Here We Lie

by Sophie McKenzie

  Cameron frowns. ‘We let him have a tiny amount for some photography students and for a French dealer we’d arranged for him to meet in Calvi, but he got rid of all his drugs as soon as Dee Dee was found dead.’

  ‘Don’t you think that’s a bit too much of a coincidence?’ I ask.

  ‘No,’ Cameron says firmly. ‘I’ve talked it all through with Lish. Firstly Dee Dee had no idea that Lish had the cyanide. Secondly, it was hidden in his bag in his room – neither of which were ever out of his sight and neither of which were in any way disturbed during the night before Dee Dee died, and thirdly – as I already pointed out – Lish had absolutely no motive for killing her.’

  ‘Maybe she saw him with the drugs? Suppose she saw you giving Lish the cyanide?’

  ‘We didn’t “give” it to him. I told him the stocks were in and he took what he needed while the rest of us were on deck eating the sea bream that Rose and I cooked.’

  ‘But Dee Dee told me she had a secret that afternoon; it must have been to do with her seeing something.’

  ‘Except that, as I’ve just explained, Lish didn’t take the drugs until we were all on the boat that evening, so whatever her secret was, it couldn’t have been to do with that.’

  I shake my head. There’s no point arguing with him. Cameron is never going to admit the truth.

  ‘Come on, Emily, you know it doesn’t make sense. Think about it. Surely you can see that a lethal chemical mixed with a sachet of painkillers would be the last thing we’d use to kill anyone. Why on earth would we draw attention to any pharmaceuticals? Plus, there was no way either Lish or I could have known Dee Dee would end up taking that ExAche. It was given to you, remember? And we had no more reason to kill you than we did Dee Dee.’

  All this is true, and yet I am more certain than ever that Dee Dee saw something, recorded it on her phone and was killed as a result.

  ‘If you’re not in the “business of murder”, as you say, why did you tell me Dan was going to die?’ I ask, my voice trembling. ‘Why is he tied up on your boat?’

  ‘I was trying to make you back away from all those bloody questions you were asking, you and Dan Thackeray.’ Cameron slicks back his hair with his fingers. ‘Clearly my threats didn’t work so it was time to change tack.’

  I press my lips together as Cameron sits forward, his face earnest. What is he going to threaten now?

  ‘Listen, Emily, I’m giving you a choice,’ he says softly. ‘A choice which I wouldn’t give you if you weren’t Martin’s sister. What I want you to do is call off Dan Thackeray, which means persuading him to leave London and stop looking into what Lish is doing, what I am doing.’ He pauses. ‘And that means you will have to cut all ties with him.’

  Cut all ties. I gulp.

  ‘Just to be clear: you I won’t touch for Martin’s sake, but Thackeray is on his last chance.’ Cameron looks at me, his eyes intense. ‘Do you understand?’

  A shiver shudders through me. I nod slowly. ‘You’ll kill Dan if I don’t get him to stop investigating you.’

  ‘That’s part of it, but what you also need to remember,’ Cameron continues, ‘is that if you and Dan don’t stop and the police become involved, then your brother will inevitably end up in prison.’

  My mouth falls open. ‘But you said he wasn’t part of the whole thing, you said—’

  ‘Martin is an accessory after the fact,’ Cameron says flatly. ‘He doesn’t know what I do, but I doubt a jury would believe that.’

  ‘I thought you loved him,’ I say.

  ‘I do.’ Cameron’s eyes burn into me. ‘Which is why my evidence won’t count for very much . . . that and the fact that no one is likely to believe anything I say. I’ve been trading in fake pharma for twelve years and Martin has been living with me most of that time.’

  He is right. And what’s more, I’m certain that Martin must, at some level, know what’s going on; that, after so much time, if he is truly ignorant, it’s because he has chosen to turn a blind eye. Whatever. I don’t care. All that matters is this: I must stop Dan from going to the police or writing a story or even carrying on investigating Lish’s drug deals. If I fail, Dan will die and Martin’s life will be destroyed.

  ‘You may think what I’m doing is a crime,’ Cameron goes on, his voice like steel, ‘but it’s a victimless one. I make sure what we supply won’t hurt anyone – there’d be no sense in that anyway. We buy from suppliers who just water down what’s in the brand-name drugs, not even by a huge amount. It works like that, has to work like that. If our product gets a bad reputation, no one will buy it.’

