Sinned: A Priest Romance

by Daye, Veronica

  We lay panting in each other’s arms, the moonlight glistening against our bodies. Hearing our parents’ bedroom door finally close, we both let out a sigh and laughed.

  He kissed me tenderly as he stroked my arm. As I looked into his eyes, I wondered if he felt the same way I did. I wasn’t falling for Shane anymore, I had already fallen hard.

  ~ Ten ~

  For months, our Saturday night routine was bringing dinner to the hotel and staying there until we thought we should head home. We didn’t always have sex, the hotel wasn’t really for that. We went to the hotel so we could be together without having to worry what anyone else would think.

  Neither of us knew what our parents would say about our being together. Joanna didn’t seem to notice anything, but I had a feeling my dad was suspicious. Having to pretend Shane meant nothing to me while all I could think about was lying in his arms got harder as the months went by.

  The hotel room was dark except for the glow from the television. Shane held me as we watched an old movie. Our legs were tangled together under the sheets and my head lay on his bare chest. I loved being naked with Shane, it felt so natural. I didn’t feel self-conscious or uncomfortable about my body. If anything, I felt beautiful.

  I let out a long sigh as the movie ended. It was after midnight and we would have to go back home and back to pretending.

  “What was that for?” Shane asked.

  “What?”

  “That sigh. Is something wrong?”

  “No, everything’s great. I just hate having to leave here.”

  “I know, I do too. I’d give anything to be your boyfriend seven days a week instead of just one night.”

  I looked up at him and he leaned towards me, pushing me onto the pillow. His mouth closed over mine and I pressed my body closer to his. As our tongues met, I was reminded of the time and what the next day was. I pulled away and smiled softly at him.

  “What’s wrong? There’s something else, isn’t there?”

  “I have to go to my mother’s tomorrow. She called me the other day and said she was cleaning out the house and that if I didn’t get my stuff, she was tossing it. Most of the things she has are from when I was little and I don’t care about them. But she has my princess doll. I don’t want to go there, but I have to get that doll.”

  “I can go with you,” he said.

  “Really? You would?”

  “Of course. You know I’d do anything for you.”

  ***

  The next morning, I pulled my car up to the curb in front of my mother’s house. It had been over six months since I had last been there, but all the dread came back as if it was yesterday. Shane must have seen my hesitation because he put his hand over mine on the steering wheel and gently squeezed.

  “I’m here,” he said. “Nothing bad will happen.”

  We got out of the car and walked up the driveway to the house. It was quiet and there weren’t any cars in the driveway.

  “I don’t think anyone’s home,” I said.

  I rang the doorbell and when no one answered, I put my key in the lock and opened the door. Several boxes with my name on them were stacked near the entrance.

  “Let’s just take them all,” I said. “I can go through them at home. I’ll leave my mom a note to let her know I was here.”

  As Shane carried the boxes out to the car, my mother pulled into the driveway. I was still in the house writing a note when she came inside.

  “Good, you found your things,” she said coldly. “I think that’s everything. I accidentally threw out some of your boxes, so this is all that’s left.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  I didn’t know how to act with her. She was always hot and cold with me, and I didn’t want to say something wrong and have to deal with her anger.

  There was one box left. I wondered what happened to Shane and then I realized my mother wasn’t alone. Ice ran through my veins as I looked outside and saw Jim talking to Shane. Even from inside the house, I could tell Jim was trying to intimidate Shane.

  He kept stepping closer to him, closing the distance between them as he spoke. Jim’s hand was up and he poked Shane in the shoulder, then pointed back at the house. Shane’s eyes were narrowing and his fists clenched at his sides.

  I grabbed the last box and bumped the door open with my hip. As I stepped outside, I could hear Jim’s voice, but I couldn’t make out the words except for the last one.

  “...cunt,” Jim said.

  Shane’s fist connected with Jim’s face. Jim fell to the ground, his hands over his nose. Blood began to seep down his face as he glared at Shane.

  Shane’s eyes were wild like an animal ready to attack. I shoved the last box into Shane’s hands as he stood over Jim, but it wasn’t enough. His eyes were glued on Jim. I knew he was waiting for him to make another move.

  “Let’s go,” I said.

  I grabbed Shane’s arm and pulled. His eyes shifted to me briefly, then back at Jim. He stepped back, put the box inside the trunk, and then got into the car. I drove away as quickly as I could.

  My body began to shake and I couldn’t focus on the road. My dad only lived a block away, but I was too confused to get there. I stopped the car in front of the neighborhood park.

  “Are you okay?” Shane asked.

  “I’ll be fine. I’m just shaken up.”

  Shane’s hands cupped my face as he looked into my eyes.

  “I’m sorry I lost it back there,” he said. “That guy is a fucking asshole. He’s lucky all I did was punch him.”

  “What happened? I was leaving a note for my mom when she came into the house.”

  “Your stepfather got out of the car and asked if I was your new boyfriend. I told him I was your stepbrother and he said it didn’t matter who I was. That he was going to warn me about you.”

