Let Me Heal Your Heart

by Lily Foster

  Charlotte was nudging me playfully after class as we walked towards the cafeteria, asking if I was excited about my first game, which was coming up that weekend. She was pouring the flirt on heavy. It was irritating. “Everyone says you’ll get playing time, Declan.”

  “Unless coach says it then it really doesn’t matter, right?”

  She linked her pinky finger with mine as we made our way across the quad and looked up at me, batting her eyes as she said, “Well, I’ll be there hollering your name, if that’ll help.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair, as an excuse to free my finger from her grip. “I don’t think that’s how the coach sets the roster but whatever, knock yourself out.”

  I stood for a second when we got to the table, and when Charlotte sat next to Paige and looked to the empty seat on the other side of her, I didn’t acknowledge the invitation and took a seat at the opposite end. “What’s up, boys?”

  “Big weekend, right?” Brandon asked.

  “I know, I’m pumped.”

  “Is Tess coming in?”

  “No, she’ll be here next weekend for the game against BU.”

  Terrence slapped my back, “Ok, so since the mouse is away, the cat can play. We’re thinking a big bash in the woods.”

  “Which is different from every other weekend, how?” I asked.

  Frank popped a fry in his mouth. “Every other weekend has been pretty damn good, no?”

  “This will be different,” Terrence said. “This will be the first of many victory parties.”

  “I wonder how it’s going to feel winning now, when my ass has splinters in it,” Brandon mused.

  “I know, right? To go from playing nearly every minute to just…watching. It’s going to feel weird,” I said.

  “It’s going to suck.”

  “We just have to wait our turn, Brandon.”

  “Easy for you to say, Declan. Coach nearly has a hard on watching you skate.”

  “I’ll be riding the bench just like you.”

  Frank grimaced. “Shit. Disgruntled female, twelve o’clock.”

  I looked up to see some girl looking at Frank and then down at her plate, clearly upset. I recalled seeing her leave his room in full Walk of Shame-mode on at least two of the past couple Sunday mornings. “Who is she?”

  Charlotte piped up, “One of Frank’s booty call girls.”

  He smirked and Paige said, “She looks crushed, Frank.”

  Charlotte flipped her hair to the side and said, “That’s what you get for being a slut.”

  She had said it too loudly. The entire table turned to her, surprised by the mean-spirited comment. “That’s fucked up, Charlotte,” Colin said.

  “Yeah,” Frank added weakly, “Danielle’s all right.”

  Charlotte shrugged, making an attempt to defend herself. “Whatever, it’s just that some of these girls are like cling-ons with you athletes.”

  “Yeah,” Paige agreed. “They don’t even know you and just come on to you at parties. It’s sickening.”

  Colin rolled his eyes and I shared his opinion. How Paige and Charlotte couldn’t see that they’d each just given a very accurate description of themselves, I wondered.

  I looked up at the clock at nine, nine-twenty, nine-thirty, nine-forty-five, and then I just sat there staring out the window. I didn’t have some premeditated plan but I did, for some reason, still have my sneakers on even though I’d been in my room for over two hours. When I saw her making her way towards the road, I hopped out the window and walked her way.

  “Let me guess, you just happened to get the urge for a run, right?”

  “Yep, and the urge just happened to hit at exactly ten o’clock. Go figure, Anna.”

  “I guess it’s a free country. I can’t stop you, Declan.”

  “I figured I might as well run instead of staring out the window for the next hour. Last night you were late, you know.”

  “Late?” she asked, as she stretched.

  “Yeah, you usually run for exactly thirty minutes and last night you were gone for an hour. I was just about to get a search party going when you came back.”

  “You’ve kept watch for me?”

  “I told you I saw you before tonight, just didn’t know it was you. It actually pissed me off that I couldn’t relax until I saw that girl get back each night.”

  She smiled at me and held my gaze for a moment before saying, “Sorry I worried you last night.”

  “You should be.”

  That night we jogged together in near silence. When we got back, we sat on the grass stretching for a few minutes, talking about mundane crap—what’s your major and all that. The next night I ran with Anna again. I was out waiting again at ten o’clock the night after that.

