Sinned: A Priest Romance

by Daye, Veronica

  As he took the case from me, the bell sounded and the hall filled with people. One of Shane’s friends, Warren, walked past and held his hand up to high-five Shane.

  “New addition to the club?” Warren asked as he nodded in my direction.

  “Nah man, she’s no one,” Shane said.

  She’s no one. Ouch!

  I was always a no one, but it never hurt or bothered me as much as when I heard Shane say it. I went through the rest of the day in a daze, thinking about his kiss and how he helped me, but that wasn’t all of it, there was the other side of him that was a jerk to me. Sometimes I wanted to hate him just because he seemed to hate me so much, too.

  I avoided my usual routes to class. I didn’t want to see him, not after he said I was no one. A crowd had gathered in the glass entryway near the stairway to my classes. Noelle was towards the back of the crowd, away from the glass doors, texting.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you. Did you hear?”

  “Hear what?”

  A hush went through the crowd as four policemen entered the hall. Between them were Seth and Shane, handcuffed, their faces expressionless. Everything was silent except for the thud of Shane’s boots. Or maybe that was my heart.

  As they exited the building, the crowd moved to the glass doors, following them. I pushed my way in front of them and watched as the cops pushed Shane’s head down as he got into the backseat of one of their cars. Seth was placed in the back of another police car.

  Neither Shane nor Seth returned to school. Four months later, I graduated with my father and Joanna in attendance. During that time, neither of them said anything about Shane and I didn’t know how to bring him up to ask. No one said anything about him, not even at school. I might as well have made him up, he didn’t exist.

  I spent the rest of high school following my usual pattern of looking in the halls for him. It was the least I could do to keep my memory of him around. Whatever happened to him, it happened because of me. Shane disappeared for me. Maybe he didn’t really hate me.

  When I got my acceptance letter to Arizona State University, I silently thanked Shane for sacrificing himself so I didn’t have to stay at home. Not that he knew anything about my home life, no one did. No one knew what I was dealing with. I had to get out of there and going away to college was the only answer.

  ~ Five ~

  Parking my navy blue boat of a car at the curb, I looked up at my home. The tan siding and cornflower blue shutters looked welcoming, but all I felt was dread. Was this how my friends felt when they came home? I doubted it.

  Since the summer began, my stepfather lost his job and was home all the time. To help support the family, I started working full time at the bank. My time at work was the only thing keeping me sane while I waited to move to school.

  I hardly saw Noelle anymore. My mother and stepfather had made my going anywhere but to work so difficult that I gave up trying. Luckily she met a new guy and spent a lot of her free time with him. The times we did talk, I never mentioned what was going on at home. I couldn’t. It was something I wanted to forget.

  As I entered the house, Jim rushed over, towering over me. His face was stern and his eyes flashed with anger. I couldn’t help it, I immediately felt guilty. I had to have done something to make him so angry, I just didn't know what it was.

  “Where’s the key?” he demanded.

  “What key?” I asked, genuinely confused.

  “The one for the lock you put on your door. You know I need access to your bedroom.”

  “No, you don’t. I’m paying for food and utilities, I’m giving you and Mom money when you need it, I’m even paying for your credit cards. And I’m eighteen. I deserve a little privacy.”

  My eyes filled with tears and I ran up the stairs to my room, quickly unlocked the door, then collapsed onto the floor. I couldn't take it much longer. When he started coming into my bedroom at night, I knew I needed to do something to protect myself so I bought a lock.

  On the floor next to my desk was the backpack I used to carry every day to school. I refused to put it away because it was the only thing that reminded me of the simpler times. When my only worry was whether Shane would catch me spying on him.

  Shane. Just thinking about him made me feel better. In the time since I had last seen him, I built him up even more. He barely knew me, but he took the blame for the pot. At least that was the story I told myself. I doubted I would ever know the truth.

  ***

  The next day as I was leaving for work, I heard my mother call for me from the kitchen.

  “Rosalie, do you have a minute?”

  I couldn’t say no to her even though I was already running a little late. As I entered the kitchen, I found my mother sitting at the kitchen table stirring honey into her coffee.

  “Hi Mom,” I said. “I only have a minute. Is something wrong?”

  “Jim spoke to me about the lock on your door. It’s fine if you want to have one, but you have to give him the key.”

  “Why does he need a key to my bedroom?”

  I swallowed hard as I waited for the question to sink into my mother’s mind. It didn’t phase her though.

  “Jim needs access to your bedroom. What if there was an emergency?”

  I stared at my mother for a minute, unable to understand how she could ignore the obvious.

  “No, Mom,” I whispered, shaking my head. “This isn’t right.”

  “Jim is expecting the key by the end of the day.”

  I blinked back tears as I left the house and sank into the spongey driver’s seat of my car. Things had been so hard the past couple of weeks at home. I was feeling raw. I was on the verge of tears constantly and the only thing keeping me going was the ticking down of the clock for college to start.

  My day at work flew by and before I knew it, I was on my way home. During lunch, I went online and looked at photos of the ASU campus and imagined myself there. I couldn’t wait.

