Mr. Waverly leaned closer to her so his lips almost touched her ear.
“He’s a priest, dear,” he said loudly.
Confusion contorted her face briefly, then she smiled and patted her husband’s hand.
“Of course he is,” she said as they waddled down the steps. “Remember when little Charlie was an altar boy here?”
I entered the rectory and walked through the center hall to the back room where Liam liked to work on his sermons on Wednesdays. He called the small room facing the bird feeder the perfect place for him to think.
As I approached the room, I noticed the door was open. I entered and was surprised to not find Liam there. I turned back to the front of the old house. In a room off the parlor, I found Sister Carlotta sitting at a desk, sorting through files.
Her mousy brown hair was cut boyishly short to her collar. In the years since I had gone to elementary school at St. Peter’s, Sister Carlotta hadn’t changed except for the wire framed glasses that sat on the tip of her nose.
“Good morning, Sister,” I said.
“Oh hello, Father Charles,” she said. “I didn’t hear you come in. Is there anything I can help you with?”
“I was looking for Father Liam. He’s usually here today writing.”
“Yes, yes, that’s true, but Father Dan fell sick so he asked Father Liam if he would take his place in the confessional.” She looked at the clock hanging on the wall. “He should be done any minute now.”
“Thank you,” I said.
I exited the building and looked up at the tall, dark stone Gothic building that was St. Peter’s Church. So much of my life had happened in this very church, including being ordained. I used to think that was when I stopped being a man and was only a priest, but I was wrong.
A priest shouldn't feel lust, desire, jealousy, yet I felt them all for her. She reawakened the man in me, but it was greater than that. It was more than the softness of her skin or the caress of her lips, much more.
And now, as I stood in front of my mentor’s church, I let my faith guide me once more. With her sweet taste lingering on my tongue, I reminded myself that I was there not just as a priest, but as a man.
The tall door creaked as I entered the church. I passed through the narthex and towards the stairs. The old fashioned confessional had been moved to the basement chapel decades ago.
I opened the door and sat on the small chair that faced the kneeler. In front of me was the thin screen that shielded the confessor from the priest. It had been a long time since I sat on this side. Father Liam slid open the window and I recognized his profile through the screen as he leaned towards me.
I wondered what I would say. I hadn’t confessed in years and whenever Liam asked me about Peru, I lied to him. I was there for one reason and for that I felt I needed to give him my confession.
Liam cleared his throat to signal me to begin. Without thinking, I reverted to the old ways of how I was taught as a child. The same way Ava came back into my life.
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned,” I said. “It has been over six years since my last confession.”
“Charles? What’s with the formalities?” Liam said. He turned and looked directly at the screen as if he was seeing me, but I knew he couldn’t. “If you need to confess you can do that in my office.”
“You were here and it felt appropriate. I haven’t been honest with you and it goes back to my time in Peru.”
Liam sighed. “Are you having those thoughts again, Charles?”
“I’m not here to confess my thoughts,” I said. “I’m here to confess every look, touch, and taste of her. And as God as my witness, I don’t regret any of it.”
The words spilled from my lips faster than I expected, but once they started I couldn’t stop. The confessional door opened with Father Liam looking down at me. I couldn’t read his expression, but maybe I didn’t want to. I had already made my decision so it didn’t matter what he thought.
“Let’s go for a walk,” he said.
I rose and looked at my friend in the eye. I expected to see disappointment, perhaps anger, instead I saw a calmness I wasn’t used to from the short tempered man. Without a word I followed him out of the chapel.
As we exited the church, the bright sunlight momentarily blinded me. Across the street the children continued playing without a care in the world. Ava was still there with Christopher, but she didn’t see me.
People smiled and nodded as we walked past. We were celebrities in the small town. And even though we walked in our ordinary black shirts and pants, we might as well have worn billboards proclaiming us as priests.
Once we were further from the church, Liam pulled the white plastic clerical collar from his neck and slipped it into his pocket. He gave me a look with a jerk of his head for me to do the same.
“We are only men now,” he said as we entered a darkened bar on the street corner.
Liam slid into a curved booth in the corner and raised two fingers at the bartender. After a couple of beers were left on the table, Liam took a long drink, leaned back, and looked at me. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes and while I knew we were there because he knew I needed to talk, I needed to make sure he was okay before I told him about her.
“You look confused,” he said.
“I’m not. I just didn’t expect you to act this way.”
“Charles, we’ve known each other for years now. You’re like the younger brother I never had. And whether this is wrong or not, I’d strongly caution you about talking about this to anyone else.”
“I need to confess so that you’ll understand what happened. That’s important to me, Liam.”
“You can keep this to yourself and no one would ever know.”
“You don’t understand,” I said. “I’m leaving the Church.”
Liam stared at me in silence, his face held no emotion. As the bartender put the beers down on the table, he picked his up and took a drink.
“You’re a braver man than I,” he said. “Are you sure?”
“I love her. It’s that simple. I can’t be without her. These past six years have been torture thinking about her and wishing I made a different decision. I should have stayed with her. I should have left then.”
