by E. L. Todd
She definitely looked ill. Her face was pale like white paint, and her cheeks were hollow like she hadn’t been drinking enough fluids. Her hair was in a messy bun, and her pajamas looked too many sizes too big. “Rex…what are you doing here?”
I held up the bag. “The girls at the library said you were sick. So I thought I’d bring you some soup.”
“Oh…” Instead of being happy to see me, she nearly looked repulsed. “Why were you there?”
“I had to pick up a book. When I didn’t see you, I asked where you were.”
“Oh…”
Normally, I would just walk in, but the relationship was different now. “So…can I come in?”
“Uh…my apartment is a mess right now. And it’s an incubator for bacteria.” She took the bag out of my hands. “It was nice of you to bring this for me. Thanks.” She kept one hand on the door like she would block my way if I tried to go inside.
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry you’re sick.”
“It’s okay…it’ll go away soon.” Her eyes had bags underneath, and even though she didn’t wear any makeup, her eyes looked unusually dark and sunken in. “Well, thank you. I’ll see you around.” Without waiting for me to say goodbye, she shut the door in my face.
I didn’t appreciate the cold shoulder, but before I could be offended, I remembered she was the one who was under the weather. If I were really sick, I wouldn’t want to entertain anyone either.
So I went home.
Chapter Eight
Rae
“Let’s hit the court.” Zeke spun the basketball on his forefinger then waggled his eyebrows at the same time. “The Monstars versus The Toonsquad.”
“Rex isn’t home.”
“Just us—one-on-one. Like we always do.”
I didn’t want to do anything one-on-one with him. The dreams were getting worse, and my waking thoughts weren’t improving either. Every day was getting harder than the last, and I felt a transformation slowly taking place. I could hardly look at Zeke the way I used to. He used to just be my good friend Zeke.
But now he was Zeke.
Hunky.
Dreamy.
Sexy.
Sweet.
And goddamn perfect.
Who was taken.
I had to keep reminding myself he was crazy about Rochelle—not me.
“I’m kinda tired… I think I’m gonna take a nap.” I wanted him out of my apartment—pronto. It didn’t feel appropriate having him around when no one else was there to supervise us. We used to hang out alone all the time, but now I felt like a conniving little skank.
Because my thoughts weren’t pure whatsoever.
If some woman wanted my man and she was hanging out with him all the time, I wouldn’t exactly be a fan of it. And all I could think about was Rochelle…that sweet woman who was perfect for him in ways I would never be.
Such a betrayal.
“A nap?” he asked with a laugh. “It’s five. You usually go to bed at ten.”
“What can I say? I’m lazy.”
He burst out with a laugh. “Yeah…okay.”
“What? I am.”
“You’re the least lazy person I know. You make Taylor Swift look unmotivated.”
“Thank you for comparing me to Taylor Swift because you know I love her, and I’m a Swifty and everything…but I’m just not feeling it.”
“Come on. Safari needs to go out anyway.”
Would he just get off my ass? “Fine, okay.”
“Yes!”
***
Safari lay just behind the pole and watched us play on the court.
I couldn’t get into the game because I forced myself to stay at least five feet away from him the entire time. Thankfully, it was a cold day, so he had to keep his shirt on.
Every time he moved around me, I let him pass. He scored, and then I got the ball back. But when he blocked me, he had no problem touching my arm or shoulder. And every time he did, I shuddered with guilt because I actually liked it.
So he stole the ball from me four times.
Which was just embarrassing.
After he made a shot, he tucked the ball under his arm and stared me down. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Me? What are you talking about?”
“You totally suck today. And you never suck, Rae.”
That’s not true. I sucked, and I sucked good. And I wouldn’t mind proving it to him.
Goddammit, I’m going to hell. When I reached the pearly gates, God would wave his finger at me in shame and send me straight down below.
And I wouldn’t argue because I deserved it.
“I told you, I’m just tired.”
“Even when you’re tired, you’re better than this. Let’s step it up.” He set the ball down then pulled his shirt over his head.
No. No. No.
Why are you doing this to me?
Stop! Now!
“You’ve got to be kidding me…”
“What?” He turned around and dribbled the ball as he walked toward me, his perfect body bulging with tight and lean muscle. His pecs were each the size of a Frisbee, and his shoulders were so smooth with sculpted muscle he looked like a statue. His slender waist was ripped with his abdominals, and a noticeable V disappeared into his shorts.
I bit my bottom lip on accident, but I quickly released it when I realized just how ridiculous I was being. “I told you to hurry up so we could finish this game.”
He accepted the explanation without question.
Thankfully.
We started up the game again, but then I sucked even more. I kept a greater distance between us, not wanting him anywhere near me with his hot and sweaty body. If I could’ve held my hands up like I was being frisked, I would’ve.
In one instance, I had him pinned in the corner so it was difficult for him to make a shot. He tried to find the right angle to land the ball in the hoop, but he was stuck. I eyed the ball as he held it to the side of his chest, both of his hands on it.
