by Donna Alam
‘I don’t believe it,’ he says, his words heating my insides. ‘No way you’re single.’
Yeah, me. The total babe . . .
‘You can’t meet someone if you don’t do anything but work!’ Addy guffaws. Meanwhile, I blush hard, ignoring my brothers jibes to bask in Josh’s compliments.
Boy, the man is handsome in that confident I-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-you-think way. His eyes just as green as I remember, his dirty blond hair about two haircuts past respectable. And I like it. I’d like to rub my fingers through it. I’d like to hold fistfuls of it between my legs as his mouth works me to the brink of—
Stop! I can’t think of those things. Not until I’m alone in my bedroom, at least. It’s been a while since I jilled off to Josh. I might just need to reinclude him in my regular spank-bank rotation.
‘Why don’t you date?’ Josh’s response isn’t a question, more like something he’s trying to work out.
‘I’ve been focusing on my career,’ I reply, my shoulder rising and falling in a slight shrug. Not defective or into women. Just focused and . . . stuff.
‘Rachel’s the same,’ he says, referring to his sister. ‘Only, she just managed to have a baby.’
Rachel managed to make time for sex. I feel there maybe a lesson here.
‘How cool! I’ll have to pop in and see her while I’m here.’
Josh nods slowly as though he approves but I don’t fail to notice his eyes travelling over my skin. It’s not a casual glance, and more like a thorough inventory. I feel the perusal of his gaze like a physical touch. And he knows it—does it on purpose. All under the nose of my oblivious brother.
Even on the brink of manhood, Josh was always the kind of boy who knew what he wanted. And he knew how to go after it. Though what we had was never physical, he made me feel things I didn’t understand at the time. I know now he didn’t take advantage of my crush out of respect—respect for me, not only because of Addy.
But that was then. What I’m feeling from him now is different. Oh, but I’m sure he would still respect me. And I would let him. I’d let him respect the shit out of me, respecting my body so well and so thoroughly that—
Oh crap, I’m doing it again.
I swallow and try to take a deep breath. I’m thinking dirty thoughts about him at a time that’s so inappropriate. My dad just died after all, and Addy is still in the room. This is inappropriate on so many levels. And kinda fun.
If Ads picks up on the tension that suddenly fills in the room, he doesn’t let on as he stands.
‘I’ve gotta run,’ he announces. ‘I need to do some work shit.’ He touches me on the shoulder as he passes. ‘Catch up with you later. Help mum in the kitchen, yeah?’
I flip him the bird as he leaves the room, then Josh and I are suddenly sniggering like maniacs. But then, the room falls quiet. but for the sound of our breathing.
‘Mum should have dinner ready, soon,’ I say, filling the space between us. ‘Can you stay?’
He flashes me a smile that makes my heart beat a little faster. ‘I’d like that,’ he answers quietly. ‘Dinner with my favourite family sounds like just what I need.’
‘Don’t you like your family?’ I ask teasingly.
‘I love them,’ he answers simply.
I find myself ducking my head to hide my responding smile. I’m more than a little thrilled that he’s staying. Excusing myself, I head to the kitchen to tell mum we have one more. It’s not until we’re in the hall and his shoes are echoing on the tile that I realize he’s followed me out. For a mad minute, I wonder if he’s checking out my ass. I glance over my shoulder at him.
And what do you know. He is. And when his eyes meet mine at the kitchen doorway, there isn’t a hint of regret or embarrassment there.
‘Dinner isn’t going to be ready for a while, Mum says, pulling my attention from the man behind me. ‘You’ll stay for dinner, won’t you Josh?’ When he says that he will, she adds, ‘Why don’t the two of you get out of the house? Go for a walk or something. Catch up.’
My cheeks burn again. Am I so obvious? And if I am, why didn’t she say these sorts of things when I was younger?
One word: Dad.
‘What?’ I ask, finding his smiling like he’s just ingested a slice of melon. Okay, not ingested. It looks more like a huge slice has gotten stuck between his lips.
