Into the Darkness

by Kat T. Masen

  “Lex, are you Charlie’s boyfriend?” he blurted out. I didn’t know how to respond to this and Charlotte just watched with amusement. I searched my brain for the easiest explanation I could give him.

  “Uh, not really, buddy... I’m just her friend.”

  “But you act like Mommy and Daddy. All in love and stuff,” he pointed out.

  That caught us off guard. Was that how people saw us? Well, from my point of view it was the truth. Thankfully Charlotte saved the day.

  “You know what, Will? Sometimes really good friends can love each other but it’s a different type of love.”

  “But Charlie, why don’t you marry Lex? Then you can have babies and I can have someone to play with.”

  I didn’t see that coming. Babies? Babies scared me. So tiny and fragile and I heard you get no sleep in like forever plus dirty diapers…but then again, it would be a tiny piece of Charlotte and I, plus what about trying to have a baby? That’s the fun part, right?

  “I’m not sure how to answer that but look, Will, the sun is going down and we have a fair to go to. Will you go on the dodgem cars with me?” It was a great distraction and he knew no different.

  “Oh yes! Let’s make sure Daddy drives the other car. He can’t drive for shit.”

  “WILL!” Charlotte and I exclaimed in unison. What do you say to a kid who swears in front of you?

  “Sorry.” He bowed his head and we tried our best to suppress our laughter.

  We headed back inside and went our separate ways to take showers. I contemplated sneaking into Charlotte’s room but I knew she was busy running a bath for Will. Instead I had a shower by myself and wondered if I should jerk off but why would I waste the buildup?

  As we were all dressed for the carnival, I finally got a moment to pull Charlotte aside as the others walked out onto the porch.

  “So why won’t you marry me?” I asked curiously.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Will asked why wouldn’t you marry me?”

  “Lex, he is seven.”

  “Answer me,” I demanded in a low voice trying not to cause a scene.

  “Well, for starters we aren’t even dating, you’ve never asked me, and I recall the last time you were married you couldn’t stay faithful. What’s to say you wouldn’t do that to me?”

  “I’m not the one seeing two people right now.”

  “Please don’t get into this, Lex.”

  “So you don’t trust me? Is that it?”

  “Lex, it’s not just the trust. There are a lot of things.”

  “Like what? Tell me, Charlotte. How do you expect me to read your mind?”

  Will grabbed Charlotte’s hand saying it was time to go. The conversation may have been interrupted but goddammit I would find a way to bring this up again, perhaps later tonight. Maybe I needed to get some more alcohol in her to open up.

  The seven of us walked to the park that held the carnival. It was your typical rollercoaster, dodgem cars, Ferris wheel type of shindig. Charlotte, Adriana, Rocky, Nikki and Will went on the dodgem cars. It was quite a long line so Elijah and I stood by the sideline waiting for them to finish.

  “So, this weekend is looking promising for your two,” said Elijah.

  “Is it? I can’t read her. One minute she hates me, the next minute she wants to be friends but she is holding back and I don’t know why.”

  “Even though you had your reasons at the time you left her, imagine if the roles were reversed. It’s hard to get over the hurt. I’m surprised she has let you get this far. Charlie is one tough woman. Give her time. She needs to make this decision on her own. Don’t push her.”

  “I’m sick of waiting. Plus I think she is still fucking Julian.”

  “Honestly Lex, do you really believe that?”

  “I don’t know. She hasn’t denied it. I need to fuck him up bad.”

  “Which you know is wrong because Charlie would hate you for it. Lex, he hasn’t done anything wrong. He fell in love with a woman and in walks her ex. You gotta feel sorry for him.”

  “Sorry for him? The jerk should know not to mess with me by now.”

  The rides finished and the five of them came back laughing and talking about Rocky and his poor driving skills. I didn’t hear much of the conversation apart from Rocky whining about a little girl that kept ramming into him which is why he got stuck in the corner for most of the ride.

