Counting on a Cowboy

by Debra Clopton

  “Levi—” Bo came hurrying into the room and stopped when he saw her. “Mornin’.” He smiled, ramming a hand through his already rumpled hair.

  Abby knew he was normally an early riser but this morning he looked like he’d hardly slept. “Mornin’ to you.” Her stomach tumbled around and she felt breathless at the lack of oxygen in the room.

  He looked so good, rumpled and all—especially rumpled.

  “If you’ve got him, me and Pops will get breakfast.”

  “Can you manage it with one arm?”

  “I can. No pancake flipping this morning, but nothing else should pose a problem.”

  She smiled. Despite all the turmoil he created inside of her, he could make her smile with ease. Abby turned back to Levi, grabbed a diaper, and took care of baby business. “You can make me smile, too, little one.”

  She took a clean shirt from the basket and looked around the room that was simply a spare bedroom Bo had moved the baby bed into that she’d helped him pick out at the store that first day.

  She pulled Levi’s shirt over his head and then tugged on a pair of jeans. She had come to Wishing Springs to find her way back into life. And looking at Levi grinning at her, she knew that she had accomplished that and more. She could smile, though she still had to keep her guard up. The guilt still lurked. And when it hit her, the sadness came with it. But if she was careful, she was okay.

  And she was happy.

  She just had to keep on the path she was on and not cross the line like she had been tempted to do last night.

  That kind of happiness she didn’t deserve or want. That kind of happiness required more than she could give. More than she could risk.

  “I can do this . . .” She hoisted the baby she adored to her hip, swung around in a circle, and watched his expression go from happy to gleeful in a quick instant.

  Walking into the kitchen, she forced herself to ignore the way her heart leapt in her chest at the sight of Bo whistling as he stirred eggs in the skillet. Pops smiled as she entered.

  “Mornin’, Abby girl. It’s a great day in the neighborhood.”

  Abby laughed. “Oh, Pops. Yes, it is. Bo, are the guys making it okay down at the shop?”

  He glanced over his shoulder. “Actually, they are. I had to delegate the branding of each stirrup to Sergio and we hired one of his cousins. They’re getting the work done. I’ll have to alter my Monahan promise, but I believe if we maintain quality, it’ll be okay.”

  “You’re making a choice for the better good of your child.” Abby’s heart clutched in her chest. “You’re a good man, Bo. A good daddy.”

  He looked a little embarrassed by her words then gave her a gentle smile that set the butterflies free inside of her.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking—I’m determined to be the best daddy I can be. God gave me this blessing and I’m not going to take it lightly.”

  Abby wished she’d not taken Landon’s desire to be a father so lightly. She wished . . . that she’d said yes to having a family. That she’d agreed and that they’d never argued in that car.

  “You’ll do a wonderful job with that attitude.” She admired Bo. He’d taken a hard situation and he’d handled it with flying colors.

  What a truly wonderful man he was.

  Before breakfast was over, Pops got up and headed off in the direction of his room. Bo watched Abby feed Levi, teasing him and playing with his son as the baby ate like a horse.

  “He’s going to hurt himself if he keeps eating like this,” he said.

  “He’s a growing boy, but you’re right. I think he’d eat as long as I put a spoon or a bottle in front of him.” She wiped his little mouth and chuckled when Levi giggled at her. Her eyes sparkled. Bo could have looked at her for the rest of his life like this. It made him happy. And knowing she loved his kid made him even happier.

  He wondered if she knew she loved Levi. He wondered if loving Levi was helping her move forward past the sadness of losing her own baby. He found himself praying that it was so.

  He wondered if . . . if—

  He pushed that half thought away, deciding now wasn’t the time to wonder about anything past today.

  “Bo,” Pops said, coming into the room carrying an armload of stuff. He had an old stuffed horse that had been Bo’s and he carried a baby blanket that Bo remembered had been on Tru’s bed when they were little. And a child’s felt cowboy hat dangled from his fingertips by the chin string. “Toys for Levi.” Coming over to them, he grinned at Levi.

