Dark Grace

by M. Lauryl Lewis

  “Make love to me,” I mumbled against his mouth.

  He stood, lifting me with him, and carried me toward the tree line that surrounded our camp. He lay me down on the forest floor where moss was growing. I pulled my t-shirt over my head while he knelt down. He began pulling my sweatpants down.

  “Are you sure?” he asked between labored breaths.

  I nodded and kicked my shoes off, along with my pants.

  It didn’t take long for him to take his own pants off. He leaned over me, and trailed hot kisses down between my breasts. He continued to lower himself until his mouth found its way between my legs. He kissed me softly on the inside of each thigh while his hands stroked my hips gently. He groaned into me once he found his target. His tongue found its way inside of me, hot and wet. I arched my back and my hips fought to meet his efforts, desperate for more. He paused occasionally to suck on my clit gently, careful to not hurt me. I was nearing a peak in pleasure when his head emerged and he climbed his way back up my body. He was excited, his cock hard and ready.

  “You’re absolutely positive?” he asked again.

  I nodded again, and moved my body beneath him to show him how sure I was. “Just you and me,” I whispered.

  He looked at me lovingly and stroked some stray hair away from my face. “You know I can’t promise it’ll happen again, right?”

  I nodded. “I know.”

  He kissed me longingly and tenderly, his hands slowly exploring my body. He entered me unhurriedly and held me close as he made love to me.

  After we climaxed together, he stayed inside of me for several minutes. “I love you,” he whispered softly.

  “Shhhh, don’t say that,” I whispered back, holding a finger to his lips.

  He lightly touched my fingertip with his lower lip and closed his eyes. “I had to,” he breathed softly. “In case I never get another chance to tell you.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to process what he’d just said, and what we’d just done together. I felt a single tear fall down my temple toward the cold ground I lay upon.

  ***

  The chill of evening was creeping in from the Sound and the shadows from the trees were lengthening. We had bathed together in the sea after our affections in the woods, and then took our places beside the fire again. We didn’t speak about our indiscretion.

  “Ok, next on the agenda is to cook the crab. Once they’re done we’ll prep Baldie for roasting,” said Gus with a wink.

  “You won’t really make me gut it will you?” I asked.

  He chuckled again. “No, but you can at least help me pluck her. Hang tight; I’ll grab a pot.”

  I watched him walk to the table that served as our kitchen, duck down, and produce the largest pot we had on hand. It was from a turkey frying setup that had been gathered from someone’s backyard. He carried it over and set it near my feet, and then walked to our water supply, which consisted of several covered buckets. We always had one uncovered and under the low point of the tarp of our shelter to gather rain. He brought one over to the empty pot and filled it three-quarters full.

  “We’ll need to bring it to a boil,” he explained. “Then drop the crab in and boil them till they turn bright red and float to the top. Maybe twenty minutes.”

  “Will they last until dinner before going bad?”

  “Oh ya, no problem there. Once the crabs are done we’ll start on the bird.”

  He jimmied the pot of water against the fire to bring it to a boil. It took a long time until it was ready, and the stainless steel was turning black from the direct contact of the flames.

  “You wanna toss ‘em in, Zoe?”

  I shook my head. “I’ll just watch.”

  Gus winked at me and my stomach started growling. He carried the four crabs over. They were surely some of the ugliest creatures of the sea. Tasty, but ugly. My mom claimed once that Dungeness crab were the best in the world. The water was at a rapid boil, and he let each of them fall in one by one. I found myself glad that they were already dead, although Gus had explained that it’s normal to boil them alive. He said their lives would end immediately if we ever did that. Still, it seemed brutal.

  We sat on the log together, drinking our bottles of water. I placed my hand on my belly.

  “Feeling it move?” asked Gus.

  “Yup.”

  “May I?” he asked, holding his hand out.

  I nodded and took his large hand in mine. “Here,” I said as I placed his hand over the small area where I felt movement.

  “Feels stronger than yesterday.”

  “Ya, I thought so too. Press here,” I said as I guided his fingertips off to the side. “You can feel something hard.”