  Talk slowly drifted from polite conversation to the kind of familiar talk that people who know one another well engage in. Anna told me she’d moved out of her house and was living with relatives. She smiled at me reassuringly when I asked if she was all right, but I knew the look, the battle scars. She asked about my father and I told her what little there was to relay on that subject. She squeezed my hand and smiled up at me when I told her about my father dropping me off at college practically without stopping the car.

  When we got back Thursday night Anna said, “Ok, stalker, just so you know, I take weekends off. I’m not running again until Monday night.”

  “What are you doing this weekend?”

  “I’m not sure yet.”

  I thought about telling her that my first hockey game was on Saturday but figured I might sound a little bit desperate. “My roommates are throwing the party in the woods this Saturday.” Please, please come, I silently pled.

  “Maybe I’ll see you there,” she said, as she stood to go. “Goodnight, Declan.”

  “Goodnight, Anna.”

  The phone was ringing as I walked back into my room. “Hello.”

  “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get you for an hour.”

  “I was out running. Is everything all right?”

  Annoyed and petulant, Tess said, “I’m fine.”

  “So what’s going on? Did you change your mind and decide to come this weekend?” I felt a flash of guilt thinking that I really didn’t want her to.

  “Declan, I have commitments here too. I can’t just drop everything for you, you know? “

  I’m sure my tone sounded annoyed when I said, “Didn’t ask you to, Tess.”

  There was silence for a moment before she said, “I’m sorry, Declan. It’s just…when I call you and I can’t get you, my mind starts racing with these thoughts.” I stayed quiet until she went on. “I hate being apart. I hate that other girls are getting to see you and talk to you every day. You’re going to move on, Declan.”

  “Please stop it, Tess,” I pled, tired of this redundant conversation.

  “I won’t be able to take it, Declan. I have no one without you.”

  I felt like I was being strangled. “Tess, stop. You’re not losing me, ok?” Anxious to change the subject, I asked, “What are you up to this weekend? And, Tess, I’m happy you’ve got things going on there. I don’t want you to feel like everything’s about me, ok?”

  “I know. It’s nothing really, just homecoming weekend here. A bunch of people from my dorm planned on tailgating before the game and then there are parties that night.”

  “That sounds like fun.”

  “Yeah, I guess. What are your plans after the game?”

  “I can’t think beyond the game. I probably won’t get any time but I’m nervous anyway.”

  “I’ll be thinking of you.”

  “Love you, Tess.”

  “I love you too.”

  Anna

  “I wonder what we’re going to do in January. I mean, it’s going to be too cold to be partying in the woods when it’s ten below,” Fiona said.

  “It’s cold today and it’s mid-October,” I said.

  “Danielle isn’t coming tonight. She s
aid Frank and his boys are running the party tonight.”

  I guessed Frank and Declan must be buddies then. “I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want that thrown in my face,” I said.

  Lauren, Colleen, and Danielle walked in then and flopped on our beds with us. “What are you going to do tonight, Danielle?” Fiona asked.

  “Danielle, I can bail too,” I offered.

  “No, but thanks, Anna. Just because I’m home licking my wounds doesn’t mean you have to too.”

  Colleen wrapped her arm around Danielle’s shoulder as she said, “Don’t let what that bitch said bother you, ok?”

  “What happened?” Fiona asked.

  Colleen rolled her eyes. “Danielle and I were at lunch yesterday. Frank and his goons sat down two tables away. One of the head cheerleader wannabes that follows that crew around like an eager puppy made a loud, nasty remark.”

  “She called me a slut,” Danielle whispered.

  “She was talking about you? You’re sure?” I asked. I was outraged. No girl worth anything called another girl that word.

  “Seemed that way,” she said.

  Colleen nodded in agreement and then said, “I was going to yell something over there but Danielle begged me not to. I personally hate that girl, Charlotte. She thinks she’s the shit.”

  “I would have killed you if you drew any attention to me, Colleen. Do not say anything, all right? To her or to Frank.”