  Once I got home, I grabbed the mail from the mailbox and flipped through the envelopes looking for bills I needed to pay for my mother or anything with my name on it. To my surprise, there was a thin envelope from Arizona State admissions. I tore it open before entering the house.

  Dear Rosalie DeLeo,

  Thank you for contacting our Admissions Department with the change in your student status. As I indicated over the phone, with the school year starting soon, this decision is final. Your admission has been delayed until the next school year as requested.

  Sincerely,

  Scott Overmeyer

  Dean of Admissions

  What the FUCK?!?

  I ran into the house, tears streaming down my face. I dropped the mail on the dining room table and pulled my phone out of my bag. Angrily wiping at my tears, I tried to read the phone number on the page so I could dial.

  “This has to be a mistake,” I muttered.

  My mother stepped out of the kitchen, her face expressionless. She entered the dining room, her ever-present mug of coffee in her hand.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked.

  No, I like crying hysterically for the hell of it.

  I couldn’t answer her. And even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to say what I was thinking. I handed her the letter. She looked it over and shrugged.

  “I called them last week,” she said. “You have new responsibilities now that Jim is out of work.”

  “How could you?”

  I collapsed into a chair, sobbing. I was stuck, trapped in a nightmare. My chest ached.

  “It was Jim’s idea. He doesn’t want you to go away either. He’s having a hard time finding a job. I think they blackballed him at his old job. Such a shame after twenty years,” she said before taking a sip of her coffee. “No one is calling him for interviews and you don’t expect me to go back to work, do you? If college means that much to you, I’m sure your acceptance at Rutgers is still valid and t
hey’re only ten minutes away. You can live at home.”

  I’d rather die.

  I couldn’t speak to her anymore. I couldn’t even look at her. I grabbed my things and headed towards the stairs. Just beyond them, Jim was sitting in the living room watching television.

  “You never left the key to your room,” he said.

  There was no point in answering. I knew I’d pay for it later, but I ignored him and climbed the stairs. I just wanted to be alone in my room and cry.

  As I got to the landing, I knew something wasn’t right. The hall had a lot more light than it usually did. My pace quickened as I walked down the hall and then I saw what was wrong.

  My bedroom door had been taken off of its hinges. I felt like the air had been sucked out of me. Like the door leaning against the wall had been slammed into my body.

  I needed to be alone. I needed to have some space to just lock the door and not worry about someone coming in. Flicking on the bathroom light, I slammed the door shut and reached for the knob to lock it. The lock was gone.

  “This isn’t right, this just isn’t right,” I whispered.

  My tears had dried up. I felt nothing but emptiness. I was numb. I needed to figure out how to survive here until I could move out.

  I entered my room and slid the door so it covered most of the doorway. My stomach clenched as I looked around the bedroom. Some things had been moved around from where I left them. It was another one of the reasons why I installed the lock. I was tired of feeling violated in the place I should feel the most secure and safe.

  Settle down, Rosalie.

  Taking a deep breath, I sat on my daybed in the corner of the room. I tried to calm myself like I always needed to whenever my stepfather had been in my room. I set my bag down next to me on the bed and placed my hand over my stomach, hoping to calm it with deep breaths.

  It didn’t work. As I sat there, I noticed my underwear drawer was slightly open. Underwear was the one thing I splurged on, and seeing my drawer like that reminded me of my favorite panties.

  They had gone missing about a month ago. They were dark purple satin with black lace along the hips and they cost way too much for something no one but me would see, but I had to have them. I always did my own laundry so I knew they didn’t get lost in a hamper. There was only one place they could be.

  Perverted sonofabitch!

  Getting up from the bed, I stood in front of my dresser as I wondered which pair was missing this time. Holding my breath, I opened the drawer. Lying on top were my favorite undies. They had magically been returned. They were lying flat on top of everything. There was no way I could have missed them.

  That was the last straw. I grabbed the panties as I heard my mother walking down the hall. In her arms were several shopping bags with Macy’s on them.

  I held up the panties as I tried to rein in my anger. “Did you do this?” I asked. “Did you put them back in my drawer?”

  “Oh, is that the pair you lost?”

  Without looking at me, she turned into her bedroom. I followed her. I couldn’t just ignore it anymore. I was done keeping my mouth shut about her husband and the things he did in my bedroom.

  “You know I didn’t lose them,” I said. “Was it you? Or did he put them back? I can’t help but notice they magically returned two days after I told you they were missing and the same day my door was taken off its hinges.”

  “I’m sure they’ve been in your drawer all this time. You’ve never been very observant.”

  Clenching my fists, I had to control the urge to hit something. I wasn’t a violent person, but at that moment everything came together and I was done.

  “I’m done with this, Mom. I’ve had enough. I can’t live like this anymore.”

  “What are you talking about now?” she said with a sigh.

  “I have no privacy. I can’t go out with friends. I can’t talk on the phone without him listening in. These are the things I’m talking about. Things that you know about. I can’t even have a lock on the door to my room.”