  Gus sighed heavily.

  “You’re worried, aren’t you?”

  He rubbed at his chin with his fingers, which was answer enough for me. “Zoe, you can’t be more than ten to twelve weeks along. You’re sure Boggs was your first?”

  I could tell he regretted the question as soon as he asked it.

  “I’m positive, Gus. I wouldn’t lie about that. Not to him and not to you.” I kept eye contact with him as I answered.

  “The growth is just unprecedented, Zoe. Yes, I’m worried.”

  “Ok, but for now can we just try to not think about it?”

  “Ok,” he answered while wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Ok.”

  I leaned against him and let him hold me close. We watched the fire and the cooking crabs. Just as Gus had predicted, after about twenty minutes they began to float to the top of the pot and were bright red. He let go of me and I straightened up. I watched him rise and walk to the fire, two short flat sticks in hand. He used them as tongs to retrieve the crustaceans from their bath of death. He laid each out on a nearby rock to cool, and then returned to the pot. He fished out a large claw that had fallen off of one of the beasts. It found a home back with its owner on the rock.

  “Ok, Miss Zoe, you ready for the fun part?”

  I looked up. Gus was walking over with the bald eagle, again carrying it by its feet.

  “What are you doing with it?” I asked, skeptically. “And where are its wings?”

  “Cut ‘em off,” he said. I could tell he was trying to keep a straight face. “We’ll use ‘em for fishing bait. Ok, darlin’, I’m gonna dunk this in the boiling water.”

  “Gross! Why?”

  “It’ll make the feathers about a hundred times easier to pluck.”

  “Sick.”

  He laid the bird out on the ground by his feet and proceeded to cut its thick yellow feet off. “We can save the talons to make weapons out of; maybe spears for fishing.”

  I wanted to look away, but knew I should watch and learn. Gus picked the bird up by its massive head and proceeded to dip the body into the boiling water. He held it there for a good two minutes. The smell was horrid; something like burning poop and decaying leaves mixed with butt.

  Finally, he took the carcass from the water and laid it out on a log not far from the crabs.

  “We’ll let it cool for a couple minutes and then pluck.”

  “It stinks, Gus.”

  “Yup. I’ll tell you what. You go lay down for half an hour and I’ll get the bird ready to cook.”

  “You sure?”

  “Ya. You look a little pale.”

  Inside I was screaming ‘yes yes yes!’ but didn’t want to seem overly excited. “Ok, thanks. But wake me up in half an hour?”

  “I promise.”

  I smiled at him warmly, got up, and lazily walked to the lean-to. A typical evening breeze was beginning to stir. With each step I took, the horrible smell of the bird eased. I crouched down to clear the tarp that hung above our shelter, and collapsed onto the bed I had shared with Boggs the night before. I drew my knees upward and curled around my growing belly. The baby within was dancing, making his or her presence known. I knew I shouldn’t get too excited, as there was obviously something far from normal with my pregnancy. Still, I lov
ed the sensation of the life stirring within me. Before long, I fell asleep.

  When I woke, someone had covered me with a blanket. Gus. One of the heroes in my life. Knowing he had done such a small act of kindness warmed my heart. I sat up and stretched. I could tell that daylight was fading. I listened for the rest of our group, hoping they had returned. All I heard was the tarp occasionally flapping in the intermittent breeze and the crackling of the campfire. I stood up and walked outside. Gus was standing beside the fire, watching his eagle roast on a stick contraption he’d made. I was impressed.

  “Nice work,” I said as I crept up on Gus.

  “Hey Zoe, sleep well?”

  I nodded. “Think it’ll be any good?” I asked, gesturing toward the bird.

  “Hope so.”

  The eagle was occasionally dripping grease onto the flames, causing them to flare. Evening was quickly making its claim on the day and the heat from the fire was inviting. I began to wonder if the rest of our group was ok. They were always home before dark. I sat on my favorite fire-side log and watched the constantly changing colors and patterns of flames. It quickly brought back memories of watching our cabin burn down.

