I Am The Alpha

by A. J. Downey

  She felt warmer than ever and for a moment I worried she was sick, until I remembered how Rom had bitten her; that image of her fear and pain having been burned into my mind’s eye forever. She was wolf-kind now. She was one of my people and we could be together without the Pack throwing a tantrum over her being human. We could… she was being taken from my arms.

  I snarled, a low rumbling sound that would have frozen most creatures in a sense of abject terror but Remus simply kept pulling until Chloe was yanked from my grip with a broken cry of protest. He set her on her feet next to him after backing up a few paces.

  “William,” he said in an even tone. There was something in his eyes. Remus had always been the more emotive of the twins. He felt where Romulus didn’t. Many people liked to say ‘the lights are on but nobody’s home’ when it came to describing a crazy person. When it came to Romulus, I preferred to say ‘the wheel was spinning but the hamster is dead’ because that man was a corpse inside. A deadened heart incapable of feeling anything that didn’t further his own desires and ambitions. By comparison Remus was, by leaps and bounds, more human.

  Still, I needed to be suspicious. Needed to be on my guard. This wasn’t a social call. Remus’ specialty was manipulation. I needed to remember that.

  “Remus. To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?” My voice was tight and my fingers curled and flexed, wanting nothing more than to reach for Chloe again. She didn’t struggle in Remus’ hold. She obviously knew she would never break free if he didn’t want her to, so she stood, a pleading look on her face, in her eyes, as she looked up at him.

  “She isn’t yours anymore, you know that, right?” he asked and I frowned, teeth baring themselves in a snarl before I could stop myself and force my lips into a thin line behind my goatee.

  “You would come to my home, with my mate, and insult me? Are you trying to get your brother hurt worse before I kill him? Because you know as well as I do, Remus, that Romulus needs to be put down. He is a danger to us all and shouldn’t be Alpha.”

  “I just had a moment and thought you might like to know that your mate is dying,” he gave me a meaningful look. I stared blankly at him then looked to Chloe. She looked painfully thin, worn, and tired.

  “She’s been pining for you,” he snarled and jerked at her arm thrusting her a half step towards me for a better look. “She won’t eat, and Rom has no intention of teaching her anything about the change. He hasn’t told her shit. If she survives her first full moon, it will be a miracle! Not to mention the most agonizing experience of her life,” he added with a vicious grin and a cold look in his eyes that I couldn’t help but find suspicious. My instincts were telling me something wasn’t right here, but my brain and my heart were so busy screaming at me to take her, to grab her and hold her and never let her go that I couldn’t put two and two together. He suddenly shoved her the rest of the way toward me and she stumbled before she caught herself.

  “Go,” he said. “Give your mate a last kiss. One or both of you will die in two nights. Him beneath my Brother’s claws, and you by your own stupidity. Or maybe Lucinda will kill you after Rom is officially the Alpha.”

  We ignored him. Chloe flew into my arms and I held her close, breathing in her scent as if it was the only thing keeping me alive. She no longer smelled of peaches, but she still smelled bright, like sunlight and clean air, like Chloe, and that was even better. I drew back enough to look into her clear blue eyes, smoothing some of her copper hair from her face. It was clean, but not as bright. She was losing nutrients and I glanced at Rem who was scowling at her back. Things snapped into place for me.

  “Listen to Remus,” I whispered into her ear. “He’s trying to help here, I’m not sure why but he knows you won’t trust or listen to him. Well I’m telling you Chloe, to please trust Remus. I need you,” I looked into her pained and worried blue eyes, “And I need you to eat something, Sugar. You have to keep up your strength. Listen carefully, anything Remus says around you might be useful so pay attention, even if you don’t understand it.”

  She nodded and pressed a kiss to my lips. I kissed her back carefully. She felt so thin, so fragile in my arms. Even more fragile than she had when she’d been human. The kiss was short lived. Too soon Remus was pulling her away, shoving her back into the car. She stared at me through the window, tears staining her cheeks and my hands clenched themselves into fists at my sides. She was still Rom’s progeny. It was still before her first change. I couldn’t keep her with me without violating Pack Law, so I had no choice but to let them go.

  Before he got into the car Remus paused and looked at me over the hood of the Range Rover.

  “Romulus is insane,” he said, “Even I can see it. But he’s the more powerful.” He stared a moment longer and I saw it in his eyes, clear as day. Be careful, Little Brother. With that he pulled open the door to his Rover, jumped in, and backed around so he could drive back the way they’d come. He turned the vehicle, threw it in gear and started up the drive back to the road with Chloe twisted in her seat, staring out the back at me.

  I continued to stare up the drive long after they had gone, silently thanking Remus. I had a better chance against Romulus now. I had a renewed resolve to end him. He wasn’t teaching her anything. Nothing at all! She hadn’t been listening to Rem, so he’d brought her to me. To try and talk some sense into my beautiful, brave, and entirely too stubborn, girl. I raked a hand back through my hair, holding it back from my face. Both hands on top of my head, resisting the urge to scream my frustration and anger. I needed to hold on to every damned bit of it.