  “You know the reason for that. Jim said he needs access to every bedroom at all times of the day or night. What if there was a fire?”

  I knew fire was a big thing with my mother. When she was a kid, the apartment building they lived in caught fire. They didn’t have much, but they lost everything. I already knew about Jim needing access to my bedroom at all times. I felt sick thinking about it and how my mother always turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to it.

  “I’m moving out,” I said.

  She laughed. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  I didn’t have many options. Maybe I could rent a room. I knew at this point I wouldn’t be able to get a dorm at Rutgers. That was even assuming I could go there. I wasn’t even sure how I would afford a place and still go to school, but I knew I couldn’t live with my mother and stepfather anymore. There was only one option left.

  “I’ll move in with Dad,” I said.

  She laughed and began pulling her new clothes out from the bags. Holding up a little black dress against her body, she turned to me. “What do you think? Nice? It was on sale,” she said.

  “Did you hear me?”

  “What? That joke about living with your dad? Yes, I heard that. You go right ahead. You think we’re strict, just wait until you see how your dad is.”

  That was the problem. I didn’t know my dad that well. With him and Joanna living around the corner, I saw him a little more frequently, but we never spoke very much. I always felt like we were both still trying to get to know each other.

  Whenever I went to his house, Dad reminded me I had a bedroom. Joanna had decorated it with photos of my dad and I through the years and the room always had fresh flowers in it. But it felt like a shrine, not my bedroom.

  My mother was right. I didn’t really know what it would be like living with him. I hadn’t spent more than a day with my father in thirteen years. As Mom continued looking over her new clothing, I heard Jim’s footsteps on the stairs. I had a choice to make--the devil I knew or the one I didn’t.

  “I’m moving in with Dad.”

  Part II

  The Boy Next Door--Literally

  ~ Six ~

  Living with my dad and Joanna ended up being one of the best decisions I had ever made. The only downside to the month I had been there was my obsession over what happened to Shane at school grew even more.

  There weren’t any photos of Shane anywhere in the house. Joanna never mentioned him either. It had been six months since I last saw him, but whenever I closed my eyes, I could still feel the heat of his lips pressed against mine.

  With only a few weeks left before I started college at Rutgers, I was working part time at the bank, but now my money was going to go towards saving for school, which my father said he’d help pay for. I didn’t think things could get better.

  As I walked up the driveway after working that morning, Dad and Joanna were leaving the house. I smiled at Joanna, but she walked past me as if I wasn’t there and got into the passenger seat of my dad’s Toyota.

  “Is she alright?” I asked.

  “She’ll be fine. She’s just anxious,” Dad said. “Shane is coming. We’re going to pick him up now.”

  Shane is coming! The one guy I lusted after in high school is coming here!

  “I can go with you. Where has he been?” I asked, trying to control my inner cheerleader.

  “I think it’s better if you stay here. Joanna’s already pretty upset.” My father lowered his voice. “Don’t say anything, but your stepbrother was in jail again.”

  “Again?”

  “I told you, he’s messed up. He’s had a tough life. I can’t get into it now, but I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough. One of the terms of his parole is that he can’t live with his father because of all the trouble he’s been in. I don’t know how long he’ll be here, but he’s moving in.”

  I waved as my dad and Joanna drove away, but the real reason I was st
ill outside was that I was too stunned to move. The one guy I had lusted over for the past year was going to be under the same roof, in the same house, sleeping on the other side of a wall from me.

  ***

  It felt like forever before I heard my dad’s car back in the driveway. I had changed out of my work clothes into a pair of jeans, but I barely remembered doing it. All I could think about was Shane coming and his being in jail. Again.

  Again? I wanted to find out answers. Why was he there? I had a hard time believing Seth’s pot was enough to put him away for so long, but what else could have happened to him? I had to know.

  As soon as Shane got out of the car, I could see the difference six months away made. His shoulders looked wider and the muscles on his arms were thicker than they were before. He had sunglasses covering his eyes and his hair was shorter. His clenched jaw told me he did not want to be here.

  Shane was walking ahead of them carrying a large duffel bag. I opened the door as they approached and he took a step back when he saw me. His face contorted with disgust.

  “What the fuck is she doing here?” he asked.

  He pushed past me, his boots echoing through the house as he headed straight for the stairs. Joanna looked worn out and my dad looked helpless as they came in. It was obvious neither of them was going to explain anything.

  I felt uneasy hearing Shane’s footsteps in the hall upstairs. I didn’t know if he remembered which room was his, and I was still sensitive about my space. I heard my bedroom door creak open and raced after him.

  “That’s not your room,” I said.

  He looked around. “It’s nice though. Maybe we should switch.”

  “You haven’t even seen your room. It’s nice too.”

  “I don’t need to see it. I know the princess gets the better room.” He took his sunglasses off and glared at me. “Right, sis?”

  I cringed hearing him call me that. Somehow, in my excitement of hearing he was coming back, I forgot one simple thing. We were now related.