‘Nothing has changed,’ he answers, amused. As I frown he adds, ‘It’s so good to be home.
Our houses sit side by side on the edge of London, secluded from neighbours at the rear by extensive gardens. In an unspoken agreement, we follow a path that leads into the trees. We used to walk along this little path a lot when we were kids. Now, more than a decade later, the path is almost non-existent, and the trees are so much bigger than they used to seem. As we walk, our silence is a comfortable one, allowing memories of our past to flow like a river through my brain. We spent a lot of time playing hide-and-seek between the trees, climbing into sturdy branches and hiding behind the many trunks. Sometimes we’d pack a picnic basket and eat sandwiches next to the stream where we’d throw the remains of our sandwiches to tempt the minnows swimming around the edges. All the memories of us around that time are filled with joy, and Josh is at the centre of every single one of them.
When I glance up, I find him smiling at me.
‘You’re staring,’ I say, calling him out.
‘Hard not to,’ he answers with a cocky smirk. ‘You grew up well, Kallie. Really well.
‘You always were a smooth talking devil.’ I smile, more comfortable in being open with him now that we’re alone. Which is the opposite of how I feel when Ads is around. My brother and his overprotective streak is another one of the reasons I’d buggered off to California. At least I can now spend time with men without needing his permission or their vetting. Not that I go out a lot. You can take the girl out of suburbia, but you can’t take the suburban out of the girl. Or something.
Josh takes a small step closer to me and he’s close enough now that I can smell his cologne despite the breeze. It’s intoxicating. And familiar, it can’t be the same as he wore back then, but the scent of him is like nothing else. Woodsy and manly. Oh, hell.
‘Trouble, am I,’ his voice rumbles. ‘You really have no idea, but I’d like you to find out.’
His voice is like velvet brushing against my skin—teasing my nipples and halting the breath in my throat. My body responds, my skin alive at the proximity of him. Every fibre in my being screams for him to step closer. For him to take me in his arms and make me his.
Actually, I’d be just as happy if he pushed me against a tree and shagged me.
Chapter 4
Josh
Kallie is everything she was when we were growing up, and more. More woman. When I joke with her, she laughs and responds. She’s wittier than I remember, or maybe just more confident now, and able to speak her mind.
And she does.
‘I can’t believe we’re back here.’ We’re standing by the stream at the end of our joint properties, the space around us silent but for the singing of the birds and the sound of the breeze rustling the trees. But it’s not just the physical space we’re in that I’m addressing. It’s more than that. It’s in the attraction I feel toward her—the resurrection of feeling I thought I’d overcome all those years ago.
‘I can’t believe ten years has passed.’ She looks at me, her eyes deep and soulful and sort of daring me. I let my own gaze slide down to her lips for just a beat.
‘I can,’ she answers with a sudden gleam. ‘You look so old and haggared.’
‘Thanks. Here I was just enjoying the moment, thinking of nothing-’
‘Oh, it’s never been nothing with you,’ she says, a teasing smile playing on her lips.
‘Excuse me for trying to spare your blushes.’
‘Blushing? Over you?’ Despite her words, she’s absolutely is blushing now. ‘Fat chance, Joshy.’
My chest heats at the use
of her pet name for me. At least, she was the one who started it when she’d lost her front teeth. ‘You so are blushing. And it’s kind of beautiful.’
‘Only kind of beautiful.’
‘Absolutely beautiful,’ I confirm.
‘And you always were a smooth tongued—’ Her words halt immediately, her teeth closing over her bottom lip. Fuck if that doesn’t make me want to taste it, too.
‘Tell me more about this smooth tongue.’ My words dare and my tone teases.
‘Oh, bugger off,’ Kallie responds, but she’s smiling and I know she doesn’t really want me to go anywhere just now.
‘Hey, you let the tongue out of the bag,’ I counter, my pants tightening as I think how much I’d like to get it into her pants.