  “You ok, Zoe?” asked Gus.

  I looked up. “Ya. The fire just reminded me of the cabin burning.”

  We both turned when we heard the chattering of our companions. I stood instantly.

  “They’re back!” I announced, even though I knew Gus was already aware.

  Susan was the first to come into view, holding the hands of both Abbey and Jane. The girls were animated and seemed excited. Nathan was directly behind them, and Emilie and Boggs were trailing behind just a bit.

  “We’re back!” shouted Jane. “We’re back back back!” she sang, followed with a giggle. “Look at Boggs’ shiner!”

  I found Boggs’ face, and true to Jane’s word he had a big black eye.

  “Boggs!” I said, maybe a bit too dramatically. “What happened?”

  “Fucking dead bastards,” he mumbled.

  Gus was right behind me, and I could feel his tension. “Boggs? You got attacked?”

  “He sure did,” answered Nathan.

  “One of the mother fuckers jumped me.”

  “Don’t worry, Boggs is fine,” said Emilie. “Nathan took a swing at the Roamer. He hit Boggs on accident when it suddenly moved out of the way.”

  “What happened to the Roamer?” asked Gus.

  “I shot it,” said Em, a huge grin plastered on her pixie-like freckled face.

  “The son of a bitch climbed right out of a sunken stairwell like a fucking two hundred pound rat,” Boggs said. His ego seemed wounded. “I didn’t even hear it coming.”

  I was already next to Boggs, and I wrapped my arms around him. “I’m glad you’re ok,” I whispered gently.

  It took Boggs a moment before he returned the embrace. Once he did, I kept the side of my face against Boggs’ chest but turned my head and found Nathan. “You too, Nate, glad you’re ok.”

  He nodded once. “Thanks, Zoe.”

  Jane was giddy, jumping up and down like she had ants in her pants. “We found a house!” she squealed.

  “Jane, hush!” scolded Abbey. “We weren’t going to tell them yet!”

  “What’s going on, guys?” asked Gus.

  Susan had stepped closer to the fire and answered. “We headed northeast for a while and found a lighthouse. It looks like it could be perfect.” She was grinning.

  “Did you check it out?”

  “We did,” answered Nathan. “Well, we made Susan stay on board with the girls. But ya, that’s where we ran into our little Crawler.”

  Boggs was still holding me, and I was glad.

  “Only hitch is a bridge,” said Boggs. His voice sounded deeper than usual with my ear against his chest.

  “What’s that?” asked Jane. She was pointing to the eagle roasting over the fire.

  “That, Jane, is a really big chicken!” said Gus, his face very serious.

  “A chicken?” asked Em skeptically.

  “Uh huh,” he said with a wink. It made me smile.

  “Where’d you get a chicken?” asked Boggs. I nudged him to try to stop the questions. He leaned down and kissed me softly on my temple.

  “We have some crab too,” I said.

  “We brought back some goodies as well,” said Susan. She seemed giddy.

  “Let’s get dinner going and we can talk about what we found today,” said Emilie. “We have instant mashed potatoes. The really yummy kind with sour cream and onions. And packets of gravy!”

  “And we got cans of cranberry sauce!” added Abbey.

  “And carrots and corn!” squealed Jane.

  Boggs let go of me, but found my hand and took it in his own. It felt good. I looked up at him and felt guilty. He was looking forward. His eye was swollen and deeply bruised. I found myself wishing I could help. We walked toward the fire together, where Emilie was unpacking a backpack. My stomach started growling when I saw all of the cans of food.

  “Zoe, do you want to help us make dinner?” asked Susan.

  “Yes!” My gloomy mood from the day before was gone, and it felt good to have all of us together again. I looked up to Boggs, who still stood by my side. “Can I get you anything, Boggs?”

  He shook his head at me. “Nah, I’ll be fine, Zo. Thanks though.”

  “I have what he needs right here,” said Susan. She was holding up a large bottle of whiskey. “Compliments of the lighthouse.”

  “What’s that?” asked Jane.