And then I did something totally inappropriate.
Totally wrong.
Unacceptable.
And skanky.
I pretended to go for the ball but I purposely touched his chest, running my hand from his pecs to his stomach.
Jesus Christ.
Perfection.
Sweaty, muscled, goddamn perfection.
He maneuvered around me and shot the ball, making it in and bringing his score to a zillion points higher than mine.
But I didn’t care that I lost.
I didn’t care about anything anymore.
Because I had bigger problems than losing a stupid basketball game.
Much bigger problems.
***
“You can’t tell anyone this. I mean it. Not a goddamn soul.”
Jessie sat across from me at the table with her drink resting on a coaster. She didn’t care about her large glass of alcohol because my topic of conversation was much more interesting. “Girl, just tell me!”
“You have to promise me.”
“Fine. I promise. When have I ever told your secrets to anyone?”
Never. Because best friends didn’t do that shit.
“What about Kayden?” she asked. “Don’t you want to tell her too?”
“I texted her, but she said she was sick. I guess she’s got a serious bug or something. Haven’t seen her in over a week now.”
“Okay, I guess I’m the only one who gets this delicious piece of news.” She rubbed her palms together excitedly. “Come on, spill it already. I know this is going to be big. You never make me promise to be quiet.”
This was big. I didn’t even know where to start.
She leaned forward. “Come on…you can do it.”
“I don’t even know where to begin. I’m not sure when it happened or how it happened…”
“Just tell me!” She slammed her fists on the table and shook her drink.
“You’re going to think I�
��m a slut.”
“Girl, I wish you were more of a slut.”
“Okay…you’re right.”
“So just say whatever pops into your mind.” She snapped her fingers. “Go.”
“Okay…so a few weeks ago, I started to…”
She leaned forward more.
“Look at Zeke differently. I’m not sure when it happened or how, but I—”
“Shut your face!” She covered her mouth with her hands and screamed. “This is huge!”
“Will you let me finish?”
“I’ll try.” She fanned her face like she was about to melt.
“I started having these dreams about him. Like…sexual dreams.”
She covered her mouth again, but this time she hid her scream.
“We were playing basketball together one day and he took off his shirt and…I guess it got my engine revving.”
She screamed into her hand.
“And then he got me that nice gift, and he’s always around all the time. And then…you really have to keep this to yourself, okay?”
“You have even bigger news?”
“Yeah. Rochelle told me Zeke used to have feelings for me before they dated.”
She threw her hands on the table again. “Oh. My. Fucking. God.”
“And I haven’t been able to look at him as a friend ever since. Anytime I’m near him, I’m picturing him naked or how his kiss would feel. And these damn dreams just won’t go away. And Rochelle…I feel so bad. He has a girlfriend, and I can’t stop thinking about him like this. Jessie, help me.”
“Help you what?”
“Tell me this is just a really weird crush and it’ll go away. It’ll go away, right?” I needed to hear that right now. Otherwise, I was doomed.
“Well…are the dreams purely sexual?”
“I think so.”
“Are they romantic? Are you going on dates? Is he telling you he loves you?”
A guilty look stretched across my face.
“Oh shit…”
I knew what my answer was.
“It doesn’t sound purely physical, Rae. I’m sorry…”
I covered my face. “No…this is a nightmare.”
“I can’t believe this.” She ran her hand through her hair anxiously. “You guys would be the cutest couple ever.”
“Jess, he has a girlfriend.”
“But she won’t be around forever.”
“Are you kidding me? This is the longest I’ve ever seen him stay with the same woman. And we all love her.”
“Well, of course,” Jessie said. “Rochelle is great. Don’t get me wrong. But come on, you guys make way more sense.”
“How do you figure? She’s a doctor just like Zeke. They have everything in common. I can’t compete with that, and I don’t want to.”
“How long did his feelings for you last?”
I remembered everything Rex said from our conversation because it was such big news. “On and off for about three years.”
Jessie’s jaw dropped. “Three years…three?”
I nodded. “That’s what he said.”
“No one has feelings for someone for three years,” she shrieked. “He didn’t just have a crush on you. He was straight up in love with you.”
“We don’t know that…”
“It’s so obvious. When did he get over you?”
“Apparently, he was going to ask me out right before I started seeing Ryker.”
“And that wasn’t even that long ago. I bet he still feels the same way.”
I knew that wasn’t possible. “He’s head over heels for Rochelle. It’s obvious he doesn’t think about me that way.”
“No.” She held up her hand. “If you love someone for three years, those feelings don’t just go away. He probably only moved on because he knew he couldn’t get you.”
“And I would agree with you if he hadn’t been seeing Rochelle for so long. When have you seen Zeke with a girl for more than three weeks?”
Jessie’s face fell slack.
“Never. They tell each other they love each other. And they’ve met each other’s parents. If that’s not serious, I don’t know what is.”
