Goodnight Sweetheart

by Annie Groves

  And not like she would have done if it had been Eddie who was writing to her.

  ‘And you don’t wear Johnny’s ring,’ June pointed out critically.

  ‘It made my finger go green and you said that that was because it wasn’t proper gold,’ Molly reminded her, trying to subdue her guilty feelings over how much time she now spent thinking about Eddie. Eddie’s warm but gentle kiss had not left her feeling worried and wary like Johnny’s fiercer kiss had done. Eddie was familiar and his return to her life welcome, whereas she felt she hardly knew Johnny at all.

  ‘Well, that’s as maybe, but from the way you were kissing Eddie Saturday night, no one would ever have guessed you were engaged to someone else.’

  Molly could feel her face starting to burn, betraying her guilt.

  ‘It was you who wanted me and Johnny to be engaged, not me. I don’t want to be engaged to him – I never have,’ she burst out, angry tears filling her eyes. Her heart was thudding and she felt sick, but relieved as well, now that she had finally said how she felt.

  She could see how much her outburst had shocked her sister, who was simply standing staring at her.

  ‘Well, you can’t break your engagement to him now, Molly,’ June said finally. ‘Not with ’im definitely about to go to war. A shocking thing that would be!’ she pronounced fiercely. ‘It would bring shame down on all of us, me and our dad included.’

  Molly tried to blink away her tears. A hard lump of misery lay like a heavy weight inside her chest. She knew that what June had said was right, but she still wished desperately that she was not engaged to Johnny.

  Because of Eddie?

  Something about his gentleness reminded her of Frank. Eddie made her laugh and she felt safe with him. He didn’t possess Johnny’s brash self-confidence, and he didn’t share Johnny’s desire to take things further than she wanted to go. From listening to the conversation of the other machinists, Molly was well aware that not all girls felt as she did. Some of them, like May, actually not only welcomed the advances of men like Johnny, but also actively encouraged them. But May was nearly twenty-two and Molly was only seventeen.

  She wasn’t too young, though, to know that the kiss Eddie had given her had been more than that of a childhood friend, and she wasn’t too young either to know that she had liked being kissed by him. They had been children together, she and June playing hopscotch in the street, whilst Eddie and the other boys played football, all of them sitting down together on Elsie’s back steps to eat meat paste sandwiches and drink their milk. It had always been Eddie who had taken Molly’s side and defended her from the others, and Eddie, too, who had comforted her when she had accidentally allowed Jim’s best marble to roll down the street grid. Luckily he and Jim had been able to rescue it. Eddie who had carried her safely piggyback, in the mock fights the close’s children had staged, telling her to ‘hang on’ whilst she had screamed and giggled with nervous excitement. In the winter, when it was too cold to play outside, they had done jigsaws together on Elsie’s parlour table, and then later, when they were more grown up, had scared themselves silly with ghost stories. But then Jim and Eddie had left school and moved into the grown-up world of work, Jim joining his father at the gridiron and Eddie getting work on a fishing boat out of Morecambe Bay so that his visits became infrequent and then fell off altogether.

  Molly couldn’t say honestly that she had missed him. She had been busy growing up herself, anxious to follow in June’s footsteps, and leave school and get a job. But now that he’d been back she discovered how much she enjoyed his company, and how their relationship was all the sweeter for the years they had been apart and the growing up they had both done.

  But now June’s accusation forced Molly to confront a truth she hadn’t wanted to recognise. It had been bad enough being engaged to Johnny before, but now when the first person she thought of when she woke up in the morning was Eddie, just as he was the last person she thought of when she went to bed at night; when every time she did think about him her heart lifted and bounced so hard against her chest wall that it made her feel dizzy, her engagement to Johnny was an unbearable burden.

  ‘Where’s our dad?’ Molly asked June. She felt unable to look at her sister, but somehow she had managed to stem her tears.

  ‘Gone down the allotment to have one of them committee meetings. Uncle Joe came round for him half an hour back.’ June’s voice was terse. ‘Seemingly Uncle Joe has been asked to take charge, and make sure that them as has allotments looks after them proper, like. I heard him telling Dad that he wants to set up some sort of plan so that they can grow enough stuff for everyone in the close. Mind you, it will take a bit more than him telling a few jokes to get some of that lot from the allotments to listen to him. Even Dad admits that some of them are that cussed they won’t listen to anyone.’

