Sinned: A Priest Romance

by Daye, Veronica

  “It’s him, isn't it?” Brayden’s voice was harsh. He was usually very mild tempered and laid back, except when Jagger came up.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t explain it. I know he’s gone, but I…”

  Can’t give up hope.

  “It’s ridiculous. I can’t compete with a ghost,” he said.

  “I know, that’s why we ended things,” I said softly.

  Brayden stormed out of the room

  I finished packing my bag and looked around the room to make sure I didn’t forget anything. The room was bright as the sun streamed in through the balcony. I looked out the sliding glass doors and saw Brayden loading the car. Behind him were acres of vineyards.

  It had been a long time since I had been back to San Diego. Brayden had transitioned his popularity into a cable network show, which required him to travel to New York City a lot. He didn’t have the time to manage everything else, so I took over the catering part of Bleacher Enterprises.

  “Is that everything?” he asked as I came downstairs.

  “Yes. Sorry I’m running behind.”

  “And I’m sorry I can’t manage this event for you. I know how much you’ve avoided going back home.”

  “I’ll be fine. I’ve been running from my memories long enough.”

  “I can always find a stand-in for you. Then you could come out with me to the East Coast. You’ll love New York at Christmas.”

  “You know how much I hate the cold.”

  “What if I promised to keep you warm?”

  I smiled at him, but my heart wasn’t in it. It had been a long time since I had come to terms with what happened to Jagger. I couldn’t explain why lately everything started flooding back.

  I couldn’t ignore that he had been gone for five years. Five years was the magic number, he was my five-year bad luck charm. It was funny how things had changed. Back then I never imagined there would come a day when I wished he’d come back into my life. Now, my life was empty without him.

  The flight from Napa to San Diego was quick. Just before I got off the plane, Brayden reached for my hand.

  “I’m sorry about earlier. You know how much I hate rushing.”

  “It’s alright. I understand,” I said.

  “You sure you don’t want me to stay in San Diego with you? With the event tomorrow, I can rearrange my schedule in New York and then we can fly out east together.”

  “No, it’s alright. I’ll probably head back home after a couple of days. I just can’t bear to be in that house. It brings up too many memories. Besides, the Wounded Veterans’ function should be a piece of cake.”

  “You realize it’s by the Naval base, right?”

  I sighed as I nodded. “I’ll be alright.”

  “Well, if you need anything, just call me.”

  ***

  The event was to honor wounded veterans, and it took place in an oversized, open-air tent along the San Diego waterfront. It was impossible to forget how close I was to the Naval base. Large combat ships, cruisers, and destroyers dotted the seascape like a real life game of Battleship.

  While I expected the ships, I wasn’t prepared for the uniforms. I got a crash course on dress uniforms, service uniforms, and working uniforms. No woman could resist a man dressed like this, and it made my chest ache that I never got to see Jagger in one.

  Everywhere I turned, things reminded me of him. I was distracted and couldn’t focus on what I needed to do. Luckily, I had a good crew working for me to make the event a success despite my being less than one hundred percent.

  It was an unusually hot December day and I was regretting wearing my chef’s coat. I was checking on an ice display that looked like it was melting faster than it should be when I looked up and saw a man in a blue Navy dress uniform that froze me.

  Time stood still as I watched a tall man with black hair neatly parted on the side shake hands with one of the organizers. I had no doubt in my mind that it was Jagger despite how impossible that sounded.

  I raced after the man but lost him in the crowd. As I looked for him, I spotted the organizer he spoke to and caught up to him.

  “Excuse me, but that man. The one in the uniform you were just talking to. Do you know him?”

  “He just introduced himself,” he said as he scratched his bald head. “His name was…well, I’ll be damned if I remember his name. Impressive young man. He didn’t say anything, but I saw the SEAL Trident on his uniform.”

  “Do you know where he was going?”

  “No, no, he seemed like he was in a rush.”

  For the next hour, I chased after a ghost. I stopped several men with the same build, hair, and uniform, but after embarrassing myself too many times, I gave up.

  I had to accept that San Diego would always be filled with ghosts for me, and sometimes they’d appear more real than others. Five years wasn’t enough time to make me okay with Jagger’s death. No amount of time would do that.

  And as I sat near the awards dais, I watched as hundreds of servicemen and women told their stories and reminisced. They were all the lucky ones, the ones who made it back. My heart was still broken for two men who didn’t.

  ***

  After the event, I went to my mother and Phil’s house, the same one Jagger and I lived in after high school. It was my first time back there since graduating from the Culinary Institute of America. As the taxi pulled up in front, I realized nothing had changed about the house. Everything looked exactly the same.

  As I entered, I was reminded of Jagger stepping foot through the door that first day. I looked up and saw the loft just beyond the balcony. Walking further into the house, I entered the family room where he recorded the videos I still regularly watched. I was pathetic and I knew it, but how I felt about him never changed despite how much time had passed.

