Into the Darkness

by Kat T. Masen

  There are no words that could describe what happened next, or how it happened.

  Staring directly at me were those eyes, those emerald eyes. This couldn’t be happening, not here, not now. I suddenly began to panic, my chest tightening. My breaths became quicker yet I felt like I was suffocating. My stomach twisted in knots, the urge to vomit lingering with everything else. This was a figment of my imagination, it had to be.

  “Would you excuse me? I just need to use the restroom.” I got up from my chair so fast I nearly got a nosebleed and headed to the restroom, avoiding eye contact with anyone as I walked. I heard him call my name. I ignored him, the adrenalin running through me. He grabbed my arm and just like that I felt it, that surge, the jolt that only ever happened when he touched me. He begged me to turn around and against my better judgment, I did.

  “I looked for you, after you left,” he said, his voice haunting me as he spoke.

  Was this him? His accent was virtually British, only a slight hint of American. This didn’t sound like him, why would he have a British accent? I was at a loss as to what to say. He looked for me? It wasn’t impossible to find me. I felt the fury bubbling up inside of me, my cheeks flushing as I attempted to get the words out. I had imagined what this moment would be like a thousand times over, each time the speech became longer and longer. I wanted him to feel pain, to scar him just like he had done to me. I wanted to break him, but my tongue was tied. The words couldn’t form and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

  “Obviously not hard enough!” I shot back. Good Charlie, real slick!

  He looked confused, almost speechless. I never thought in a million years our paths would cross again and here I was angry and hurt and most of all trying to ignore how beautiful he still was. He was standing before me in a black suit, crisp white shirt and a dark blue tie. His hair was just as I remembered it, a bronze-tinted color styled in casual disarray. His face was perfectly sculpted, his strong jaw line cleanly shaven, showing off his tanned skinned. The emerald in his eyes sparkled as he continued to stare at me, like he was searching for something.

  He wanted to “talk” but there was nothing left to say. I denied what we were because it was easier this time to push him away. For a moment I thought he had changed, that maybe he had matured and grown past what we were. Maybe he just wanted to say hello—that was, until he mentioned Julian.

  I fired back at him with hurtful things. I wanted him to feel the pain I felt for years. I wanted him to understand how much hurt he’d caused me. I wanted to scream at him for everything he put me through but instead I said goodbye and walked away. My heart sank as I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. It’s done, Charlie, I told myself. It’s so done.

  I tried my best not to show Julian how angry I was but I was shaken up. I could barely walk back let alone think about finishing my meal. I wanted to get out of there.

  “Are you okay, gorgeous? You look a bit flushed.” Julian poured some water into my glass, suddenly my throat feeling very dry. I drank the entire glass of water, the feeling of nausea still lingering.

  “I’m fine. I just nearly tripped over this lady’s handbag that she had lying on the ground but I recovered without too much embarrassment.” I forced a smile. “Do you mind if we head out? I forgot I have a client in an hour,” I lied.

  “Of course not, gorgeous.”

  I offered to pay the bill but he refused, typical guy thing of course. We walked away from the table. For a split second my eyes met his.

  Those eyes that haunted me in my sleep.

  Those eyes that I couldn’t escape no matter how hard I tried.

  Those eyes that stole my heart and never truly gave it back.

  Those eyes that belonged to the one and only Dark Angel.

  Seeing him again took me back to places I vowed never to return, the pain I no longer allowed myself to feel. Why did life want to throw a giant curveball when it was just starting to feel right? I was the person standing in the middle of the crowd and the only one to get crapped on by a seagull that flew past. That summed it up in one neat package. Except for the fact that I couldn’t get out of my head the way he looked, the way he sounded, the way he smelled. I felt like I was sitting in the DeLorean from Back to the Future, transporting back to 2006, and there I was again. There he was again. How did this happen? And just a day after Julian proposed to me?

  …

  “OK, Spit it out. What’s wrong with you?”

  “Bull’s, something happened today. I didn’t really want to mention it but it’s eating me up inside.”

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “I ran into an ex while I was at lunch with Julian.”

  “Sounds awkward.”

  “Yes it was but it’s kind of more than that. I can’t really explain it. There’s a lot of history between us and we ended on bad terms.”

  “Wait, is this Alex?” she said as she spun her head around to face me.

  “Yes… Wait, how do you know his name?”

  “Honey, I’ve known you for seven years. In that time I could give you a list of guys you’ve been with, none of them I believe were anyone special, except in college all you would talk about in your sleep was this Alex guy. I knew there was something there but I never asked. I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would.”

  “I didn’t know I did that,” I said. “It’s weird, I never in a million years expected to run into him. Now that I have, I have so many questions I need answered. I hate that it took me forever to move on and now it’s opened up again.”

  “Sounds to me like you need closure. Did you get his number?”

  “No. It took me by surprise. I said some things, not nice things. I just need to forget about this, right? But I mean, it’s New York City. What are the chances of running into him again?”

  “I don’t know, a million to one? Charlie, you obviously have unresolved feelings. You can’t have a future with Julian if you don’t sort out your past.”

