Moth to a Flame

by Antoinette, Ashley

  Raven rode in complete silence and stared out the passenger window to avoid looking at Ethic. It was obvious that the vibes from the previous night were long gone. Their interaction had gone from natural to unnatural in mere hours, and now an awkward fog filled Ethic’s vehicle as he drove through the city.

  Ethic wanted to say something to Raven, but he was at a loss for words. For some reason he felt himself growing interested in her. As he glanced over at her in his passenger seat, he admired her features. There was something about the way the light hit her face that made her irresistible. He had never noticed her before, but now he could not help but acknowledge her. Maybe it was her maturity, or her wisdom, or maybe it was because she needed him that had him thinking differently about her. He knew his emotions were reckless, which was why he simply wanted to find Raven and Morgan a place to stay as quickly as possible. If she wasn’t around, he could go back to doing him without worry of falling into her trap. He needed her out of sight and out of mind. Raven came with too much baggage. He had rescued her from Flint now it was up to her to get the rest of her life in order.

  They met the Realtor at a downtown condominium and Raven got out of the car. She smiled as she looked up at the two-story row of condos that rested in the middle of the city. At first she had thought Ethic would put her in a low-budget apartment, but she was pleased that he planned on maintaining a comfortable lifestyle for her.

  “Ms. Donnelly, thank you for taking time out of your schedule to show me a few places today.” Ethic walked around his truck and shook the older black woman’s hand.

  “Not a problem, Ethic. Anything for you, darling.” She spoke with sophistication and arrogance. Raven could tell that she was old money just by the ivory two-piece Versace suit she wore. “You must be Raven.”

  “I am,” Raven said as she shook her hand.

  “Well, Raven, I have a fabulous place to show you!” Ms. Donnelly exclaimed.

  “Lead the way,” Raven said with excitement as they followed her.

  All it took was for Raven to step inside of the 2,500-square foot space for her to know that she was home. The fully furnished, loft-style condo was beautiful with its red, black, and white modern décor. It seemed to be pulled straight out of the pages of Better Homes and Gardens.

  “I love it,” Raven whispered. “I want it.” Bella and Morgan went racing upstairs to look at the master bedroom.

  “Are you sure, ma? You don’t want to look at other places?” Ethic asked.

  Raven shook her head. “No, this is so me. I can see Morgan and me being comfortable here.”

  “So shall we draw up an offer?” the Realtor asked. She set down her briefcase. “They are asking $250,000 for this place.”

  Ethic shook his head and replied, “Tell them I will pay $175,000 cash and that I’m ready to purchase. We want the keys today.”

  “That’s significantly lower than the asking price ... .”

  “Make it happen,” he said calmly. “The less I pay for this place, the bigger your thank-you commission will be.” He winked charmingly at the old woman. The realtor did not know how she was going to pull it off, but she could not tell her best client no. She had to make it happen and within the hour she was handing Ethic the key and the deed.

  Raven was elated as she stood back at stared at her new home. She could not believe that it was all hers. She had never had a spot of her own. She had always depended on other people to put a roof over her head. She was tired of leaning on others, especially on men who did not truly want her. All these years she had been searching for independence, but she had hindered herself by allowing men to take control over her life. First Mizan, now Ethic ... and although Ethic’s intentions were good, she still needed him to survive. After she had weathered the storm, she now knew that the only person she could truly depend on was herself.

  I have to learn to stand on my own two feet, she thought. As the girls ran around the house playing and going in and out of every room, Raven stood in the middle of the living room thinking of how she had to get her life in order. She had escaped the belly of the beast when she had left Mizan, and now she had to be a new woman. She had to be strong and she had to build a new life for herself in Kansas City.

  Ethic remained quiet as he watched Raven soak in her new surroundings. He wanted to do all that he could to make sure that she was comfortable. He never wanted her to contemplate going back to Mizan. Even though Ethic did not want her, he did not want Mizan to have her either. Mizan did not deserve her. He was the one who had corrupted her and Ethic would do all that was in his power to make sure she never went back.