  I don’t bother to argue. All I can think is that I am going to have to lie . . . to Martin, to Dan, to the world. To lie and lie and lie again. Despite what Cameron says, I’m certain that Lish must have killed Dee Dee. And I will have to pretend he didn’t in order to protect the people I love.

  I stand up. Cameron stands too. I take a deep breath. There is no choice. ‘I won’t say anything to anyone, and I’ll make Dan . . . back off.’

  ‘Good.’ Cameron takes something out of his pocket and holds it out to me. It’s my phone. ‘I’m going to let you go back to the cabin,’ he says. ‘Dan hasn’t seen me, but he knows this is where Martin and I live. You need to persuade him that Lish was using our house, that he has let you go . . . is letting both of you go on the understanding that your investigations end right now. Keep your phone on and in your pocket. I will be listening in, so don’t think about giving my name or trying to trick me in any way. Remember what will happen to Dan if you put a foot wrong. After you’ve told the lie once, it’ll be easier to keep it going.’

  I nod, my throat dry. I can see on the screen of my phone there are loads more missed calls, mostly from Jed. It feels like a million years ago since I spoke to him in the taxi yesterday. Cameron places a call to my phone. Once the line is open, he slips the handset into my pocket.

  ‘Go,’ he says.

  Bogdan marches me down to the Maggie May. Suddenly I’m alone and inside the cabin, a small, sharp knife and the key to Dan’s padlock in my hand. I hurry through to the bedroom. Dan is still tied up, his eyes wild with fear and fury over the gag around his mouth. I pull it down.

  ‘Emily, are you okay? What’s happening? Did they hurt you?’ The words tumble out of him.

  I hold up the key Cameron gave me. My phone weighs heavily in my pocket. Cameron is listening. Even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t want Dan to know about his involvement. It’s too risky. For Dan and for Martin.

  ‘Hurry, Em,’ Dan urges. ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I say, turning to the wall and fumbling with the padlock. ‘Listen, Dan, it’s Lish . . . he’s involved with these people, he’s just using Martin’s house.’

  I can feel my cheeks reddening. Thank goodness Dan can’t see my face, I’m sure my deceit is written all over it.

  ‘Who are the people he’s with?’ Dan asks. ‘I only saw that Eastern European guy. Did you see someone else? Someone higher up?’

  I shake my head.

  ‘Did you see anyone? Someone you’d be able to recognize again?’

  ‘No,’ I say, opening the padlock and sliding the chain through. ‘No. And I’ve promised Lish that I . . . that we . . . that we’ll let the whole thing drop now.’

  ‘What?’ Dan shuffles around on the bed to face me. ‘Are you serious?’

  I can’t look at him. Instead I focus on the binding around his wrist, slicing through it with my knife, then kneeling to free his ankles.

  ‘I’m sorry, it’s the safest thing to do.’

  ‘Right.’ I can hear the confusion in Dan’s voice. ‘What . . . why, Em? We have real proof now.’

  ‘No we don’t,’ I say. ‘We still have nothing concrete and we’re in Martin’s house, on his boat. If we go to the police Martin will be dragged into everything.’ I hesitate. ‘There’s something else, Dan.’

  ‘What?’ He rubs his wrists then holds me as he stands up. I hug him tight
ly, feeling the strength and warmth of his body against mine. My phone presses against my side, reminding me again that Cameron is listening. ‘Lish’s condition for sparing your life . . . our lives . . . is that you have to leave London. Right now. We . . . we have to cut all ties.’

  ‘No.’ Dan pulls me closer. ‘No, I’m not leaving you.’

  I look up, into his eyes. Dan’s gaze in the dim light is fierce. Any hopes I might have held that he would go along with me without a fuss fade away. I’m going to have to force the issue. ‘It’s what I want,’ I say, meeting his gaze. ‘Even if Lish wasn’t threatening us, I . . . I need some time, some space. Away from you.’

  Dan looks at me. I can see he knows I’m holding something back. I reach into my pocket and silently hold up the phone so Dan can see it is on. His eyes widen with understanding as I put my finger to my lips.

