Destined to Feel

by Indigo Bloome

  ‘But you have small bruises all over your body. If I didn’t know better I’d say they were love bites.’ I can’t help but smile at his use of such a teenage word. ‘You think it is funny?’ He looks unamused.

  ‘A little, I have to admit.’ I am unable to keep the smile from my face. ‘Don’t you?’

  ‘Alexa, you were abducted right in front of my eyes, shuffled from country to country, vanished for over three days and I thought you were dead and you now have bruises and marks on your body. How can you stand there smiling and tell me they didn’t hurt you?’ He sounds distraught as he turns me back around and raises my arm so I can see the marks on the inside of my upper arm as clearly as he can.

  ‘I promise you, Jeremy, they didn’t hurt one bit.’ I raise my eyebrow and wonder where this will take his analytical thought process.

  ‘You, you…enjoyed it?’ He looks utterly astonished.

  ‘Surprisingly, much more than I would ever have believed.’

  ‘With other men?’ I hesitate. ‘Please, I just need to know, tell me the truth. How did you get these?’

  ‘From two women.’

  ‘And they didn’t cause you pain?’

  ‘Quite the opposite, actually.’ My eyes are wide open, awaiting his response. He has always wanted me to explore the ‘other side’ — that is, with women — and I’d never been brave enough. On a few occasions, he’d gone so far as to provide me with the opportunity, but I never went there. And now I have, well, sort of…at least, they did with me.

  ‘Oh, well… I suppose that is different, then.’ I can sense his entire body and mind absorbing this new information. His previous fear and anger is making way to curiosity and fascination.

  ‘I can assure you, Jeremy, you’ve put me through worse…and better, admittedly.’ This time I can’t help but laugh. I’ve never seen him so unsure of himself and his emotions. It’s strangely empowering.

  ‘Jeremy,’ I say clearly, ‘a bath would be great, thanks.’

  ‘Hmm, yes, a bath, of course.’ Still not entirely at ease with our conversation he goes about his business of making a bath, which gives me an opportunity to inspect my body and the bruising more thoroughly. It’s not too bad, although there are a lot of them I must admit, more than I would have thought. ‘Your earlier comment was quite accurate, Alexa.’

  ‘What was that?’ I yell out so he can hear me over the running water.

  ‘We do have a lot to discuss.’

  This should be interesting.

  I can’t describe how incredible the bath feels for my body. I melt into the steaming water, and once again the aroma of lavender and jasmine fill the air and my body finally feels as if it has the opportunity to release the tension it has been harbouring for days. I’m not surprised when Jeremy undresses and joins me. I get the sense that he isn’t game to leave me for more than a few seconds, in case I should vanish again from his grasp. I know this is where I belong but I also know we have much to resolve between us before we can move forward. He cradles my body between his legs and wraps his arms possessively around my shoulders. I let my head rest against his chest and feel more secure than I have in days, but I’m not sure that it is the truth. I have to ask: ‘Am I safe now, Jeremy? Is there any risk they will find me?’

  ‘That’s a good question, sweetheart. Let me explain to you everything that happened after we left Avalon.’

  Over the next twenty-four hours, Jeremy explains everything that he was planning to tell me personally during our scheduled meeting in London — before our plans were more than rudely interrupted.

  He tells me about the blackmail letter and for a moment my head swirls. I flash back and remember my difficulty in interpreting his sense of urgency and underlying fear during our weekend away, and now fully understand why it was so difficult for him to resolve. Sometimes the decisions we make in life are to protect the ones we love, to distance them from potential pain. Not knowing whether the blackmail threat was real or not, and not knowing our true intentions and feelings for each other, confused us both and clouded the decisions we were willing to make. If only we had trusted each other enough to have a ‘real’ conversation.

