Ravages

by Kit Bladegrave

  “Why else would you tuck yourself away?” I argued.

  “Do you have any idea what I did!” she yelled as tears slipped down her cheeks. “I got Kadin killed, the father of someone I care about! He’s dead. I almost let you and Forrest get killed, the two people in this world who mean everything to me! You… I watched you be attacked, and Cassius, he almost convinced me to kill you both. Do you… do you have idea what that feels like?”

  I ground my teeth and nodded. “The council wanted us to kill you, too.”

  She blinked surprised, but shook her head. “Maybe you should’ve.”

  “What?” I couldn’t have heard that right, but when I asked her to repeat it, she said the exact same thing. “How can you say that?”

  “People are dead because of me! Because of what I let happen! I wasn’t strong enough,” she ranted, pacing back and forth in front of the fire, running her hands madly through her hair. “I couldn’t stop the darkness from taking hold… couldn’t break free.”

  “But you did,” I argued, hating the guilt in her eyes. “You shattered that shield, you’re free of it.”

  “But I was too late. I was too late to save the people I was meant to protect! Instead, I got them killed! I can’t… I can’t be what you need me to be.”

  I shook my head, unable to wrap my mind around what she was trying to say. “What are you talking about? You are Katherine Darrah. You are the Vindicar. You are the only one here who can stop this!”

  “No,” she said, her voice shaky, “no I’m not.”

  “I don’t… I don’t understand.” I wanted to go to her so badly, but her glare said she didn’t want me and not because she didn’t care for me. But because she cared too much. “Kate, please, listen to me.”

  “No, alright? I’m not who you thought I was. I’m just… I’m just Kate.”

  “That’s not true, and you bloody know it,” I growled. “You are the one meant to wield that shield, you’re meant to drive out the darkness! Just as Celandine did.”

  She laughed bitterly. “I’m not her, I never can be her.”

  “Kate, you can’t give up on yourself.”

  “And why not?” she asked quietly, turning her back on me, and I knew I was losing her. “You can’t save everyone. And me? Maybe you’re not meant to save me. Maybe… maybe this was all just a mistake, a horrible mistake.”

  I planted my feet and stared at her intently, willing her to turn back around. “I refuse to believe that. The day you found me in the diner? We were meant to meet. This is your destiny, our destiny, and I am not going to let you give up on yourself.”

  “There’s no point. Don’t waste your energy, not on me.” Her shoulders trembled, and I knew she was still crying. “There’s no point.”

  My hand lifted, and I moved, so close to holding her, but I couldn’t close the distance. I breathed hard in and out through my nose, chest heaving, as my heart pounded away behind my ribs.

  This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be, but she said nothing else, and she didn’t face me again.

  Cassius broke her. The darkness, the plague, they destroyed her spirit and all that was left was a shell of the Kate I knew.

  The Kate I’d come to love.

  “I’m not giving up you,” I swore fiercely. “Not yet. Don’t you dare give up on yourself.”

  I turned on my heel and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me.

  I rested my back against it, holding my face in my hands as my world crumbled at the edges.

  How could she just think of throwing her life away? As if nothing mattered? As if her connection to me and Forrest was just happenstance?

  This, the three of us, it was fate, and one way or another, I had to get her to remember.

  15

  Forrest

  I watched Craig continue to growl and storm through the halls as the days wore on.

  Whatever he said to Kate, he didn’t tell me.

  She refused to come out of her room still, and with each passing day, the worry in Lucy’s eyes turned worse.

  Several times, I found myself outside her door, my hand raised to knock, but I wasn’t sure yet if I could stop myself from going off on her for what happened. Part of me knew she wasn’t really to blame, but that did little to stop the rampaging emotions in my mind. And it wasn’t just mine I was dealing with.

  Though I could feel everyone else’s emotions around me, they were nothing compared to what Craig and Kate bombarded me with day in and day out. Anger and fear came off him in continual waves, while I winced as the guilt Kate felt spilled into me repeatedly. Every time I neared her door, I had to suck in a deep breath to stop myself from falling over. I didn’t have to say anything to her. She felt bad enough for what happened.

  But I didn’t want her to, not forever.

  Guilt would only weigh her down and make things worse for her, not better.

  And yet, I couldn’t get myself to say that to her face, to tell her I forgave her for what happened. Instead, I worked with Greyson and the other sorcerers at trying to figure out what to do with the shards.

  “I don’t understand,” I muttered as another day gave way to another stressful night. “Why isn’t anything working?”

  For hours, Greyson and Lucy worked to try and figure out what power was left in the shards.

  I told them earlier I felt them come alive in my hand, as if they called out to Kate, but since we brought her back, nothing. No hint that there was any power left in them. I feared when she destroyed the other shield, she somehow damaged her connection to the real one.

  “Has she said anything else that might help?” I asked quietly.

  A growl issued from the corner where Craig sat, brooding, but I ignored him.

  “Nothing, no. She hardly speaks of what happened. She hardly speaks at all,” Lucy replied sadly, sinking into another chair. “I’m worried her mind is slipping away.”

  Another growl sounded, and I glared at Craig. “What did you say to her?”