  ‘Okay,’ Dan says. He takes my hand and we hurry silently through the main cabin, off the Maggie May and across the grass. The sliding doors to the kitchen/diner are open, though the room is still in darkness. I lead Dan through, out into the hall. The front door is locked. Fear rises inside me. I can’t see a key.

  Bogdan appears behind us. I shrink away. He glances at the phone in my pocket. Cameron is still listening. Of course he is. And Dan hasn’t given me his word yet that he will back off.

  ‘You have to promise, Dan,’ I stammer, my throat swollen with emotion. ‘They don’t want to kill us but they will if you don’t leave London.’

  ‘Leave tonight,’ Bogdan growls.

  Dan looks from me to Bogdan, then back again. ‘I will leave tonight,’ he says. ‘To keep you safe, Em.’

  Bogdan points to my phone and nods. Then he steps forward and unlocks the door. Dan and I hurry out onto the pavement. As we walk along the road, I switch off the phone call so Cameron can no longer hear us. Dan puts his arm around me.

  ‘What the hell is going on, Em?’

  I open my mouth to explain everything, then shut it again. There’s no point me telling him about Cameron. It won’t change the need for silence and it brings Martin closer to danger.

  ‘I’m just scared for you and for my brother.’ I pause. ‘And for myself.’

  ‘I get that, but it’s wrong that Lish gets away with dealing, it’s wrong that fake drugs exist. Watering down pharmaceuticals is dangerous, they don’t work properly, they can be harmful . . . lethal. And it’s wrong that we have to stay apart because of it.’

  ‘I know, but that’s how it has to be. Please.’

  Another pause. ‘Okay.’ Dan clears his throat. ‘But I don’t want to leave you. I want to be sure you’re safe.’

  ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Where will you go? To Rose’s?’

  ‘For a while, yes.’ I reach my arm around his back. ‘I don’t want you to go either. But we have to . . . for now at least.’

  Dan nods slowly. We make our way back to his car where the alarm is still blaring. As Dan finds his key and switches it off, I gaze up at the stars. In keeping silent, I’m covering up crimes including – I’m sure – that Cameron is responsible for murdering Dee Dee. I’ve lied to Dan, I must now lie to Martin. I must keep this terrible secret forever.

  Dan drops me at Rose’s house at about 10 p.m. I have already called and checked it’s okay for me to stay. I haven’t told her anything else, rebuffing all her questions over the phone. But I know that now I’m here I will have to deal with her curiosity – and confusion. And yet all my thoughts revolve around Dan and Martin – and keeping them both safe. Dan said very little on the drive here. We parted with a long, sad kiss. I promised him that I would call him soon. Cameron might be able to monitor Dan’s investigations and check where he’s living, but he can’t control our conversations. For his part, Dan intends to stay with his daughter and her mothers for a while. ‘Until I get my head around all this,’ he says.

  I’m certain he still senses that I haven’t told him everything. And that he is holding back from pushing me. The knowledge makes me feel worse than ever. I let myself into Rose’s house to find my sister on the living-room couch – at Dad’s end, as usual – with a bottle of wine and two full glasses of Pinot Noir on the coffee table. She’s dressed in silk pyjamas and a red satin dressing gown. Her hair is tousled, but her eyes are bright with curiosity.

  ‘Thought you could use a drink,’ she says, pushing one of the glasses in my direction.

  ‘You thought right.’ I sink into the sofa and take a long swig of wine. I’m praying Rose won’t start asking questions, but of course she is itching to know why I’m here.

  ‘What’s going on, Emily? Jed called earlier. He was asking if I’d seen or heard from you all day which at the time I hadn’t.’ She sighs. ‘He sounded desperately worried, but I haven’t called him back even though I promised I would if I heard anything.’ She pauses again and when she speaks, her voice is stretched thin with tension. ‘I know he hasn’t handled everything very well and that you’re upset, but I don’t think it’s fair to just run out on him without any explanation. And . . . I hate to sound judgmental but what the hell is going on with you and Dan Thackeray? I thought you were going to stay away from him?’

  My relationship with Jed feels like the least of my problems right now. Still, I’m going to have to face up to it all sooner or later and I know Rose well . . . she won’t be put off if I try and play for time before answering her.

  Not that I need any more time; I’ve made my choice.