But it’s more than that. We haven’t seen each other for so long and I regret the past decade, all those years I could’ve been part of her life. It wasn’t my call not to be with her. Yes, I was young, but I should’ve manned up. But then again, being around her would’ve been torture. You don’t taste a girl like Kallie if you’ve no intentions of making her yours permanently. and her dad would’ve made that impossible.
‘I’m thinking about coming back here to live.’ I lower myself to a fallen log and she parks her bum next to me. Sunlight falls through the trees, dappling her hair with beams.
‘Why? aren’t you happy living wherever you please?’
‘Everything gets old eventually. I just think it’s time to put down roots.’ I shrug to conceal the fact that this is only just occurring to me. I want to see Rachel’s boy grow up. And these days, I don’t have to travel so much for work anymore. The business is at a stage where it almost runs itself.’
She looks at and her eyes are full of emotions I can’t read.
‘Do you remember? That one night, when it was just you and me out here?’ she asks, her voice soft.
I nod because I do remember. Vividly. We were alone down here, hiding from Addy. We were way too old to be playing hide and seek, but it was something to do and we were bored of the summer.
I can’t remember how long it took for him to find us, but tensions were high between Kallie and I following the babysitting incident. I’d always liked her, teased her, sure—she was the little sister of my best friend. When I’d called to find he’d blown me off only to have Kallie offer to “entertain me”. Well, things between Kallie and I had changed.
I knew she had a crush on me, but following that night, my feelings begun to grow. And all that changed out here in the woods. As we’d huddled together so as not to be seen—for more reasons that one—the atmosphere had been charged with a white hot electricity. I could hear Addy’s feet trampling through the underbrush as he cursed and called out that we’d be found. But I couldn’t think of that because I could see were her plump lips and her trusting face turned up to mine. A pulse had hammered in my throat as I’d brushed her full bottom lip with my thumb. I’d lowered my mouth to meet hers and it was wonderful. It was the first and only time I kissed Kallie, though in my adolescent mind, we’d experienced so much more.
I swallow deeply. I can’t tell her any of those things. ‘It was a very long time ago,’ I say instead.
‘That’s true,’ she says softly. ‘But it doesn’t make it any less real.’
I glance at her. The sun is setting, its rays lighting her hair like a star. She looks almost ethereal, her pale skin illuminous, her eyes dark and serious.
‘I’m wondering if I you’ll kiss me again. And if you’ll run away.’
“I believe I kissed you. Besides,’ I add, ‘I’m not the only one that left.’
‘You left first. Just like I kissed you first,’ she adds cheekily. ‘It was a good kiss, Josh. Or, at least I think it was. But maybe my memory isn’t all that good. Either way, I think this time, you should be the one to make the move.’
‘Even if I want to,’ I say, almost shaking my head, ‘Addy would never agree. You know how possessive he is of you.’
Kallie shrugs. ‘I don’t give a flying fuck about what my brother says. I’m old enough to decide for myself. And my dad, God rest his soul, isn’t with us anymore. I’m a big girl now, Josh. Haven’t you noticed?’
Fuck, have I noticed. And as she stands quite suddenly, her hand balanced on one cocked hip, I want to kiss the spunk right out of her mouth. Or maybe, fill her mouth with the stuff.
This is a girl that had been terrified of disappointing her father. The girl who sought the shadow of her brother’s approval. I’d thought for sure she’d be married. Someone’s dutiful wife.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. In the place of that girl stands a woman, one who’s confident and sure of herself. And as every man knows, there’s nothing more sexy that a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say so.
Unable to help myself, I scramble up from my seat and take her face in my hands, and her eyes fall closed as I slant my lips over hers. It’s a tender, tentative kiss, one that tastes of memories and regrets. A kiss full of sweetness. That is, until she slides her hands to my ass.
Our kiss becomes urgent. What started off tender and slow turns quickly to frantic lips and questing tongues. Our fingers pull and touch, our moans and sighs desperate. As I kiss her hard and deep, she meets my need with that of her own.