  “You ready to go pick out your whip?” he asked. “This place is yours. You don’t have to keep looking at it, it’ll be here when you get back.”

  “No, you’ve done enough, Ethic. You don’t have to buy me a car. I’m tired of being given things. Mizan gave me all of this and more, but in the end there was a price to pay. I don’t know what you want from me, but I don’t want to feel like I’m indebted to you,” Raven explained.

  “I would never make you feel like you owe me anything, Raven. I’m doing this for you because I want to. I don’t expect anything in return,” Ethic stated truthfully.

  “And what happens when you stop wanting to, or when Little Miss Dolce decides that you can’t do for me anymore?” Raven questioned. “My sister and I are out on our asses with nothing? I got to make a change. I can’t put myself right back in the same position, because in the end the only person who I can really count on is me. The only person that Morgan can count on is me.”

  Ethic turned and began to walk toward the door. His hands were tucked in the pants of his casual black Ferragamo slacks. “Bella, Morgan, let’s go!” he called out. The girls raced into the room and Ethic opened the door for them to go outside.

  “I hear all that Miss Independent stuff you talking and I respect it, but a car is being purchased today. Now, you can come and pick it out, or I can do it for you, but either way there will be one sitting in your driveway tomorrow morning.”

  “Ethic... .” Raven protested.

  “Raven,” he interrupted firmly. “Let’s go.”

  Raven cut her eyes and stalked over to him, her long maxi dress swaying sexily with the direction of her hips. Before she passed him, he grabbed her arm.

  “I’m not Mizan. I would never hurt you and I would never put you and Morgan out,” he whispered.

  Raven raised her eyebrows and asked, “Oh, really? Well, tell me, Ethic, whose name did you put on the papers to this condo?”

  Ethic did not respond.

  “I thought so,” Raven replied. “It doesn’t matter if you let me live here for free. It doesn’t belong to me and at any moment I can be put out. I know you are not Mizan, but you’re still a man and men like to control. I’m tired of being controlled. And as far as you not hurting me ... .” She scoffed and shook her head before she looked him dead in the eye. “You did that a long time ago when you crushed my heart as a little girl. I was never good enough for you, and last night you reminded me of that.”

  By the time they were done shopping, Ethic had not only purchased Raven a new car, but had fully refurbished her and Morgan’s closet. He filled their refrigerator with food and then dropped them back off at the condo. Morgan and Bella were so exhausted that they had fallen asleep in the backseat of Ethic’s truck.

  Conversation between Raven and Ethic had been nonexistent the entire day. They were both holding back for their own reasons. Raven was too afraid to be embarrassed and look stupid. She was tired of being rejected by Ethic, so to save face she only spoke to him if he directly asked her a question.

  Ethic, on the other hand, felt his growing attraction to Raven, but he did not trust her. He was fighting with himself to keep things appropriate between them, but the more time he spent around her, the more he wanted to make her his. He knew that she was vulnerable from her abusive relationship, and he was also well aware of her questionable loyalt
ies. This is what held him back from pursuing her. His feelings for Raven surprised him, because before he had seen her at her mother’s funeral he had barely noticed her. He had viewed her as a spoiled and ungrateful diva who would do anything to get what she wanted. Now he wasn’t sure what he thought of her, but he knew that the fast teenage girl had transformed into a beautiful woman, and if he could groom her the way he wanted to, she would be perfect for him.

  “Someone from the dealership will drop the car off tomorrow morning,” Ethic said. He got out of the car and picked Morgan up. Her sleepy head draped over his shoulder as he followed Raven into the house. He put her down in her bedroom and then came back out to find Raven sitting on the couch.

  “Thank you,” Raven said sincerely. “I’m going to pay you back for everything that you’re doing,” she insisted.

