Dark Grace

by M. Lauryl Lewis

  I nodded. He held my chin in one of his hands, leaned down, and kissed me lovingly. It had been a while since I had felt this gentle side of him, and it made me feel like I had come home after a very long time away. The kiss wasn't deep or erotic, but rather simply the comforting touch of a lover. When he withdrew from the kiss I leaned my head against his chest and we embraced in a quiet moment of understanding.

  We left the bunk room after I made sure the girls were covered. Abbey was snoring gently and Jane was sucking her thumb while clutching her teddy bear. They girls had grown accustomed to sleeping with each other and I was glad they had each other. They were sisters now, forced together in this Hellish world.

  “I’ll make you something to eat,” offered Boggs kindly.

  “No, let me do it?”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I want to. It’ll help keep my mind busy.”

  Boggs sat down at the small table and I began going through boxes of food. I decided to open a can of stew to share.

  “Stew ok?”

  “I’m not really hungry.”

  “You need to eat,” I encouraged

  “Ok.”

  The two-burner stove didn’t work unless the motor was running, and since we were currently anchored for the night we’d be eating it cold. I didn’t bother with plates or bowls, but instead set the can of stew on the table with two spoons. We sat in relative silence, each taking small bites. As hungry as I was, mentally I had a hard time choking anything down.

  “Did you sleep at all?” I asked Boggs just after he had put a cube of potato in his mouth.

  “Not really. I just sat and watched you.”

  “You should sleep.”

  “Ya, probably.”

  “Do you mind if I head up and check on Gus?”

  “Of course not. Want me to come with?” Boggs yawned.

  I shook my head side to side. “You have circles under your eyes. Go sleep. I’ll send Susan and Nathan down and sit with Gus for awhile.”

  “Ok, but if you get tired wake me or Nate up. I want one of us on lookout all night.”

  “Sure. I can keep watch for a while too, you know.”

  “I know you can, Zo. That’s not what I meant.”

  “Good.”

  I stood and leaned down, kissing him on the cheek. I left the small galley and climbed the stairs. Stepping on deck, the evening air was refreshing. It felt warmer than it had in a long time. I found myself wishing that Emilie could watch the sunset with me. The sun was almost fully behind the Olympic Mountains to the west and was streaking the sky in shades of purple and orange. Maybe it was Em herself saying good-bye. I hugged myself and followed Susan’s voice to the small semi-open cabin where she and Nathan were sitting together.

  “Hey guys,” I said, rather glumly.

  “Hey Zoe,” said Susan with a small sympathetic smile.

  “Get any sleep?” asked Nathan.

  “Ya, more than I expected to. I actually came up to spell you guys so you can get some rest too. I thought maybe I could sit with Gus for awhile. How’s he doing?”

  “Not too great,” admitted Nathan. “He’s been sitting in the bow for hours. Just staring at the sea.”

  Susan yawned. “I think I’ll head down, Nate.”

  “Ok, I’ll be behind you in a couple minutes. I just want to talk to Zoe for a few.”

  Susan stood and stretched before leaning back down to kiss Nate gently on the lips. “See you in a few then.”

  I watched Nathan watch Susan walk down the stairs. Once she was out of sight, he turned to me.

  “I’m fine with you sitting with Gus, but I just want to make sure no one gets hurt. There’s been enough heartbreak today.”

  “Thanks for being worried, Nate. Gus and I both know that what happened between us was wrong. I’m just going to sit with him as a friend.” I didn’t really know what else to say.

  Nate looked at his feet and thought for a moment. “Ok. Just - be careful.” He leaned down and took my shoulders in his hands, and kissed me gently on the forehead.

  “Night, Nate.”

  “Night.”

  Like he had done with Susan, I watched him descend the stairs before turning to walk along the side of the boat to the bow. The walkway was narrow and after a couple of yards opened up to the open bow. The railing was thankfully sturdy, preventing anyone from falling overboard. True to Nathan’s word, Gus was sitting on one of the seats just staring at the sea. He was looking away from me, so I stopped and stood still to just watch him for a few moments. I could tell that he was heartbroken.

