and see what you do, but I also know what you don’t say and what you don’t do. You’re mad as hell about what your mother and sister did, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting what they wanted. You want a family so bad you’re trying to make do with four lousy cowhands.”
“You’re nuts. I only put up with you because nobody else is crazy enough to work for me.”
“You might fool the others, but you won’t fool me. You’re trying to take care of us like you would your own family, but sooner or later we’ll all get other jobs, get married, drift away, do something. In the end you’ll be left alone. You don’t want that, and I don’t want it for you. There’s something about Tanzy you like,” Welt insisted. “You used to joke all the time with the boys,” he said when Russ opened his mouth to deny it. “I haven’t heard you laugh once since she got here.”
“Which ought to be proof I want nothing to do with her.”
“I might have thought so except for two things.”
“And what were they?”
“You were interested in her once you got over being mad at me. I know she’s pretty and all that, but there was something else about her that attracted you. I saw a change in you until the day she said she wouldn’t marry you.”
“No guy likes to be told he’s not good enough to be some female’s husband.”
“You’ve been in a crappy mood ever since, but that’s not what really convinced me she’s the woman for you.”
“What’s that?”
“You told her you couldn’t read. Hell, Russ, I’ve seen you exercise near genius getting people to tell you things you can’t read. You never even told me, your best friend, the guy who’s known you the longest, but you told her in less than two weeks.”
“She’s a teacher.”
“She’s only doing it because she needs a job. I would have helped you, but you never asked.”
“Because I was ashamed!” Russ exploded. “There, are you satisfied?”
“No. I won’t be until you go back.”
“I told you I’m never going back.”
Welt stiffened. “I never thought I’d see the day you turned into a coward.”
“I could break your neck for calling me that.”
“It wouldn’t change the fact that you’re afraid to face that woman.”
“I’m not afraid of her.”
“You’re right,” Welt said, and Russ didn’t like the look on his face. “You aren’t afraid of her. You’re afraid of yourself.”
Chapter Ten
“You’ve written a whole page,” Tanzy said.
“Three,” Russ said, pulling two more pages from his shirt pocket.
“Damn!” Tardy exclaimed. “I never wrote that much. Can I see it?”
“It’s rather personal,” Russ said.
“Then why did you write it?”
“Writing things down made them clearer in my mind.”
Tanzy’s hand paused as she reached for the other two pages. “Are you sure you want me to read it?”
“No, but it would be foolish not to let you.”
“It’ll take me a little while to read and correct it.”
“That’s okay. Tardy can read for me.”
“Can I pick the story?” Tardy asked.
“Sure,” Russ replied.
When Russ missed last week, she hadn’t expected to see him again. She certainly wouldn’t have guessed he’d show up with three neatly printed pages. It was a good thing the rustlers had disappeared. They could have infiltrated the whole valley in the time it took him to write those pages. She waited until she heard the light baritone of Tardy’s voice before beginning to read Russ’s composition.
They say going to prison is good for you, that it gives you time to think about what you’ve done and learn how to live right. But “they” never went to prison, or they’d know it’s just about the worst thing that can happen. If you’re there because somebody lied, it’s even worse. You’ve got nothing but time to think about what happened and plan how to get even.
There’s no good in prison to push away the bad. People are filled with anger, hate, or just pure evil. Even when you try to drive it away, it hides in the corners, seeps in through the cracks, floats in with the stinking air, invades your dreams, and hounds your waking hours. It makes the food you put in your mouth taste sour and bitter.
If you’re lucky enough to find someone you can trust, you guard each other’s back with your life. You tell yourself you’re different from the others, and make plans for when you get out. But you share one thing with every man in that prison. Once you get out, you know you’ll do anything to keep from coming back, even face death. Because coming back would be worse than death.
Tanzy was in a state of shock by the time she finished. She felt she’d been given a window into Russ’s soul and had seen the anguish of a lonely, impulsive young man sent to prison because of the wrath of a powerful enemy. She didn’t know what had caused him to write any of this. She understood even less why he should have allowed her to read it, but it showed he was caught in a dilemma between the person he wanted to be and the one circumstances had forced him to become.
She pulled herself out of the daze long enough to realize the composition was perfect. There was nothing to correct.
She looked up, turned her gaze on him as he worked with Tardy. The scene before her was so peaceful, so wonderful, she was tempted to forget about the feud or his lack of respect for women. What did any of that matter when there was a chance to have such a man for a husband?
There was clearly a gentle, thoughtful side to Russ. He had taken a risk in turning to Tardy for help. The boy could have enjoyed spreading a bit of sensational gossip, but he was turning into a different person right before their eyes. People still made fun of him, but he had started to feel confident enough to make a joke of it.
It wasn’t just his kindness to Tardy that was changing Tanzy’s opinion of Russ. Though he seemed to be easygoing and soft-spoken when he was with her, there wa
s a tension about him, an alertness that said he never relaxed his vigilance, never let down his guard. It was as though a shadow person stalked the room, ready to respond instantaneously to any threat. It was like living on the edge of a mountain knowing a rock slide that could destroy everything might start at any moment.
Maybe that tension came from having been in prison. It must be awful to have to live that way. She wished there were something she could do to make things better. It was hard to look at a man who was so nearly ideal and not feel she ought to do anything she could to make his life better.
She thought of Tardy’s statement that people would have to treat him better if she were his wife. She was startled by the immediate rush of excitement within her. She would gladly do anything she could to help people see Russ in a better light, but surely she couldn’t consider that a sufficient reason to marry the man.
Still, she couldn’t stop wishing things were different. She wasn’t fool enough to think Russ could be changed overnight by the love of a good woman, but she was certain that if he married a woman who loved him and was good to him, especially if it would make the people of Boulder Gap treat him differently, she would bring out parts of him that had been repressed, and he’d gradually become more fully the man he most deeply and truly was. The man who worked hard to make Tardy feel better about himself was a far cry from the lying, thieving killer people believed Russ to be. Tanzy didn’t believe two people that different could live inside the same man. One had to be false.
Which one was it?
Tardy looked up from his book. “He can read almost as well as I can,” he said to Tanzy.
“I don’t know a lot of words,” Russ said.
The Reluctant Bride Page 11