  If only I had known that he had known about Robert’s sexual tendencies while I remained completely naive. I may have not been so hesitant or nervous. I barely had time to think about anything that weekend, so much was coming at me, so blindly, so fast. It had been so long since Jeremy and I had connected emotionally, let alone sexually…both of us weren’t as sure of ourselves as perhaps we should have been. Hindsight is a great thing, but it doesn’t alter the past or the decisions we made. Would I change anything? I’m not sure. I’d never put my children in danger, so maybe he made the right decision on my behalf, regardless, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a lot of fun playing that weekend. More fun, in some ways, than I had ever had as an adult to date. Is that irresponsible?

  I have to acknowledge that I willingly agreed to partake in the experiment and can’t deny gaining many personal insights and learning a lot as a result. After all, I’m always trying to live a life without regrets. What I haven’t come to terms with is the ‘uniqueness’ of my red blood cells. This is a complete shock. The potential healing ability that Jeremy describes is almost unreal to me. I ask him whether it has been genetically passed to my children, but he’s unsure and, at this stage, unwilling to conduct any tests on them to find out. He has become even more protective since he is now aware of the heightened risks and dangers. It’s almost as if he is taking the approach of ‘the less we know the safer we’ll be’, which goes against the grain of his career. But I suppose he has never loved anyone like he does me, and the fact that I know that now, beyond any shadow of a doubt, makes me the happiest woman on earth. I smile and hug myself indulgently. Even if I have weird blood that people want to steal…then a deep shudder travels down my spine at that thought. Once again, I find myself unconsciously stroking my ever-present bracelet. Jeremy assures me they are investigating a way to modify it to ensure it can be traced underground or underwater, since the Xsade facility, located under Lake Bled, blocked the signal. I hope they do, I never want him to lose me again!

  After a few days sailing at sea, I feel refreshed and alive. The ocean air has been good for my lungs and the sun has added a little colour to my otherwise pale skin. I feel hesitant about returning to London so soon after everything that has happened so we decide to sail to Barcelona while we still have use of the boat. My bruises have pretty much cleared up, thank goodness.

  Jeremy was not happy with seeing them on my body — understandable, I suppose. He said whenever he sees them he can’t help but blame himself for everything I’ve been through. So instead, we have been making very gentle, exceptionally romantic love in the shadows, completely absorbed in the mystery of our togetherness and deliberately avoiding the future that awaits us when we disembark.

  Over dinner last night on the outside deck, he asked me to describe exactly what I went through at the Xsade facility, in excruciating detail, as only Jeremy can. He wanted to know my answers to the questionnaire, how I was feeling at every step of the process, what surprised me, what made me scared — everything. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk about it, or wanted him to know, but he sat there, encouraging me to speak and to open up to him. He listened patiently for hours, absorbed in every word, every facial expression. Once I began, and lost any sense of inhibition, I couldn’t stop talking. I realised I needed to talk about the fear and anxiety I experienced, how I felt about him when Madeleine Jurilique made me doubt his love for me, and my anger towards him at his supposed betrayal.

  He showed more concern for my emotions than my accusatory words as I continued my story. It was just the therapy I needed. His body language changed almost imperceptibly when he asked thoughtful questions about my experience in the ‘orgasm factory’, as he liked to call it. I think it helped him come to terms with the fact that they didn’t keep me in some hideous dungeon, a
nd made the whole situation more bearable and light-hearted for both of us. His eyes were blazing with concentration as I explained the actual experiences I observed and was intimately involved in. He didn’t judge me, my actions or responses, just listened attentively as though he needed to intimately understand my perspective. I somehow felt cleansed during this process.

  Knowing everything he had been through as well and his desperation to ensure I was part of his life, along with his need to protect both me and my children, reinforced the unbreakable bond between us, that our lives should be lived together, never apart, from this point forward.

  Jeremy

  It is our last night together on the boat, as we near Barcelona before flying to the United States.

  Alexa is wearing a sexy black negligee and I’m in my boxer shorts. We’re just chatting and I have the great privilege of admiring and stroking the luscious silky curves of her body. Her reactions to my touch are even more pronounced since we last met, it’s incredible. She believes we are going to Boston to meet up briefly with Professor Applegate and for me to pick up some things before escorting her back home. I can’t stand the thought of her travelling without me, her abduction is still far too raw in my heart; I don’t imagine that will change for quite some time.