  Ethic would never accept it, but to make her feel better about taking the handout he nodded. “Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will,” she said as she watched him head for the door. As he walked out, Raven followed him.

  He looked at his car to make sure that Bella was still sleeping inside and then turned back to face Raven. “You good? Everything a’ight?” he asked.

  Raven rubbed her bare arms and nodded with a weak smile. “I’m fine. It just feels weird. I have never had a place of my own. I just have to get used to it.”

  “I’ll be by to check on you tomorrow,” Ethic said.

  “No, don’t start coming over here every day. I’m not your girl so you don’t have to act like this is more than what it is. I appreciate you getting me out of Flint and away from Mizan. I’ll see you around,” she said before closing the door in his face.

  She leaned back against the door and closed her eyes as she thought about the drastic decision she had made by fleeing her hometown. Now that she was on her own she had to learn how to do everything for herself. She no longer had to report to anyone or be afraid to make decisions on her own. She set the deadbolt on the door and walked into her house. Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out quickly, expecting to see Ethic’s name on her caller ID, but instead UNKNOWN appeared.

  “Hello?” she answered.

  “That was some real slick shit you pulled, Rae. That’s fucked up, but don’t worry because I’ma make sure I see you, bitch,” Mizan threatened.

  Raven’s heartbeat sped up and the trance he had over her instantly kicked back in. Her breathing became labored and she felt as if she would throw up. Don’t let him do this to you, Raven, she coached. He’s locked up. He can’t hurt you from behind bars. He doesn’t even know where you are.

  As she listened to Mizan threaten and berate her through the phone, her fear of him slowly left her body.

  “You grimy bitch. On everything I love, I’ma see you. I’m gon’ find you and when I do, I’m going to smack fire from your stupid ass.”

  “Mizan, let me explain,” she began, but was silenced quickly by Mizan’s tirade.

  “Fuck you, bitch, it ain’t shit to explain. There were only four people in the world that knew about that meeting, and since you the only one left standing, that tells me all I need to know. You set me up! Fuck you,” Mizan screamed at her.

  “Fuck me?” Raven replied as she began to laugh in disbelief. “No, fuck you, nigga!” she shot back. “Yeah, I called the police and told them what was about to go down. You damn right I set you up. You’ve been setting me up from the beginning and payback is a bitch! You can stop with all your little threats and temper tantrums because you can’t do shit to me from where you going. You bitch-ass nigga. Fight on them niggas in prison, since you like to hit on mu’fuckas. See what it feels like to hit someone who is just as big as you! Or do you only know how to hit on women?”

  “Bitch, you must’ve lost your fucking mind,” Mizan spewed. She could hear him foaming at the mouth in rage.

  “No, you lost your mind when you started thinking I was your punching bag! I got your bitch ... You know what, Mizan? Don’t call my phone anymore because we’re done. You need to hope you don’t drop the soap!” Raven slammed her cell phone shut and held it tightly in her hand as adrenaline pumped through her. She had never stood up for herself when it came to Mizan and when she played back the conversation in her head, she laughed loudly as she imagined the look on his face. She was so amped that she did not want the feeling to leave. She loved the fact that she had the upper hand. Finally, Mizan knew what it felt like to be played by the person he trusted most.

  “Yo’, dial that bitch back!” Mizan yelled to Rich when they heard Raven hang up the phone. Mizan’s ego was crushed because Rich had placed the three-way call to Raven on Mizan’s behalf. His boy had heard all of the disrespect that Raven had dished out.

  When Rich tried to call Raven back, the call was sent to voicemail. “She gave me the ‘fuck you button,” Rich said, stating the obvious.

  Mizan was so heated that a light sweat began to break out on his forehead. “Find out where that bitch is and drag her ass back home. And get my lawyer down here ASAP! I don’t give a fuck what I got to do to get out of here, just make it happen. Me and Raven got some unfinished business to settle, n’ah mean?”

  “I got you, fam. I’m on it,” Rich responded.