  ‘It’s different now. We’re all in this war together,’ Molly reminded her stoutly.

  ‘Oh, I see, and that’s why you’ve been making eyes at Eddie, is it, and letting him think you was some fast, flirty type like May?’

  ‘I haven’t …’ There was panic as well as misery in Molly’s denial. Was that what Eddie thought of her? That she was a flirt? Or even worse, fast?

  ‘Yoo-hoo, it’s only me – can I come in?’

  Instantly both girls tensed and looked at one another, June giving Molly a small warning look, as she called out, ‘Yes, of course you can, Elsie,’ and pushed the half-open door fully open to smile at their neighbour.

  ‘I’ve brought yer some of me pressed tongue for your teas. I know your dad likes it. And I’ve brought some of that strawberry jam we made the other week as well. We might as well enjoy it before we gets bombed to bits. I were that worried when that siren went off, what with our Jim down at the gridiron.’

  ‘Would you like a brew, Elsie?’ Molly asked her, desperate to avoid any more gloomy talk, for a few minutes at least. Besides, she acknowledged guiltily, Elsie might have some news about Eddie.

  ‘Yes, ta, love,’ she confirmed, sitting down with a relieved sigh.

  ‘So tell us all about the baby then, Molly. Came quick, didn’t he?’

  ‘Sally told Frank’s mother that she’d been having pains all day yesterday but hadn’t wanted to say anything,’ Molly answered her obligingly.

  ‘Aye, well, I reckon the shock of hearing that we’re at war can’t have done her any good in her condition. We’re gonna see some hard times from now on, you just see if we don’t. When I think about my lads …’

  The evening air was warm but Molly still shivered, tears blurring her eyes, as she had a sudden mental image of Eddie.

  What was happening to her? She had known Eddie all her life. He had fixed her doll for her when Jim had pulled off one of its arms. He had always been there, as an accepted part of her life – how could she suddenly be feeling all breathless and giddy just because she was thinking about him?

  ‘I went right cold all over when I ’eard.’

  ‘I were that shocked, I could hardly breathe, and then when that air-raid warning went off …’

  The girls might be trying to outdo one another as they described their feelings on hearing the previous day’s announcement but none of them was exaggerating the strength of the emotions they had felt. All of them had waited anxiously for every wireless news bulletin, and most of the girls had stopped to buy a paper on their way in to work.

  ‘Our boys’ll be needin’ these uniforms now,’ Irene announced sturdily, ‘so we’d best not waste any time gettin’ them made.’

  ‘Me cousin Lizzie wot works at the hospital were tellin’ us last night as how she’s seen empty cardboard coffins stacked up fifty deep and that they’ve bin told that Hitler will be blitzing Liverpool, on account of the docks,’ Ruby informed them ghoulishly, her voice trembling.

  Molly’s hands were shaking as she put her gas mask over the back of her chair. The morning paper was full of the dangers Liverpool’s merchant fleet would be facing from Germany
’s U-boats, along with reminders about blackout regulations, and the importance of attending regular air-raid warning drills.

  ‘I thought we’d really had it when that bloomin’ siren went off yesterday,’ Jean admitted. ‘Scared me to death, it did. Ran as fast as we could for the nearest shelter. I didn’t sleep a wink last night for fear of us being bombed.’

  There were heartfelt murmurs of agreement from the other girls, several of whom were yawning tiredly.

  ‘Watch out, here comes our own bloody little Hitler,’ Irene warned them all just before the door opened and Miss Jenner came in.

  ‘What’s up wi you, Hannah?’ Ruby asked after the dinner bell had rung and the girls were crowded together in their blacked-out canteen, eating their dinner.

  Molly looked over to where Hannah Carter was sitting staring into space, her fingers plucking fretfully at her clothes.

  ‘It’s all them bodies,’ Hannah told her in a high-pitched voice. ‘They keeps saying as how we’re to blame for making them those uniforms.’