  Leo, via Moira, has insisted that Martin and Salina escort us at all times until we find Madame Jurilque and understand exactly what her intentions for Alexa might be. Once again, I’ll be forever thankful that Leo is part of my life. I’m completely indebted to him.

  I’m thrilled that I’ve been able to arrange, on the sly, with Robert for him to fly over with the kids and meet us in Orlando, Florida. He’s actually a great guy. I can reluctantly understand why Alex would have chosen him to be a father to her children. Since Avalon and the momentous conversation between Alex and Robert regarding their true feelings about their marriage, he has been in regular touch with Adam, Leo’s brother. So the kids will stay with us and he’ll fly on to London and finally meet with Adam, after all these years; it will be interesting to see whether it all works out. I hope so.

  I figured Disney World would be the perfect place for me to get to know Elizabeth and Jordan and would distract Alexa’s mind from everything that’s happened recently. Although I have to admit her resilience has been astounding and her libido has been on fire. I was anticipating having to be very patient with her, give her time to recover after everything she has been through, but she seems almost insatiable. I’m certainly not complaining, but I know that being reunited with her children needs to be our priority…and sooner rather than later, so we can work out how to best reorganise our lives, together rather than on separate sides of the world.

  Everyone is so excited about arranging this as a surprise for her and I’m grateful Elizabeth and Jordan have managed to keep it that way, even though we’ve had a few close calls, which makes me laugh. Alexa is completely puzzled as to what they could be planning, but seems happily distracted and I love to see her this way. For the first time in weeks, I feel like everything could actually work out for us.

  I’m gently stroking her inner wrist and playing with her hair. ‘So you honestly want this, Alexa?’

  ‘Yes, I do.’

  ‘You certainly seem more assured of your desires and arousal since your experience at the orgasm factory.’

  ‘I’m very sure of my desire for you, Jeremy, and your innate ability to arouse me.’

  ‘Thank you, I’m very pleased to hear it.’ And relieved, I have to admit quietly. ‘So you really want to play…’

  ‘More than you can imagine. I want to play now. It will be different when we are with Jordan and Elizabeth. We’ll be parents first and foremost, not lovers. It won’t only be our time.

  My focus will be on them. This moment is just about us and I don’t want to waste it.’

  She breathes a deep sigh before straddling her legs over my body and pinning my hands either side of my head, a position I have her in regularly. I can’t help but smile up at her glowing face, her dark hair cascading past her shoulders, but not quite touching her breasts. I know she isn’t strong enough to keep me in this position, she knows it too.

  ‘So lovers it is then.’

  As if guessing my thoughts she says, ‘For now, absolutely. It feels good to be on top.’

  ‘I’m starting to wonder if I should be a little concerned about how much you’re beginning to like this position.’

  She laughs. ‘Not as much as I like others, though…’

  She is certainly more playful and even more — dare I say it — abandoned than she ever was during our weekend away. Doubt shades my mind, but she seems happy, more confident, in her body and in our relationship. Perhaps the purple pill factory really did provide her with an opportunity to appreciate her sexual self. She certainly looks and feels sensational! My whole body agrees with that thought. Well, if the love of my life wants to play, who am I to deny her?

  ‘And you trust me?’ I ask her.

  ‘Yes, I trust you, Jeremy. What do I need to do to prove it to you? I understand now why our weekend together was so extreme, so many different forces at play. But, more than anything else, I know you did everything because you loved me, you wanted me back in your life and you were protecting me and my children.’ She strokes my cheek softly. ‘You keep forgetting that even though I didn’t understand how and why everything was going on at the time, like I do now, I made a choice. I chose you — every step of the way that weekend. You pushed me further than I’ve ever gone and I loved it. I might have questioned it, but I loved it. You tapped into the essence of me, opened me up like no other — as you said, like the roses blossoming. And here I am, a little tarnished, but certainly still blooming. Because I love you and I know you love me, always have and always will. Believe me, that instils more trust than I ever believed possible.’

