Hey Sunshine

by Tia Giacalone

  I blurted it all out immediately after Heather picked up the phone. “Am I ridiculous? He’s good, right? Chase? Good for me? For Annabelle?”

  “Avery? It’s kinda late. Are you okay?” Heather’s sleepy voice had an edge of concern.

  I glanced at the clock. “Shit. I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”

  “I’m awake, I’m awake. I just wasn’t expecting deep thoughts after eleven, so you caught me a little off guard.” Heather yawned, and I could hear her rustling around on the other end of the line, most likely arranging the multitude of pillows on her immaculate white duvet set. “Where is all this coming from?”

  “We went out tonight. He’s handsome and charming and pretty much everything I should want but…”

  “You don’t,” Heather said matter-of-factly.

  “I didn’t say that!” I exclaimed.

  “You didn’t have to. Listen, Avery. You know I’m not Chase’s biggest fan. I think he’s selfish, arrogant, pretentious, and nowhere near good enough for you. But I can overlook all of those things if he treats you well and you’re happy.” She paused. “Truly happy. Deliriously, can’t-live-without-him happy.”

  I hesitated.

  “Are you?” she pressed.

  I shook my head.

  “Are you shaking your head right now?” Heather laughed.

  “Yes?”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” she said, her voice sad. “Shouldn’t he be on his best behavior, pulling out all the stops for your fresh start? If it’s not rainbows now, imagine how you’ll feel in a few months.”

  “Am I expecting too much, though? Any girl in this town would love to have Chase Dempsey pay attention to them. What if it’s just me?” I slumped down into a kitchen chair and rested my chin on my hand dejectedly.

  “That’s my point, Avery. It is you, and your life, and Annabelle’s, and you deserve whatever it is you have your heart set on.”

  “I’m not sure what my heart wants anymore,” I admitted. My mind quickly jumped to Fox and how he looked standing in the sunlight in front of the diner, before I shook my head to clear the image away.

  “You’d better figure it out, girl. Before whatever it is passes you by.” Heather yawned. “I love you. Call me in the morning, I’ll bring donuts.”

  “Love you too. Goodnight.” I flopped back onto my bed, my head echoing Heather’s advice to figure out what my heart wanted. When I finally closed my eyes, my dreams were full of green eyes and hot coffee.

  * * *

  Chase called me early the next morning on his way to work. Annabelle and I were having a leisurely breakfast in front of the TV, where I was using a cartoon marathon to mask my guilt over her sugary cereal and my late night.

  “Hey babe,” he said, his voice somewhat distorted by his car’s bluetooth connection. “I’m sorry about last night. Are you mad? You know I’m not trying to push you, right?”

  That was the thing about Chase. Every time he disappointed me, he’d follow up with exactly what I wanted to hear to reel me back in. I remembered it well from our high school days.

  “I appreciate that,” I said slowly, swirling the remnants of my soggy cereal in the bowl.

  “Anyway, I know it’s last minute, but I wanted to see if you were free for dinner tonight.” His voice was almost apologetic, like he was already expecting me to protest.

  “Chase, I can’t go out again tonight. I don’t have a babysitter and besides, I don’t want to leave Annabelle two nights in a row.” I explained, wishing he could really understand.

  “I knew you would say that, babe. But I want it to be the three of us. One of the customers at the lot got us a reservation at a great steakhouse in Odessa.”

  “The three of us?” I echoed uncertainly.

  “Me, you, and Annabelle. What do you think?”

  I took a deep breath. If our relationship were to progress, nights like this were essential. “Okay. Sounds great. Where should we meet you?”

  “Meet me?” he asked, puzzled.

  “You don’t have a car seat, Chase,” I reminded him gently. And when I mentioned you might need one, you turned as pale as a ghost and expressed deep concern for your car’s custom leather interior. I sighed, remembering that conversation. I knew Chase liked Annabelle, but sometimes his offhand dismissals made me wonder if he would ever be ready for a full-time stepchild.

