by Kate Temple
1. You move your birthday.
2. You move your birthday.
3. You move your birthday.
Pick any one of them—your choice. I don’t mind. In the meantime, I’m going to get on with the business of earning class points, because I for one want to be in the first group to use the 3D printer! Starting now, I’m turning on the old Jimmy Cook charm. Watch those class points come rolling in.
Yours charmingly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
We will just have to think up some other way of sorting out who gets to have the party (which will be
Also, I’d like to congratulate you on your attempt to get a class point out of Macaloon by emptying the class bin. Good idea! Ms Fennel would have definitely given you a class point for that. But not Mr Macaloon! He just told you to sit down! In a NOT nice voice too, I might add. Still, maybe you shouldn’t have sat down on the bin (or should I say IN the bin???)
I’m BASICALLY a star at earning class points. So watch and learn …
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
I am VERY confused. Why did you just wrap a tea-towel around Freda Mabo’s arm? Why would that get you any class points? Were you trying to turn her into a mummy?? Personally, I think being a tea-towel mummy sounds awesome and you should get heaps of class points for that, but Macaloon didn’t!
Yours confusedly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
It wasn’t a tea towel, it was a compression bandage! And I wasn’t turning Freda Mabo into a mummy. She had a REALLY bad case of pins and needles from all this boring colouring-in that Mr Macaloon is making us do. I was being an amazing friend and using my first-aid skills to help her. Ms Fennel would have given me at least TWO class points for that (even if I did tie it a little tight and her fingers were sort of going blue).
I can’t believe I got NOTHING! I guess Mr Macaloon is much tougher than Ms Fennel. Looks like everyone (even me!) is going to have to work much harder if we want to start earning those class stars.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
I know what you mean. Macaloon isn’t giving up those class stars very easily. I’ve been doing some very impressive things today and nothing got his attention. I even chomped my sandwich into a very accurate map of Poland and STILL no stars. It’s actually a matter of national importance that I get to go first on the 3D printer, so as of now, I’m going to make it my number-one priority to get Macaloon to really take notice of me and get these class points flowing!
Yours pointedly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. I have just decided that my party will have a giant piñata in the shape of a yeti. Beat that.
Dear Jimmy,
Firstly, I WILL beat that. I’ve just decided everyone at my party gets their own piñata and you don’t even have to hit them with a stick (because that’s cruel to piñatas).
Also, about these class stars, I don’t think it’s just YOU (and your Polish sandwich!) Mr Macaloon is ignoring. Have you noticed that he hasn’t handed out a SINGLE star to anyone? NOT EVEN ME! I don’t think he understands about the class point system, even though I explained it VERY clearly and also with diagrams.
Like before, when you offered to take Simon Lee to the sick bay to get a leprosy vaccination, that should have been a class point for sure. And when I sharpened all of Magda Suzuki’s coloured pencils (and even her markers), WHERE WERE THE CLASS POINTS???
But I guess when you began cleaning the whiteboard for him, perhaps you should have waited until he was finished writing on it first? THIS IS SERIOUS, JIMMY! What are we going to do?? If it was just YOU he was ignoring, that would be fine. BUT IT’S ME TOO! It’s everyone! The class star system is being destroyed by this snoring substitute! It’s ruining the order of everything!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
At times like this, you really need a professional to step in. Leave it to me.
Yours professionally,
Captain Jimmy Cook
OH DEAR. Mr Macaloon REALLY didn’t like you explaining the class point system using hand puppets. I’ve never actually seen smoke come out of someone’s ears before, but I’m guessing that was pretty close! :0
Anyway, we’re not the only ones that are worried about the class points. Jenny Philpot’s not happy either. She’s always number two on the class points table (after me, of course!) and she hasn’t had ANY points for ages!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
These sure are difficult times. And as a fearless explorer, I know a thing or two about hard times. All explorers have them. Some get stuck in snow blizzards, or in runaway hot-air balloons, and some get stuck in an endless game of I-spy with a 324-year-old man in an underwater bubble. The point is, we can’t let Macaloon upset us (even though he ate our jelly beans and is TOTALLY stuffing up the class point system)!
The class needs us now. Like my mum always says, ‘the only thing to fear is the large stray cat with one eye that lives at Number 14’. We can’t do much about that cat and we can’t do much about Macaloon.
Yours pragmatically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
If only we ALREADY had the 3D printer! Then I could print my own class stars and award them to myself for all the AMAZING things I’m doing.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
If we already had a 3D printer, then we wouldn’t need to print out class points because Ms Fennel would be back and we’d all be happily 3D-printing our space stations or what have you. But I think I have the answer to all our troubles! When I was shopping with my mum for a glow-in-the-dark stapler at OfficePerks last week, you’ll never guess what I saw there. Go on, guess!