  “Warn you?”

  “Yeah, warn me about how irresponsible and lazy you are and all sorts of other things. He was just talking smack. I know you were supporting them, he probably thought I didn’t know anything.”

  “He said more than that, didn’t he?”

  “I don’t want to tell you.”

  “Tell me. I need to know.”

  “He was talking about how pretty you were. Then he said...”

  “Tell me. I think I know what he said. I heard the last word.”

  “He misses the smell of your...”

  “Cunt,” I said. “It was something my mother used to say to me. Well, kind of. She used to say that she hated me and that I was a slut and that men could smell me like a dog in heat.”

  “She’s a fucking bitch.”

  “Sorry you had to hear all of that. At least it got us out of there quick.” I smiled.

  “You’re taking it well.”

  “I’m used to it, unfortunately. But it’s one of the reasons why I left. I couldn’t take it there anymore and I think after this I’m going to promise myself to never see him again.” Just the promise alone was enough to put me at ease. “Can you tell me something though? What did it feel like to punch him?”

  “After what he was saying about you, he deserved more than just a punch. But it did feel good.”

  “I bet it did. I've always wanted to punch him, beat him, clobber him with a two-by-four.”

  “And they call me a bad boy,” he said with a laugh. “I think that makes you a bad girl. I’ll have to remember that for next Saturday.” He cocked his brow at me with a half smile.

  “Mmm, I’ll make sure to remind you.”

  ***

  Later that afternoon, I heard Shane out front talking to a man I didn’t recognize. The man was tall with broad shoulders in a brown suit. By his stance and demeanor, he looked like a cop. I stayed inside by the window so I could eavesdrop.

  “I’m sorry, Paul, I lost my cool,” Shane said. “He was pushing all the buttons. He’s lucky I only punched him.”

  “No, you’re lucky you only punched him,” Paul said. “I talked him into not p
ressing charges, but what happens next time?”

  “There won’t be a next time.”

  “You need to get away from here. Maybe go somewhere and start fresh.”

  “I can’t,” Shane said. “I’m not going anywhere without her.”

  Paul shook his head. “She’d better be worth it because I don’t know if you’ll be this lucky next time. You’ve gotten into trouble twice already because of her.”

  “This guy deserved it.”

  “Doesn’t matter, he’s not the one on parole. Move away, go to college, do something other than stay here. You say the word and I can make arrangements for you somewhere else. You’re a good kid, you just need the right chance. Think about it.”

  Paul got into his car and left. Shane lit a cigarette, the first one I had seen him smoke in a long time, and took a deep drag from it. I wanted to go out and talk to him, but I figured it was better to leave him alone. I had already caused enough trouble for him.

  ~ Eleven ~

  It had been almost a week since I overheard Shane talking to Paul. Every day I wanted to ask him about what he said, but I knew if I waited until Saturday night we’d be able to talk more freely.

  We were eating dinner in the hotel room, a pizza we brought with us, when I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to tell him what I overheard.

  “I heard you talking to that Paul guy last week,” I said.

  “You did? He’s my parole officer. Why didn’t you say anything?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I was waiting to see if you’d say anything.”

  “How much did you hear?”

  “He thinks you should go away.”

  “Doesn’t matter what he thinks. I don’t want to.”

  “Because of me?”

  “Listen, I know he’s right. I know Jersey is bad news for me. The old Shane would have and did blame you for my bad luck, but it’s not your fault.”

  “Then you should go. Don’t stay here just because of me.”

  My heart ached as I spoke. I didn’t want him to leave.

  “You are the best reason to do anything,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere without you. I even told Warren that.”

  “Warren? From high school?”

  The guy you said I was no one to?

  “Yeah, from high school. Ends up he’s moving out west. He’s going to Arizona and asked if I wanted to go too. He’s got a U-Haul for all his shit and a friend who’ll let us crash until we find a place.”

  “Are you thinking about going?”

  “No, like I said, I’m not going anywhere without you. You need to finish school, that’s important. How else are you going to be a famous writer?”

  I can be a writer anywhere, I thought. I didn’t say it though because I couldn’t help but think I was keeping Shane from having his own life. Paul was right, I had been nothing but trouble for him.

  “When is Warren leaving?”

  “Probably tomorrow, Monday at the latest. Anyway, it’s a non-issue.”

  Would Shane be better off somewhere else? Was Paul right? Would he have a better life away from me? I wanted to shove my head in the sand and not think about it.

  “Let's talk about something else,” I said.

  “Sure, whatever you want.” His hands moved up my body as he kissed my neck. “You feel tense. Let me help you relax.”

  With his arms around me, he brought me to the bed. He slowly undressed me, kissing each part of me as he revealed it. His lips moved so tenderly, I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was about his leaving.

  His caresses were gentle, less demanding than the other times we had been together. He held me close as he kissed me deeply. I clung to him, wishing he would never let me go.

  Silently, he put the condom on and slipped back into my embrace. With his eyes locked on mine, I felt the pressure of his cock against my entrance. His lips claimed mine as he thrust his cock into me. As he slowly pumped his hips, he continued to kiss me, only stopping to gaze into my eyes.