  “Oh, right,” he laughed easily. “I’ll find out the details and give you a call in a bit, okay? See you later, babe!” The bluetooth disconnected with a click and I stared at my phone, wondering what I’d just gotten Annabelle and myself into.

  * * *

  Later that evening, I parked my car on a quiet side street in Odessa and surveyed myself in the rearview mirror. It was a moderately priced steakhouse and, although I’d never been, I was fairly certain Annabelle and I were dressed appropriately in short sleeves and pretty floral skirts.

  I glanced into the backseat and smiled when I saw how earnestly Annabelle scribbled into her coloring book.

  “Are you ready, baby?” I asked her.

  “Yes, Mama. I’m hungry!” She pushed her crayons aside and looked around.

  “Remember what we talked about, okay? Best behavior tonight and mind your manners.” My fingers fumbled a bit as I unbuckled her seat belt. The unpredictable nature of toddlers, especially in a restaurant with cloth napkins, was enough to make me sweat.

  “Okay.” Annabelle smiled at me, and I shoved my worry away. I was incredibly lucky to have such a bright, darling child, and anyone who didn’t agree could take a hike.

  Armed with this new attitude I felt ready to take on the world, or at least a dinner reservation. I clasped Annabelle’s hand tightly and we made our way into the restaurant.

  We were early, but Chase was already there, waiting for us. He smiled and stood up when we walked into the restaurant lobby, pocketing his phone.

  “Hey, babe!” He kissed me on the cheek and ruffled Annabelle’s curls quickly. “It’s great here, right?”

  I nodded. The restaurant was very nice but not stuffy. Dim lighting and comfortable booths made the atmosphere cozy and warm, and huge Texas landscapes decorated the walls, lending authenticity and charm. We were immediately led to our table, and I busied myself getting Annabelle settled.

  I could feel Chase’s eyes on me as I navigated the booster seat and arranged the crayons within Annabelle’s reach. A waitress appeared to take our drink order and after she left, I turned to him and smiled.

  “How was your day?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “It was okay, you know how it goes–” His sentence was abruptly cut off by his ringing cell phone. “Sorry babe, I gotta take this,” he said, glancing at the screen. “Chase Dempsey,” he said into the phone. “Yes, Mr. Johnson, I got your message.” Chase gestured at his phone and then pointed outside, and I nodded. He got up quickly from the table and I picked up my menu.

  “Where did Chase go, Mama?” Annabelle asked me.

  “He had to take a phone call, baby.”

  “Is he coming back?”

  “Soon,” I told her.

  Five minutes later, I wasn’t sure about the answer I’d given Annabelle. Another ten minutes after that, and I was even less sure but definitely irritated. I glanced at my watch again. At this rate we wouldn’t eat before eight, which was practically Annabelle’s bedtime.

  I was getting ready to ask the waitress if we could just go ahead and order when Chase made his way back to our table.

  “Hey,” he said, sitting down.

  “Is everything okay?” I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

  “Oh, sure,” Chase said. “Just business stuff.” He picked up his menu.

  I stared at him in disbelief. He’d been absent for almost twenty minutes and then returned with no apology or explanation, as though leaving us sitting there was no big deal. You can either start an argument with him now, or you can brush it off and feed your hungry child, I thought.

  The
waitress approached our table again and I smiled brightly. Too brightly. “Everything looks delicious. Let’s order!”

  Over an hour later, I was struggling to my car under the full weight of a nearly sleeping Annabelle and my big purse filled with her toys and books. The meal had been interrupted twice more for Chase to take phone calls but neither lasted as long as the first. I picked my way through the large steak and potato I ordered and tried to listen as Chase talked, but the evening’s mood was stilted and awkward. What was the point of him inviting us? He was gone from the table more than he was sitting there, and he was on edge the entire meal, fidgeting with his napkin.

  I hefted Annabelle up on my hip again. She’d been an almost perfect angel tonight, so polite and sweet even though I knew she was hungry and probably bored. As we were leaving, Chase ran into a dealership customer at the bar and decided to stay and have a nightcap, so Annabelle and I said our goodbyes and left.