  ‘I’m going to leave Jed,’ I say with a sigh. ‘I’ve more or less told him already.’

  ‘What? You can’t. Why? For Dan bloody Thackeray? That’s mad.’

  ‘No it isn’t.’ I set down my glass. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t want to talk about this.’

  Rose tilts her head to one side and looks at me. I can see the exasperation in her eyes.

  ‘Is this because Jed didn’t believe you about his son and those stupid drugs?’ she asks. ‘Because if it is, I think you’re being naïve. Of course Jed didn’t believe you. He didn’t want to believe you. Try and imagine this from his point of view: he loses his daughter and discovers his son may be involved with drug dealers. Now the woman he loves is telling him that the same son, his only remaining child, was responsible for his daughter’s murder. It’s just too hard for him to accept. I don’t understand why you can’t see that.’

  I sit back, stung. ‘I don’t want to go over all that again.’

  ‘You haven’t told me the full story about you and Dan either, have you?’ Rose persists. ‘You might not be planning on going straight back out with him, but you’ve fallen in love again, haven’t you?’

  I can’t meet her eyes.

  ‘Oh my God, you’ve slept with him too!’ Rose exclaims. ‘I can tell you have. For goodness’ sake, Emily, when are you going to get it through your head. Dan Thackeray is a chancer, a commitment-phobe. He didn’t really care about you eight years ago. What makes you think it will be any different now?’

  I look up at last. ‘Dan’s changed,’ I say, feeling defensive. ‘He’s not the same person he was when he dumped me.’

  Rose looks sceptical. ‘Leopards, spots . . .’

  ‘He’s got a little girl.’

  Rose’s eyes widen. ‘You’re kidding.’

  ‘No.’ I explain the circumstances under which Dan became a father. ‘He’s changed, he’s more responsible than he was eight years ago.’

  ‘Humph.’ Rose folds her arms. ‘I’d say having a child in those circumstances rather speaks to his lack of responsibility. Anyway, what about Jed? Apart from him not wanting to believe you about Lish, I don’t think he’s put a foot wrong and he’s going out of his mind worrying about you. What you’re doing isn’t fair on him.’

  I open my mouth to protest. Jed is controlling and patronizing, I’d never realized how much until he admitted he’d tracked me using my phone, but now I see that’s how it’s been since the start. I don’t know how to explain this to Rose, so
I shut my mouth again. She pours herself some more wine. I watch her, feeling aggrieved, then she looks up and I see the concern in her eyes. My irritation evaporates. Rose is just worried for me, like a mother would be.

  ‘I’m not going back out with Dan, at least not right now, but the truth is he makes me happy,’ I say. ‘Which isn’t the case with Jed any more.’

  ‘That’s crazy,’ Rose says. ‘You’ve been in touch with Dan again for five minutes. And you are happy with Jed, at least you were before Dan showed up.’

  I shrug. I don’t know what to say to her, how to explain either the ways in which Jed has revealed his true colours, or the transformation that has taken place in my heart.

  ‘Poor, poor Jed.’ Rose shakes her head. ‘I should call him, let him know that you’re okay.’

  ‘Please don’t,’ I say carefully. ‘It’s up to me to sort things out with him.’

  ‘Okay,’ Rose says reluctantly. ‘You know I only want what’s best for you.’

  There’s a long pause. ‘I know,’ I say with a sigh. ‘But I don’t think Jed is that . . . not any more.’

  Rose says nothing, just takes another sip of wine.

  We go to bed soon after. I’m in my old room, where I always stay when I come back here. I think that with everything whirling about my head, I won’t sleep a wink, like last night, but in fact I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

  It’s still dark when I’m jolted awake. Someone is ringing and banging on the front door. I sit bolt upright. Is it Cameron’s man Bodgan? Has Dan broken his word? Has he come after me? My heart hammers at my throat as Rose pads past my door, heading down the stairs. I switch on the bedside light – it’s not quite 1 a.m. and pitch black outside in the back garden.

  As I head onto the landing, Rose opens the front door.

  ‘Where is she?’ Jed hisses.

  I freeze.

  ‘When I told you she was here, I thought you were going to wait until morning,’ Rose protests.

  ‘It is fucking morning.’ I can hear Jed stride past her, into the hall.

  I back away from the stairs, trying to stay out of sight.