  Mizan slammed the phone down so hard that he almost tore it from the wall. “Bitch wanna get cute,” he mumbled to himself as he made his way back to his tier. He did not know where Raven’s sudden backbone had come from, but he was more determined than ever to break her back down. “I got you, bitch. As soon as I’m out of here, I’ma see you,” he said to himself as he imagined all of the tortuous things he was going to do when he finally caught up to her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Determined to make it on her own without any further help from Ethic, the first thing Raven did was take her GED test so that she could enroll in the local community college. She had always regretted dropping out of school. She had become so wrapped up in Mizan as a kid that her entire world had revolved around him, but now she was all grown up and she wanted to make a better life for herself. Without their parents, all she and Morgan had were each other. She wanted to be a woman her little sister could look up to. I never want her to make the same mistakes that I did. Trusting the wrong man ruined my life, Raven thought.

  As she sat in class she looked around at the other students and immediately felt a level of discomfort. She stuck out like a sore thumb. She felt inferior to the eager students around her. Her designer clothes and bourgeois attitude were a far cry from her fellow classmates. She felt like an airhead compared to everyone around her; it was obvious that she did not belong. She was out of her element, but she was committed to becoming a better Raven and no matter how hard it got she would stick with it until she finished. By enrolling Morgan in school, her days were free. She could take her classes and still be home by the time Morgan’s school bus dropped her off.

  She had not heard from Mizan since their phone altercation and she hoped that he would not try to contact her again. She was moving on, and she hoped that he would do the same. There were many occasions when Ethic crossed her mind, but he had hurt her pride one too many times for her to even entertain the thought of them ever being together. Although she knew he would never put his hands on her, he had a way of hurting her more than Mizan ever could. The physical pain from Mizan she could endure, it was the emotional pain of not being acceptable in Ethic’s eyes that was too much for her. He just did not know that if he would have chosen her when she was seventeen, she would have never given Mizan the time of day. Ethic was the prince she had dreamt about when she was a little girl. In a perfect world he would have been her man, but in reality he wasn’t even a friend. He was someone who felt he owed her father something. Nothing more, nothing less, and the two of them together just did not make sense. He knew too much about her and she knew too little about him. Even the loneliness of a new environment did not force her to pick up the phone to call him. She was doing just
fine without his help. She was paying for her own schooling through the help of the student loan program, and with the reimbursement package that she had signed up for she was able to send Ethic money every month for rent. It was not much, and he had not asked for it, but she felt that she needed to pay her own way.

  After class, as Raven made her way to her car, one of the guys in her class stopped her.

  “Yo , Raven, right?” he greeted her with a smile. She recognized him from one of her classes. His schoolboy image didn’t appeal to her. She was used to hood fellas with hood swaggers and the guy in front of her was the exact opposite.

  “Yeah?” she responded shortly.

  “I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Jacob. We’re in the same—”

  “Philosophy class,” Raven finished for him. “I know. Did you want something?” she asked.

  The dude smiled and rubbed his clean-shaven face. “Yeah, I wanted to see if you wanted to get together sometime. I know you’re not from around here so I thought I could take you to dinner, show you the town... .”

  “I can’t. I’m not really into dating right now. I’m just trying to stay focused and do me,” she said.

  “Okay, well, the invitation stands for whenever you want to take me up on it,” he insisted.

  She laughed at his persistence, and nodded. “Nice meeting you, Jacob,” she replied as he opened her car door for her. She got inside and turned her key, but the ignition stalled. She frowned in confusion until she looked up and saw that her interior light had been on all day. “Fuck,” she whispered as she rolled her eyes.

  “Do you need a ride?” he asked, quickly jumping on the opportunity to assist her.

  She hesitated and thought of calling AAA, but she knew that she needed to be home when Morgan arrived. Triple-A is gon’ take forever to get here, she thought. I don’t even know this nigga though. She debated the pros and cons in her head. Jacob could see the uncertainty on her face and he leaned down to look through her window.