  I understood what she was trying to say, but I thought I had let go of the past. Bull’s knew me too well. Placing her arm around me she reminded me of our fitting tomorrow night which took my mind off what happened today for like one minute. It was so over…well, that was what I kept telling myself. Just like Bull’s said, what were the chances of running into him again? A million to one.

  April 2005

  Damn this stupid car! I turned my key, the ignition stalling as I attempted to start it. Of all days it had to happen today. It was pouring outside and I didn’t want to have to get out of the car in the rain, but it looked like I had no other choice. It was now or never. I opened the door as fast as I could, pulling the hood up as I attempted to inspect the battery. My dad had taught me a bit about engines and cars. I knew enough to know the sound of the car meant the battery was flat. Fuck! And my cell had died because I was too busy texting all day at school. I was parked around the back of school, the parking lot now empty as students had left over an hour ago. I hung out at the library studying for my finals until the librarian had some sort of emergency and asked me if she could close early. I ran back around and sat in the car, placing my head against the steering wheel. This day totally blew.

  There was a tap on the window. Startled, I looked up and saw Alex. He was still wearing his scrubs. I was tongue-tied. I never thought anyone could look so hot in medical attire, but then again he could make a potato sack look hot.

  “Let me guess, flat battery?”

  “I think so. Do you normally drive past the school looking for girls and broken down cars?” I asked cautiously.

  “Geez, Charlotte, lay off America’s Most Dangerous Criminals. I’m guessing you watched that episode last week with that schoolgirl and the knife wielding psychopath?” He tinkered with the battery then walked over to the ignition and attempted to start it. It made the same sound.

  “Okay, flat battery it is. I have jumper cables at my place. We can go get them so we can at least get your car
started and get you home.”

  He looked at me, confused by my expression.

  “It’s okay, I can wait here,” I said nervously.

  “But didn’t you watch the episode with that girl standing by the bus stop when a bus pulled over with the escaped prisoners?” he pointed out.

  Yeah, I had. Damn him to point that out. It was nearly dark so my nerves were getting the better of me.

  “OK fine, let’s go. But you’re following me home in case someone comes along and tampers with something else.” I locked my car and climbed into his. I was drenched. My lips started to tremble as the cold took hold of me.

  He turned the heat up in his car and took his scrub top off, wearing only a white wife-beater underneath. I couldn’t help but look…obviously. He leaned over to the backseat and grabbed a Jersey with the name ‘Edwards’ scrawled across the back.

  “Here, put this on.” He tossed it over to me.

  “No it’s OK, I’m fine Alex,” I answered not very convincingly, my teeth chattering as I spoke.

  “I’m not taking no for an answer. Change into this or you are going to catch a cold. I’ll turn around.” He turned to face the driver’s side window.

  I turned to face the opposite side of him, slowly pulling my top off. Even my bra was soaked. I undid the hooks and quickly pulled the jersey over me while I swiped my bra off. Not a bad effort in a small confinement. Suddenly the atmosphere changed as I looked over at Alex, his face in turmoil. Yeah okay, I’d let this one go. I was half naked for a second and he was a hot-blooded guy despite the wedding band on his finger.

  “Better?” He leaned over and brushed away a wet lock of hair from my face. Suddenly the car felt hot, the air was charged. I was certain I was blushing. Whether it was from the heat or his touch, I couldn’t tell.

  We pulled up to his house. It was a small cottage in a secluded part of the town, very cute, reminded me a lot of Hansel and Gretel minus the gingerbread of course. It was dark and I could see no lights on. I was hoping the witch—oh, slip of the tongue—I mean Samantha, wasn’t there, only because it would feel awkward, me wearing his top and all. He opened the front door, turning the light on. I followed him through the hallway as he continued to turn on some lights.

  “Samantha isn’t home. She’s in San Francisco for the night babysitting her nephew.” He looked over, watching my reaction. I was relieved. Not that I was doing anything wrong but there was just something about him that made me feel comfortable. I felt my body relax.

  “Nice place. It’s very cozy.”

  We entered the living room, my eyes drawn to the enormous fireplace nestled against the back wall.

  “It’ll do for now. Unfortunately my wife doesn’t seem to think it’s good enough.”

  “I would love a place like this. But then again I love fireplaces. Nothing beats curling up in front of one reading a good book.”

  “You don’t sound like a normal teenager.” He laughed.

  “Define normal?” I asked.

  “Well, definitely not my sister,” he said. “I’ll be back in sec. I’ll try to find these jumper leads. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”

  Alone in the living room, I walked over to the mantelpiece to look at the photos that sat perfectly aligned in their frames. There was one of Alex on his graduation day standing proudly with his mom and dad, another of Alex and Adriana when they were kids. It was adorable. They were both wearing cowboy hats and holding up an icecream cone which had three scoops. It looked enormous compared to them. There were a few others which I assumed were of Samantha and her sisters. The one that caught my eye was the one of them on their wedding day. She looked stunning in her dress. Her face was radiant as she looked into his eyes. Alex was holding her, his eyes a different shade of emerald than what I normally saw. I had no idea how that was even possible. Despite that, he looked happy and I reminded myself again to ignore these feelings that were starting to build up inside me.