Jessie didn’t have an argument against that.
“I think I missed my chance.”
“If these feelings are serious, I think you should tell him.”
“God, no. Never.”
“Why the hell not? He should know.”
“I’m not messing things up with Rochelle. He could have told me how he felt when I was seeing Ryker but he didn’t. Like I wouldn’t give him the same respect.”
She sighed in defeat. “But this is different…”
“Doesn’t matter. And I wouldn’t do that to Rochelle. She’s a great person.”
“I know she is…”
“And even if I did tell him, he probably wouldn’t feel the same way, and I would just make our friendship awkward. We would never be the same after that. And if Rochelle knew I was into him, she wouldn’t want him to see me anymore. No one would blame her. And then I would lose Zeke altogether.”
She shrugged in agreement. “Then what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Get over him, I guess.”
“Well, you dumped that golfer so you’re off to a good start…”
“I don’t have to date someone to get over him. I’ll just avoid him.”
“If Rex wasn’t living with you, I would say that’s possible. But since he is, you’re screwed.”
I knew she was right. “I guess I need to get rid of him.”
“Pronto.”
“You won’t believe what I did when we were playing ball the other day…something slutty.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.” She beckoned me with her fingers. “Lay it on me.”
“He had the ball, and I was blocking him. So I pretended to go for the ball and purposely dragged my hand down his chest and over his abs. And day-yum it was nice.” I covered one eye in shame.
Jessie shook her head. “I hate it to say it, but…that was really slutty.”
“I know.”
“You definitely need some space.”
“Yeah…”
“And if you can’t get it, you should lie and say you have a conference or something. Give yourself a week or two to clear your head.”
“That’s not a bad idea.”
“And use your vibrator until he’s out of your system for good.”
It was all charged up and ready to go.
***
“I need you to move out.” I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.
He was in the middle of watching a game, and he wasn’t happy about the privilege being revoked. “What?”
“You’ve been here long enough. I think it’s time we both had our own space. I know you’re making good money now, so you can afford it.”
“But—”
“I don’t even care if you pay me back at this point.” I tossed the list of vacant apartments and houses on the table. “I’ve done all the research for you. The best ones are at the top, and the worst ones are at the bottom. They’re all in your price range and close to work. So get on it and figure it out.”
He grabbed the papers and browsed through them. “If you just give me two months, I’ll be debt free.”
“How much do you think rent is? You’re only saving like four thousand bucks, Rex. Just go for it.”
“But I have to furnish the apartment. In case you forgot, I had to sell all my things just to make rent for the bowling alley. I don’t have a bed, a couch, or even plates. I literally don’t have anything. It’s going to cost a lot more than four thousand dollars. I didn’t realize I was annoying you so bad that you felt the need to do this.” He held up the papers then tossed them back on the table.
Now I felt bad. “You aren’t annoying me…”
‘’Then what’s the problem?”
“I just…” For a second, I actually considered telling him the tr
uth. He knew how Zeke felt about me in the past. But then I decided against it. “Never mind.”
“Rae, what’s up?” he pressed. “Because you’re being weird, and when you’re being weird, it usually means something is up.”
“Nothing…just that time of the month.”
That shut him up real quick. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV back on, doing his best to pretend that awkward sentence didn’t enter his delicate ears.
“Anyway, I’m actually leaving for a conference tomorrow. I won’t be back for a few weeks.”
“A conference?” he asked. “Where?”
I made up a place on the spot. “New York. While I’m there, I’m going to do some sightseeing so I won’t be back for at least ten days.”
“That’s far. Is Ryker going?”
“No. It’s just for Jenny and me.”
“That’s pretty cool. Free trip. And great for me because I’ll finally have some peace and quiet.”
“Yep.” And I’ll have time to forget about Zeke. “I’m leaving tomorrow. You’re in charge of Safari.”
“First, you tell me to move out, and now you’re leaving?”
“I was hoping you’d be gone by the time I got back.”
He bought it. “Oh.”
“So, I’ll see you in ten days.”
“You need help with anything? Packing? Lift to the airport?”
“You don’t own a car, Rex.”
“Oh yeah…but I can Uber with you.”
“Nah. My flight leaves in the morning. You’ll still be asleep.”
“True.”
***
I checked in to the cheapest room I could find at the hotel right beside my work. It was a little expensive, but I didn’t spend my money on much anyway. And I really needed a break from my life.
And Zeke.
If I spent some time by myself and tried to be objective, I was sure I could squash this little crush. Whatever my feelings were for Zeke, they were only superficial and temporary. Maybe I only wanted him because I was surprised he ever wanted me.
There was a logical explanation.
And these feelings would go away.
I went to work in the morning and then returned to my hotel like clockwork. At first, it was exciting because I finally had some space to myself. I didn’t have to see Rex sitting on my couch the second I walked through the door. I could walk around in my underwear and watch whatever I wanted on TV.
