Moth to a Flame

by Antoinette, Ashley

  “I’ma call you back, fam. Keep watching the nigga. If I don’t call you back in five minutes ... kill him,” Mizan stated.

  “What about the girls?” Rich asked.

  “Them too,” Mizan instructed heartlessly, then hung up.

  “Why are you doing this?” she cried.

  Mizan ignored her question. “What’s his number?” he asked. It was important for him to get Ethic out of the picture. Once she made the call he would not have to worry about Ethic trying to come to her aid. He knew that without Ethic, Raven was helpless. She wasn’t strong enough to fight him on her own.

  Raven felt like her back was against the wall. He really had her paralyzed with fear and she knew that if she did not do as he said then Mizan would follow through with his threats. He was psychotic and a killer with no remorse. She knew that he would not hesitate to murder Ethic, even if only to hurt her. With a heavy heart and much regret, Raven told him the number. She closed her eyes as he activated the speaker phone and placed the phone near her mouth. He held the phone with one hand and jammed his gun hard into her stomach with the other. Her face was like a waterfall of sorrow as she opened her mouth to speak.

  “Ethic,” she whimpered.

  “Raven ... what’s wrong, baby girl? Did something happen to the baby?” he asked. His voice was so full of concern that Raven wept loudly. Mizan pulled back the hammer on his pistol and ice grilled her to keep her in line.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Ethic. I’m not feeling this,” she whispered as she forced herself to stop crying.

  “What? Raven where are you? Fuck is going on?”

  “I’m going back to Flint ... back to Mizan. I tried, Ethic ... but I love him and I want to give him another chance,” Raven mumbled. Every word tore through her heart as she heard silence fill the phone. Her lip quivered and her nose ran as she waited for his response.

  “Don’t do this to me, Raven ... after everything that nigga took you through how could you even think of going back? Don’t take me through this again,” he retorted coldly.

  “I’m tired of being your substitute for Melanie,” Raven cried, knowing that she was rubbing salt in Ethic’s wounded heart. “I don’t want this life with you. I was not raised to be second best.”

  “You’re not taking my baby back to live with that nigga ... I don’t give a fuck about what you do, but you’re not ... .”

  “It’s not your son!” Raven screamed out. “I was fucking Jacob,” she lied.

  Ethic’s silence spoke volumes. She could hear his heart breaking through the phone as she sobbed.

  “I’m not sending Morgan back to that city, Raven, and if you walk away now don’t think of coming back. I can’t save you if you don’ t want to save yourself,” Ethic stated. She could hear him cutting her off. She could hear his hatred toward her building. As each second passed he withdrew from her. The love that he had for her transformed into resentment and contempt.

  Raven closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Her life was not her own to live. She had sold her soul to the devil a long time ago when she had trusted Mizan, and now he was coming to collect. Mizan was determined to have her and she knew that as long as he was alive he would never set her free. She could feel him consuming her ... he was going to be the death of her. “Take care of her, Ethic. I’m sorry,” she whispered just before Mizan disconnected the line.

  She stared at Mizan with hateful eyes and said, “I did what you asked ... now call Rich and tell him not to hurt them.”

  “Nah, I might still let him pop that nigga Ethic,” Mizan stated with nonchalance. Raven exploded and threw fists his way as she screamed at him.

  “I hate you ... I fucking hate you!” she yelled as she scratched and clawed at him.

  “Bitch, calm your ass the fuck down!” he hollered as he hit her with the butt of the gun, dizzying her and causing blood to flow from her busted nose.

  “Call him!” Raven pleaded. “Please, Mizan.”

  “Who do you belong to?” Mizan asked egotistically.

  “You ... just please make the call. I belong to you,” she whispered as she panted for air and held her throbbing nose.

  Mizan placed the call and called off the hit as he started his car. “Sit your ass back and shut the fuck up. I see you done forgot who Daddy is, Mizan stated. “Don’t worry, I’ma remind you, bitch. All you need is some discipline.”