  Two days… just two more days! It couldn’t come fucking fast enough.

  Chapter 18

  Chloe

  We rode in silence and I stared out the window. I’d been so speechless, hadn’t wanted to let him go. I had clung to every word, every touch and glance as if it would be my last and in being so enthralled with just being near William I had completely forgotten to say ‘I love you’. Damn.

  “Why did you take me to him?” I asked and turned to look at Remus. His jaw tightened along with his grip on the steering wheel and he remained resolutely silent.

  I scoffed. “Whatever,” I muttered and sighed. My stomach burned with hunger and I bit my lower lip.

  “Can we stop and get something to eat, please?” I asked grudgingly a few minutes later and he turned to look at me, studying my face.

  “Absolutely,” he said, relief evident in his voice.

  “I love him,” I said abruptly, staring out the passenger side window as he pulled into a McDonald’s drive through. The ferry terminal was just ahead, waiting to whisk us back across the water, further away from the man I was just so desperate to be with.

  “I love him and I’m scared that I’ll never see him again, that I’ll lose him.” I turned to stare back at Remus who was as stoic and shuttered as I had ever seen him. He was stopped in front of the metal box where we would place our order.

  “Welcome to McDonald’s may I take your order?”

  I stared at him and he stared at me and a long silence ensued.

  “Hello? I said, welcome to McDonald’s may I take your order?”

  Remus spoke but he was looking at me the entire time. He placed an order that would have made William proud and I smiled a little ruefully. God I missed him. The now familiar ache of longing settling back in. Our reprieve had been too short.

  “Don’t do that Chloe,” Remus said gently and I looked at him curiously, “Just eat, stay strong, William’s going to depend on it.”

  “Why are you doing this?” I asked again.

  “Why can’t you just accept that I am and go with it?” he shot back.

  Touché.

  The moment Rem pulled the food through the window and the smell hit my nose, I was dying. I mean absolutely starving. The hungriest I had ever been. I think I caught him quirking a hint of a smile but I couldn’t be sure and I didn’t really care. I was too busy ripping into the first cardboard carto
n containing a burger.

  I ate like a dude. No. Seriously. Just like a dude. I went through two burgers, a twenty count of chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce and had sucked down about half of my extra-large Coke while we waited in line for the ferry to dock and disembark. Remus just sat there quietly and kept handing me food.

  For the first time since I’d been taken I felt like my brain was firing on all cylinders. Like I could think rather than just feel and I could almost picture my wolf chasing her own tail in glee over it.

  “Is this normal?” I asked, before sucking down more Coke.

  “Is what normal?”

  “Getting there, had to wash it down. Is it normal to feel and think like I’m me but have like these clashing feelings or whatever at the same time?” He nodded, like an ‘ah-ha’ and fixed me with a look.

  “For some Moon Forged, in the beginning, the wolf side of them is almost a separate entity. Like you are you, but another being has taken up residence in your head. At least, that’s how I’ve heard it described.

  “They say after the first change that eases up. Once you start to work with your wolf side, and you integrate better, you can’t feel the separation. It becomes more natural.” He fixed me with a somber look.

  “You’re defiant,” he stated and I snorted a laugh.

  “What was your first clue?” I asked and took a huge bite out of a McChicken sandwich.

  “You need to watch it around Romulus and Lucinda, Chloe. I know it’s your personality to not go down without a fight but you need to understand,” he shifted uncomfortably and started the Range Rover; it was our turn to board. He had my attention though. William had told me to listen to Remus, had told me to trust him. While I didn’t, I trusted William and I had to admit Remus had done quite a bit to try and keep me alive if not exactly comfortable over the last week and a half or so.

  “I’m listening,” I said softly when he hadn’t continued.

  “Your first shift doesn’t have to hurt,” he said quietly, “Rom…” he sighed as if pained, “Rom is like a little boy pulling the wings off a fly when it comes to you. He’s a bully, he’s not telling you what you need to know to get through your first shift alive. He expects your writhing on the sidelines will distract William from his purpose and he’s not wrong… It will.”

  He pulled the Range Rover onto the ferry and shifted it into park, turning in his seat to look at me.

  “Are you going to tell me what to do?”

  “Are you going to listen?”

  “Yes.”

  He frowned at me, “Because my brother told you to?”

  I swallowed hard and nodded, “Yes.”

  “Why?” he asked and he looked genuinely confused.

  “Because I trust him.”

  Remus made an incredulous noise, “He kidnapped you around three weeks ago and dragged you all the way across the country! I don’t get it, I really don’t.” He linked his hands together behind his head and pulled his chin to his chest, likely to ease the tension in his upper back and shoulders and I felt a pang of sympathy for him.

  “He kidnapped me, threatened to do a lot of things, rape me, hurt me…” I agreed.

  “So how can you love him?”

  I looked him in the eye, “Because he never lied to me, he never hid anything from me, and he told me the truth. Even when I tried to run away and I hurt myself, he took care of me. And when you guys showed up? He put himself between me and you and protected me… Kind of like you’re doing now,” I frowned, “Why is that?”