“It’s a hard decision to make. When we get the call, it’s unlike anything. But having to keep ourselves from human contact, from emotional bonds, just in the name of celibacy is difficult. The bible doesn’t even say we need to be celibate.”
I wanted to ask Liam if he had his own story, but it didn’t feel right. He stared into his beer and then took a sip.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I understand how you feel, but know that you don’t need to tell me everything.”
“I need to. You’ve always been there for me and I kept this from you for a long time. I need to give you my confession so that I can start fresh.”
He nodded slowly. “Go ahead.”
I gave him my confession starting with my every day life at St. Peter’s before leaving for Peru and ended with Ava finding me last month. He was quiet the entire time. At times he nodded in understanding, other times he bowed his head as if he was in deep thought. When I was done the table had several empty glasses.
“You know even after you transition, you’ll still be a priest,” he said. “Once you’re ordained you are always a priest.”
“I know, and I appreciate that because I never meant to make light of my calling or the work I’ve done. But how I feel about her is greater than any of that.”
He nodded. “Have you thought about work? The elementary school needs a religion teacher.”
“I would love that. And, if possible, I would like to remain a part of the parish.”
“I don’t see that as a problem. I’m sure our parishioners can understand falling in love. Have you told your mother yet?”
“No, I will soon. I thought it was best that I spoke to you first. Momma will understand. And I hope that when Ava and I are read
y that you’ll marry us.”
“Of course I will, Charles. I wish you the best of luck on your new life. I’m happy for you, really. I’ll talk to the Bishop and take care of everything. If you need anything, you know where I’ll be.”
I clasped my friend’s arm and smiled. As I slid out of the booth, he waved the bartender over once more. I was worried about him, but I knew he wanted to be alone.
As I stepped outside, I unbuttoned a couple of the top buttons of my shirt and folded my sleeves up. I walked back to the park to see if Ava and Christopher were still there and found them sitting on a bench having a snack.
“Everything okay?” Ava asked.
“It was a lot easier than I thought, but I feel relieved. Almost newly born,” I said.
I sat down beside her while Christopher tossed a cracker at a nearby squirrel. As I took Ava’s hand, I turned to face her. She gave me a worried look.
“Are you sure everything’s okay?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I don’t have a ring or anything and I didn’t plan this, but it feels like the right time.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ava,” I said huskily. “Will you marry me?”
She blinked at me a few times then slowly the words sank in.
“Yes,” she said.
I cupped her face and closed my lips over hers for a quick kiss.
“Let’s go home,” I said.
She held her hand out to Christopher and we started to walk towards the car. Christopher held his other hand out to me. As I took it, I glanced at Ava. As our eyes met I knew this was one decision I would never regret.
~ Epilogue ~
One Year Later
Ava
Settling down in New Jersey was the best thing I ever did. Christopher started first grade in the same school Charlie went to and he loved having the McArthur family around all the time.
After always being on the move and on my own, it was strange to me to have family nearby who wanted to see us and dropped by unexpectedly. Had anyone told me this was going to be my life even a year ago I would have told them they were out of their mind. But I wouldn’t trade any of it.
It was another Sunday dinner at the McArthur home. Carved pumpkins sat beside the staircase. Hanging from the door was a witch that looked like she crashed into it. Christopher was playing with his twin cousins Julie and Jenny in the family room. Their mom, Josie, and I had become as close as sisters, but I had been keeping a secret from her that I was dying to tell.
“Come eat,” Momma called from the dining room.
“Is there anything I can help you with?” I asked like I did every week.
“No, no!” she exclaimed. “This is my house. I take care of you here.”
“I keep telling you to give up,” Josie said. “Momma has to do everything herself.”
“And despite that I will always ask her if she needs my help,” I said. “You never know, one day she might say yes.”
Momma had already set the table and put out the food. She wiped her hands on her apron and waved at everyone to sit down, then went into the family room and kneeled with the children.
“I made you something special,” she said to them. “And I set up the kitchen table just for us.”
She led the kids away as everyone else sat in the dining room. I peeked into the kitchen and saw the three kids sitting happily with their plates full of food and one over sized cookie in front of each of their plates. Christopher smiled and waved at me and I smiled back, glad to see my boy so happy. Momma, or Nonna as he called her, always spoiled the kids.
Josie’s husband had to work late so she sat in her mother’s seat at the head of the table across from their dad who was always half asleep. I sat beside Charlie and across from us was their brother Thomas.
“It feels like just yesterday I was telling this guy that being a priest wasn’t for him,” Thomas said.
“Umm no,” Josie piped in. “If I remember correctly you said he hadn’t met the right pussy yet.”
Momma stepped out of the kitchen with a look of horror on her face.
“Dear God, watch your language.” She walked over to Thomas and slapped him on the back of his head.
“What was that for? I didn’t say it,” he said.