  “Nothing that wasn’t true,” he grunted.

  I cringed as his anger mingled with worry struck me like a punch to the gut. “Damn it! Will you get ahold of your anger! You’re going to drive me insane! Both of you are!”

  “I can’t help it,” he raged.

  “Well figure it out! I’m about ready to tear my hair out right now. You’re pissed and worried, and she’s overwhelmed with guilt. What did you say, Craig?”

  “It’s not what I said that should worry you,” he spat. “It’s what she told me.”

  “Care to share?” I asked, marching over to stand in front of him.

  “She said she was not the Vindicar and that everything that happened is an accident,” he snapped. “That she… she isn’t meant to be a part of this. Of us.”

  His words pelted me, and I staggered backward as they resounded in my head. “She… she said that? How could she think that?”

  “She wouldn’t say,” he growled and shook his head. “I tried, alright? I tried, and she wouldn’t let me in. I don’t know what to do for her, but Kate… I’m not sure she’ll ever be the same again, and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

  The pain in his voice tore at me, but then he was out of the chair and leaving the room in a hurry before I could think to say anything helpful.

  None of us had slept much since coming here, and exhaustion tugged at me as I stared absently at Craig’s vacated seat.

  “We aren’t making any headway tonight,” Lucy assured me. “Get some sleep.”

  “I’m not sure I can sleep.”

  “Try. At least shut your eyes for a while. I have a feeling this peace and quiet of ours won’t last long.”

  “And Kate?” I asked as I faced her.

  Lucy smiled sadly. “There’s nothing any of us can do. She has to figure this out on her own.”

  I didn’t ask what I wanted to, knew Lucy was thinking the same thing: was Kate even strong enough to pull herself out of his depres
sion?

  I glanced one more time at the shards and asked if I could take them with me. It probably wouldn’t do any good, but it had been too long since I’d at least seen Kate’s face, let alone try to talk to her. With the shards in hand, I moved through the quiet castle as torches were lit for the night, and found myself outside Kate’s room.

  I knocked lightly after sucking in a deep breath. “Kate? You awake?”

  I heard movement through the door and expected her to yell at me to go away, but the door opened, just enough for me to see her.

  My jaw dropped, and I choked on whatever I’d been about to say next.

  She looked terrible, worse than I expected, and I clutched my hand so tightly around the shards, they cut my skin.

  She frowned at me then down at my hand. “Forrest, you’re bleeding,” she whispered and reached for my hand.

  Her skin was cold, and I suddenly wanted to hug her, just to try and warm her up.

  I let her open my palm, mumbling about getting my hand wrapped up, when she froze.

  “Kate?”

  “What… what are you doing with these?”

  I glanced down confused, having completely forgotten I had the shards with me. “I brought them for you to hold onto.” I wiped the bit of blood from my hand off them with my shirt and took her hand. “They’re yours after all.”

  She tried to pull her hand back, but I was already dropping the shards into her palm. “I don’t deserve these,” she whispered.

  “Yes, you do. You are a Darrah, and you are the Vindicar, Kate.”

  She shook her head, but I kept her hand closed around the pieces, softly. “Why are you doing this? Why are you both not listening to me?”

  “Because you’re wrong,” I said simply, and gently cupped her cheek. “And I needed you to know I forgive you for what happened. We all do.”

  She shut her eyes, and a single tear slipped down her cheek, but then she was backing away and closed her door.

  I stayed where I was for a few more moments before I slowly walked to my room and fell onto my bed. I didn’t expect to sleep, but the second my eyes closed, I drifted off and was lost in a storm of faces.

  Craig was there, fighting beside me as plagued surrounded us. Kate, I saw her, too, but she was staring at us darkly, the dark shield in her hand. She was saying something, but I couldn’t hear the words. Then unexpectedly, there were two Kates, and they were fighting each other fiercely. Craig was suddenly gone, and before I got to see what happened to Kate, the nightmare shifted, and I saw my father in the courtyard again.

  I didn’t want to be here, but I couldn’t get myself to wake up. I watched it happen all over again, and then I was on another battlefield, watching more people die. But this time, I wasn’t me. And it wasn’t Craig and Kate beside me, but Broden and Celandine. We were fighting the plagued, but this was different than what I’d seen before. Then suddenly, the entire battle stopped, and a hand fell on my arm.

  Celandine. She was looking at me, and her lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what she said.

  “What?” I asked, but my voice sounded muffled to me even.

  She was still talking, but time was starting to speed up again.

  Screams filled my ears and then there was a blinding light that consumed everything in front of me—

  I yelled as I shot up in bed, sending Craig flying backward.

  “Damn, man, what were you dreaming about?” Craig muttered, picking himself up off the floor.

  I shut my eyes, then opened them wide, staring around my room. The sun was up, and my room was freezing. I’d forgotten to start a fire last night. Morning. I’d slept all night long, but was far from rested.

  “Shit,” I grunted and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

  “You look about as good as I feel,” Craig muttered. “Nightmares?”

  “Yeah, but there was something else happening…” I strained to remember, but everything was fuzzy. “Did you wake me up on purpose or what?”

