Broken

by Christina Leigh Pritchard

knew it would

  only be

  a matter of time

  when

  you'd be a cur

  I stood

  my ground silently

  avoided the crime

  you wished

  upon us

  ________________

  My Final Goodbye

  you love playing

  this hobby

  of yours

  breaks my heart

  and I'm paying

  for my snobby resistance

  as it pours acid

  and rips me a part

  Why do you keep saying you miss me?

  Like I'm more than one of your whores

  don't start weighing me down

  with "we" thoughts

  for my doors

  are too smart

  to be set up for slaying

  giving up eternity

  for a wrong course

  look, the dart

  just hit

  the bulls eye

  so this is it-

  my final good bye

  ________________

  Transparent

  my eyes

  look

  transparent

  they see

  the lies

  that hook

  into your life-arrogant

  you can be

  hear the good byes?

  of all

  your x's

  they fill

  a sea

  you push they fall

  this perplexes them till

  their heart is broken permanently

  They have everything to lose

  you little scab

  got nothing to choose

  not life

  not happiness

  no love will ever come your way

  for the strife and emptiness

  surrounds you as a glove

  you'll pay for all the pain

  and lives

  you stole

  you'll see-

  you live in vain

  none of your wives

  will help you out of this bottomless hole

  ________________

  Hate

  HATE

  everything you say

  HATE

  how your smile makes me red

  HATE

  the way you touch me

  LOVE

  the way you touch me

  HATE

  that I like it

  HATE

  that you don't care about me

  HATE

  everything

  LOVE

  everything

  HATE

  loving everything

  HATE

  not knowing what you want

  SICK

  of not getting what I want

  HATE

  not knowing

  HATE

  thinking about "us"

  LOVE

  dreaming

  HATE

  you

  LOVE

  you

  HATE

  admitting I love you

  SICK

  of loving

  TIRED

  of not getting

  HATE

  being played with

  LOVE

  that smile

  HATE

  it after awhile

  ________________

  Angry

  I protected and loved you

  on you I spent my every spare moment

  This is what you wish to do?

  This is my payment?

  All that effort

  my heart

  the pain

  I'm so hurt

  you didn't love me from the start

  it was all about what you could gain

  I feel so rejected

  don't understand

  wish to crawl in bed

  these thoughts I cannot stand

  will not allow them to ruin me

  I love you

  but you never respected me

  how could this happen?

  why is this the way it must be?

  ________________

  Due

  I can't play this part you've given me

  Sometimes I miss you with all my heart

  then remember it's the way it must be

  all other roles I can do

  but like highway tolls

  this one is due

  it's real

  so I cannot pretend

  to not feel

  cause in the end

  my heart is what you'll steal

  ________________

  You'd think

  I'd be happy to know

  it's just platonic

  but I'm not

  How screwy is that?

  I complain and complain

  then I want him

  when he now

  doesn't

  ________________

  Flattery

  You call

  Flattery

  act as if your 'thinking' of me

  I don't want to fall

  and allow your battery

  to happen again to me

  It hurts

  sitting here

  waiting for that ring

  I know so well

  But your kindness comes in spurts

  and my biggest fear

  is what I will bring

  or sell

  to you

  I'm attracted

  temptation knocks regularly

  Sometimes I wish all you say is true

  But then I'd be wed

  and you'd be here with me

  I'd hear the commitment of "I do"

  There is silence

  filling each cavity

  inside my body

  my heart is swollen

  silence

  I'm in captivity

  I hope to be rescued by somebody

  But then

  I hear it again

  those empty lies

  My beating heart

  your charming smirk

  my hands full of blood

  no more

  I'm shutting my eyes

  and going to pick a part

  how it is you work

  getting me to fall deep in love

  even though I'm not who you adore

  I will not listen

  to silence anymore

  Just don't call

  okay?

  ________________

  Pearls

  ____________________________________________

  A famous man

  once said

  not to pretend with love

  but how can you not?

  when you’re on display

  waiting for someone to take you home?

  The dating game-

  best foot forward

  it's pretending

  the not being open and honest

  "right away" crap

  fake

  I hate fake

  but it's what you get

  in this pool of divers

  searching for pearls

  but what about the little pebbles?

  Sitting there,

  cute and so pure

  nothing had to suffer

  to make them "just right"

  I'm a pebble

  on the shore

  waiting for my pebble

  I don't want a pearl

  made in the mouth of an oyster

  man made by the book

  rule follower-game player

  The inside is just rock

  just like the pebbles

  but it takes longer to see

  and once you do your stuck

  with that—

  and not what you thought they'd be

  ________________

  Grow Up!

  "People change."

  that's what I told him

  "they grow a part."

  "Lead new and different lives"


  he cried

  "they do."

  I mumbled

  His head shook

  "I'm only trying to be honest!"

  my eyes shifted

  years of friendship

  shot in one second

  'it was for the best'

  I told myself

  "really?"

  he chuckles

  "Give me back my things"

  he orders

  "What things?"

  "The past, give me back my past."

  He screamed.

  "I can't"

  I cried

  "I'm sorry. I have to grow up."

  "good-bye"

  "No!"

  Sometimes you have to lose your past to grow

  No matter how much it hurts.

  ________________

  Fix

  You don't want me to be alone

  so you try to fix me up

  put me with someone that’s "right" for me

  But am I right for them?

  Am I safe to love?

  Do I deserve a relationship?

  Will I hurt him?

  I'm good at that.

  I must say,

  Paranoia and fear envelop my whole being

  I’m scared of this

  Don't want to cause someone else harm

  Can I love?

  Will I open up?

  Shall I die alone?