  “Oh, it’s so good to see you at home,” Mom said as she stepped out of the kitchen and hugged me tight. “Not that I don’t love visiting you in Napa of course. You know you didn’t have to take a cab, Phil and I would have picked you up.”

  “I know, but I wasn’t sure what time it would end.”

  “Are you alright, sweetie?” Mom touched my cheeks and then my forehead. “You’re looking a little pale and you feel clammy. Come into the kitchen and I’ll get you some water. It’s hot out there and you’re not used to this weather anymore.”

  I sat at the kitchen table as my mother poured me a glass of ice water. Phil entered from the backyard and kissed me on the cheek. His eyes looked a little red, like he had been crying. It was probably just his allergies acting up.

  “I didn’t hear you arrive,” he said.

  “She just got here. I’m worried she might be a little overheated or something.”

  Phil looked towards the backyard and then sat next to me.

  “How are things in Napa?” he asked.

  “They’re good. I’ve been busy with work and I was invited to teach a class at my alma mater.”

  “That’s wonderful,” Mom said. “And how’s Brayden? How are things with him?”

  She patted my hand, and I realized that out of habit, I had put on my engagement ring. I shook my head.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately,” I said. “This whole trip back to San Diego has made me a little crazy.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I looked down at the floor, then over to the counter. A smile forced its way onto my face as I thought of Jagger and the time outs. It wasn’t just the sex that made me smile; it was how comfortable we were together. Everything felt right when I was with him.

  “Sierra? Are you all right? Is it Brayden?” Mom asked.

  “No, you know it’s not Brayden. It’s Jagger. He’s been gone for five years, and I still haven’t been able to get over him. I don’t want to forget about him, but I feel like something is holding me back. Deep down I feel like what we had isn’t over, but he’s gone so I need to move forward.” I let out a big sigh and looked from my mom, to Phil, the
n down to my phone. I wished Jagger’s name would light up the screen. “I saw him today. I was checking on some things, looked up, and there he was. I know it couldn’t have been him. But I can’t help it, I really think it was. I’m going crazy, Mom. I just don’t have another answer for it.”

  “Maybe you need to meet someone new, go out on a date,” Phil said.

  “Are you serious? I think dating is the last thing I want to do,” I said.

  “Just one date, a blind date. No strings, no ties, just two people meeting for dinner. What do you think?”

  “I think you’re crazier than I am. But I’m hallucinating. I suppose it can’t hurt. It can’t make things worse.”

  “Great, I know just the guy,” he said.

  “You do?” Mom asked.

  “I do. What about tomorrow night, Sierra? Is that too soon?”

  “Do you think you can make it tonight?” I asked. “I might be in the loony bin by tomorrow night.”

  “I’ll see what I can do, but I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

  ~ Fourteen ~

  Sierra

  I felt like a child as my parents dropped me off in front of The River House for my blind date. I couldn’t believe I said yes to such a crazy idea, but getting out of the house and meeting someone who would know nothing about Jagger made sense to me.

  “He said he’ll be here at six,” Phil said.

  “And he was okay with this last-minute set up?” I asked.

  This guy must really be a loser. Guess that makes him perfect for me.

  “It’s just a date, sweetie,” Mom said. “Give us a call if you want a ride home.”

  “No, I’ll be fine. Remember when I used to work here? Chef Lowe and I have become good friends. I might hang around until close so we can catch up. He usually works nights here.”

  As I entered the restaurant, I was comforted by the warm woods and soft piano music playing. The place hadn’t changed since I worked there years ago. I walked up to the hostess and she looked at her reservation book.

  “Do you have a reservation?” she asked.

  “No, I--”

  “Without a reservation, I can’t guarantee a table for you tonight.”

  “If you’d let me finish, I was wondering if Chef Lowe is here tonight. I’m an old friend.”

  Her face flushed and she stammered something I couldn’t understand as she ran towards the kitchen. Chef Michael Lowe and I reconnected after I started working for Brayden. And since they were such good friends, I became friends with Michael also. The chef world was a small one.

  Michael stepped out of the kitchen as he wiped his hands on a towel. His serious expression changed into a smile once he saw me, and he rushed over with his arms open wide.

  “Sierra darling, you should’ve called. I would’ve taken the night off,” he said while squeezing me tightly.

  “You’re right, I should have, but honestly this was a last minute idea. I’m here on a blind date, of all things. You know I won’t eat anywhere else.”

  “All the other places serve swill. I got a delivery this morning of some incredible fish. How about I make you and your date something special?”

  “That would be wonderful,” I said.

  “Let me bring you to the VIP table. I have to get back into the kitchen, but I’ll check in on you later.”

  He brought me to a round booth in the center of the restaurant that faced the doorway. As he made his way back to the kitchen, he stopped and whispered something to one of the waiters, who nodded before disappearing. When the waiter came back, he had a bottle of single malt Scotch and three glasses. One had ice in it.

  “Excuse me, Chef, but Chef Lowe said to bring you the Chef’s Special,” the waiter said.

  I laughed and nodded. Every chef I knew had a bottle of some kind of Scotch hidden in their back room. After a stressful night of cooking, it was a nice way to unwind.