  He clenched his jaw. “Tristan and his scouts spotted a few… suspicious figures moving at the outskirts of the river lands,” he told me. “Figured you and I could use some time away. Go with him on patrol and check it out.”

  I saw the hope in his eyes that we might get to kill something and decided that sounded like a great idea. I could use a few plagued to take my pent-up emotions out on, too. “Right, let’s go then.”

  Once I was dressed and armed, I met Craig in the corridor, and we hurried to catch up to Tristan at the stables.

  I glanced one final time at the castle before mounting up and riding out of the main gate.

  16

  Forrest

  We rode along the river all the way to the borders of Torolf, but there had been no sign of any plagued.

  The air was strange though, heavy almost.

  I expected to see storm clouds on the horizon, but the sky was clear and bright blue.

  “You sure we’re in the right place?” Craig asked Tristan.

  “They said near hear.” His eyes flared gold as he sniffed the air and growled. “Something’s been here… this way.”

  He dismounted and slunk into the trees, his three guards quick to follow, leaving Craig and I to catch up.

  We stayed low, as the scent of burning hit my nose suddenly.

  I bit back a curse, and ahead of me, I heard Craig mutter.

  There were definitely plagued here. The question was, how many.

  We crept deeper into the trees until Tristan held up his hand stopping us. Voices sounded close by, and we crawled through the underbrush to the edge of a hill, covered by bushes, and stared down at the makeshift camp.

  There were tents for at least thirty or forty, but I only counted six plagued demons. They were talking quietly amongst each other.

  No sign of Cassius was there, but my ears perked up when someone said, “Allis.”

  Craig nudged my arm and pointed. Tracks led out of the camp, headed east.

  East toward the castle where Kate was.

  I couldn’t tell how old the tracks were. We needed to know when they left and how many, but before I could even ask Tristan if we should attack, he let out a fierce howl, and I watched as his massive, black wolf ripped through his clothes and took off down the slope.

  His guards followed close behind, their howls joining with their king’s. Craig charged in next, and I dove straight for one of the plagued trying to escape the camp. I grappled with him, hitting him in the face with the hilt of my dagger before I spun him around and wrapped an arm around his throat to hold him. We needed at least one alive, and from the way Tristan and his guards were attacking, and Craig had already decapitated one, this one would do.

  When the fight was over, Tristan and his guards shifted back, hurrying toward me and my prisoner. “How many are you?” he demanded with a growl.

  The plagued in my grip shook his head, but I dug the tip of my dagger into his neck.

  “Answer, now, or your death will be nice and slow,” I warned.

  “Forty,” he muttered. “And Allis.”

  “Why so few?” Tristan asked. “Answer me!”

  “They want her back!” he yelled. “They came for the Vindicar.”

  “Why?” I asked as panic filled me that just wasn’t my own.

  He gulped, but I dug the dagger in deeper, drawing blood.

  “To kill her! Cassius wants her back, so he can kill her in front of you! Make you all suffer!”

  I wasn’t sure if it was my anger, or Craig’s that made me plunge that dagger the rest of the way into the plagued demon’s throat.

  He sputtered as I let him fall to the ground dead. Kate was in trouble.

  The tracks leaving the camp weren’t very fresh, and we were an hour away, if not more.

  None of us said a word as we sprinted back through the trees to our horses, praying we’d get there in time.

  17

  Kate

  I sat at the window, a heavy blanket arou
nd my shoulders, and stared at the blue sky. It was so cheerful and happy out there, it made me almost sick.

  My mind was still working at accepting everything I’d done to those around me, the lives lost, the pain I caused. I wanted to get better, I did, but the guilt kept holding me back.

  That and the nightmares I had, hearing Cassius’ voice whisper in my ear. His cackling laughter. It wouldn’t stop, no matter what I did.

  Craig and Forrest needed to just leave me alone. They were fighting a lost cause, and I hated to think how much time they wasted on trying to bring me back when they should’ve been focused on saving Torolf and the rest of the realms before Cassius took them over, too.

  Every day was a struggle, and I wondered what the point of it all had been. If fate found it amusing to show me what I could have and then rip it all away and say it was just a joke. One big fat joke.

  I clutched the blanket tighter around my shoulders and glared around the room as I rested my head back against the stone wall.

  There wasn’t much here, and I was alright with that, but then the sunlight glinted off something on the mantle, and I frowned.

  The shards.

  Forrest had left them with me last night after saying he forgave me. I didn’t want to believe him since I hadn’t forgiven myself yet, but I saw the sincerity in his eyes. I didn’t deserve it, not his kindness, or Craig trying to talk to me. None of it.

  I was about to fall back into bed and sleep away another day when that dark cackling filled my ears again.

  “Leave me alone,” I whispered weakly, slinking away from the window to walk around the room.

  But the laughter only grew louder until it drowned out all other sound.

  I grimaced, sinking onto the edge of the bed and prayed for everything to just end. When two hands reached out and grabbed my shoulders, I screamed, thinking Cassius was here after all, but then I heard Mama Lucy’s voice, and I let her hold me.