  “Gus,” I said quietly.

  The quickness in which he turned to look at me surprised me. He watched me walk toward him, not saying anything. Once I reached his side, he reached up and took my hands in his. He guided me onto his lap, where he held me close.

  “I’m sorry I slept all day,” I mumbled. “I should have been out here with you.”

  “No. You needed to sleep.”

  “She’s really gone, isn’t she?”

  Gus sighed heavily before answering. “’Fraid so, darlin’.”

  We sat together looking out at the water for a long moment. My mind kept envisioning Emilie wrapped in her shroud, tied shut with lengths of rope, at the bottom of the cold dark sea. I knew creatures lurking below would already be after her, and the thought of them breaking through the shroud made me sick.

  “What’s going on, Zoe?” asked Gus sleepily. “You’re tensing.”

  “I just can’t stop picturing her…down there. She deserved better.”

  I felt Gus wrap his arms around me tightly. “Of course she did. Try to think of her like we knew her. Alive and full of spunk.”

  “Do you think she’s forgiven us?” I asked.

  “For what we did?”

  “Ya. She knows now. She has to know now.”

  “Yes. I think Emilie was an exceptional young woman. I think she’s looking down now and understands and has already forgiven us both. I also think she knows that we both loved her.”

  I took a deep shuddering breath. “She was so scared when we first met her. And so sad.”

  “Where is everyone?” he asked, suddenly aware that we were alone.

  “I sent everyone to bed. I can stay up and keep watch for a while. You should go below and get some sleep,” I said to him.

  “Not tonight. I might doze up here for a bit.”

  “Mind if I sit with you?”

  “Of course not.”

  The sun was dipping below the horizon and evening was quickly claiming its place in the sky. The temperature was dropping and the stars were beginning to shine.

  “My father used to tell me that stars were holes in the floor of Heaven,” I said.

  “Then I bet Em’s looking down on us through that one right there,” said Gus as he pointed to the brightest one in the sky. I leaned against him and looked.

  “Gus?”

  “Ya?”

  “I need to ask you a favor.”

  “Name it.”

  “The baby. If it’s born and there’s something wrong…”

  Gus interrupted me. “Zoe, no, let’s not start thinking that way.”

  “I have to. You know that. I want you to promise that if the baby’s suffering you’ll take care of it. I don’t think Boggs or I could…” I let the thought drift off.

  Gus tightened his grip around my shoulders. “I promise.”

  “Thank you.” I leaned into him and we sat there together in the silence of the night.

  CHAPTER 7

  Gus and I had drifted off to sleep at some point during the night. I woke, not sure why at first. My head felt like it was filled with cobwebs. All I could hear was an eerie silence; not even the usual lapping of waves against the sides of the boat. I blinked, trying to clear my eyes of a haze that was lingering. I tried calling to Gus, but found myself unable to find my voice.

  Zoe, wake up! It sounded like Emilie. But Emilie was gone. She
was resting on the bottom of the sea. I knew then that I had to be dreaming. There was a pain growing in my neck. There’s not pain in dreams, I reminded myself. Zoe, wake up! Gus needs you! I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to listen to her voice, no matter what she was saying. It was hard to breathe. The pain in my neck was worsening and my lungs were starting to scream for air. Get up, now!

  I fought to breathe again, and now awake I understood what the problem was. Someone had their hands around my throat, strangling me. My eyes were open and I tried to focus on the face before me. It was a man with black hair and sharp facial features, and the image was littered by tiny sparkles of light. I knew my vision was going to go soon from lack of oxygen, and in desperation I grabbed at the hands at my throat to pry them away. The stranger was strong and my attempts were fruitless. In a final act of desperation, I brought my knee up as hard as I could. My strike found its target, causing the man to release my throat and stumble backward in pain. I took a gasping breath in, trying to finally give my body the air it needed to live. I was met with a coughing fit, which added to the noise of the intruder after he had stumbled backward.