  Levi reached for the stuffed horse and Pops let him have it.

  “Where did he get those?” Abby asked, taking the hat and the blanket from him. “Oh, Pops, this is so cute.”

  “My grandmother made that,” Bo said. “Pops, where was all of this?”

  “My room.” Pops crooked his finger at them to follow him and headed down the hallway. Solomon padded along beside him.

  “Let’s go see,” Abby said, already lifting Levi out and placing him on her hip.

  “After you,” Bo said, curious about what Pops had found.

  He’d opened the door to a hall closet that Bo knew his grandmother had used for storage. They found him and Solomon standing among several large plastic containers from which he’d removed the lids. Inside were stuffed toys and things from Bo’s childhood that he’d long ago forgotten about.

  “The boys’ toys,” Pops said. “He needs them.”

  Abby was smiling like she’d just been awarded grand prize at the county fair.

  “Bo, is this stuff from your and your brothers’ childhoods?”

  Bo reached for a familiar John Deere tractor that had been his. “Yeah, I played many times in the dirt with this hoss.”

  Pops chuckled and pulled a yellow tractor from among the various stuffed animals. “Boys.” He seemed to fumble for his next word. “Dirt. Work.”

  “That’s right, Pops. These will get it done.”

  “Let’s decorate Levi’s room with some of the things,” Abby said, delight in her words.

  “Sure, use whatever you want. And if we need to get anything else just let me know.”

  Abby studied the boxes. “I bet I can manage with what I find in here.”

  “Then go for it. I’m here to help.”

  Bo hadn’t seen this much excitement in Abby’s eyes before. There was something about the look in them that seemed more alive. And he was grateful to see it.

  “Pops, this is great.” In more ways than he’d ever understand, Bo thought.

  “This is going to be the best little boy room ever,” Abby commented the next day when Bo came in for lunch.

  She’d gone through the boxes and pulled out a lot of things. She’d enjoyed seeing the cute blankets and pillows that Bo’s grandmother had sewn for Bo and his brothers. They were brightly colored and some had western themes with lots of reds and tans. The stuffed animals that she’d saved were in great shape also, along with tractors and trailers and plastic horses and farm animals. Bo had also told her, if she saw anything in any of the bedrooms that she could use, to let him know and he’d move them for her. She helped him move a cute chest and a small bookshelf into Levi’s room. She’d had to help since he could only use one arm, but they got them moved. Then she’d gone to work.

  He looked into the room and his mouth dropped open.

  “You’re not kidding. You’ve done all of this with what you found in the closet?”

  Abby used everything she’d found that was horse-themed. And then decorated with toys in various areas that Levi could grow into later.

  “Pops loves the horses and cowboy theme—this is awesome,” Bo continued.

  “Pops has left y’all a wonderful legacy. It’s only right to carry it on. He is, after all, the best champion quarter horse trainer ever in my book,” she said, and meant it.

  “He is in my book too.”

  “And his great-grandson will agree,” she said quietly, and found herself looking up at Bo with a tender
ness filling her. She hadn’t felt so alive and happy in a long time as she had the last twenty-four hours working on Levi’s room. Pops had hovered about grinning and talking. Sometimes making sense and sometimes not.

  Levi had played and cooed and pulled up on everything imaginable.

  And Abby had loved every moment.

  29

  Abby spent a restless night thinking about Bo. And that became a relentless process over the next couple of weeks. They’d start their days over breakfast, then he would come and go all through the day checking on them, or sometimes loading them up and taking them to town for lunch. That was always fun, because everyone was interested in talking to the adorable baby.

  But for the most part Abby spent her time at the house contentedly watching Levi. They took walks down the lane to visit the horses and stopped by the stirrup barn to see Bo. Sometimes Pops walked with them or sometimes he busied himself in the shop with Bo. October had arrived with cooler weather and rain and rainy days were spent mostly inside. And almost overnight Levi began toddling precariously, reminding Abby that the baby was plenty old enough to start walking.