  I shook my head as I finally reached my car. After I buckled Annabelle, I sat down heavily in the driver’s seat. If tonight was any indication of how we could fit into Chase’s new life, I wasn’t sure I could take it. Chalk up one more disillusioned dream for the Chase Dempsey scrapbook. I let down my hair and pulled off my heels for the half-hour drive home.

  Chapter 7

  I’d never been more grateful in my life that Kent’s Kitchen didn’t require some horrible retro diner uniform. My parents had banished the awful polyester mini-dresses when they'd rebranded the old restaurant twenty years ago, and I think every waitress we’d had since then deeply appreciated that, myself included.

  My personal work outfit of choice usually consisted of skinny jeans, Converse, and a black v-neck shirt, with our signature red half-apron over the top. Sometimes I wore a skirt or shorts, and sometimes I forgot my name tag, but I rarely varied from my usual ensemble. And the name tag didn’t matter anyway because everyone already knew me.

  It normally took me approximately seven minutes to get ready for work but this would go down in history as The Day I Primped For An Hour, because today I would work my first shift with Fox.

  My ponytail was extra bouncy, my lips matched my red apron (which I’d ironed), and I actually ran the lint roller over my black shirt before I slipped it on. Checking myself out in the mirror, I decided I looked perfectly casual. Ridiculously excited, but casual. An entire five hours with Fox… I had no right to be so happy about that, and yet here I was.

  Just a new friend, I reminded myself. That’s all he could ever be. Something to distract you from the low-grade uncertainty of your relationship with Chase. Fox has never shown a lick of interest in you anyhow. Watching you carry plates and refill iced teas isn’t going to make him suddenly fall in love.

  Fall in love? I blinked halfway through my mascara application, creating a smudgy mess underneath my right eye.

  “Get it together, Avery.” Sure, now that I was speaking my inner monologue aloud, I was the very vision of sanity. A wayward stuffed bunny that Annabelle had left perched on the bathroom counter eyed me skeptically.

  “Oh, nobody cares what you think.” And now I was talking to toys. If I made it through these next five hours without Fox questioning my mental stability, I’d be thrilled.

  I quickly cleaned up the mascara mess as best I could and grabbed my purse to head out the door. The drive to the diner seemed like it took forever, but just a few minutes later I was walking through the glass doors.

  “Good mornin’, my dear!” Joy greeted me as I stowed my bag. “Slow so far, but I’m sure the lunch rush will pick up.” She glanced over her shoulder. “The new cook seems to be finding his way.” Her eyes twinkled as she took in my appearance.

  “Oh, is it Fox’s first day? I totally forgot.” I ducked my head, busying myself with the all-important task of rearranging my pens in my apron pockets.

  “Mmmhmm.” Joy gave me a sidelong look before she grabbed the coffee pot and headed over to one of the only occupied tables.

  Okay, so maybe I wasn’t as subtle about the Fox fascination as I’d previously thought. But then again, Joy made it her business to know my business, even more than my own mother. The fact that she was on to me just meant I had to pull it together before Fox noticed.

  Fifteen minutes later, I found out that I had little to worry about when it came to Fox noticing anything about me. I approached the window with my first order ticket, all set to deliver a cheerful, nonchalant greeting.

  “Hey Fox! Good morning,” I said brightly, sliding my ticket into the spinning order wheel. “Order up.”

  “Thanks.” He grabbed the ticket from the wheel and turned his back to pull some items from the walk-in. I stood in stunned silence for a moment at his quick dismissal before I spun on my heel and headed back out to the front counter.

  Perceptive as always, Joy felt the shift in my attitude as I returned the menus to their shelf, and I caught her small smile out of the corner of my eye.

  I blew my long bangs out of my face in exasperation. “What?”

  She patted my hand. “Not a thing, darlin’.”

  I huffed the rest of the way through my shift, my irritation growing. What was the point of Fox going out of his way to tell me he’d be working at the diner if he was going to basically ignore me once he started? Sure, he was pleasant enough, but there was little-to-no eye contact, no smiles, and certainly not a single dimple. After two or three orders with the same result, I stopped making any effort and instead just rang the bell whenever I dropped off my tickets.