  “Gus!” I tried to shout, but was met by coughing again. I glanced over in the moonlight to where Gus lay and saw that his shirt was covered in blood, his hands bound and his mouth gagged. As badly as I wanted to run to his side, I knew the intruder would be back on his feet and I needed to take care of him. I was fairly sure I had seen the man back at the compound. Still trying to get my breath fully back, I reached to the seat behind me where I had set my pistol for the night. Black Hair was already back on his feet.

  “C’mon you little cunt,” he snarled at me as he held a knife out in front of him. “I’ll show you what we do to bitches like you.”

  I kept my focus, knowing that my gun was my salvation. Still reaching behind myself, my right hand finally came across the familiar smooth metal of my pistol’s barrel. I clenched my fingers around it and brought it forward, aiming it at the figure before me.

  “Ohhh whatcha gonna do with that?” taunted the man.

  I didn’t try to answer him. Instead, I cocked it and kept my aim. He lunged forward, his knife outstretched, and I fired. His left chest took the impact, dropping him to his knees. I cocked again, stepped toward him, and held the gun to his temple. I fired a second time, making sure he would not rise again. I set the gun back on the seat and dropped to my knees beside Gus.

  “Gus,” I croaked, still unable to speak normally. “Gus.” I pulled the rag from his mouth as gently as I could.

  He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “Stabbed,” he said in a strained whisper.

  The commotion of Boggs and Nate rushing up behind me caused me to turn in alarm.

  “Zoe!” yelled Nate. “What happened?”

  “Gus was stabbed in his sleep,” I whispered hoarsely. “I woke up being choked.”

  Boggs was lifting me from the boat deck, helping me find my feet. “Sit on one of the benches, ok? Let us look Gus over.”

  I nodded. As I lowered myself onto one of the seats, I looked down at the man I had just killed. I felt no remorse. I knew now who he was. I had seen him walking the halls of the compound with the youngish man who had a face full of green streaks that resembled those on my own hip. As I stared at his body, I was startled when Susan draped a blanket around my shoulders.

  “You ok?” she asked me.

  I nodded, not bothering to speak. My throat felt swollen.

  “God, your neck…”

  I looked up at her.

  “It’s bruising,” she finished her thought. She surprised me by putting her hand gently on the top of my head and stroking my hair.

  “Is Gus ok?” I managed to whisper.

  “Let’s give the guys a few minutes to look him over.”

  I could hear Gus grunting in pain. Susan sat beside me and wrapped her arms around me.

  “He got me twice,” I heard Gus mumble. “I don’t think they’re very deep but they hurt like a son of a fucking goddamn bitch.”

  “What the hell happened up here?” asked Boggs. “Zoe?”

  I could only whisper, but tried to tell him what I knew.

  “I woke up being choked,” I whispered hoarsely. “He tried to kill us. I shot him.”

  “Ah God,” moaned Gus loudly. “Fucking A that hurts!”

  I looked over, worried. Nathan was inspecting Gus’ wounds. “We need to clean these up,” he said. “And get out of here.”

  “The guy, I recognize him from the compound,” I added.

  “What was that, Zo?” asked Boggs.

  Susan answered for me. “She said she recognized the guy. Said he’s from the compound.”

  “Sue, can you do me a quick favor?” asked Boggs.

  “Sure.”

  “Go below and bring me one of the big flashlights?”

  “You got it.”

  “Make that two,” added Nathan. “I need a better look at these wounds.” He was busy untying Gus’ hands.

  “Zoe,” groaned Gus. “Darlin, can you bring up a bottle of water and a towel?”

  I nodded. I stood, feeling just a bit woozy, and walked below deck with Susan. We kept the flashlights in the galley in a drawer, and tried to minimize their use to stretch battery life. I found a bottle of water and a clean hand towel and in short order we were back on deck. Susan and Boggs walked the perimeter of the deck together, shining the larger of the two flashlights down at the water looking for others from the compound. While they did that, I took the towel and water to Nate.

  “Thanks Zoe,” said Gus through clenched teeth. “I need you to hold the flashlight while Nate washes the wounds.”

  I nodded. I slid the power switch to ‘on’ and aimed the beam of light at Gus’ abdomen.

  “Oh, God, Gus,” I moaned.