  “I found them,” he murmured as he stood close behind me.

  We weren’t touching but I could feel the electricity radiating off him. His slow breaths were blowing against my skin, whooping my body into a frenzy. I closed my eyes, just for a second allowing myself to live in the moment.

  “Your eyes, they look different here. Are you wearing contacts?” I turned slowly to face him, the emerald green shimmering in front of me. Like being under a spell, I stood still, gazing at them.

  “No,” he whispered.

  His face inches away from mine, I started to panic because I knew I had no self-control. I don’t know how long we stood there staring into each other’s eyes, my heart beating a million miles a minute. I could have sworn he was leaning in, thanking God his cell started ringing and broke us from the temptation.

  He took the call in the kitchen, talking briefly before hanging up.

  “Sorry, that was just Samantha, talking my ear off about her nephew.” He sounded annoyed. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the baby talk or the fact that she called and interrupted us.

  “Are you guys thinking about having kids soon?” I regretted asking almost immediately.

  “She wants to but I think we are way too young.” He sighed. Clearly it was a touchy subject. Why oh why did I open my big mouth and bring this up? Now I had visuals of them having sex, fuck! I was getting annoyed with myself, and this strange possessive feeling was nagging at me. This jealousy was all kinds of wrong.

  “I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean to pry.”

  “No, it’s okay. It’s just that I’m kind of sick of this topic being brought up. I don’t understand why she can’t see how young we are, that there are still so many things for us to do before settling down—like our careers, traveling… Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink or eat?” he asked politely, changing the subject.

  I was starting to feel awkward being here, not with him, just in this place…her house. The feeling nagged me, the voices in my head telling me to let it go, walk out and not look back. “No, I’m fine. We probably should head back. It’s getting dark outside.”

  He grabbed his keys and the jumpers, turning all the lights off before we headed back out to the car. I climbed in, this time the music low, playing a Bon Jovi ballad. We were awkwardly quiet. Had I done something wrong? I wanted to look at him but was afraid he would catch me in the act.

  “I never got to thank you for helping me out with the whole prom dress thing. It was quite funny watching Adriana’s reaction. Unfortunately she was a pain in the backside all day but I would take that over trying on dresses.”

  “So it worked? I’m guessing you will eventually have to go shopping for one though, right?” he asked.

  “Yes, unfortunately I do. Stupidly I agreed to go with some guy at school a few months back. I’m still kicking myself for saying yes, but hey, there’s always online shopping.”

  “Who?” he asked, his voice changing tone.

  “Who what?”

  “Who are you going to prom with?”

  “Oh. Carter, just a guy I’ve known pretty much most of high school.”

  “As in the Evans kid? Good luck with that. The jerk can’t even pitch a ball right.”

  “Wait, are we talking about baseball or sex? Number one, I don’t care for sports. Number two, I don’t plan to have sex with him. Not every prom needs to end in a cheap rented hotel room, except for your sister.” Whoops, wrong person to bring that subject up with.

  “Please do not go into my sister’s sex life. In my eyes it doesn’t exist, nor will it ever.”

  “It’s not that bad. You’ve got to get used to them being a couple. Sex is no big deal. At least she’s with one person. Most girls our age change partners more regularly than underwear.”

  “Do you change sex partners more often than underwear?”

  “Okay, this conversation has now hit an all-time high in awkwardness. No I don’t, but I am not like all the other eighteen-year-olds, you said t
hat yourself.”

  We finally arrived at my car, and I couldn’t have been more grateful. He opened up the hood and connected the leads on the battery, attaching the other end to his car. It finally started. Hallelujah! He removed the cables and shut the hood.

  “All done. Sure you’ll be okay?” he asked.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said. “Thanks for all your help.”

  I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. I caught him by surprise, lingering more than I should have, lost in his scent and the feel of his skin. I pulled away, the loss of contact unbearable. He sighed. Had he felt it too? Think of something else, Charlie—anything else. Why is the sky blue? What is the square root of pie? It was working. My inner self high-fived my brain.

  “Don’t forget: eight tonight. It’s the continuation of the hitchhikers that went missing along Route 66.”

  “You’re a twisted little one, Miss Mason,” he replied, smirking as he shut my door.

  The first thing I did when I got home was jump into a steaming hot shower. I stayed in there for like half an hour allowing the water to relax my muscles. I felt extremely tense, the kind of tense that would usually be eased with a massage…mmm… My thoughts drifted again. I quickly turned off the water. How was I going to get through the night?

  I was dressed in my PJs when I plonked myself on the couch, armed with my bowl of popcorn and a rolling pin. It was my safety blanket, plus it would hurt anyone who came near me. I grabbed my cell, now fully charged, and decided to text him to say thank you.

  Hey Alex, it’s Charlie. Thanks so much for your help tonight.

  His response came seconds later.

  My pleasure. So it’s eight, what’s your weapon of choice since you’re home alone?

  Rolling pin. Statistics show it does more damage than a mallet.

  Remind me never to sneak into your place at night.