  This time was different. While sex had never been as wanton or lustful as our first time together, it was never this deliberate. With each thrust I felt more emotion. Our first time we fucked, other times we had sex, but this time we were making love.

  ***

  Shane’s chest rose and fell steadily as he slept. It was still early enough that we didn’t need to go, but I couldn’t relax enough to sleep. All I could do was think about what Shane said earlier and the advice he got from Paul.

  It was too much of a coincidence that Warren was leaving tomorrow, it was like fate was saying it was time for him to leave. Arizona wasn’t where Shane wanted to go, but it would get him closer to his goal of California.

  After such a horrible life with his grandmother and everything that stemmed from that, he needed a new start. And he needed it without me.

  As I lay in the dimly lit hotel room, I saw how Shane went from doing anything to please his grandmother to doing anything for me. I was grateful for it, but it didn’t feel right. He needed to be on his own and do things for himself.

  Paul was right, in one year I managed to get him in jail once and almost back in a second time. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.

  Thinking about letting him go made my chest ache. I didn’t want to lose him, but maybe it was for the best. If Shane wasn’t going to think about himself and what was good for him, then I would. I had to end it with him so he could have the life he deserved.

  ~ Twelve ~

  It was after midnight when Shane woke. As he stretched beside me, I watched his muscles ripple. I put my hand on his abs, over his six-pack, then slid my fingers up onto his chest as he yawned.

  This might be the last time I touch you.

  “I was thinking about what we were talking about before,” he said as he sat up. “This year is almost done for you, maybe you could transfer to a school in California. I can leave with Warren and do some odd jobs and save some money so that everything will be set when you come out.”

  “Transfer schools? I...I don’t know.”

  It wasn’t something I thought of, but it didn’t change how I felt. Shane needed to have his own life and to find his own way. He couldn’t do that with me around.

  “Say you’ll come, Rosalie. I don’t want to go out there without you. You’re the other part of my soul. My entire life has brought me to you. I’m not going without you.”

  “No, you should do this for yourself. You should go with Warren. Stop thinking about me. You need to be happy.”

  “You make me happy. I’m nothing without you, why would I leave when you’re here?”

  “I...can’t go. I’m going to finish school here. I can’t go with you, Shane.”

  “What do you mean? What are you saying?”

  “I don’t know what I’m saying. I just...you should go. Do like Paul said and start a new life, away from me.”

  “But I love you. All I want to do is be with you,” he said.

  Those words were something I dreamed about hearing him tell me, something deep down I knew he felt. But I couldn’t say the words back to him. If I did, he would never leave. I had to say something so he would go and have the wonderful life he deserved.

  “I met someone else,” I said.

  Even as the words came out of my mouth, I wished I could take them back. He didn’t say anything. He stared at me, his eyes piercing through me. I couldn’t meet his stare. If I looked at him long enough, he would know I was lying. I turned away from him.

  The silence in the room was deafening. Shane got up from the bed and crossed in front of me. His eyes were watery and seeing them felt like a knife slicing through my heart.

  He got dressed then tossed my clothes towards me. This was the worst break up I could ever imagine. Not only did I have to ride home in the car with him, but I had to live with him. Or worse, he’d leave hating me.

  As he parked the car in front of our house, he looked at me again. His jaw was set and his e
yes were still red.

  “You cut me to the bone,” he said. “I’m leaving tomorrow. I hope that fucking bastard you met knows how special you are.”

  He slammed the car door shut and went into the house without turning back.

  What was I doing? I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted to stay with him. But I had to convince myself it was better this way. He was better off without me. I swallowed my tears and stuffed down my emotions.

  “I love you too,” I whispered.

  Shane left in the morning before I woke up. He left a note for his mother letting her know what he was doing and that he’d be in touch. He never said goodbye.

  I was broken, wrecked, ruined. His leaving destroyed me, but it was all my doing. Slowly, my heart that always raced whenever Shane was around stopped its frantic rhythm. I drowned myself in my classes and finished college ahead of schedule. I spent years waiting for any sign of Shane, any mention of his name, but there was none.

  And then one day, four years later, my father spoke the words that made my heart start pounding again.

  “Shane is coming.”

  Part III

  The Heart Never Forgets

  ~ Thirteen ~

  Four Years Later

  After graduation, I moved to California just like I told Shane I would one day. Not a day went by where I didn't think about him. Despite not seeing him in years, I still remembered the time we spent together like it was yesterday.

  My father and Joanna divorced shortly after I finished college, but remained friends. Even when they were together, I never felt comfortable enough to ask her about Shane and she never mentioned him. I dated several guys through college, but none of them could compare to his memory.

  I had fallen into the habit of Googling Shane regularly over the years but never found any trace of him. Other than my memories, Shane didn't exist. Despite not finding him even on social media, I still kept hoping I'd get a glimpse of him again and see how he was doing. Did I make the right decision by letting him go?