  The faith in her eyes is almost enough to undo me. What a speech. I wasn’t expecting such eloquence, but it is also exactly what I needed to hear. ‘You honestly never cease to amaze me.’

  She peppers my face with light kisses, her delicate lips barely touching my skin as she continues to straddle my body. She rubs her cheek against my three-day growth. I still can’t believe she likes the feel of it. ‘You and I, we’re destined to be together, we know that now and I can’t wait for our new life to begin. We still have issues we need to work through and we will.

  But for now…’

  ‘Yes, Dr Blake?’

  She slides her tongue teasingly along my lips. ‘Well, right this minute, Dr Quinn, it’s playtime.’

  ‘It certainly is.’

  I flip her over so our positions are exactly reversed, the only difference being that I know she can’t extract herself from beneath me unless I let her. I return her feathery kisses before upping the intensity and devouring her delicious mouth and she squirms with delight beneath me.

  I remain straddled over her body as I reach to the bedside drawer and pull out two black leather wristbands, each with a connector, just like the ones from our weekend. I watch her face carefully as she registers exactly what they are.

  ‘Do you want to play this much, Alexa?’ I will never force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, ever again, even if I believe she wants it. I’ve learnt my lesson.

  She nods her head. Her nipples become instantly erect at the sight of the bondage restraints.

  She readily offers me her free wrist so I can wrap it in the black leather. The look in her eyes tells me she is already moist below. I feel myself spring to life as I do the same to the other wrist. She is watching me intently, always more quiet in these circumstances than at any other time. I know it is because she is so in the moment with me, fully absorbed in what will happen next.

  I slip the strap of her negligee over her shoulders. As soon as she explained to me how she felt about seeing the two couples together in the circular room, I noticed the timber beam in the corner of the room and have been waiting for an opportunity to us
e it. But only when she was ready, and it seems she is more than ready now.

  The first time she had seen another woman come, and the way she described it and described her response to it, made me stiff while I listened to her, watching her sexy mouth form the words. I didn’t dare interrupt; I needed to know everything, every detail about how she felt and what she experienced, so I could learn more about what drives her arousal, to prove to her and to myself that I can fulfil her sexual needs. I lift her carefully off the bed and over to the beam and her eyes widen in surprise. I can’t decipher whether she had noticed it previously, but there is a cheekiness about the way reacts that makes me think this is what she may have been hoping for. My intentions are clear now at least and she smiles knowingly, raising her arms above her head. Wow, she has become so much more proactive in her own submissive way. I attach the two connectors above the round wooden beam, connecting her wrists together, and move back a step to take in the sight of her bound, beautiful naked body.

  ‘Are you comfortable enough in this position?’ Her silence continues as she nods her assent.

  She is stretched out, on the balls of her feet as if she is wearing high heels. Her body is to die for, her round breasts teasing me to take them in my mouth but it’s not time for that. I absorb the visual feast of her waist, her hips, her stomach. My attraction to her is absolute. I walk deliberately around her, admiring her backside as much as her front, gently kissing the blade of her shoulder as I pass. I return to her face and cup her cheeks in the palms of my hands staring intently into her eyes, boring into her soul. I kiss her deeply until she is breathless, sighing audibly against her bounds. God, I’ve missed her so much. She is my world. She has been denied me for so long, in so many ways, and now she is mine and I am hers. I’m ecstatic that this has finally become my reality.

  I lean down to kiss her belly and am enticed to poke my tongue firmly into her bellybutton, the core of her being, keeping it hard, and swirling my tongue around before sucking her skin back toward me. She gasps and I look up at her face to monitor her response. My hand slips between her thighs to physically confirm the look in her eyes. There are barely any remnants left of her small bruises, but I remember exactly where they were on her body and now I have free access to replicate each and every one of them, with my own mouth. For once in my life, I don’t follow a methodical process or have a definite plan. I listen and watch her body and how it feels beneath my touch to determine where to suck and nibble and bite. Something carnal within me ignites and seems to be driving my desire to mark her, to override where I know the others have been with their mouths on my woman. I can’t stop as my tongue, lips and teeth intensify their ambush on her most sensitive areas.