Moth to a Flame

by Antoinette, Ashley

  The doctor removed the gel from her stomach, printed an ultrasound photo for Raven to take, and stood up. “It’s too early to tell, but we will know soon. Now, Raven, your blood work also detected traces of cocaine in your system.”

  “Cocaine? Raven!” Justine uttered as she looked at her daughter with a broken heart.

  “It’s not like that, ma. I don’t use it all the time. I just tried it once,” Raven lied, but Justine knew her daughter all too well.

  “Your drug use is detrimental to your health and the baby’ s health, Dr. Daniels stated. “If you care about this child, it is imperative that you discontinue all use of any type of narcotic.”

  Raven smacked her lips. “Didn’t I just say I don’t use drugs? It was a mistake. One time ... that’s it!” she said, feeling as if she was being judged by the successful young black woman.

  The doctor nodded unsurely and changed the subject. “I’m going to write you a prescription for the vitamins and give you a moment alone. Congratulations,” she said with a friendly smile. She then turned to Justine. “There are two gentlemen here for you. They would like to speak with you.”

  Raven sat up and began to dress. She looked curiously in her mother’ s direction as she exited the room. Hopping up from the hospital bed, she inched over to the door and peeked outside the glass pane.

  It did not take much to see that the gentlemen talking to her mother were cops. She cracked the door so that she could hear what was going on.

  “Justine Atkins, we would like to ask you a few questions about the business dealings of your husband, Benjamin Atkins,” the taller man.

  “I just buried my husband today and my daughter was involved in an accident. I’m not up for answering anybody’ s questions,” Justine replied.

  “Mrs. Atkins, I’m going to be straight with you,” the man said as he leaned into Justine. “Your husband was being investigated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I have a warrant for your arrest.”

  “My arrest!” Justine exclaimed.

  “For aiding and abetting a criminal enterprise, drug trafficking, and tax evasion. Now, we know that you were just spending your husband’ s money, but we have to get somebody. It’s not going to be him for obvious reasons and it doesn’t have to be you. All you have to do is cooperate and tell us who was supplying your husband,” the agent said.

  Justine did not reply, and both federal agents could see the defiance on her face. Just like every inner-city youth, she had been bred with a “fuck the police” attitude. They were determined to get her to crack. The men had their backs to Raven, but her mother faced her. When their eyes met, Raven saw an emotion in her mother that she had never seen before: fear. No words needed to be spoken between them for Raven to get the message her mother was trying to send. They were in trouble. When her father died, their entire lives had been thrown out of balance.

  When the cops inspected the house, they had found a secret room that Benjamin had built beneath his basement floor. It was not in the original floor plan of the home, so Benjamin never expected anyone other than himself and his family to ever be able to locate the room. After tearing the house up from top to bottom, they finally located it and hit the jackpot. Inside it, they found records of every drug transaction Benjamin had ever made, including the minor role that his wife had played in his operation by counting up his profits for him over the years. Benjamin was detailed down to the very last gram of cocaine in his possession. They also recovered income tax returns that had been doctored by a C.P.A. stating that Benjamin was making a modest income of $50,000 annually. It was obvious that the lifestyle the kingpin was living could not be maintained on that amount, so they hit him with underreported income to the Internal Revenue Service. The room was so incriminating that if the notorious Benny Atkins had ever gone to trial he would have surely lost. He was meticulous in keeping track of how much money he was making and had thought he had kept the information hidden well, but when the feds are on a hunt they are relentless until they find what they are looking for. The only thing he left out was the name of his connect, and the feds wanted that name, even if it meant bulldozing Justine to get it.

  Justine nodded her head and said, “I will tell you gentlemen everything you want to know. Please give me a minute to check on my daughters. Then we can go have coffee in the cafeteria so that I can answer your questions.”

  The men stepped to the side so that Justine could reenter the hospital room.

  “Mommy, what’s going on?” Raven whispered frantically. Justine backed her daughter into the room and held on to her forearms desperately.