  “Lex, can you play the shooting game with me, please?” Will begged.

  “Sure, buddy. Let’s go.”

  We sat down at the stools while the others got food. Then we geared up to play and as the buzzer rang the gun squirted onto the target and of course I released my grip every so often so Will could catch up. He won and happily picked out a large stuffed lion.

  “Cha Cha look, I won!” He jumped up proudly showing off his win.

  “Yay! Did you kick Lex’s butt?” she teased.

  “I sure did!” He ran off to show his parents while Charlotte and I decided to walk around.

  “He is such a great kid,” I said, watching him as he proudly held up the lion to Nikki mimicking his shooting. She hugged him tight before he found Adriana and did the exact same thing.

  “Who? Will? Yeah I know,” she sighed then continued, “Since the moment I held him for the first time I knew he was special. There was a reason why he came at that time.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  She panicked slightly, stumbling on her words. “I mean, like, you know, a blessing in disguise. Bull’s and Rocky weren’t ready to be parents but it worked out. They made it work.” She bowed her head, shuffling her feet nervously. Something was off.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing—” She was interrupted as Will asked to walk over to this magician show that was just about to start. He grabbed her hand and with his other he grabbed mine. He happily chatted away but I couldn’t help but feel content, with this little boy between us, imagining that one day this could be us, with our own son.

  My cell beeped in my pocket and I wondered who was calling me on Sunday night. Bryce. Shit, I had missed several of his calls but something told me that he was trying so desperately to get in touch with me for a reason. I excused myself and took the call.

  “Mr. Edwards, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.”

  “Sorry, Bryce. What’s wrong?”

  “I managed to get my hands on some personal information regarding Miss Mason. October 12th 2005, she was admitted to a Connecticut private hospital for five days. I am unable to get any information regarding her illness.”

  “Okay, so maybe she had appendicitis or something?”

  “Mr. Edwards, October 12th was the day Althea Mason passed away.”

  Her grandmother. So she was admitted to hospital the day her grandmother passed away? Maybe it was the shock of losing a loved one. October 12th was two days away from today. Maybe this was why she looked sad.

  “Mr. Edwards, there is one more thing. The reason I was unable to retrieve any further information on her illness was because…” The phone cut out, the crackling sound barreling down the speaker.

  “Mr. Edwards, are you there?”

  “Yes Bryce, I didn’t get that last part.”

  “She was in the psyche ward.”

  I looked over at her as I hung up the phone stunned by what he told me. The psyche ward was heavy stuff. It was traumatizing that her grandmother died but to be placed in the psyche ward? I couldn’t get my head around this. Charlotte was smart, she was headstrong. Something else must have been plaguing her, something else weighing her down for her to break down and be diagnosed that way. My imagination was running wild, but then I thought of it logically: having your boyfriend leave town with a knocked-up wife never to speak to you again, moving across the country to live with someone you barely knew, making decisions on which college to attend and what career path to choose and then on top of that have your grandmother pass away. Okay that was a pretty f
ucked up six months she had to endure.

  I looked over at her but was met with a dark face, not the smiles that were visible a few moments ago. The image looked familiar and I racked my brain as to why. Fuck, what the hell was going on here? Then it clicked: it was that photo of her grandmother and her in her living room. How gaunt her face look, how her eyes had no sparkle left in them. How she so desperately tried to force a smile for the camera but it only revealed what was obvious, she was broken.

  I broke her, there was no denying that. But I had no idea how much.

  Chapter 29

  Charlie

  May 2005

  “Why are you making such a big deal about this? I’m not going to fuck him.” In frustration I kicked a rock that sat alongside the path next to the back door.

  He stood there outside with me, trying to control his temper. It was a Friday afternoon and Adriana was upstairs trying on her prom dress for Samantha. I didn’t know they were coming over together and boy was I fuming when they did. I mean, it wasn’t Samantha’s fault, she was married to this great guy and I wouldn’t want to take my hands off him if he was mine. I excused myself to grab a drink from the kitchen when really I was going outside to get some fresh air and calm the fuck down. Somehow he had slipped out and followed me.