  When I picked up my last table’s order, Fox called after me. I almost dropped my tray but I managed to turn smoothly and respond. “Yes?” My voice came out a little frosty but I didn’t care.

  Fox’s mouth turned up on one corner, enough to show a hint of his dimple. His green eyes flashed with intensity, drawing me in, and I barely noticed when he reached across the pass-through and set a ramekin on my tray.

  “You forgot your tartar sauce.”

  I glanced down at the little dish and when I looked up again, he’d walked away.

  * * *

  “Are you even listening to me, Avery? You’ve been stirring that damn pot for ten minutes.”

  I jumped a little bit at the impatient edge in Chase’s voice. “Sorry.” Glancing down at the noodles, I realized he was right. I quickly turned off the stove and grabbed three bowls from the cupboard.

  Annabelle came padding in from the living room and climbed into her booster seat as I placed the filled bowls on the table, along with a platter of cut apples and oranges.

  “I don’t want this. Do you ever make anything but kid food?” Chase pushed his bowl away.

  Annabelle looked at me, her eyes wide. In her world, macaroni and cheese was the best thing to ever happen, period. She was just about to open her mouth, likely to ask me why Chase wouldn’t want to eat her favorite dish, when I cut in.

  “I usually make one meal, and Annabelle and I eat together. Sorry if it’s not up to your standards. You’re welcome to cook something yourself next time.” My annoyed words had the desired effect because Chase looked sufficiently abashed. He grabbed an orange wedge from the platter and stuck it in his mouth.

  “Sorry, babe,” he muttered around the peel.

  Annabelle giggled. “You have an orange smile.”

  Chase turned to her, the orange rind covering his teeth. “I do? How did that happen?” His words were muffled but Annabelle shrieked with laughter.

  I relaxed back into my chair. Chase could be so irritating in one moment and then completely endearing the next. His moods seemed to be all over the place lately, and it was beginning to wear on me. At the end of each day I never knew which Chase I should expect: the smiling charmer or the impatient brooder.

  After Annabelle was in bed, Chase pulled me onto the couch and into his arms. We’d made it through the rest of the evening without any friction, and I felt my muscles softening as he kneaded my back. I could feel his warm breath on my neck as his hand
s slowly moved up and down my spine. The lulling sensation had me closing my eyes and leaning into his touch as I let myself drift.

  “Are you fucking sleeping?” Chase pulled away and my eyes snapped open.

  “What? No. I’m just relaxing,” I protested but he was already pulling himself into a standing position.

  “You’ve gotta be kidding me with this shit, Avery. I know you have a hard life and whatever, but you just fucking fell asleep on me in the middle of our date. Is this how it’s always gonna be? You’re too tired to even spend time with me?” Chase shoved his feet into his shoes and grabbed his jacket.

  I shrank back into the couch, shocked by his bitterness. “I’m sorry,” I said slowly. I realized then that it was the third time I’d apologized to him that evening, and I wasn’t actually sorry. I worked all morning, wrote a paper and cared for my child all afternoon, and then cooked dinner and tried to engage with my selfish boyfriend all evening.

  “You’re sorry, you’re sorry. That’s all you ever say. I don’t feel like I’m a priority to you. This relationship isn’t a priority to you.” As Chase’s voice took on a lecturing tone, my patience ran out.

  While part of me realized he was right, that I wasn’t making our relationship a priority, I also knew that he never took into account all of the responsibilities I had as a mother, a student, and a person who paid her own bills. This wasn’t high school, when I could sit for hours on end in the bleachers and watch him toss a ball around. This was real life; it was messy and imperfect. And it wasn’t changing anytime soon.

  But instead of recognizing that, and at least trying to understand, Chase continued to bitch and moan about where he fit into my life. Find yourself a place, I wanted to scream at him. Be the man I can’t live without, instead of the man I’m not sure I can live with.

  Chase stared at me, waiting for a response, but I had none. Anything I could say at this point would be colored by my building annoyance, and I knew too well that once words were spoken, there was no going back. Chase and I would have no hope for survival if I unleashed on him today.