  Abby had been at the ranch for almost two weeks and she knew that by Friday she’d go home to her place and start working the regular schedule of every other day or so while Maggie and Tru were back in town. But it wouldn’t be exactly the same. She wouldn’t be sleeping in the room beside Levi’s and she wouldn’t be able to get up and rock him back to sleep when he’d had a bad dream. And she wouldn’t be sleeping down the hall from Bo, running into him sometimes at night when they would end up checking on Levi at the same time . . . this didn’t happen often and she wondered if it was because Bo tried as hard as she did to avoid those times. There were sweet moments watching the baby sleep or Bo getting a bottle while she rocked Levi back to sleep. Teamwork and also sleepless nights.

  Still, Abby loved every moment that she was there and hated the idea of leaving and returning to her own place. She had these few days, though, and she was going to make the best of them. She had fallen in love with . . . Levi.

  There were a few things she could control and one was loving Levi and making him laugh when she was around. And that was what she gave her energy to. She held nothing back if it would make him laugh.

  Holding him now, she looked down at him on her hip giggling with delight as she danced with him around the kitchen. The sound of his giggle sparkled though her like gold dust. In the blink of an eye everything could be gone. How she wished she could stand time still and know that working, that money and stature, were not what she wanted. Not what she needed.

  Not ever again.

  Longing so deep cut through her—she’d needed and longed to hear her child’s laughter . . . but that had been stolen from her. Levi would never know his mother’s laughter. The thought struck her hard looking down at him. But he would know his father’s. And his father would hear his son’s. And that gave Abby joy.

  And he would know her laughter—laughter that he was very much responsible for.

  She hugged him close as they moved around the kitchen. Pops had gone down to the shop with Bo and she had felt the need to dance with Levi to set them both laughing. The need to give this child what he didn’t have took hold of her more strongly by the second.

  She’d told herself she couldn’t get too attached. Too late—she’d already crossed that line. Her time here in the house had put complications in her way that she’d begun to think about continually.

  There had been that one brief kiss that had happened nearly two weeks ago, yet Bo had kept his promise and there had been no more. Not even on those nights they tended to Levi together.

  However she’d been waking up at night thinking about that kiss. She’d tried not to . . . Tried hard to put it from her mind. Where once she’d been burdened down with guilt over the way she felt around him, now she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Talk about not being in control. It was impossible to stop thinking about how his lips felt on hers, about the way he made her feel.

  That he made her feel at all.

  But she knew it was useless. Her heart of hearts just couldn’t go there. She’d failed.

  She knew she’d contributed to her loved ones’ deaths, in part. She knew that if she gave into the needs and wants that had begun to slip into her heart that she was potentially setting herself up for heartache.

  She couldn’t.

  She forced the thoughts from her mind and kissed the top of Levi’s head, concentrating on him as she two-stepped around the room in a crazy sashaying version that got him smiling. And when she dipped him, Levi cackled gleefully and her heart swelled, filling with the joy of his laughter. It was as good for her as it was for him.

  “Now that’s what I call some good dancing.”

  Abby whirled around and found Bo grinning wide, leaning against the door frame watching them.

  “How long have you been standing there?”

  He laughed. “Long enough to know you have some moves, woman.”

  Her cheeks shot hot and she knew they were glowing red. “I thought—you were supposed to be working.” He’d started helping more this week since his collar bone wasn’t as painful and a little motion of the lower arm and elbow was a good thing.

  “Oh, I am. I just forgot my gloves.” He strode to the table, watching her all the way. “And I have to say that I might just start forgetting these every day. Levi is sure enjoying the dancing.”

  Her heart pounded watching him walk over. He stopped beside her and Levi smiled at him, his eyes bright. Abby realized she probably looked just like Levi in that minute.

  Bo kissed the top of Levi’s head but his gaze clung to hers as he did so.