  You don't want me to be alone.

  So you pick the man for me.

  I don't want to be miserable.

  So I hide inside my walls.

  Alone and scared and miserable anyway

  ________________

  Wish

  I wish I could tell you

  the way I feel

  I want to fall into your arms

  and cry

  holding you around the neck

  you grasping my waist

  -pulling me in close

  so that my breasts are resting upon your chest

  me caving in and out

  my face cradled inside your neck

  I wish-

  to explain why I don't come near

  why I act like I don't care

  I want-

  to admit how I feel when you call

  and how much I like you

  the glow in your eyes

  those dimples

  the compliments you give

  how your flirting makes me feel

  I regret-

  that I see you give others

  all that I've come to love

  and hope was just for me

  It hurts

  cause I want you

  but know your intentions are so untrue

  what I would do

  to be with you

  but

  I regret

  your gone now

  I want you

  but

  you've left again

  I'd stop you this time

  all on my own

  if I was certain of what you truly felt

  ________________

  Misery

  I don't want to disown

  those who've always been there

  so I shall remain loyal

  and allow my heart

  to spoil

  misery I shall feel

  for as long as I am on this earth

  ________________

  Why did you have to talk to me?

  Couldn't you just stay away?

  Do you have to speak to all my friends?

  What about those who hate me?

  Why so close with them?

  ________________

  The 'Tease'

  My pupils grow

  I giggle

  I'm in Love

  I'll go wherever you decide

  take a seat

  by your side

  I'm interested

  You look my way

  You're coming closer

  Smile

  I frown

  turn up my nose

  But I'm still in love

  You tell me I have beautiful eyes

  I fold my arms

  accuse you of lies

  I won't accept false charms

  But I’m still interested

  You'll catch me looking

  but I’ll just ignore your smile

  The tease

  I want to be yours

  But won't

  ________________

  Do I drive you insane?

  Is that why you avoid my eyes?

  Are you playing with me?

  I know I am a pain

  But don't you hear my cries?

  I’m a stain

  etched permanently on your heart

  ________________

  You were so kind

  I worshiped the very ground

  of each step you took

  Let’s rewind to the past

  before the very sound of my voice

  made you look down

  in annoyance

  ________________

  I want the past

  how did things get this way?

  You used to defend me

  but that faded fast

  and today

  our friendship is empty

  ________________

  I still remember being in love with you

  Your eyes

  Those lips

  My body fit so perfectly nestled with yours

  Like two puzzle pieces

  Connected at last

  We finished the picture and made it beautiful

  ________________

  Now you're The One

  I ran through the tall itchy grass

  Heart racing, out of breath

  Watched it part like the red sea

  No people came through

  Just you

  I ran

  tripped over a rock and fell to my knees

  You hissing

  “No, please!”

  I just begged

  Your evil laugh echoed in my head

  You a black Cobra hovering above

  Mouth full of venom and acid in your blood

  “I hate you!” I screamed as your poisoned dripped

  eyes closed at your lunge

  but no bite did I feel

  I look up

  see you in the trapper’s grip

  I look through the museum glass

  Now you’re the one trapped

  ________________

  I Made Him Mad

  I made him mad

  I wasn't thinking

  I'm hiding in the woods-I hear the dogs-now guns-being shot-birds flying in the sky-I look up-my stomach-it's-been-hit

  I made him mad

  I wasn't thinking

  ________________

  Told Me

  you sat down and told me you loved me then took out your leather cowboy belt-told me you loved me-my legs are bleeding-told me to sit down but it hurts too much-to lean-lean against this chair-told me to grow up so I covered the scars with my cloths-

  ________________

  no longer accepted

  On some days it hurts

  My heart is like a hollow cavity

  Waiting to be filled

  But after each examination

  I’m turned away

  The cavity is just too much work

  That’s what I am

  Each time I try

  To open up my heart

  I find everyone has run

  I’m only fun

  To tease-To hunt

  But once they see that I want to stay

  Suddenly

  my insurance is no longer accepted

  ________________

  Used To

  I used to be able to write

  Ideas flowed

  Feelings poured onto paper like water

  But now,

  like us,

  it’s a fight

  ________________

  And Th
ere You Were

  And there you were, like a disease

  Growing rapidly

  In my heart

  Choking and squeezing

  Every beat

  I loved you so much

  You liked me

  I know you did

  But I guess like the moon

  You changed

  Again and again

  Always a different shape

  You heart-is the moon

  Mine the tide

  Going along with what you decide

  ________________

  You Say

  you say you never raised me this way

  never taught me to be so selfish

  you say

  but I don’t recall you raising me

  and I don’t remember you ever teaching anything

  ________________

  You Won't

  my eyes burn

  legs so weak

  my stomach-it hurts

  I can’t sleep

  I can’t feel

  I need to cry

  But I can’t

  I can’t

  Throat is numb

  Ankles shake

  My heart it’s-

  It’s bleeding

  I need you

  But you won’t save me

  You won’t

  ________________

  I can't play this part

  you've given me

  Sometimes I miss

  you with all my heart

  then remember it's the way it must be

  all other roles

  I can do

  but like highway tolls

  this one is due

  it's real

  so I cannot pretend

  to not feel

  cause in the end

  my heart is what you'll steal

  ________________

  so afraid of rejection

  yet the only dream i truly have is you

  ________________

  Note from the Author

  Thank you so much for reading my poetry book, Broken. I hope you enjoyed it. Should you have any questions and/or concerns, please, send me an email at clp120@ymail.com. I promise to respond to each one personally. Visit my blog for news and updates or follow me on facebook and twitter for free giveaways!

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