  Ethic threw his phone to the ground, causing Morgan and Bella to jump in alarm. He swung at the air, taking his frustrations out on an invisible opponent as he felt the familiar sting of betrayal. For the second time under the exact same circumstances he was losing a woman that he loved. First Melanie and now Raven. They both had gone back to their abusive relationships and taken pieces of his heart with them.

  “Daddy, what’s wrong? Bella asked as he picked her up in his arms. He bit his inner cheek so hard that he drew blood as he fought back his emotions. He kissed her cheeks as she wiped the tears from his eyes with her tiny hands. “You’re sad. What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart,” he lied as he covered her with kisses, trying to absorb as much love from her in an attempt to fill his bleeding heart. He put her down and then kneeled down in front of Morgan, then pulled them both close to him. “I need to talk to you two about Raven,” he said. He could barely choke out the words without breaking down, but he put on a strong visage for the sake of Morgan and Bella.

  “What’s wrong with Raven?” Morgan signed in panic.

  “Nothing, baby girl ... nothing’s wrong with her. She’s just going back to Flint for a little while ...” Ethic signed back, trying his hardest to display a smile to calm her nerves.

  Morgan’s eyes filled with fear. “She can’t go back there. You can’t let her go back to Flint. Mizan is crazy, Ethic. He is going to hurt her,” Morgan signed, jumping up from the ground to get him to understand how serious she was.

  Ethic could see that she had seen more pain than her young eyes should have ever been exposed to. He rubbed her hair. “Nah, li’l bit ... I won’t let that happen. You two go finish eating ... I’ve got a couple phone calls to make.”

  As he stood, he looked at Melanie’s tombstone. There was no way he was going to let Raven end up the same way. There was no doubt in his mind that he was done fucking with her. After what she had revealed he would never look at her the same way, but he was not going to let her go back to the same nigga who had torn her down. He flipped up his cell phone and put in the order to have Mizan hit without a second thought. It seemed that no matter how hard he tried to pull away from the streets they called him back in, but this situation needed to be handled. It was long overdue. With a $50,000 ticket on his head, Mizan wouldn ’t be breathing for long. Ethic knew that as long as Mizan was living that Raven would be drawn to him. He could not understand her logic and because she had chosen another man over him, Ethic could never take her back ... but he could make sure that she did not fall into the clutches of Mizan. Ethic had spared Mizan’s life before simply because he had not wanted to hurt Raven, but this time he was going to take it because of all the hurt that Mizan had caused.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Raven shivered as she lay on the basement floor, chained to a foundation pole in the middle of the room. She had been down there for a week and she felt as if she was losing her mind. He fed her as if she were a dog, bringing bowls of food down for her along with a bowl of water. At first she was too proud to eat the food and would curse him out every time he opened the basement door, but as the days passed and her baby began to feel the starvation she gave in. She ate with her hands and licked the bowls clean she was so hungry.

  “Mizan!” she screamed at the top of her lungs as she limped to the bottom of the steps. She pulled at the heavy chain around her ankle and banged it against the concrete ground to get his attention. She knew that he heard her. He was torturing her and his cruelty toward her only made her hate him more. She called his name until her voice wen
t hoarse and then collapsed onto the ground, sobbing her heart out. All of the windows were covered and she didn’t know if it was day or night. It felt as if she had been down there forever and she did everything in her power not to lose her mind. She thought of Ethic, Morgan, and Bella to help maintain her sanity. She promised God that if she ever made it out of that basement alive, the first opportunity that she got to leave Mizan she would ... this time for good.

  When Mizan finally opened the door she sat up weakly. With the light from the upstairs silhouetting his body as he descended the stairs he looked like her savior, but he had no intentions of coming to her rescue. He held two small puppies, one under each arm as he descended the steps.

  “Mizan, please let me come upstairs,” she begged shamelessly. “I’m pregnant Mizan. Please!”

  Mizan placed the pit bull puppies on the ground and they instantly began to bark and jump on Raven.

  “I got two more bitches that I have to train. They are much easier to train than you, though, Raven. These bitches right here are loyal. Once I break them in they never stray ... You strayed, that’s why I’m retraining you,” Mizan stated cruelly.