  “Listen to me, Raven. I need you right now, sweetie. When you see me and those men get on the elevator you take your little sister and get out of here. Take the stairs and get as far away from this hospital as you can. They’re going to arrest me and when that happens they will try to throw you and Morgan into the system. I grew up fending for myself, Raven. I grew up in the gutter around people who didn’t care about me. All I had was myself and I don’t want that for my daughters. I want you two to always be there for one another. To always have one another ‘cuz at the end of the day family is all that matters. You two can’t be separated. That cannot happen, Raven. You hear me? You take Morgan and get out of here. Take care of her, baby. You both are my angels. Your father and I never meant for things to end like this, but it’s up to you now, Raven. You have to make sure that the two of you stay together,” she said seriously as a ball of emotion stuck in her throat.

  “Mommy, no ... You can’t go to jail,” Raven replied. “Just tell them what they want to know!”

  “I can’t, Rae. The game does not work like that. There’s more to being a hustler’s wife than spending the money. The queen falls right next to the king. It’s my time to fall, but I need you to take care of your sister. You will be eighteen soon and then they won’t be able to touch you. Until then, hide, do everything you can to stop them from placing you both in the system. I’m going to let them think that I’m cooperating, but as soon as they find out I’m not, they will come looking for you.” Justine stated.

  Raven tried to absorb everything her mother was saying, but it was all too much. Her head spun as she was besieged with her mother’s instructions. Justine rushed over to her youngest daughter and shook her out of her sleep. “Morgan, wake up, baby. Mommy’s got to go away for a while, but Raven’s going to take care of you. I need you to listen to your sister at all times, okay? Respect her and love her. The two of you are all you have,” she signed. With every word she expressed, her heart tore in half. The shine of fresh sentiment glistened in her eyes as she thought of all of the things that had led up to this moment. All of the foreign cars, big faces, designer clothes, and exotic trips were not worth the heartache she felt. Being the dope man’s wife was not worth the consequence of being separated from her most prized possessions: Raven and Morgan.

  Morgan wiped her sleepy eyes and yawned, oblivious to what was about to go down. “Okay, Mommy, I will,” she signed. Justine hugged her daughters tightly, and Raven’s chest swelled with unrelenting burden. It felt like they were saying good-bye, as if they would never see each other again.

  “I love you both,” Justine said. A kiss on the cheek was her final good-bye to her children before she walked out of the room.

  Raven grabbed Morgan’s hand and led her to the door. When she saw her mother step into the elevator with the agents, she eased out of the room. She jogged to the door that led to the stair well.

  “Come on, Morgan, we have to get out of here,” she signed urgently as they descended the steps. The burn on her hand began to throb, but she didn’t have time to pay attention to the pain.

  “Wait, Rae, what is going on?”she replied, moving her hands swiftly as she refused to move. Little Morgan wanted an explanation and Raven knew that she would have to tell her something so that thay could both get out of there.

  “Mommy is in trouble ... we have to get out of here. If we don’
t they are going to try to take us, too,” she informed her. “Now let’s go!” Raven grabbed her sister’s hand and took off down the stairs. Morgan chased after her sister, following her down the twelve flights of stairs. Morgan’s tiny feet couldn’t keep up with Raven. “Come here, stank,”Raven said as she picked her sister up and carried her down the rest of the stairs. Finally she reached the bottom floor and walked out of the hospital with her sister crying on her shoulders. She froze in shock and her heart broke when she saw her mother being escorted out of the hospital in handcuffs. Justine’s head hung low on her chest and she was hunched over, her long hair hanging in her face.

  “Raven, there’s Mommy!” Morgan signed frantically and began to take off in Justine’s direction, but Raven quickly grabbed her sister and picked her up, dragging her the other way. It took everything in her to keep moving. They walked six blocks before she stopped to call a cab.