Yours happily,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I DON’T KNOW.
A rainbow unicorn goat?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
CLASS POINTS!!!! Sheets and sheets of gold star stickers—exactly the same ones that Ms Fennel normally gives out (well, not to me usually, but everyone else). They’re identical! I kind of thought maybe there was a top-secret teacher shop that makes them, but it turns out they’re just regular gold stars and ANYONE can buy them! I don’t even think you need to be a teacher. And you want to know what else? I’m going back there after school today to pick up some party supplies for MY birthday party that I will be having on my birthday!
Yours awesomely,
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. Actually, I’m pretty sure I DID see a rainbow unicorn goat there too, so you were partly right, but it wasn’t the answer I was looking for.
Dear Jimmy,
Gold stars! AMAZING!!! Super double, triple choc-top amazing! I didn’t know Ms Fennel just bought those gold stars at OfficePerks! I also thought they came from some top-secret teacher shop. Are you thinking what I’m thinking???
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Are you thinking about a three-toed sloth with magnetic fangs and laser eyes? Then YES! We are totally on the same page.
Yours coincidentally,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
NO!
I am not thinking about a toad sloth or laser pies or whatever. I’m thinking I should get those gold stars from OfficePerks and then I can HELP the class by awarding them for all the good behaviour that Mr Macaloon is totally ignoring.
I mean, just today I saw Jenny Philpot putting the glue sticks back VERY NEATLY and she got nothing! Casper N didn’t pick his nose for like three minutes, and Lucas Terrazzo sang the entire theme tune to Teenage Ninja Frogs PERFECTLY. Mr Macaloon didn’t even notice (mostly because he’d fall
en asleep and was snoring VERY loudly!!).
I think it would be a super-nice thing for me to take over the job of handing out class stars. Of course, I’d have to be VERY fair (I’m totally NOT into cheating) and make sure everyone in the class got the points they deserve too. NOT JUST ME (but also me).
I’m sure Ms Fennel would be really happy to see that I’d kept things going while she was gone.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Hold your sparkly atomic horses! It would be totally unfair and probably illegal for YOU to be in charge of handing out class stars. Let’s be honest, you’re not that fair when it comes to boys. BUT I do think someone needs to step in while Ms Fennel is away and get this class star system back on track, otherwise it could be chaos and I’m talking giant-kid-eating-earthworm-wearing-a-top-hat type chaos.
So the best thing to do is to SHARE the responsibility. That way we can be totally sure that class stars are handed out fairly. Deal?
Yours accurately,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Fine. But I’m NOT totally happy about it. You have a BIG track record for TROUBLE, but I guess we do need a boy and a girl to be in charge, so that it’s fair. But does it have to be YOU? Maybe it could be my dog, Emperor Fluffy Pants???
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
No. I found the class stars, so I get to hand them out too. I will not be overthrown by a small fluffy dog (although that does sound like heaps of fun).
Also, one thing is, I’m not sure my mum will let me buy like a MILLION gold stars … but she might if you’re there? She always buys nice stuff when girls come over, like that lemon cheesecake stickybun she bought that other time you came over for a play date.
Yours exactingly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
YUM! I remember that. It was SUPER delicious! We’ll ambush the mums at pick-up time. Mums totally hate it when you ask for play dates in front of other mums, but it works every time! I’m pretty sure your mum won’t be able to say no to me ;) Plus, your baby sister loves me and is soooo cute (and I think you’re wrong that she was actually born a fish). See you after school!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
P.S. Just so you know, working together on the class stars DOESN’T change anything about the birthday. YOU are still moving YOUR party whether you like it or not.
Dear Alice,
Agree. We are still at birthday war. This is just like a mini-truce, while we save the class-star system. It’s a bit like that movie Galaxy Paws where the space cats and the space dogs have to stop throwing galactic poo at each other because there is an interstellar ice-cream truck going by. I totally get that. So see you after school.
Yours atomically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. My baby sister is not cute. She is technically a fish, and it’s a medical condition. It could be contagious, so I’d stay away from her if I were you.
Dear Alice,
Wow! That was a great trip to OfficePerks! Not only did we get like four BILLION stars (which is even more than the Milky Way), we both set new speed records for trolley racing! If it hadn’t been for that dodgy wheel, I would have definitely won and NOT knocked over that display of staplers. I have to say though, the OfficePerks man was very nice about it and even gave me a free balloon on the way out (but Mum said that’s because he was happy we were leaving). Pity my baby sister Maisy stole my balloon from me the second we got outside. It will probably be orbiting Jupiter by now. I wonder what the Jupiter aliens will think when they see it? I don’t even know if they have OfficePerks on Jupiter, but I suspect they do. Where else are you going to find jumbo chalk and glow-in-the-dark pens?