  Some of the younger girls nudged each other and started to giggle, whilst Irene frowned and said firmly, ‘Don’t talk so daft, Hannah. There’s no bodies here.’

  ‘Yes, there are. They’re everywhere, wi’ their arms and legs cut off, just like my hubby … Sent him back wi’out his legs, they did …’ She had started to rock herself to and fro, as though trying to comfort herself. ‘There’s no sense in mekkin’ uniforms for dead men, and that’s what they’ll all be soon enough; all of them dead. You just wait and see. Them uniforms as we’re making for them will be the death of them, just like last time. Sent me his uniform back they did… but he weren’t in it …’

  One of the new girls started to sob noisily, protesting, ‘Me bruvver’s in the territorials and bin called up …’

  ‘Gorn orf ’er head, she has, and no mistake,’ Irene pronounced grimly, as the bell summoned them back to work. ‘Tek no notice of her,’ she consoled the distraught girl.

  Hannah’s machine was directly in front of Molly’s, and for the rest of the afternoon Molly could hear Hannah talking agitatedly to herself whilst she worked. And then suddenly she got up from her machine and went to where all the finished uniforms were folded, waiting to be inspected.

  It was Molly who saw the scissors she was carrying first. Getting up from her own machine, she called out anxiously, ‘Hannah, no …’

  But it was too late: Hannah was cutting frenziedly into the uniforms, slicing and tearing at them.

  As quickly as she could, Molly hurried over to her and gently took the scissors from her whilst Hannah screamed and cried out before collapsing on the floor, shuddering violently.

  ‘What’s going on in here?’

  Still in shock, the other girls turned away from Hannah to look at Miss Jenner.

  The supervisor stared at Molly in furious disbelief, and then strode towards her, grabbing hold of her arm with one hand and wrenching the scissors from her with the other.

  ‘What have you done?’ she demanded savagely. ‘Answer me.’ She threw down the scissors and slapped Molly so hard across her face that her head jerked back and she bit her own tongue.

  ‘Here, don’t you go hitting my sister,’ June protested fiercely, but she was too shocked to say anything more.

  ‘You’re sacked, both of you,’ the supervisor told them. ‘You’re nothing but troublemakers, the pair of you … and the cost of these uniforms will be deducted from your wages. I’m going to go and get Mr Harding now and show him what you’ve done. You’ll have the police to answer to for destroying government property,’ she told them threateningly.

  ‘We haven’t done anything,’ June told her angrily. ‘It was Hannah who did it. Gone mad, she has, as you would see for yourself if you had any sense,’ she added contemptuously, pointing to where Hannah was sitting rocking whilst she stared blankly at the scene in front of her. But instead of making Miss Jenner rethink her accusation, June’s words only incensed her.

  ‘Silence! Wait here, both of you, whilst I go and inform Mr Harding about what you’ve done.’

  ‘Right, that’s it,’ June announced as soon as the supervisor had gone. ‘I’m not staying here to be called a liar again by her. Come on, our Molly, we’re going.’

  ‘We can’t just leave,’ Molly protested shakily, but June was ignoring her, gathering up their things, and then, taking hold of her arm, practically dragged her to the door.

  ‘’Ere, June, hang on a mo,’ Irene protested.

  ‘Wait till old Harding gets here. We can tell him what’s happened.’

  ‘What, and have that nasty piece of work threatening us every time we do sommat as she doesn’t like?’ June demanded sharply. ‘There’s plenty of other jobs going, and better paid ones too.’

  They were out in the street before Molly could say anything, June leading her towards the bus stop.

  ‘There’s Frank’s mam watching us,’ June pronounced as they walked past number 46. ‘I bet she’ll be wondering what we’re doing home this time o’ day. Well, she can wonder, for all I care.’

  ‘You don’t think Mr Harding will send the police round here after us, do you?’ Molly asked her worriedly.

  ‘Don’t talk so daft. What for? We haven’t done anything wrong. It was Hannah who went mad and cut up them uniforms. Is yer face still hurting?’ June asked her sympathetically. ‘It’s a mercy she didn’t knock yer teeth out, she hit yer that hard.’