  “Where are we going?” Morgan signed in frustration, then folded her arms across her chest.

  Raven sighed, knowing that Morgan wanted answers. She could only imagine how confused and lost her little sister felt. She had to remind herself to be patient. “We’re going home. I need to get some stuff from the house,”Raven signed. “Don’t worry, Morgan. I’m gon’take care of everything.”

  The cab carried them to the suburbs. When they pulled into their neighborhood, they saw police cars everywhere.

  “Don’t stop, drive by that house slowly,”Raven instructed as she slumped down in her seat and observed the government agents going in and out of the house. Everything was being seized from televisions to vehicles; nothing was accessible anymore. Raven watched in dismay as they hoisted her Lexus up onto a flatbed tow truck. All the things that her father had worked hard to provide were now being stripped away. She had the twenty thousand that Ethic had given her, but she was a minor. She would not be able to do anything on her own until she turned eighteen, and four weeks was a long time to be out on the street. She thought of calling Mizan and going back to his place, but she was still angry with him for hitting her. With his temper she never knew when he would fly off the handle, and she did not want to put her sister in the middle of their drama.

  Ethic has to take us with him. We don’t have anywhere else to go, she thought. She told the cabbie to take her back to the hospital. Morgan was antisocial the entire way as she clung to Raven. “Everything is going to be okay, Morgan. I’ma take care of you,”Raven assured her. The confidence behind her words waned and she hoped that she could live up to what she had just promised.

  They finally arrived back at Hurley Medical Center and Raven gave the cabbie a hundred dollar bill. “I need you to wait right here. Keep the meter running. I’m going to leave my sister in the car with you. There is more where that came from if you keep an eye on her,”Raven stated. She showed the black man the money inside the envelope as proof.

  “I’ll be right here, sista, do your thing,” he said.

  “I’ll be right back, Morgan. I have to go find Ethic,” Raven signed.

  “No, Raven, I want to come with you,” Morgan objected.

  “I’ll be back, stank, I swear on everything. Nobody is going to take me away from you, okay?” she said sincerely, not bothering to sign the words because she knew her sister could read her lips. Morgan nodded her head, but she choked on her own sadness as Raven peeled her sister’s small hands from around her waist. No matter how hard Morgan cried she could not take her back into the hospital. She was sure that the feds knew that they were missing and Child Services would no doubt be looking to take them in as wards of the State.

  “Stay here, I’ma always come back for you,” Raven said.

  She closed the cab door and looked around nervously before making her way quickly inside the hospital. She ran to the trauma unit, and by the time she made it to the nursesstation she was out of breath.

  “Can I help you with something?” the nurse behind the desk asked.

  “I’m here to see Ethic ... um ...” Raven couldn’t even finish her sentence. She realized she had no clue who Ethic really was. She couldn’t even tell the lady his legal name. “My friend was caught in a car explosion. He was rushed here. I need to see him,” Raven described quickly, trying to get to Ethic as fast as she could.

  “Slow down, child. I didn’t get anything you just said. Are you a family member?” the nurse asked.

  A heavy whisper escaped her lips as she thought of her circumstances and grew impatient. “I am. It seems like he’s the only family I have left.”

  The nurse noticed the sadness in Raven’s voice and pointed down the hall. “Room 812.”

  “Thank you,” Raven said appreciatively as she headed off in search of Ethic. Right now he was the only answer to her problems.

  She stepped into the room and everything was cleared out. She paused in confusion as she looked at the crisp, white sheets and the empty bed. She rushed back to the nurse.

  “There must be a mistake. Did he switch rooms? There is no one in there,” Raven said.

  “No, that’s the room he was admitted to after his surgery,” the nurse said with conviction as she arose from her desk. She walked with Raven back down the hall as if by her going, Ethic would suddenly appear. Discovering the same thing as Raven, a look of utter confusion spread across her face.

