Destined to Feel

by Indigo Bloome

  Sam and I check in at One Aldwych. I stare aimlessly around the suite in which I had invested such high hopes and expectations. I can’t deny the emptiness I’m feeling without Alexa here by my side, or the rising turmoil in my gut as to where she could be. I stare blankly at my laptop as if her whereabouts is going to miraculously appear before my eyes. I haven’t heard back from Moira yet, which is driving me mad, but I know she’s efficient and does her job like no other. I don’t want to bother her unnecessarily, but every second counts and I feel like I’m in Alexa limbo. I’m half tempted to call Scotland Yard myself to sort this hideous mess out. I can’t get my mind off the letter I had received during our weekend away that indirectly threatened the safety of Alex’s children if I didn’t go ahead with the experiment. It must be the same people.

  Shit. If only I could turn back time we would not be in this mess. I should have organised for the whole family to be with me in the safety of Avalon until all this crap passed over and we figured out who was behind it but as we didn’t receive anything else, we instead just increased security and surveillance at Alexa and Robert’s house as a precautionary measure. Now this, they’ve abducted her — if they’re willing to go to these extremes, will it ever be over? I slam the laptop closed in frustration — it’s not as if it’s giving me any of the answers I so urgently need. What I need is a strong drink. I’m driving myself crazy. I pass by Sam’s room and tap on the door before opening it. He’s absorbed in his laptop, maybe hoping for answers just as futilely as I was.

  ‘I’m heading to the bar, can I get you anything?’

  ‘I’ll join you in half an hour or so. I want to reorganise the priorities for my team in Sydney so they are on standby to research the information Moira will be sending through and I’ll offer any assistance to Martin in setting up a more sophisticated tracker on Alexandra’s bracelet. You never know, they might find something. I know it’s a long shot but…’ He sounds despondent as he looks up from his work and his eyes register both our misery.

  ‘Thanks Sam, it will all help and they’re a bright bunch by the sounds of it. I’ll let McKinnon know we’ll need to defer the forum indefinitely and he can inform the other members.’

  ‘Of course, I should have thought of that, he is the Chair, after all. I’ll see you downstairs. I suppose there’s not too much else we can do until we hear back from Moira.’

  I close his door and trudge towards the lift. I’m not used to being this useless. I need action, to hunt down her abductors, not just make phone calls, damn it. Being forced to wait is killing me.

  In the lobby bar I stare aimlessly into the flames of the candelabra, jiggling the ice around in my double shot of Glenmorangie. Some slick chick asks me if I want company tonight and I motion her away with a wave of my hand. As if I could think of anyone but Alex at the moment, as if I ever will again — even my dick concurs. My mind flits back through the many times we have played together. She never disappointed me, has always been willing to try anything with me, explore and push the boundaries. Of all the women I have been with, and there have been many over the years, she is the one I keep coming back to. The one I couldn’t get out of my head even when I was being pleasured by two buxom blondes in California, or getting a blow job from a lusty redhead with a mouth to die for. It was Alex — her body, her mind, her heart — that kept floating erratically through my mind during those moments of random pleasure, preventing me from committing further to any other woman in my life. I never spoke about her of course, they didn’t need to know.

  Marie was close and wanted our relationship to go further, but I couldn’t bring myself to commit, not when I knew Alex was still out there, even if she was unavailable on the other side of the world. We are still friends but she’s as wrapped up in her career as I am in mine and marrying Marie would have been like a business deal, Kardashian-style, all for show but without any grounded substance. Marriage should mean more than that.