  ‘You should have seen her face when you answered her back like that.’ Molly shook her head, marvelling at her sister’s bravery, unable to stop herself from laughing as she remembered the look of disbelief on the supervisor’s face as she turned round to see June bearing down on her.

  ‘Aye, well, she’s lucky I didn’t give her a swipe like the one she gave you,’ June replied, and then started to laugh herself.

  ‘Here, wot’s got into you two?’ Pearl demanded sharply as she came out of her house to find the two of them rocking with laughter, their arms round one another. ‘There’s a war on, yer know …’

  ‘Aye, and we’re both out of a job, an’ all,’ June informed her, still laughing.

  ‘I reckon Pearl thought we had lost our wits,’ Molly told June as they let themselves into number 78.

  ‘Aye, probably caught it from Hannah, we have,’ June agreed, adding, ‘Let’s have the wireless on, Molly, in case there’s any news.’

  There was and it instantly banished their laughter. A Glasgow-based liner, the Athenia, had been sunk by a German U-boat and one hundred and twelve lives had been lost.

  Molly and June listened to the broadcast in white-faced silence, holding one another tight.

  ‘Oh, those poor, poor people,’ Molly whispered. She could not help thinking about Eddie and wondering where he was and if he was safe. If the Germans would attack an innocent passenger ship, then what chance did a merchant navy vessel have?

  The newscaster was announcing the appointment of Winston Churchill as First Lord of the Admiralty, before continuing to warn people of the importance of adhering to the strict blackout regulations that had been enforced, but Molly had stopped paying attention. All she could think about was the dreadful news about the Athenia – and Eddie.

  ‘I’ve got a WVS meeting tonight,’ Molly told June once they had finished their evening meal and were washing up.

  ‘We’ll have to start looking for new jobs tomorrow, remember,’ June warned her. ‘I fancy working in munitions meself. The pay’s good and they lay on buses and entertainment.’

  ‘Perhaps we should have waited to see Mr Harding,’ Molly suggested. She was still fearful about the repercussions of their walking out.

  ‘What, and have that Jenner woman making out that we were lying? No, thanks.’

  It felt different wearing her WVS uniform now that they were at war, Molly realised as she hesitated in front of the dressing table she shared with June and then, on impulse, slid Johnny’s ring onto her finger in a futile attempt to
ease her guilt at thinking of Eddie all afternoon.

  She’d arranged to meet Anne under the Picton Clock so that they could go to the meeting together. As she hurried towards it, she saw that Anne was already there.

  ‘Isn’t it dreadful news about the Athenia?’ Anne greeted her sombrely.

  ‘Those poor people,’ Molly agreed.

  ‘What’s that you’re wearing?’ Anne demanded, catching sight of Molly’s ring.

  Molly blushed and told her about Johnny.

  ‘You’re engaged? You never said. When …?’

  ‘I don’t wear me ring because it’s a bit loose,’ Molly told her, and then added in a low voice, ‘I’d just as soon not be engaged to Johnny, really, but … when he was called up for the army …’ She was desperate to confide in someone and be listened to sympathetically.

  ‘He’s one of our fighting men? Then you can’t possibly break your engagement to him, Molly. It isn’t the done thing. Not when a man has got to fight for his country, and all he has to keep him going is the thought of his sweetheart waiting at home for him, and being true and loyal,’ Anne told her reproachfully.

  Molly looked pleadingly at her friend. ‘But, Anne, I don’t love him, and … and the truth is that … that there’s someone else.’ Molly could see from Anne’s shocked face that every word she said was only making things worse, but she longed so much for her friend to understand her plight and sympathise with her that she just could not stop the words from tumbling out, even though Anne’s disapproval was growing by the minute.

  ‘I’m surprised at you, Molly,’ Anne told her sternly. ‘Yes, and shocked as well. I thought you were a decent sort of girl who knew the difference between right and wrong.’ She shook her head. ‘Please don’t tell me any more. I’m going to pretend that we haven’t had this conversation. If you’re the girl I thought you were, Molly, you will forget all about this other chap and put him out of your thoughts and your life. I’ll say no more on the subject, except that it’s up to us to do everything we can to support our boys, not go falling in love with someone else behind their backs.’