  Colleen nodded reluctantly.

  I was still steaming but eager to lighten Danielle’s mood. “Who’s up for watching the hockey game later? It’s at six, the first game of the season. Dylan bought me a bunch of tickets and I don’t want to waste them.”

  Ok, I admit, the only reason I was even entertaining the idea myself was because I, all of a sudden, was a little preoccupied with all things Declan Banks. I had to know if he played on the team.

  “Are they the kind of seats Dylan splurged on for football?” When I nodded, Fiona said, “They’re probably center ice, right behind the glass. I’m in.”

  Lauren said dreamily, looking at the picture on my desk of Dylan, Kasia and me, “That girl is so lucky. Could you imagine getting to call a guy like this your boyfriend? He’s gorgeous.”

  “That reminds me. Check these out,” I said as I dragged a large box out from underneath my bed. “Kasia sent me a care package.”

  Inside were some of her Sweet Betty Threads winter pieces. A cute black dress, two funky-patterned shirts and a fitted pencil skirt with an applique overlay. “I love her designs, Anna,” Lauren said, while she ran her hand over the skirt and was probably cooking up plans to hijack my stuff. “It’s like retro, hipster, nerdy but funky.”

  “When her store finally opens we’ll make a pilgrimage to Brooklyn, ok?” I asked.

  “I’m out on hockey tonight but definitely in on that plan,” Lauren said.

  “Danielle, come with us. Watching these guys check each other into the boards will take your mind off your troubles. Watching hockey is a rush,” Fiona said as she tickled Danielle’s feet.

  “All right, I’m coming,” she said, pulling her feet underneath her, still sulking.

  Fiona was a die-hard hockey fan from watching her brother for all those years. “Who are you going to root for when we play Northeastern, Fiona?” Colleen asked.

  “My brother. I’d never root against him.”

  “Well tonight you can cheer for the home team.” I dug the tickets out of my drawer. “They’re playing Michigan.”

  Fiona took the tickets from me and smiled when she saw where they were. “Tell Dylan I love him, ok?”

  “Will do, Fiona.”

  “That’s…bold, Anna. It’s not Saint Patrick’s Day, you know,” Fiona said, taking in my outfit.

  “What? You don’t like the shirt?” I asked looking down at the fitted, kelly green knit top I was wearing.

  “I like it. I mean, the shirt makes your boobs look big. Just a different look for you. Plain, long sleeve top, jeans, tennies… you usually look like you just walked out of In Style. Your outfit is—dare I say—ordinary, girl,” Fiona said.

  “My boobs look big?” I said, looking in the mirror, checking out my profile. Thankfully, they had grown some. I was not exactly busting out of my B-cup, but I was perfectly adequate; not too small and not too big to make running uncomfortable.

  Fiona just laughed. “Yes, you’re huge,” she exaggerated, mocking me. “At least I’m wearing school colors…rah, rah, rah.”

  When Fiona, Colleen, Danielle and I took our seats in the arena, I was surprised to see the placed packed. Nearly every seat was taken. And most people were not only wearing school colors, they were waving flags and crap. Some rabid fans down in our section even had their faces painted blue and white.

  The team came out and did a skate around the rink. I saw number twelve’s jersey with the name Banks on the back. It was no use, my heart fluttered, breath hitched…you name it. He was beautiful, gliding effortlessly across the ice, tall and strong. “That’s the freshman my brother said to watch out for. Banks, some kid from Maine. My brother played against him in high school. Matty said he’s so good it’s unlikely he’ll finish school. He’ll go pro early.”

  “They do that?”

  “Yeah,” she looked at me like I was a total dumb ass. “It’s just like the NBA or the NFL. More and more of them are being drafted right out of high school. I’m not sure if Matty is even at that level, but my parents were adamant about him getting his degree.”

  My eyes were on no one but Declan for the duration of the game, even though he spent most of it on the bench. With ten minutes remaining in the third period, score tied, Declan was put in. “Oh, yeah,” Fiona said, nodding her head. “Frosh must have the goods if he’s getting in.”