  “I don’t understand. He is supposed to be here. There have been no changes and he has not checked out. In his condition he could not have checked out. The doctors would have never allowed it,” the stubby woman said. “I’m going to find out what is going on here.”

  Raven took that as her cue to leave. She didn’t know what to think. Did the feds come and arrest him to? People don’t just disappear. Where is he? she wondered as tears came to her eyes. The people around her were dropping like flies. Her back was against the wall and she only had one place to turn. Making her way back to the cab, she pulled out her cell phone. She went back and forth with her decision in her mind. The only person she could call on was the one who she was afraid may hurt her the most. He had her young heart in the palm of his hand. She only hoped he wouldn’t break it.

  She got back into the cab and told the driver to pull off before she slowly dialed Mizan’s number. She wanted to teach Mizan a lesson and stay away from him for a while, but circumstances were pushing her to swallow her pride and go back home to her man.

  Mizan sent Raven’s call to voice mail, then smirked to himself when he saw her call him right back. As a master manipulator, he was going to turn the tables and make her feel wrong, as if she had started the fight. He didn’t need Raven, but he wanted her. Having her by his side was an ego boost. She had no clue that she was sleeping with the enemy, and by the time she found out it would be too late to leave. On her third phone call he finally picked up the line.

  “Yo , I got your shit packed. You need to come scoop them so we can go our separate ways,” he said in a low, serious tone.

  “Mizan don’t do this ... I need you now more than ever,” she replied. He could hear the desperation in her voice. Her plea was more needy than an addict begging his pusher. Mizan was her drug and Raven needed him to survive. Right now he held all the cards in his hand.

  “Nah, I don’t think so, ma.” Mizan’s voice was dripping with sadness. “You’re making me crazy, Rae. I can’t do this with you. You make me do things that ain’t me. I’ve never put my hands on a woman, but you just have no respect for your man, ma. You pushed me to the limit and you know how to press my buttons. You put everybody above me. I’m supposed to be your king. I love you and you shit on me,” he said. He knew he was making her feel bad, evoking guilt and instilling unwavering loyalty in her at the same time. He sniffled to make the conversation more real.

  With every word Mizan spoke, Raven’s resolve softened. She began to replay in her head what had happened between them. She had been so sure that he was wrong, but now she was beginning to think that she had provoked the situation. “I do respect you, Mizan. Yo
u know I do. I’m just going through a lot right now and I spoke out of the side of my neck. I should have never asked you to come to the funeral. I apologize. . . just please don’t leave me.”

  “Where are you?” Mizan asked, smiling to himself because he had her directly where he wanted her.

  “I just pulled up outside.” She grabbed Morgan’s hand and exited the cab. After paying the man, she walked slowly up the driveway. Mizan came outside and stood on the porch. He watched her approach him unsurely until they were standing face to face, with Morgan standing by Raven’s side.

  “Your stuff is in the house,” Mizan stated, avoiding her stare as he adjusted his fitted Detroit hat and folded his arms across his chest.

  Raven’s eyes spilled over. “Please,” she whispered. “What about all the things you promised me? You said you would be here.” She was so young and foolish as she begged Mizan to be with her. Her entire world centered around him.

  “You said a lot of things, Raven. If you’re not real, how you expect me to be?” Mizan asked, laying it on thick. “Then I hear about you riding around town, making me look like a fool. My man went to your people funeral and said you left with a nigga. What type of shit is that, Rae? I’m out here telling these mu’fuckas you my lady, and they see you hopping in cars with other dudes and shit ... said you was extra friendly with the mu’fucka. You got niggas clowning me out here.”

  “That was nothing. It wasn’t what you think!” Raven defended.

  “You don’t know how to act. I need a chick that can follow rules and hold me down.”

  “What about the baby, Mizan? I’m pregnant. My father is dead, my mother was arrested today. We have nowhere to go.” Raven stepped closer to Mizan so that Morgan wouldn’t be able to read her lips. She did not want her baby sister to know that they were homeless and desperate for a place to stay.