  “Charlotte, please, the jerk goes around town telling everyone he is going to fuck you on prom night. Like you don’t care?”

  “I do care but I would rather he spread that rumor than the one being spread about a high school girl fucking her best friend’s married brother. It’s too late now, anyway. I said yes.”

  “No, it’s not too late. Call him and say you won’t go.” He motioned for me to take out my cell. I was just about to tell him where to shove this fling of ours when Samantha walked outside.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked looking from Alex to me.

  “Uh yeah, Alex just has the shits with me because I covered for Adriana for prom night. Her and Elijah will be staying in a hotel.”

  Samantha laughed, shaking her head. “Oh geez, Alex, like you didn’t screw around in high school. C’mon, lets go home. You owe me something, remember?” She leaned in and kissed his lips. I turned away unable to watch as my heart started to break into a million pieces. It was these moments when the hurt was so deep that it made me question everything about us, about our so-called love. I had a choice: I could break down and cry right in front of them, walk away and act like it didn’t bother me, or perform a very sweet act of revenge. I was eighteen, so of course it was revenge. What is it they say? Revenge is a dish best served cold? Well Alex, prepare to freeze and wear your balls as earmuffs!

  “Oh, and Alex, don’t worry. Adriana will be fine. Carter and I are staying in the room next to hers,” I said, then with every bit of dignity I could muster, I walked away with my head held high.

  We didn’t speak to each other for one week.

  …

  OUCH. What the fuck did she think she was doing? Holding it again close to my head, I felt the sting. Damn, did she just burn my scalp? The smell of smoke lingered in the air. I winced as I rubbed the spot where it burned.

  “Adriana, you’re burning my head,” I cried.

  “Sorry Char. It’s the bleach in your hair. I’m not a hairdresser you know. Although I would be so awesome like in Steel Magnolias.” She continued using the curling iron, talking to herself in a southern accent.

  “Please don’t tell me you’re comparing yourself to Dolly Parton. She’s about a hundred cup sizes ahead of you.” Laughing at the comparison, I shook my head which didn’t fair too well since the curling iron was still attached. Damn, karma sure was a bitch tonight.

  “Okay, done. Go look.”

  I stood up and glanced in the mirror. Wow, I had to say even I was amazed. The curls were soft and loosely fell down my back. My hair was naturally wavy but thanks to the humidity of living by the seaside, it morphed into a ball of frizz every day. I had dyed my hair this week a lighter shade of brown, almost a dark blonde. I was tired of being an ordinary brunette. I don’t know what possessed me but it may have had something to do with the fight Alex and I had last week.

  Adriana finished my makeup, not that I wanted much on me. Just a hint of blush, mascara and some pale pink lipstick to add shine to my dull lips. With all that said and done I took my dress off the hanger and finally put it on. It fit perfectly and hugged my body in all the right places.

  “Char, you look like a goddess. That shade of green is beautiful on you.”

  “It’s emerald green, actually,” I pointed out, happy to find a dress that I was in love with. It was a beautiful off the shoulder design. The satin clung to my body which I had to thank my lucky stars looked reasonably good considering I hated sports or any form of exercise. It flowed down to the ground with a slight train. It was simple, yet classic.

  “It reminds me of something but I can’t figure out what. So anyways, you and Carter eh?” she teased.

  “No. I agreed at the start of the year to go because I needed his notes for geometry and he agreed to give them to me if I went with him. End of story.”

  “I don’t know what it is about Carter, but he rubs Alex up the wrong way.”

  I quietly sat there trying my best not to show any emotion because I knew why Alex hated Carter. It had been a week and we hadn’t spoken to each other. It didn’t stop the fact that I was missing him like crazy and going insane not speaking to him. But I was born a Mason, stubborn as a fucking mule. It was in my blood and I wasn’t giving in. He was being a jerk about Carter and to top it off he went home to his wife every night. Nope, I was not backing down in this fight.