  Besides, I needed to know once and for all, where I stood with AB. I knew she was married with kids; I’m Jordan’s godfather after all, even if I haven’t exactly been a major presence in his life. The weekend away I organised with her meant everything to me. I knew from the second she agreed to stay that, finally, this was our time, our destiny and that my philandering ways were over. This was the real deal. There was no way I was ever going to let her go again. And it couldn’t have worked more perfectly. My meticulous planning paid off in every way possible. I had to ensure our lives would be entangled together somehow from that point forward —

  whether it was professionally, sexually or psychologically. I didn’t mind which one, actually, if I’m perfectly honest I was obviously hoping to achieve all three and hit the jackpot. Breaking through her boundaries, removing all the layers of defensive constructs she’d built up over the years and finally witnessing her willingness to experiment made me fall even more in love with her all over again. Not to mention her effect on my research. The results are absolutely extraordinary but shit, at what cost? What would have happened if she hadn’t agreed to be involved? I would never have forced her into anything she wasn’t willing to do herself and ultimately she did it willingly, but with the blackmail letter I received on the Friday night of our weekend hanging over my head, threatening the safety of her children… I just couldn’t risk it.

  Anything could seem like an accident when they were travelling in the wilderness of Tasmania. I certainly didn’t want to scare her or put her children in any danger, all because of my work.

  They mean the world to her; they are her world. In the end, I was pleased that I hadn’t caused her any worry by mentioning it to her and I thought it had all worked out, but now the letter, then the computer hacking, and finally the abduction, all tumbles into one sordid picture — but who is behind it? Who would stoop so low? Who would take that risk to put her in so much personal danger? They must have a lot at stake or maybe I have more enemies than I realised… My head literally aches as my brain runs through numerous scenarios.

  I remind myself that Alexa is strong, has always been strong and oftentimes is stronger than she realises. Christ, look what she did for me! At least I know they won’t want her dead. She is no use to them dead; these results require that she is very much alive. Thank god! But I also know it is highly unlikely they will achieve the results we did. My stomach churns at the thought of what they may put her through, how they might want to touch her. It sickens me to the core.

  The only way I want my Alexa to receive pleasure is under my instruction. No one knows her body the way I do, and at least that knowledge calms my churning gut a little. Hang in there, sweetheart, we’ll find you. The light from the candles continues to flicker. I swipe my finger through their flames, feeling the heat but not the burn, and it sparks a memory from a happier time.

  We are in the middle of a five day skiing trip to Val d’Isère with a group of friends. It’s such an amazing resort, the snow and weather have been exceptional as is the chalet we are staying in.

  We have a dedicated chef and as much wine and champagne as we can drink. We’ve been skiing hard each day and chilling out when the sun goes down.

  Alex has improved dramatically on the slopes in the past two days. She has only skied once before. I’m really proud of her perseverance, she never gives up and today we managed some red runs together, so it’s a massive improvement. She has one spill when some dickhead trying to show off loses control and bowls her over. She hurtles over the side of the run and I only know where she is when I see her poke her stick up from the body-deep snow. Once I can see she’s not injured, we can’t stop laughing, which makes it even more difficult for me to haul her out of her predicament.

  ‘Could you be covered in any more snow if you tried?’ It’s taking all my strength to keep a grip on her, as I try to control my chuckles. She looks like the sexiest, cutest snow creature I’ve ever seen, white flakes caked through her hair and sitting on top of her eyelashes. I decide there is no wa
y I’m sharing her with the others tonight. We’ll stay in and this has given me the perfect excuse.

  ‘It’s not like I planned it this way, Jeremy. Is that guy okay?’ Her voice is muffled under the snow. Typically she’s more worried about the idiot who did this, than herself. I give one last heave and out she pops, landing on top of me — which I have no issue with whatsoever.

  ‘The maniac who took you out? He’s long gone, but are you sure you’re okay?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine, but I’ve got snow everywhere, absolutely everywhere, inside and out!’

  ‘Well, maybe we should call it a day. I’ve got an idea that should warm you up nicely.’

  Oh yes, there’s the mischievous look in her eyes. I’ve piqued her interest.

  ‘What did you have in mind, Dr Quinn?’

  ‘Let’s just get you inside and de-snowed. We’ll be staying in tonight.’