  “I’ll be ok,” he answered. “We’ll need to get a hold of some more antibiotics and some stitches within about a day, though. Nate, when you rinse the wounds you’re going to have to pull them apart to figure out if they went through and hit any organs or not. Zoe, it’s going to hurt like a mother, but ignore my yelling and just keep aiming the light.”

  “Ok.” It was all I could do to maintain my composure. The beam of light was shaking so I tried to steady my hands. Nathan had cut Gus’ shirt enough so that he could easily see his entire abdomen. The two stab wounds were each about four to six inches long and blood was still trickling from them. I figured trickling was a much better sign than gushing. Nate poured water onto the wounds, causing Gus to clench his fists and wince loudly. The water mixed with the crimson of the blood, making things look even worse.

  After taking several shallow breaths through a clenched jaw, Gus spoke. “Ok Nate. You’ll need traction to separate the wounds. Use the edges of the towel and hold just on either side of a wound and gently separate. You’re looking to see how deep the wounds go. If you see pink that’s good. Next layer would be adipose tissue, or body fat. It’d be yellowish and kind of globular. If it goes through that layer though it’s a bigger deal. We’ll have to worry about organ damage. My still being conscious is a good sign that the knife didn’t go through into the abdominal cavity.” His voice sounded shaky.

  “Gus,” said Nate darkly. “Shut up and let me look, bud, ok?”

  Gus nodded. “Do it man. You might need to use more water to see, ok?”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “Nathan can you rip a piece of the towel off? For Gus to bite?”

  “Might be a good idea,” agreed Gus.

  Nathan used his knife to begin removing a strip of the hand towel. He finished by ripping it with his hands, and then handed it to me. I rolled it into a small bundle and slipped it into Gus’ mouth. I could tell by his eyes that he was expecting some intense pain. Gus moved his eyes from me to Nathan and nodded once.

  I could hear Susan and Boggs behind me, whispering. Boggs was suggesting that Susan go below deck to check on the girls. I picked up from their quiet conversation that the
ir search of the deck and surrounding water resulted in nothing.

  “Zoe, do you want me to take over with the light so you can go below with Sue?” whispered Boggs. I took comfort in feeling him close behind me.

  “No, I’m ok. I need to be here for him.” I wasn’t relishing the thought of seeing Gus’ innards, but nothing was going to stop me from staying at his side.

  “I sent Sue below to tend to the girls. I know she wouldn’t handle this well,” he whispered. “I’m going to look over the guy’s body while you guys take care of Gus. See if I can find anything, then toss his dead ass overboard.”

  Nathan had pulled the first wound apart. Gus was huffing, and his cries of pain were muffled by the towel between his teeth.

  “Zoe, I need you to pour water,” said Nathan. “So I can see. There’s too much blood.”

  I walked closer and found the bottle of water, picked it up, and carefully poured the cold liquid into the now gaping wound. Gus’ groaning was quieting.

  “Shine the light right in the middle,” instructed Nate. “Ok, good. Gus, I don’t see any of the yellow stuff you described. It looks like this one isn’t all the way through.”

  Gus grunted in reply. Nathan looked up at me. I nodded. I could tell that Gus was tiring, and knew this needed to be over for his sake. Nathan found two new edges of towel and repeated the process with the larger of the two wounds. As he separated the edges, Gus cried out loudly, almost mournfully. The sound made my heart ache.

  “Sorry, Bud,” mumbled Nathan. “It’ll be done soon. Zoe, water.”

  I poured a small amount of water into the wound and could see right away that it was substantially deeper than the first. “Oh God what is that?” I asked. Gus glared at me. “Sorry,” I whispered.

  “Ok, Gus,” interrupted Nate. “This one’s longer and deeper. I can see yellow globs at the far end, but most of it’s pink like the other one. It’s not going all the way through the fat layer from what I can see.”

  Nathan let the edges go, causing Gus to cry out again before spitting the rag out of his mouth. “Son of a bitch,” he grumbled. “Fuck me.”

  “Gus, what can we do?” I asked.

  “I need to stitch the wounds. I’ll need antibiotics. I think it’s best we go ashore, in light of both attacks. It’s like they’re tracking us somehow.”