  “I loved you,” she cried as the tiny pit bulls began to bite at her clothes. “What did I do to deserve this?”

  “You let another nigga have what belongs to me,” he replied. He spat on the ground in front of her and turned around to ascend the steps. He ignored her cries and left her to fight off the dogs alone in the basement.

  For three tormenting weeks Raven was treated like an animal. She didn’t eat unless he chose to feed her and she was forced to relieve herself in a corner of the room. The pit bulls had taken to her and made her the leader of their pack, which only demeaned her further, making her feel inhumane. Raven knew that the conditions were not good for her baby, but when she felt the sharp pain in her abdomen and a gush of water flow between her legs, terror seized her.

  “Aww,” she cried out softly as she felt her uterus contract. “No ... no ... not like this,” she cried as she held her stomach, but despite her protests her baby was coming. She was about to give birth on the damp, cold, dirty basement floor.

  “Mizan! Please! Help me!” she screamed as her hysterics caused the pit bull puppies to begin barking. “Aghh!” she hollered as pain ripped through her.

  Her body temperature rose as she tried to hold in her urge to push. Sweat dripped from her body as the dogs began to circle her and bark furiously.

  “Aghhh!”

  The pain was too great for her to bear. She could feel every rip as her vaginal opening dilated to allow her baby access into the world.

  “Mizan!” she cried. “Please help me ... I need you!” she hollered. She felt that something was wrong. She had never expected childbirth to hurt this much. She tried to hold it in as long as she possibly could, but it felt like her baby was kicking at her opening. The urge to push was too much and she found herself straining as she pushed with all her might.

  “Aghhhhh!” she screamed.

  She gripped the pole and breathed erratically as she desperately sucked in the air. She felt her body reacting as she prepared herself to push again. She held her scream in this time as the dogs went wild around her. She bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes as she pushed aggressively.

  “Oh God,” she cried. “Please help me ... God, please. I can’t do this.”

  This was not how she pictured this day to be. No one was by her side. She had never felt lonelier than she did at that moment, and when she felt the urge to push again she didn’t stop until she heard the sounds of tiny cries.

  “Ohhh, ”she moaned as she shook violently as a gushy wailing mess lay between her legs. The dogs circled her, barking at her baby and she reached down to scoop him up in her arms as she sobbed uncontrollably. Fatigue raped her body so much that her shaky hands could barely hold onto her child. She found a pair of rusty yard sheers and cut the umbilical cord, as she tried her best to clean him off. His lungs worked overtime as his wails haunted her, filling the dirty basement, and reminding her of how horrible of a mother she was to allow him to be born into such a dire environment. “I know,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry,” she cried as she nestled him to her chest. When she heard the front door slam upstairs she began to scream for dear life.

  “Mizan!” she cried. “Please help me!”

  He appeared at the top of the steps and strolled down casually, but when he finally caught sight of what had occurred while he was gone he stopped abruptly. Even someone with a heart as cold as his could not stomach the bloody sight in front of him.

  “Please ... I need a doctor,” she whispered, totally defeated.

  “Are you trained?” he asked.

  She nodded obediently as she stared up desperately at him. “Yes ... yes, I’m trained.”

  “You know you’re not keeping that nigga’s baby, right?” Mizan stated callously.

  “It’s not his, it’ s yours,” she stated quickly. She knew that it was a lie, but she was determined to convince him.

  “Bitch, do I look like boo-boo the fucking fool to you?” he asked growing angry.

  “I’m not lying to you, Mizan. I found out I was pregnant before I left Flint. Why do you think I decided to leave in the first place? I was afraid that you would hit me while I was pregnant. I didn’t want anything to happen to our baby. I was just trying to keep him safe,” she said through her tears, laying it on thick. Mizan began to pace the floor unsurely as he stared down at her.

  “Why the fuck you just now telling me this shit, Raven?! I had you down here punishing you for being pregnant with that nigga’s seed!” he yelled. “Fuck!”