“It doesn’t matter, I know you started it.” Momma grinned as she walked back towards the kitchen and then turned around and whipped a wooden spoon from her apron and wagged it at us. “Don’t make me use the spoon.”
She disappeared back into the kitchen and I leaned forward.
“Has she ever used the spoon?” I whispered.
Charlie laughed. “No, she has stories about her mother, but I don’t think she ever has with us.”
“Shows you what you know,” Thomas said. “Don’t you remember the day I accidentally stole the gum from the corner store?”
“Accidentally my ass,” Josie said.
Thomas glared at Josie then continued, “she chased me up the stairs to my room with that thing. At one point she even swatted my ass.”
“Well that explains a lot,” I said as Josie laughed.
“What did she tell you?” Thomas asked.
“She’s part of the family, she knows all of our secrets,” Charlie said.
Thomas rolled his eyes as he looked at me. “Don’t believe anything they tell you.”
“Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me,” I said.
“So, Charlie,” Thomas said with a grin. “When are you going to admit I was right?”
Charlie thought for a second, then tilted his head. “You know only Ava and Momma can call me that. What were you right about?”
“You know,” Thomas raised his eye brow. “You met the right--“
“Don’t you say it, Tommy,” Momma called out from the kitchen. “Remember, I hear everything and I love that girl as if she was one of my own. You could learn a little something from my Charlie, Thomas.”
Thomas sighed and then leaned forward towards the table. “I wasn’t sure when I was going to say this, but I think I met someone.”
“Do you have to blow her up or does she come with a pump?” Josie asked.
“No, this one is real,” Thomas said as he grinned. “I’m being serious for once. I think she’s the real deal. I’m in love.”
“Then why haven’t you brought her to Sunday dinner?” Charlie asked.
“Because I thought it might be a little awkward,” Thomas said.
“Why?” Charlie asked.
“It’s someone you dated,” Thomas said.
“Oh my God, seriously?” Josie said as she bounced in her seat. “Who is it? Wait, let me guess. No, just tell me!”
“Mina Kirkland,” Thomas said.
“Mina?” Josie said. “Really?”
“I ran into her after church one day and she was still hot. I won’t deny it, I remember what you said about her and the priest here,” Thomas said as he nodded his head towards Charlie.
“Wait, you need to catch me up,” I said then I turned to Charlie. “You didn’t tell me there were others.”
“They weren’t worth mentioning, but you knew you weren’t the first. I dated Mina back in high school.”
“So are you okay with me dating her?” Thomas asked, looking sincere.
“Of course,” Charlie said. “She was a nice girl. You should bring her to dinner some time. I’m sure Momma would love her.”
“I will, but since you’re alright with it, there’s more.” Thomas lowered his voice as he looked towards the kitchen. “I’m going to ask her to marry me and I really want you to be my best man.”
“I’d be honored,” Charlie said.
“What? Marriage? And I haven’t met her yet?” Momma bounced out of the kitchen. “You call her up right now and tell her to come over. You can’t ask anyone to marry you until I meet her.”
“You didn’t meet Ava before the priest here asked her to marry him,” Thomas said.
“Will
you stop calling me that?” Charlie said.
“I didn’t have to, she had already given me a grandson. She gets a pass,” Momma said.
“That’s ridiculous,” Thomas said. “He gets away with everything.”
“Grow up, douchebag,” I said.
Thomas blinked at me then laughed. “He really did tell you everything, didn’t he?”
Charlie put his arm around my shoulders and leaned towards me and kissed my cheek.
“Hearing you call my brother a douchebag was hot. Want to see my old bedroom?” he whispered.
“No! Momma hears everything, remember?” I giggled as he frowned.
“You know Mina is a teacher too, Charles,” Thomas said. “She works at the public school. She could probably put in a good word for you. St. Peter’s can’t possibly pay you much.”
Charlie turned to look at me and squeezed me closer. “I’m perfectly happy where I’m at. I get to teach religion at the school the three of us went to and it’s the same school my son goes to. I don’t need anything more than that.”
“Alright, but if you ever change your mind,” Thomas said.
“Besides, we have news of our own,” Charlie said dramatically. “Ava’s pregnant.”
“What?!” Momma shrieked as something clattered in the sink. She ran out of the kitchen and over to me and squeezed me so tight she lifted me out of the chair. “You need a cookie. I’ll be right back.”
I smiled as Josie came over and hugged me. “You know if it’s a girl, I’ve got you covered.”
“I know,” I said. “But we’re fine really. My practice is growing and I’m going to hire another doctor so that when the baby comes I can take more time off.”
Momma put a cookie down on a paper towel in front of me and then pushed Charlie away as she hugged me tight again and I hugged her back.
As Momma returned to the kitchen, Christopher came out and slid himself onto my lap. He turned and gave me a big grin, his eyes sparkled like his father’s always did.
“Yes, you can have some of the cookie,” I said.
He broke the cookie in half and handed the other half to Charlie.
“Here you go, Daddy,” he said as he handed one of the halves to Charlie then went back into the kitchen.
Sinned: A Priest Romance Page 8