  Abby’s pulse raced. “Want to hold him?” Before she realized what he was doing Bo wrapped his good arm around her, holding her and Levi as he swept them in a slow circle, his gaze never leaving hers, Levi’s laughter ringing between them like the sweetest song on earth. “I need to get back, but carry on.” He chuckled and headed toward the door.

  Dazed, she watched him go, feeling breathless.

  Bo Monahan was a heart stopper and one day some lucky woman was going to fall head over heels in love with him . . . Like you?

  Abby froze, watching as Bo reached the door. She loved him. He turned back and winked at her. “Go ahead, dance. I’m gone now.”

  I’m gone now.

  Abby closed her eyes. Somehow, despite everything she’d done she’d still fallen in love with Bo.

  I’m gone now . . . She’d fallen in love with Bo and just like Landon and her baby, he could be gone in an instant.

  Bo made it outside and grinned all the way back to the shop. Abby was something. Pops nodded at him as he approached the bench where Pops sat outside enjoying the afternoon.

  “Hey, Pops. You ready to help me with the stirrups?”

  Pops frowned. “I been waitin’.”

  Bo laughed. “Yes, sir. And I’ve been dragging my feet. Sorry about that.”

  Pops shook his head and went inside with Bo. Bo was madly, deeply in love with Abby and he didn’t know how he was going to get that across to her without running her off.

  She was fragile.

  And in order to have a chance with her he knew he had to get through the heartbreak of her past. But could he do that?

  30

  Abby took Levi to town the day after Bo had briefly danced with them. She’d been thinking about that moment, that beautiful moment in the kitchen with the three of them together and she didn’t know where to go from here.

  Running errands got her out of the house and gave her time to think. They went to the discount store and picked up diapers. The time at Bo’s had flown. Her mom called while she was in the store and they talked about the move into her new place, but despite the progress they’d made in regaining their relationship, Abby found herself holding back telling her about Bo or Levi . . . but before they parted, her mother told her she sounded happier than she’d sounded in
a very long time.

  She didn’t dig or push or ask why, but continued to give Abby her space. Abby found herself smiling when she said good-bye.

  Almost instantly she was swamped by guilt. Feeling off-balance at the emotional rollercoaster she seemed tied to, she stopped by the real estate office to drop off her rent check since they managed the property for Rand. It made it a lot easier on her not to face her neighbor, and she wasn’t expecting to run into Rand the moment she walked into the office.

  She hadn’t seen him since she’d carried him to the fire. And she’d managed to keep her mouth shut that night even though he’d admitted that he’d been drinking.

  He was sitting in the waiting area of the office having coffee with Doobie and Doonie and Doc Hallaway, the local vet. She’d met Doc, as everyone called him, on her first trip to The Bull Barn.

  “Hey, there, Abby,” one of the twins greeted her. “It’s good to see you. And you brought the little fella with you.”

  She kept Levi on her hip knowing they weren’t staying.

  “How’s it going out there at the ranch?” Doc grunted. “Solomon hasn’t bitten you yet, has he?”

  “Everything’s fine. And Solomon’s a good dog. He loves the baby, but we don’t let him get too close. Bo said he only bit Maggie that time because he was stuck under the bed.” Bo had told her about Maggie’s first meeting with the dog.

  “That’s right. But you can never be too careful around a little one.”

  “Yes, sir. We are.” She told herself to relax, to calm down. Be civil. But she didn’t want to be around Rand. Despite the fact that he’d been so concerned for Pebble the night of the fire.

  “Here’s the check for my rent. I can’t stay. Y’all enjoy your coffee.”

  She turned and left the building. Her hands shook as she buckled Levi into the car and they were still shaking when she climbed behind the wheel.

  “Abby.”

  No. She didn’t want to talk to him. He hadn’t killed Landon and her baby. But he represented everything she despised. She’d helped him the night of the fire and she still wasn’t sure why—yes, she’d told Pebble it was because he asked instead of getting behind the wheel and that was true. But she’d been holding out that maybe his eyes would be opened. That he would change, but she feared he hadn’t. She’d lost patience with that.