  “Mizan, please ... just help me. We need a doctor,” she whispered, knowing that she had turned the tables and made him feel a bit of guilt. She could see a tiny spark in his heart. Now all she had to do was fuel the flame and make him feel. Come on, you bastard. I know you can’t be this evil.“Please, Mizan. He’s your son. Help us,” she pleaded.

  Mizan picked her up from the floor and she cradled her crying baby in her arms as he carried her up the stairs. She was so weak that she could barely lift her head and she used all of her energy to keep her baby secure in her arms. “I’m getting a paternity test done,” he informed her. “If you’re lying I’m going to kill you this time.”

  “I’m not lying,” she whispered.

  He refused to take her to the hospital, but he hired a nurse to come in and make sure that she and the baby were okay. Raven named her son Benjamin Ezra Atkins, after her father and, unbeknownst to Mizan, after Ethic as well. Mizan resented the baby at first, but the more time he spent around the child the more he began to come around to the idea of keeping him around. Raven was so afraid of Mizan that she went along with the charade, but she knew that she would have to escape before Mizan found out the truth.

  “How long are you going to keep me prisoner here?” she asked, her depression worsening. Ever since she had given birth to her baby she had felt lost. Maybe it was the constant isolation from the outside world or her yearning to be back with Ethic that had her going crazy. She didn’t know, but whatever it was she could not shake the funk off that surrounded her life. She had thought of committing suicide numerous times, but the thought of leaving her son to be raised by a monster like Mizan always stopped her. She needed a way out, but she knew that running would be pointless because he would just find her and drag her back like he had done so many times before.

  “Ain’t nobody keeping your ass cooped up ... take your yellow ass on somewhere,” Mizan stated as he picked up baby Benjamin. “I’ma smack the shit out of yo mama if she keep looking at me all sideways,” he said to the baby as he blew on the infant’ s stomach. The sight of him touching her child disgusted Raven, but there was nothing that she could do about it. I have to find a way out of here.

  “Why don’t you go see Nikki or some shit?” he said. “Get the fuck from around me with all that depressing shit.”

  Raven lo
oked up at him in surprise and hopped up to begin preparing a diaper bag for her son. Now was the perfect opportunity for her to get ghost. She didn’t care that she had no money. All she wanted was to put as much distance between herself and Mizan as possible.

  “Fuck you packing his shit up for? He’s not going with you,” Mizan stated.

  “I just want to show Nikki her nephew, Mizan. I haven’t even spoken to her since I left. She doesn’t even know I have a son,” she stated as tears came to her eyes.

  “Too fucking bad, bitch, cuz he ’s not going with you. As a matter of fact if you take this li’l nigga out of my house I’ma bust your fucking ass, n’ah mean?” he stated.

  “I won’t take him out,” she replied submissively as her stomach turned at the sight of them interacting. She did not want Benjamin to know someone as evil as Mizan, but it was out of her hands. As she turned to leave Mizan added, “Stop by my trap houses, too. It’s the first of the month. That’s money day, baby boy,” Mizan said as he spoke to the baby and lifted him in the air. Raven could see that Mizan really loved Benjamin, but as soon as he found out that it wasn’ t his son all of that love would become deadly hate and Raven did not want to be around to see that day.

  Raven nodded and reluctantly left the house. She knew what Mizan was trying to pull. He knew that she would never leave town without her son so he made sure that when she left the house the baby stayed. He knew that she wasn’t running away without her child and that kept her rooted.

  She found herself on Nikki’s doorstep crying furiously as she banged it off its hinges. Finally Nikki opened the door.

  “Oh my God ... Raven!” Nikki exclaimed as she hugged her tightly. “Where the hell have you been?

  “He has my son ... .” Raven sobbed.

  “Your son?” Nikki said in shock. She could see that Raven was in bad shape and she ushered her to the couch. Raven confided in Nikki, confessing to her all that had happened since they had last spoken and even though Raven knew that Nikki would not remember it the next day it was cleansing to talk to another person about it. Nikki’s mouth hung wide open by the time Raven finished telling the story of her torture.