  No arguments from the lady.

  It’s the chef’s night off so our friends head out for a big night — more than likely till about 4

  a.m. I’m pleased we now have the chalet to ourselves and I have important plans for our evening together. My cock has been twitching for action all day and is very happy to be free of the restraints of my ski clothes. As I walk past the bathroom, the door is left slightly ajar, which is convenient because I catch Alexa’s reflection in the mirror…hard for me to miss when she’s in the shower naked. That’s all the encouragement I need. I immediately strip off my boxers and T-shirt and join her, fully erect and raring to go. Her smile confirms I’m a welcome presence as I slide the soap from her fingers and skilfully take over the cleansing process in her place. She doesn’t resist me and is used to me taking the lead, she loves it and god knows, so do I. I could devour her breasts, they’re more than a handful and I have large hands. I slide my soapy palms all over the curves of her body as my eyes greedily take her in. I love watching the impact my touch has on her body, it’s the only thing that tempers my impatient cock. I massage her thighs as I watch her mouth open to let out a sigh, yes, she knows what’s coming, I kiss that mouth, those soft, full lips and taste her desire for me, so I slow my strokes, knowing she will soon need the support of the wall or my body. My cock is furious with this strategy so I’m forced to quicken my play. I turn her around so she’s facing the wall, my hands continue to massage her plump, full breasts and play with her taut nipples. Her eyes are closed so she’s already to the point of no return, just as I want her. My cock rests between the crack in her arse while my fingers find her opening, teasing it wider. Her head rests back against my chest exposing her delectable neck, but my needs are too raw, too immediate. She’s panting rapidly as her body presses tight against the wall. I spread her legs and butt cheeks to clear the passage for my cock to slide through her welcoming flesh so I can push as far as I can into her soft, enveloping centre. As I take her from behind, my hungry shaft penetrates her layers further and higher, and she groans in ecstatic response. Her sounds encourage me to completely fill her and pump harder and faster. I love the power she surrenders to me, that I have over her responsive body, and my cock is in heaven before it explodes into her sweet tunnel. It’s my favourite place in the world, as if our bodies were made for each other and she never disappoints. Ever.

  A little calmer now that my pent-up sexual tension has found its release, I put on some music, light the fire and a few candles around the room — quite a few. I have a thing about candles, and tonight the whole concept of warming her up propels me into action. I’m impatient waiting for Alexa, so I entice her out of the bathroom with promises of a Cointreau and ice, some stinky cheese, oozing brie and crunchy bread. Finally, she emerges flushed and glistening from the bathroom.

  ‘Santé.’

  ‘Santé.’

  ‘Dr Quinn, you’re not going all romantic on me, are you? You do have certain playboy standards to maintain.’

  ‘That I do, Ms Blake. You just bring out the best in my imagination.’

  ‘Imagination? Surely you can do better than candles, Cointreau and cheese?’ She does like to tease… I can indeed do better, but I remain silent and just give her a ‘watch this space’ look.

  Which she misses because she is settling all cosy-like into the lounge. There’ll be none of that!

  ‘Drink up, I want you naked and on the floor by the fire.’

  She looks up at me carefully, assessing my seriousness, before slowly taking another sip of her drink. Will she, won’t she? I ponder. I give her a moment to do as I ask of her own free will, and take another sip myself, tempering my impatience to have her where I want her, immediately. Our eyes are locked as we play this game of psychic cat and mouse. I let her continue with her little charade. She defiantly takes another sip before placing her drink on the side table. She’s very deliberately taking her time; she’ll pay for that later. She stands up and slowly undoes the tie of her robe before letting the robe fall off her shoulders. God, she looks hot and she isn’t wearing anything underneath. Love your style, Alexa, what a legend. I can’t take my eyes off her glistening skin; my arousal is piqued all over again. She casually saunters over to the platter, helps herself to the cheese and bread. She munches away, still not saying a word, jiggles her tits to the music as she returns across the room to her drink, and this time has a giant mouthful of the icy drink, swishing it around her mouth before swallowing the citrus liquid.