  “You should have seen him this morning at home. When I showed him my dress he ranted on about how Carter’s a jerk and to warn you to watch out and I’m like bro if she wants to fuck him then let bygones be bygones. Seriously, Alex lost it and smashed my mirror.”

  “WHAT?” Shocked, I turned around to face her as she nodded her head. I couldn’t believe he had done that in front of Adriana. What if she suspected something? I suddenly felt self-conscious and chose my next words very carefully. I couldn’t let on.

  “He said the jerk keeps talking shit and he didn’t want him to hurt you,” she rambled on.

  “Well your brother is one protective dude. He grilled me about you and Elijah and I’m like take a hike, dude. Seriously, what’s his problem anyway?” Playing it off, I was hoping she would believe me.

  “I don’t know, he’s always on edge. Something’s bugging him and I think it may have to do with Samantha. I overhead her saying something to my mom and well, it was kinda gross.”

  I didn’t know if I wanted to know what it was but curiosity got the better of me. “What could be that gross, Adriana?”

  “Oh, some shit about how she wants to try for a baby but Alex doesn’t and she says he won’t even have sex with her. I told you, gross right?”

  I did my best to hide the smile that was dying to burst out of me along with the internal happy dance. My inner self somersaulted across the room. “You know what?” I laughed, trying to disguise how happy I was to hear he wasn’t fucking Samantha. “It’s like when you talk about Elijah and shit in front of Alex and he does the exact same face. It’s quite funny watching him cringe. You can so tell you’re related.”

  She said goodbye and headed back home to get ready. As I sat there staring at myself in the mirror, I wondered how tonight would play out. This wasn’t how I envisioned senior prom, going with some jerk when the man I was so desperately in love with sat at home with his wife. Several times I wanted to back out of it but I was so frightened someone would catch on. No, I needed to go tonight and act as if there was no Alex. Pretend I was an ordinary girl participating in the normal rituals of being a teenager.

  I walked down the stairs slowly and found my dad sitting at the dining table with Debbie, his girlfriend although he loathed that word. He turned to look at me and did a double-take.

  �
��Wow, Charlie. You look beautiful,” he said followed by a scowl. Debbie slightly smacked his arm as he pretended to smile. “So this Carter kid. I’ve heard rumors about him.”

  “That he has a small penis?” I joked. Debbie laughed out loud, much to Dad’s disappointment.

  “Dear God, no! But shame for the boy. I heard he has the quite the reputation.”

  “Please Dad, this was strictly a business deal. He helped me out with geometry and I agreed to go to prom. Don’t worry, I’m not the slightest bit interested in him. Plus, Logan will be there.”

  “What about that Edwards kid?”

  I froze, not expecting him to bring up Alex. Why the fuck would he bring up Alex? I panicked, trying to find my words… “Who, Adriana?” I answered, playing dumb. Debbie made a slight snicker and bowed her head to hide the smirk that formed on her face. FUCK! She must have known.

  “No, her brother. The other Edwards kid.”

  “Why would Alex be at prom? He’s twenty-three, not a senior.”

  “I thought he might be chaperoning Adriana.”

  I snorted, amused by the image. “Yeah, Adriana would die attending prom with her brother. Besides she has a boyfriend, Elijah.”

  “Oh yeah, the Morrison kid. Good, never liked that Edwards boy.”

  “Why on Earth would you not like Alex, Dad? You don’t even know him,” I said defensively.

  “Well, Alex as you refer to him was quite a troublemaker back in the day when he went to Carmel High. Got into all sorts of trouble.”

  “How do you know that? And what trouble?” I asked. Alex never came across as a law-breaker type but then again he also didn’t seem like the ‘I’ll have an affair with my sister’s best friend’ type either.

  “Oh you know, the usual, wreckless behavior, drugs and alcohol. Your sister used to talk about him all the time to Mom…” He trailed off.