by E. L. Todd
But the excitement wore off after a few days.
Quickly, I started to feel lonely and isolated.
And worst of all, my feelings for Zeke were only getting worse. Not being around him made me miss him. When something remotely interesting happened in my life, I wanted to tell him about it. I wanted to go play basketball, but then I realized I didn’t have him to play with. And my dreams were just as vivid as ever.
I was eating the rest of my sandwich from lunch when Zeke called me.
I saw his name on the screen and nearly panicked.
Why was he calling me?
Did he know?
Ah!
I quickly swallowed my food then answered. “Heeey.” I covered my eyes when I realized how stupid I sounded. Zeke turned my world upside down, and he made me so nervous that I acted like a complete dork.
“Hey. How’s New York?” His deep voice came over the line, innately sexy and charming.
I could listen to that voice all day. “It’s good. Conference is kinda boring but whatever.”
“What’s it about?”
“Recycling…biodegradable resources…new strains of bacteria…” I was pulling all of this out of my ass. It was hard to lie to a fellow scientist.
But Zeke didn’t question it. “Cool. Done any sightseeing?”
“Jenny and I went to the MET yesterday. That was pretty cool.”
“Awesome. Clubbing?”
“Not so much. I’ve been too tired in the evenings.”
“I can only imagine. Your brain must want to explode.”
I closed my eyes and pictured his face, realizing how much I missed him—and it’d only been four days. “What have you been up to?”
“Working a lot. We had a scheduling mishap, so I’m seeing twice as many patients with half the time I usually have.”
“How’d that happen?”
“My secretary made a mistake with the software…but it’s only for this week. Then I’ll get my lunch breaks again.”
“Working on an empty stomach…yikes.”
“I know, right?” he asked with a chuckle.
The sexiest chuckle ever.
“Rochelle and I went to the movies last night, and then Rex and I went bowling today. That was cool.”
When he mentioned Rochelle, I actually felt a twinge of jealousy.
Which was absolutely ridiculous.
“Sounds like you’ve been having just as much fun while I’ve been away.”
“Not really.” His voice became quiet, and he paused for so long I didn’t think I’d get an elaboration. “I miss you.”
I closed my eyes and held my breath, my entire body aching from the innocent thing he just said. He meant it platonically, being affectionate with someone he saw as a friend. But it meant so much more to me, made me read between the lines and hope there was more to those three simple words. “I miss you too…” I pulled my knees to my chest and opened my eyes, still feeling the distant ache.
“I have no one to play basketball with. I have no one to talk shit about Rex with. I have no one to get lunch with. My life is pretty empty without you, Rae.”
He was torturing me. “I’m pretty lonely without you guys too.”
“When are you coming back?”
“Not for another six days.” Maybe even less since this distance plan wasn’t working whatsoever.
“A whole other week?” He whistled. “Damn, that’s a long time. I wonder if New York will still be standing by the time you leave.”
“It was here long before I was. And it’ll be here long after.”
“Whatever you say, Rae. I’ll let you go. I know it’s late there.”
Oh yeah. New York was three hours ahead. “Yeah, I should get to bed.”
“Good night, Rae.”
I loved it when he said my name. It sounded exactly the same as it did in my dreams. “Good night, Zeke.”
***
A few days later, I walked to my hotel from work, traveling on foot because I was so close. My hotel room was no longer a safe haven because it was just an empty room void of people and friends.
I couldn’t wait to go home.
And though I never thought I would say this, I missed Rex like crazy.
I wasn’t over Zeke at all. In fact, I was even more hung up on him.
Why did he have to call me?
“Rae.”
I was just about to open the door to the hotel when I recognized that unmistakable voice. It was deep and powerful, containing the authority of a man I knew intimately well. I hadn’t seen him in months, and I hoped I wouldn’t see him again.
I turned around and saw Ryker standing in front of the window, wearing a black suit with a long overcoat. He looked the same as always, his eyes sparkling blue with rage embedded deep inside. “Ryker.”
He eyed the hotel before he returned his look to me. “I’ve seen you walk here every day after work. My curiosity has gotten the best of me.”
My eyebrow immediately popped up with suspicion. “Why have you been watching me?”
He nodded toward the COLLECT building. “My office window faces this hotel. Don’t worry, I haven’t been spying. But I still want to know what you’re doing, so I decided to ask.”
“Not really any of your business to ask.”
He didn’t react to the insult. “Hooking up with a married man?”
I almost slapped him. “Excuse me?”
“Not your style, I know. But why are you sneaking off to a hotel every day?”
“Wow, you’re nosy. And I’m not sneaking.” I refused to answer his question, especially after the insult he just gave me.
“I’m sorry.” He ran his hand through his hair, the remorse coming into his eyes. “We got off on the wrong foot. I didn’t mean to come over here and insult you. Honestly, I’ve seen you every day, and I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you. Your life is obviously a lot more interesting than mine, and I’m curious. Did you buy a house and you’re getting ready to move in?”