  There is nothing about her I don’t want this second. She raises her eyebrows and I place my palm out towards her, which she gracefully accepts, finally. She likes the notion of having some power, even in the process of her submission to me. I congratulate myself for my patience (which always pays off when it comes to Alex) and lead her to where I want her, naked, on the rug and at my mercy.

  ‘So, now that I’m here, what are you going to do with me?’

  I have to stop the carnal visions that penetrate my brain as a result of her words. I don’t bother responding verbally, I just run my fingers along the outline of her body. I start with her big toe and take my time bumping over her smaller toes, around the side of her foot, her calf, her outer thighs. I follow the curve of her butt and the indent of her waist, allow my little finger to languidly caress her nipple on my way past her breast, but not enough to create any real friction so I know I have the complete attention of both her body and mind. The softness of her skin never ceases to amaze me; my fingers and my eyes absorb its texture and tone. Of all the women I have been with, none ever feels like Alex beneath my touch. As I move past her arm, I take it with me and raise it above her head so her breast is lifted upward. It takes every bit of willpower to prevent me lowering my lips to her nipple to nibble and suck, knowing it will instantly arch her back and wet her sex. If my cock had a voice it would be groaning, but my brain is still in control, as it should be. I continue my journey around her face, knowing her eyes are locked on mine. I must concentrate on the sensations I am causing on her body, not lose focus. I raise her other arm above her head. This is more like it, unfettered access to my gorgeous plaything. I notice her breaths becoming shallow in her chest and I know this is turning her on, big time, and she knows it’s the same for me. I don’t lose sight of my mission as my fingers continue to glide along her sexy contours, I can’t wait to arrive at her thighs and notice my breathing is also shallow. It will be worth it, I remind myself. Finally, I’m there, sliding along the softness of her inner flesh, wanting to bury my head between her legs and my tongue in her opening, but I deliberately tease before meandering past and back down to the toe where I started. At last!

  ‘Now, are you ready to play?’

  ‘Jeez, Jeremy, you’re slowly killing me here.’ There is nothing quite like the sound of Alexa’s voice when she’s almost begging for it. Absolutely worth the tortuous slowness of my journey around her body.

  ‘I don’t think you’ll have the willpower to stay in this position, Alexandra, so I am going to bind your wrists.’ When it comes to women, I have learnt that statem
ents are far more effective than questions; that way, they don’t have to give themselves permission (which is always the case with Alex). If they say nothing, you have told them what will happen. They can always say no, but never seem to, in my experience anyhow. I grab the tie from Alexa’s robe and securely fasten her wrists together above her head. She knows she can stop me, but given the playful look of feigned horror in her eyes, she won’t. Oh no, she definitely wants this as much as me. It intrigues her as to what I’m going to do next, just as it excites me.

  ‘Seems like you are taking a few liberties tonight, Jeremy.’ She doesn’t resist me whatsoever.

  ‘Only you could inspire me to take such liberties, Alexandra.’

  Okay, almost ready.

  I move one of the lounge chairs over so I can tie her bound wrists to the leg of the chair. I know she’ll be shocked by what I’m going to do, but she’ll love it once she gets used to it. One of my friends-with-benefits at Harvard did it to me, and although the feeling was fascinating, I couldn’t stand not being in control. All I could think about was how Alexa’s body would react instead and I’ve wanted to try it with her ever since. Now, I have my chance.

  ‘Is this added security necessary? Anchoring me to the base of a chair? What if the others come home early?’

  ‘They won’t.’ I know this because I have organised for Craig to call me if it looks like anyone is leaving early. As if I’d be that unprepared…she should know me better than that by now. I take a moment to absorb the sight of her exposed and trapped body. My cock springs spontaneously out of the split in my boxer shorts.