  “Oh, Janey-Bug, that’s not for kids,” said Nathan in the calm voice he’d grown to use with her. “It’s called whiskey and it’s only for grownups, ok?”

  Little Jane nodded to him. “Ok. But can I still have chicken and cranberry sauce?”

  Nathan and Susan both chuckled. “Course you can, baby girl,” said Nate. “Just no whiskey.”

  “Ok.”

  “That goes for you too Abbey,” said Susan.

  “Duh,” said the preteen. She then smiled at Susan, who rolled her eyes dramatically.

  “Boggs, I’m gonna go help make some grub,” I said.

  He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered. His words seemed to hold meaning beyond just being grateful for supper.

  I walked to the folding table where Emilie was busy opening cans. She was mixing the canned carrots and corn together into the same pot. If no one else had been near, I probably would have sat down and eaten half of them by myself - cold.

  “Want me to work on the potatoes?” I asked.

  “Sure,” said Em. “I can hardly wait to tell you and Gus all about what we found today.”

  “Me too.”

  Susan walked up behind me. “Emilie, are you good with all the canned stuff? Should I make the gravy?”

  “Sure,” said Em. “That’d be great.”

  “So, Zoe,” asked Susan. “What’s the bird?”

  I smiled at her. “Bald Eagle.”

  “Gross,” she replied.

  “Gus shot it,” I explained. “Em, he was like a little kid. You should have seen him.”

  “Boys and their guns,” said Susan with a hint of humor in her voice.

  I looked over and saw Abbey and Jane sitting fire-side, watching while Gus and Nathan worked at taking the bird off of the fire.

  “Make sure you don’t tell the kids,” said Emilie. “Or they might not eat it.”

  “Right,” agreed Susan. “Maybe it’ll be good. Anyway, I’m glad to have the meat even if it just ‘tastes like chicken.’”

  “We have four crabs too,” I added.

  Emilie got a huge grin on her face. “Yummy!”

  “Ok girls, I’m gonna go boil water for the potatoes. See ya in a few,” I said. I picked up a pot of water I had gotten ready and walked toward the fire.

  “Here, Zo, I’ll get that,” said Boggs. He took the pot from me and nestled it over the fire.

  “Thanks,”
I said with a small smile that followed.

  “We’re almost ready here,” said Gus. “The bird looks gorgeous!”

  Nathan and Gus had managed to carve the bird and it now sat on a plate in bits and pieces. Emilie walked over with the vegetables and Boggs took that pot as well, nestling it next to the water to warm them.

  “I’m hungry,” whined Jane.

  “It’ll be ready soon, Tadpole,” Nathan assured her. “I’ll go open up your cranberry sauce.”

  I walked over and collected the crab, arranging them on a plate. There were eight halves, plus the lone claw. By the time I was back to the fire with them, Nathan was removing the pot of water for the mashed potatoes and Susan was waiting with the instant potato flakes.

  “Ready!” called Gus.

  Everyone seemed excited. It was refreshing and I found my mood was lifting even higher.

  “Ok, Zoe, since you caught the crabs you get dibbs on the claw,” chuckled Gus. He walked over to me, set the claw on one of our log seats, and cracked it open with a small stone. “Open up,” he ordered. He was holding a clump of white crab meat, and I decided to humor him by opening my mouth. He stuck it in gently, meeting my eyes with his just long enough to make my heart skip a beat.

  “Mmm,” I moaned. “Oh my God that’s so good.”

  Gus winked at me, then handed me the rest of the claw.

  “Girls, come get it,” sang Susan.

  “Me me me me me!” chanted Jane.

  I watched as everyone else began filling their plates, and sat back enjoying my crab claw. I had never enjoyed being first in line at buffets. I hated feeling rushed and bumping into people. Before long Jane and Abbey were back by the fire chattering excitedly with each other while they ate.

  Boggs walked up beside me and handed me a plate of food.

  “Boggs, thanks!” I said, grateful for the gesture. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I know, but I wanted to. Can I sit?” He gestured toward the empty spot beside me.