By silent agreement, I pull her onto my lap, hooking one knee high over my hip. Her hands pull my shirt from my pants, her roaming fingertips hot on the flesh of my back. She’s so tempting, so ripe, and she moans so beautifully as I slip my hand under the waistband of her shorts, her centre hot searing my palm. I want her so badly, but not just for a quick fuck in the woods. I want to lay her flat, take my time, bring her to climax again and again. I want her to ride me, her full tits held in my hands. I want her naked and wanting. But most of all, I want to do this right.
And for that reason, I break our kiss. We’re both breathing hard, the atmosphere around us charged—loaded with desire. With potential.
‘We can’t do this,’ I say, breathing heavily.
Kallie swallows, looking confused.
‘It’s too soon,’ I repeat. ‘Your dad just died’—God forbid I’m taking advantage of her in her grief. And Addy will kill me.’ Well, he could try. But really, it’s not about him.
‘So you’re just going to leave me again?’ she yell, pushing me hard on the chest with both palms, and landing me on my ass.
I’m up quick and following her, dusting the seat of my pants. My cock aches for relief; there’s no denying how much I want her. But I shake my head, hoping to concentrate on something other than her indignant expression and heaving chest.
‘I’m not leaving you,’ I begin. ‘But I want—’ Fuck, what is it I want to say? I don’t know how to explain to her that if I don’t stop now, I won’t stop at all. As a grown assed man, I have a lot of self-control, but I’ve never been around someone as intoxicating as Kallie. And she’s worth more than a quick fuck on the forest floor.
‘I have to get going, will you tell your mum I’m sorry? I’ll have to make dinner another time.’
I lean forward, kissing her on the forehead before she has a chance to respond. Or to argue. Because, by her expression, that’s what she seems to be preparing. I turn around and walk away. It’s bad form to leave her alone by the stream, but if I don’t walk away now, I’m not sure I ever will.
Chapter 5
Kallie
Josh walks away from me leaving me feeling crushed. Crushed and pissed off. Is this going to happen every time? I’ve had feelings for him for as long as I can remember, but something has always been in our way—if it wasn’t Addy it was my dad, and if it wasn’t that then maybe it was my age. Whatever his reason today, it’s pure bullshit.
I want to yell after him, call him some douchebag names. Tell him he’s a pussy—and a pussy tease! But I wasn’t raised that way. I walk back home so angry, and as I slam the door, mum pops her head out of the kitchen.
‘What’s wrong, dear?
‘Nothing,’ I say, trying to recover my composure. I’m so hot, partly from anger, but I can also still feel his hands all over me. ‘Josh isn’t joining us for dinner anymore.’ Despite my best attempts, my words come out in a huff.
Oh, that’s a shame, mum says, bringing food from the kitchen and putting it on the dining table where she’s already set a place for Josh. ‘I was hoping we could catch up. I haven’t seen him in such a long time.’
You and me both.’ Though the way I feel, maybe it’s best if another ten years pass before I see him again.
We sit down around the table, just the two of us. It’s weird after the many years we spent eating dinner around this table as a family.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, fork balanced in hand.
I sigh, putting down my silverware. ‘He kissed me. Josh kissed me.’
She gives me an expressionless face, though gestures for me to carry on.
And it wasn’t the first time. And yes, the last time was a long time ago but it’s like, there’s always a reason for him not to be with me. First, it was Addy and dad being protective—you know how dad was. And now it’s because it’s apparently “too soon after dad” and that he doesn’t want to upset Ads. I mean, it’s not like he wanted to kiss him.’ My hands are in the air along with my anger and frustration. ‘So, essentially, nothing has changed because it’s Addy and dad again.’ The story of my life!
She nods slowly, and I can see she’s maybe choosing her words.
‘I always thought there was something between you two,’ she eventually says. ‘You should talk to him about it; with a clear head and a clear sense of what you want. Because if you’re going to live your life according to what other people want, you’ll never be happy.’
‘I don’t know,’ I say, staring at my plate. ‘Maybe . . . maybe I’ll try to talk to him.’ When I don’t feel like ripping off his head. We carry on eating in silence, and when we’re done, I help clear the table and wash the dishes before excusing myself and heading to bed.