  Remus looked at me mystified. Speechless. I’d caught him off guard, I think. He shifted in his seat and turned to look out his window, though there was nothing to look at but the other cars and the white and green wall of the ferry on his side. He propped his elbow on the windowsill of his car door and covered his mouth with his hand in a decidedly thoughtful gesture. I resumed eating quietly.

  Sometime later, as we were docking on the other side of the water, he sighed out. I looked over expectantly and he didn’t disappoint.

  “When you change, your natural human instinct is going to be to fight it. Only the strong survive their first change, and I’m not talking physically strong, I’m talking mentally. You need to let it happen. I don’t know how to explain this exactly, I mean, I’m Blood Born, not Moon Forged. The change has always been like second nature to me.” He started the Range Rover again and waited for the ferry boat attendant to wave us on.

  “So it’s going to hurt, like what though?”

  “Can’t really tell you, never really cared to pay attention to the Moon Forged before.”

  I sighed, “Okay, so expect pain, but don’t fight it.”

  “Look, it’s been said that if you can keep the fear in check, if you can just let it happen and you don’t force the change to rush, or try to keep it back, the change can actually be quite nice. Freeing. Some have even described it as pleasurable.” He had the grace to look embarrassed and I couldn’t resist.

  “Pleasurable?” I prodded and he shifted in his seat.

  “Orgasmic, okay?”

  I laughed and he frowned again, “What?”

  “I figured that was what you meant, I just wanted to make you say it.” He frowned harder and I laughed, I mean really laughed, hard for the first time since… since the morning of the meeting when I’d been in bed with William. After we’d made love.

  “You’ll see him again,” he said, “Just two more nights.”

  “Yeah, but it might be to say goodbye.”

  “It might,” he agreed and I turned to look at his stoic expression that he wore like a mask. He glanced in my direction.

  “I thought you liked honesty,” he said gently, “You said you loved William because he didn’t lie. He didn’t hide things.”

  “You want me to like you?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Couldn’t care less if you like me or hate my guts,” he said. “But I do want you to listen to me.”

  “I’m listening,” I said which was funny, because that was the last thing we said to each other the entire ride back to the loft he shared with his psychotic twin. We pulled into the garage and I followed him up the stairs.

  “When we get inside, give me my coat and your nightgown and get in the shower. I’ll find something else for you to wear,” he said intently.

  “Why?” I frowned and jerked back when he leaned in and sniffed, he raised his eyebrows at me and I felt like the stupid puppy that Rom was forever calling me.

  “Oh, right.”

  He unlocked the front door and I shrugged out of the jacket and handed it back to him. I went straight for the bathroom and started the shower, handing him the slick satin gown from behind the door.

  “Wash well, Chloe,” he intoned and I paused, just before stepping into the shower and closed my eyes. I pressed my hands to my face and breathed deep and slow.

  Beneath the food I had eaten, he was still there. That masculine clear smell of the outdoors mixed with the rugged tang of burning metal. I could still smell William on my skin and I didn’t want to let it go. But Remus was right. If I could still smell it then Rom could and the evil twin would blow a motherfucking gasket. I shuddered at the thought and got under the spray, washing myself down twice, then a third time for good measure.

  When I got out, as I wrapped in the towels from the bar, the door opened. I looked up and quailed inside when I saw Romulus scowling down at me.

  “Here, Lucinda wants you in this when she comes over tonight. She’s got outfits for you to try.” He thrust another fall of black satin with more lace at me and I took it. I waited.

  “Got something to say?” he asked.

  “Um, thank you, Daddy.” I murmured and he nodded with satisfaction.

  “You’re learning,” he said and stood there, “Well, put it on!” he said with a malicious look. He crossed his arms and it was awkward, ungainly with how big they were.

  I shook, and felt my face flame with embarrassment as I sli
pped the gown over my head and tried to keep the towel in place. I wasn’t overly modest, but he made me want to be with the way his gaze roamed over me. He grunted and snatched the towel from around my body and I let the gown fall. Tears sprang to my eyes. I knew he’d caught a glimpse of my body, but it was only that. A glimpse. I hadn’t given him the satisfaction of a protracted peepshow.

  I followed him out into the main room and got to spend the rest of my night playing dress up with Lucinda in these absolutely trash-tastic hooker clothes. She fluttered and cooed and clapped her hands like a ninny while Romulus cooed right back. Even though it was obvious he was getting off on my discomfort more than on anything that she put me in.

  By the time I was dismissed I was exhausted and I was hungry again. I gave a longing glance towards the kitchen and returned to my gilded cage.

  Two of the chocolate protein shakes were waiting for me on the dresser. I drank them both. I had followed the path of least resistance tonight. Kept myself safe, and whole, all the while hatred and anger were burning me up from the inside out. I went to my place by the window and I stared out for a time.

  William, you had better fucking kill that S.O.B. I thought to myself. Not only because Rom was a seriously sick puppy – no pun intended. But also, because I really didn’t want to live another minute without my mate.

  I sighed and turned in. What else could I do?

  Chapter 19