I also really enjoyed trying out the paper shredder! I’m a big fan of paper shredders. Did you know a paper shredder is basically at the top of my birthday wish list? My top three are:
1. Paper shredder
2. Camouflage suit (including top hat)
3. Actual llama.
Anyway, Mum’s really down on my list. She says kids don’t really need paper shredders, but that is totally untrue, because I’ve got a lot of TOP-SECRET DOCUMENTS that I don’t want falling into the wrong hands!
Yours secretively,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
About the trolley race, I think we both know it wasn’t the wheel’s fault that you lost. You were basically a DANGEROUS DRIVER, and if there was such a thing as trolley police, you would totally be given a ticket. Just saying. The shredder was OKAY, but I wouldn’t put it in my Birthday Top Three. My Top Three would be:
1. Selfymatic camera with Selfymatic selfie-stick
2. Puffy Penguin Do-it-Yourself T-shirt kit
3. Sparkle gelato machine.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
If there were trolley police (which is a pretty cool suggestion, actually) and they did give me a speeding ticket, I would totally shred it.
Enough about that. Let’s get down to business. We’ve got to get this class-point system back on track so that I can start earning class points and be first to use the amazing 3D printer! So Alice, my number-one frenemy (that’s friend + enemy), let’s do this. Or as Captain Cook said to the giant squid, ‘Nice to meet you, but would you mind moving aside, as we’re on an important mission?’
Yours historically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Or as I like to say … I just can’t wait to start bringing the sunshine back to this class one little star at a time! I’ve got soooo many plans for wonderful things I can do to earn gold stars from myself!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
I just gave out my first two class points! Casper N had made a really healthy sandwich with avocado, alfalfa AND grated carrot on MULTIGRAIN bread! So gold star, Casper N. I take healthy lunchboxes pretty seriously and like to reward those who do too. Then I noticed I’d tied my shoelaces very neatly today, so that’s one to me too! Have you given any out yet?
Yours impressively,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Nice work, Jimmy Cook!
And yes, I did hand out a class point today. Well done to Lucas Terrazzo for covering his mouth when he coughed! It’s easy enough to forget and he did a great job for remembering. And one class point to me for inventing a new colour that’s halfway between blue and silver called BILVER. I just love class points! This will be so much fun!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Word’s really gotten out about the new class-point system, and I have to say, people really seem to like it. I gave Jethro Biddle a class point at recess because he gave William Bing a second chance in handball, even though William Bing’s shot was totally out and not on the line like he said it was. He’s a good sport, that Jethro. Also, I gave one to myself for thinking of others. Anyway, might stop writing letters for the moment because Macaloon keeps looking my way.
Yours nervously,
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. Did he say something about homework?
Dear Jimmy,
Yes! He wants us to get our homework out. Didn’t you do it?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Hmm … I want to say, maybe it’s in my locker??? I’ll just go look for it.
Yours searchingly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Why didn’t you just tell Mr Macaloon you’d forgotten to do your homework instead of disappearing for TWO WHOLE HOURS?!?! I’m sorry to say, you caused QUITE a disaster!
When you went to your locker (to pretend to look for your homework!), Mr Macaloon made us all take out our homework and swap it wi
th the person next to us. Then Macaloon remembered that you weren’t back yet and said to the class, ‘Where’s Jimmy Cook?’ BUT NO ONE KNEW.
So then he said to Conrad and Derek Froon, ‘You two boys, go and look for Jimmy Cook.’ Well, they were gone for like five minutes, so Mr Macaloon pointed to Cassius Naroopta and Felix Poole and said, ‘You two boys go and look for the two boys who are looking for Jimmy Cook.’ I’d like to say that’s where it ended, but NO!!
Five minutes later, he points at Kylie Babbage and Martha Wing and says, ‘You two girls go and look for the two boys who are looking for the two boys who are looking for Jimmy Cook.’
You must have been hiding sooooo well, because five minutes after that, Macaloon made Magda Suzuki and Casper N go looking for you. ‘You two kids go and look for the two girls who are looking for the two boys who are looking for the two boys who are looking for Jimmy Cook!’ After that, I put up my hand to ask if Jenny Philpot and I could go and look for the two kids who were looking for the two girls who were looking for the two boys who were looking for the two boys who were looking for Jimmy Cook, but he chose Ruby Foo and Loretta Daggs instead.