I knew when Ryker was sincere, and I could tell he didn’t mean to anger me on purpose. “No. Rex is still living with me, and I…just needed some space.”
“That guy makes money. Tell him to move out.”
“He wants to wait a few more months to save money.”
“Who knew he could be so frugal?”
“He wants to pay Zeke and me back first. At least he has good intentions.”
“Always has.” He put his hands in the pockets of his coat. “So…how have you been?”
“Good. Just work and living life.” And trying to get over my best friend, who has a girlfriend.
“Have a good birthday?”
I was surprised he knew when I had a birthday. I never told him about it. “It was a lot of fun. How did you know?”
“Jenny mentioned something one day when I saw her in the copy room.”
I still didn’t know how I could have come up. “Getting older isn’t any fun. But getting drunk is.”
He chuckled. “Words we should all live by.”
I chuckled at his charming sarcasm. “How are you?”
He knew exactly what I was asking because his eyes darkened in sadness. “You know…I’m…” He shrugged when he didn’t have a full response.
I felt terrible for him.
He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “You want to get a drink? There’s a pub just a block away.”
I didn’t think he was making a move on me. It wouldn’t make any sense if he did. He was the one who dumped me, and he never showed any interest in getting back together. It must have been a friendly invitation. And that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. We’d had enough time to get over our old relationship, and he was my boss. There was no reason we couldn’t be civil to one another—and maybe even be friends. “Yeah, I’ve got some time.” And I had cabin fever from spending every afternoon alone. Lately, I’d been chatting Jenny’s ear off in the lab. I was pretty sure she was
annoyed with me.
“Great.”
***
We made small talk about work, sports, and the abnormally rainy season we’d been having. Ryker didn’t mention our romance or talk about anyone he was seeing. I didn’t want to know so I was glad the subject didn’t come up. If I weren’t over him and into Zeke, this meeting would have been much more difficult.
“What’s the gang been up to?” He drank an Old Fashioned, like usual. Some things never changed.
“Jessie is still at the hair salon. I really think she needs to open up her own studio. She has a talent for that sort of thing. And Kayden is still at the library. She’s been sick for nearly two weeks—poor girl. Rex is…well, Rex.” When I mentioned the last member of the group, I couldn’t stop my tone from changing. “And Zeke and Rochelle are still two peas in a pod.”
He examined my face with his typical dark gaze, his shoulders looking powerful in his collared shirt. He was just as strong as he used to be. Experiencing grief hadn’t physically changed him at all. His five o’clock shadow was thick like he skipped his shave that morning. “I detect some resentment there. You don’t like Rochelle anymore?”
I didn’t even talk to Ryker, and he picked up on my misery. I had to do a better job of hiding my feelings. “No, she’s great. They’re really cute together. He’s so happy, and it’s nice to see him like that.”
Ryker still didn’t buy it. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah…”
Ryker watched me like he didn’t believe me, but he didn’t press me on it. “So, there’s something I want to ask, but I don’t want to ask it.” He stared at me like he’d given me enough information that I should be able to figure out what he wanted.
Sadly, I knew exactly what that question was. “No.” I didn’t want him to answer in return so I never asked. It didn’t matter to me. Even if he was married, it wouldn’t matter to me. He cut me deeper than a butcher’s knife. I bled out and took months to put myself back together. That kind of heartache nearly killed me. I got back on my feet and moved on—thankfully. But that didn’t mean I wanted to talk about it.
“I’m surprised.”
“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.”
“I figured someone would have swooped you up the second you were available.” He gave me that knowing look, full of accusation. He brought his glass to his lips and took a deep drink.
“Zeke is happy with Rochelle.”
“Not that happy. I saw the way he looked at you…he never looks at her like that.”
The hope grew in my heart, inflating like a balloon. “Well, I’m pretty sure he’s over me.”
Ryker immediately tensed at what I said. “So you finally believe me?”
“Yes.” I’d rather not admit Ryker was right about anything, but I wasn’t going to lie just to keep my pride.
“He got the courage to tell you?” He gave me that dark smile, a fake and insincere one.
“No. Rochelle told me. I was surprised.”
“Why did she tell you that?”
I didn’t want to go into the details. “You know, girl talk.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“That was it? Nothing happened?”
“Why would anything happen? Like I said, he’s seeing Rochelle, and he’s over me.”
“I guess you must be right. Probably would have done something by now.”
The hope disappeared like my balloon had been popped. I analyzed the words Zeke said to me on the phone the other day. When he said he missed me, I pretended it was in a completely different context. “Zeke is like family to me. And this way, he’ll always be family. And Rochelle will just be a part of that.”
“True.”
I finished my wine but didn’t order another. I didn’t mind talking to Ryker, but I didn’t want this to last longer than an hour. Maybe one day we could be around each other longer than that, but for now, we weren’t quite there. “How’s your mom?” I never met her. Actually, I’d only seen her once—at the funeral.
He stared down into his glass. “She’s…having a hard time.”
“I’m so sorry.” If I lost my husband, I would be devastated too.