  I had never watched a hockey game before but it wasn’t hard to follow. Declan was, Fiona informed me, a right wing. He was aggressive and seemed like he was better than most at getting out of the way of the hits these brutes were landing on one another. The one time he did get checked, I clutched my chest. Fiona looked over at me and laughed. “This is hockey babe, not golf.”

  A few minutes later, Declan’s teammate broke away and took a shot that deflected off the goalie’s skate. As Declan swooped in, Fiona rose to her feet and screamed, “Shoots…and he scores!” The rest of us jumped up then and were screaming our heads off. I admit, the game as a whole was exciting, but seeing Declan score was exhilarating and…pretty freaking hot.

  After getting mobbed by his teammates, Declan skated backwards, back into position, but when he passed by our seats he looked directly up at me, gave me a head nod, gestured, tugging at his shirt, and then shook his head in disapproval. Yep, he’d remembered the joke. “What the hell was that?” Colleen asked, looking directly at me.

  “Do you know him?” Fiona looked at me, incredulous.

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “Anna, I’d say that boy is into you,” Colleen said.

  “He’s friends with Frank,” Danielle added despondently.

  They managed to hold Michigan off and took the win. The other guys, probably because Declan was only a freshman, raised him up on their shoulders and skated him around the ice. The entire arena was going wild cheering for them, for him.

  As we made our way back, Fiona drew me a few steps behind the others. “Anna, the other day when you came in and said you’d just—”

  “Yeah, it was him. He and I met a few years ago at a grief camp.” In response to her raised eyebrows, I said, “Yes, grief camp. Anyway, we became friends and then we lost touch. I was just shocked to see him again, that’s all.”

  “What was with that thing he did? Does he like you in tight green shirts that show off your goodies?”

  “Um, no, you freak. I don’t know what that was. And I had no goodies to speak of back then anyway.” I didn’t want to share that memory with Fiona or anyone else. Anything that Declan and I had told one another, shared, or did then, was o
ff limits, private…sacred to me.

  Fiona said, excitedly, “So, we’re totally going to the party. Banks is going to be the man of honor tonight.”

  “Um, no,” I said quietly, gesturing towards Danielle. “I’m hanging back with her. I can’t explain it, Fiona, but I don’t want to go.”

  She said nothing for a minute and then said, “Ok. I don’t get it but I’m sure you have your reasons.” She saluted me then and said, “I will gather a full report and give you all the drunken details tomorrow.”

  This was one of the many reasons I loved Fiona. No annoying, pushy nonsense. She wouldn’t try to convince me to go just because it served her, because she needed a wing-man or wing-woman—whatever. She just was good, through and through.

  Declan

  I spotted her midway through the second period. My mind was completely focused on the game, believe me, but when Coach called me up, I admit that I wanted to show off for her.

  That green shirt? She was still a wiseass. But more importantly, I thought, it was her way of telling me, “I remember.” God, I remembered everything about her—everything she’d said to me, every look, how her skin felt and how her mouth tasted.

  I pushed thoughts of Tess out of my head as me and the rest of the freshman players made our way to the party in the woods after we’d celebrated for a couple of hours with our team. I need to see her, I thought.

  There was a bigger crowd than normal out in the woods tonight and when me, Brandon and the other guys showed up, the place erupted. It was a rush. I drank a beer with my buddies, smiling and giving a “thanks” to everyone who slapped my back and congratulated me. Scoring my first college goal was a big deal. I was walking on air.

  I looked around every few minutes, scanning the large crowd for her. I figured she was here somewhere but I also knew Anna, and I was pretty certain she wouldn’t come to me when I was surrounded. I told the boys I was going to take a leak and made my way around the perimeter of the gathering. If she was here, I couldn’t find her. Twenty minutes later I gave up and went back to my friends. Charlotte and Paige practically tackled me when they both jumped up, one on either side, and grabbed me around the neck for a hug simultaneously. “You were ah-mazing, Declan,” Charlotte gushed.