  The waiter poured some Scotch into the glass with the ice and placed it down in front of me. I picked up the glass and swirled the liquid around the ice. I should have thought of coming here myself. It was the perfect distraction.

  As I brought the glass up to my lips, a tall man with dark hair entered the restaurant. He stood in place for a moment and as my eyes focused on him, I felt the color drain from my cheeks.

  I blinked several times, trying to clear my vision of my hallucination of Jagger, but it didn’t change. It was really him! But how?

  As I stepped out of the booth, his long stride brought him to me in no time. His arms wrapped around me tightly and I grabbed onto him, afraid he might disappear at any second.

  Was I dreaming? I looked up at Jagger, and his familiar blue eyes looked back at me. His lips crushed mine as he kissed me hungrily. I didn’t want it to end, but I needed answers.

  “Is it really you?” I asked.

  ~ Fifteen ~

  Jagger

  As I gave my key to the valet, I knew Sierra was already inside waiting for me. It was my father’s idea to set this up as a blind date, and I didn’t care as long as I finally got to spend time with her. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I hoped she still felt the same way I did.

  I spotted her dark red hair as soon as I entered the restaurant. Her face went pale, then color flooded her cheeks. Without thinking, I rushed over to her, held her tight against me, and kissed her deeply as she clung to me. I would have held her forever if she let me, but she stepped back with confusion filling her eyes.

  “Is it really you?” she asked.

  “Yes, it really is me,” I said.

  “But how? How long did Phil know? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

  “Let’s sit down and I’ll tell you everything. It’s a long story.”

  She slid into the booth and I sat beside her. I weaved my fingers with hers. It was so good to be this close to her after so long, but I had my reasons. I only hoped she could forgive me for not telling her the truth all those years ago. Now it was time she knew.

  Five Years Ago

  The hardest thing about boot camp was being away from the people I loved. I made the time pass by putting my all into everything I did. What I didn’t tell anyone when I enlisted was that my plan was to become a SEAL.

  In my first week, I passed the Physical Screening Test and had been interviewed by a Naval Special Operation Motivator who put in a request for me to enter the Naval Special Warfare training pipeline. I was accepted and scheduled to start BUD/S training once boot camp was over.

  Training lit a fire in me to be the best and do my best. Failure was not an option, and the only thing standing in my way was my desire to be with Sierra. But after how much I hurt her with my leaving, I was afraid if she knew about me joining the SEALs, she would never forgive me.

  After getting so much grief about enlisting, I didn’t want to hear about how difficult SEAL training was or how dangerous it could be. I had caused enough heartache. As graduation approached, I knew it was better to tell my parents in person.

  I was more proud of myself the day of graduation than any other day in my life. And having the people I loved there to support me made it even better.

  After the ceremony, Mom, Dad, and Rachel surrounded me. Mom had tears in her eyes, with the biggest smile I had seen on her face in a long time.

  But even with the three of them there, I couldn’t help but look around. There was one more person I was hoping would come. I turned to my father.

  “Where’s Sierra? I was hoping she would come.”

  “Have you spoken to her?” he asked. “I was under the impression things ended when you left. She was very upset.”

  “We did, but--”

  “Jagger, if you don’t realize by now that women aren’t mind readers, then I’m not sure any advice from me will help.”

  He was right. I should have reached out to her. I should have told her how much I missed her, but there was never any time. Recruits were lucky to get phone privileges and when I did get them, I called my mom.


  “Have you seen her?” I asked.

  “No, she’s been staying up at school, but she’s supposed to come home for Christmas break. Will you get any time off?”

  I shook my head. “I’m starting--”

  I cut myself off from telling him about the training. All I could focus on was how upset Sierra must have been once I was gone. I remembered vividly how unhappy she was the day I left, and I knew she was barely keeping it together. The sad look on her face haunted me. Knowing I was the cause of that sadness hurt more than anything.

  I couldn’t tell my father about the SEALs. The thought of her hearing secondhand that I was training to become part of a special ops team seemed especially harsh. I couldn’t do that to her.

  “What are you starting?” Dad asked.

  “Just some more training,” I said. “Never mind.”

  I couldn’t expect him to keep things from Sierra. And I didn’t want him to lie to her. I wanted to tell him about the SEALs, but I was conflicted. My desire to protect Sierra was greater than sharing a moment of pride with my father.

  While my father and Rachel spoke to some of the officers, I pulled my mother aside.

  “I’m so proud of you,” she said as she wiped away a tear.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said. “I want to tell you something that I know you’re not going to want to hear.”

  “What is it?” Her smile was replaced with concern.

  “I got into the SEAL program. I’ll be starting Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training soon.”

  Her eyes widened, then softened. “I can’t help but worry. You know you’ll always be my baby, but if this is what you want to do, then you do your best at it. I’m proud of you for getting into the program and I know you will do great. But just one thing, if anything ever happens to you, I will find each of your instructors and give them a new definition for Hell Week.” She smiled sweetly.