“Con and I spend a lot of time with her, keeping her company. But we’ll never be able to replace what she lost.”
It was the first time he talked about his brother. “That’s nice of you. I’m sure she appreciates it.”
“She’s pretty quiet. We mainly watch TV with her. She used to never shut up, and now I can’t even get her to answer a damn question.” He chuckled slightly, but it was purely in a sarcastic way.
“Your dad was a good man. I still think about him.”
“I know he was…and thank you.”
Ironically, it was the deepest conversation we ever had—and we weren’t even together anymore.
He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then he closed it again.
I remained patient, hoping for something more.
“I want you to know that…I really cared about you. I know I didn’t show it very well and I hurt you, but I hope you can believe me.”
I didn’t want to talk about our relationship. I was hoping he’d say something about his father instead, get his grief off his chest. So I steered the conversation back in the right direction. “I know you did, Ryker. And it’s okay we didn’t work out. There’s no need to apologize. I’m in a really good place in my life. I’m not sad we broke up. I’m glad it happened.”
He watched me with his expressionless eyes, trying to read into mine.
“When my mother died, it was really hard for me to accept. I did a lot of stupid things. I got drunk at school and got suspended. I fooled around with boys when I was way too young for those kind of relationships. And I lost myself…”
His eyes softened.
“It’s not just the ache of losing a parent. It’s the fact that you feel alone. There’s one less person you can rely on. And you think about them suffering…so you suffer too. But when Rex finally made me talk to him…really talk to him…it truly helped. I’m not suggesting that you talk to me about everything, but having that conversation with someone would be helpful.”
He nodded with his eyes downcast.
I opened my wallet and left cash for my drink.
He didn’t offer to pay, which I was grateful for.
“I should get going. It was nice to see you, Ryker.” I got off the chair and pushed it under the table.
He didn’t get up. “Did you like my flowers?”
I shouldered my purse and stared at him blankly, unsure what he meant. “I’m sorry.”
“The flowers I sent you on your birthday. Just wanted to know if you liked them.”
I still didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. “Sorry…I never got them.” Maybe the delivery guy didn’t make it down to the lab. He probably left it on someone’s desk and it just never made its way down to me.
He crossed his arms over his chest and didn’t say anything. With his empty glass sitting in front of him, he looked completely lost. He had nowhere to go, no one to go home to. His eyes weren’t as bright and vibrant as they once were. Like a cloud permanently obscuring the sun, his vision was masked.
Defeat and depression hung from his limbs, and he was no longer the charismatic and cocky man who could make my knees grow weak. Now he was tired, exhausted from the loss of his father. The burden of the dead still weighed heavily on his shoulders. He didn’t look at me for nearly a minute, refusing to make eye contact with me, which wasn’t like him at all. “You were right, Rae.”
“Right about what?”
He clenched his jaw then looked out the window, seeing the spots of rain on the glass. “Right about everything.”
Chapter Nine
Rex
I entered the bar with Tobias and shook off the rain from my jacket. “I’ve never been here before.”
“Me neither. But I hear they have the be
st happy hour. Buy one app, get one free.”
“Now that’s a deal I can get on board with.” I high-fived him for no real reason.
We walked to a table and took our seats. The menus were in front of us, so we took a quick glance over them.
“You’re awfully cheap for a man who owns a successful bowling alley.” With broad shoulders and hair as dark as mine, Tobias fit in right alongside Zeke and me.
“Well, I’ve got to pinch every penny so I can pay back Zeke and Rae.”
“Are they acting like a bank?”
“No. They just—” I stopped talking when I spotted someone strangely familiar across the room. With dark brown hair, a slender physique, and wearing jeans and a pink sweater with the hole at the bottom, was Rae. At least, I thought it was.
“What?” Tobias looked over his shoulder and followed my gaze. “Beautiful babe?”
“No…but I’m definitely looking at a pig.”
“Hey. Isn’t that…?”
I stared at Rae’s profile but couldn’t take it in. It really was her sitting across the room. She had a glass of wine in her hand, and the man who sat across from her was someone I absolutely despised. “What the fuck is she doing with Ryker?”
“Isn’t she supposed to be in New York?”
What the hell was going on?
Just when I was about to confront her, she stood up and grabbed her purse. She left a ten on the table and prepared to leave.
“Keep your head down,” I ordered. “I don’t want her to see us.”
Tobias buried his nose in the menu.
Rae exchanged a few more words with Ryker, but it was obvious they weren’t pleasant ones. Ryker looked out the window and avoided her gaze. He wasn’t his typical playful self. He looked pale and devastated, like there wasn’t anything left for him to live for. Rae didn’t give him a hug or even a handshake. She walked out without looking back.
Ryker remained behind, his eyes watching her walk away until she was completely out of sight.
I still couldn’t figure out what I was looking at.
“What the hell is going on?” Tobias whispered. “Are you sure she didn’t return from New York today?”
“No. She’s supposed to be there for three more days.”
“I wonder if she ever went at all…”
