Providence

by Karen Noland

  A quiet chanting filled the still air:

  “Taa Ahpu tomoba?atu, nansuwukaitu u nahnia.

  U tekwapuha pitaruibe siku sokoba?a tomoba?atu nakwu waitusu.

  Numi maaka ukiitsi tabeni numu tuhkarui.

  Nu tusuuna aiku numu hanipukatu. Numi tusuuna.

  Keta aituku numi muhneetu. Aitukutu numi

  taakonin/tsaakuan.

  Taa Ahpu nansuwukai suana.

  Suni yutui o.”

  Though the Nuumu words held no meaning for Kate, she felt a stirring in her soul, as the significance of the prayer reached deeper than mere words, “Our Father, which art in Heaven, hallowed be they name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven....” she began.

  Tochoway’s dark eyes held hers, he nodded slowly. Raising a hand in farewell, they turned their ponies to the south.

  Chapter Four

  The small town of Rush Springs sprawled before them. An early morning fog lay thickly over the prairie. Wet droplets clung to the horses’ manes and dripped from the saddles, muffling the sounds of creaking leather and the rhythmic beat of the horses’ hooves. The thick gray mist obscured many of the buildings in town from this distance, but a stark white church and the lonely graveyard beside it on a hill above the town were painfully visible to the two silent men.

  Luke stole a glance in Joe’s direction. The utter despair written clearly upon the face of his companion was almost more than Luke could bear. He remembered his own stabbing pain at his mother’s death, the silence that had fallen over his father, and the rift that had separated father from son.

  “Lord, protect this man, let him see Your mercy and Your grace in this trying time. Let him not be torn from his family - show him the healing that you have denied me.” Luke prayed silently, but fervently, bitter gall rising in him at the hatred he still felt after all these years.

  In an attempt to escape the haunting memories, he kicked his gray gelding into a trot. Joe’s bay followed, and they quickly approached the outskirts of Rush Springs.

  ***

  A tall woman with auburn hair and green eyes emerged from the small frame house. She wore a simple gray mourning dress which only accentuated her handsome looks. As the morning mist swirled around her, she took on an ethereal, otherworldly appearance.

  “Joe!” Annie cried in her husky voice. A mixture of emotions played across her delicate features; the joy of seeing her brother mingled with sadness for his grief.

  Joe dismounted and ran into the open arms of his sister’s embrace. At long last the emotions he had hidden within the depths of his soul burst forth, and he wept openly against her chest. Annie held her brother tightly, stroking his hair, rocking him gently, while gazing beyond him into the face of Luke Josey. Luke reached down and picked up the reins of Joe’s mare, painfully aware of the woman standing before him. Giving Annie a brief nod, he turned to find the livery.

  ***

  The fog that had been so pervasive that morning was melting quickly under the warm golden rays now shining through from the eastern sky. The horses were snug in their stalls eating a well-deserved ration of oats and hay. With a final glance at the animals, Luke paid the smith for a week’s board, and headed towards Annie’s house.

  Standing before the neat frame home, he noticed the quiet elegance, wild roses beginning to bud along the trellis, two wooden chairs set neatly on the porch with a small table between. These details of simple domesticity were so evocative of his own family home in Kansas, that he felt a stirring in his heart at the memory. As if to complete the compelling vision, Annie appeared in the doorway framed by a glowing light from the fire within.

  “It’s good to see you again, Luke.”

  “How’s Joe doing?”

  “All right. He’s resting some. I’ve breakfast and coffee ready, if you’d like.”

  Luke wondered for a moment if he should accept the offer. He searched her eyes, but could find no hint of emotion beyond simple hospitality. Had their last meeting been a dream? The reality of it was still so raw in his own heart, had she simply dismissed it as being of no consequence?

  “Sure, sounds good.” He said at last. As Luke stepped forward to enter the small house, Annie remained squarely in the doorway for a tense moment before moving to one side allowing him to pass by. He could feel her nearness, smell the spicy aroma of her. His heart quickened slightly, as he hurried to the table.

  As they ate, Joe and Annie spoke quietly together of Zora, and reveled in sweet memories of Sam. The tears were mixed occasionally with laughter, for which Luke was thankful. The first step towards healing was the ability to remember the past, and not fear it. Their conversation was interrupted by a knock.

  Annie smiled at her brother, “That must be Luther.”

  Joe leapt to his feet. Crossing the floor in two great strides, he flung open the door and was immediately swept into a huge embrace by a large man. “Luther, what are you doing here?” Joe cried.

  “Just passin’ through. Annie wrote me about Zora.”

  “I’m going to miss them, Luther.”

  The two men, as different as night and day, yet somehow cut from the same cloth, entered the room. “Luke, I’d like you to meet my brother, the Marshal!” Joe said proudly.

  “I’ve certainly heard a lot about you,” Luke said extending his hand.

  “Any friend of Joe’s.....” Luther replied, grasping Luke’s hand. “Well, almost any friend,” he amended looking pointedly at his smaller brother. Joe gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, and Luther’s grasp tightened. “Very glad to meet you!” he finished.

  A plate was heaped with food for Luther, and the family fell to talking, almost forgetting about Luke. Staring out the front window, Luke was glad that Joe would have these people to support and encourage him. He sometimes missed his own sister, but that life was lost to him now.

  He was startled to feel a soft touch upon his arm. Turning, he was met by Annie’s direct gaze. She had put a lavender shawl around her shoulders, accenting the deep green of her eyes.

  “Won’t you walk to the garden with me? The boys won’t miss us,” she said, indicating the table where the brothers were lost in deep discussion.

  “I’d like that.” Luke held the door for her as she swept passed him.

  They walked awhile in silence, listening to birds calling in the distance. The sounds of a city awakening to a new day were growing audible around them.

  “I’ve missed you, Annie.” Luke stopped, waiting.

  Annie continued on to the garden gate before pausing, looking forward, her back to Luke. “Michael has asked me to marry him. I told him yes.”

  Luke felt the cold statement like a gut punch.

  She stood for a moment seeming to contemplate the freshly plowed earth that was beckoning to be dug and planted, to grow new life. “I’m pregnant.”

  A dull roar began in his head, “Annie....”

  “This child will have a father! A father who’s home to watch him grow, to teach him! You will be forever off chasing cows or searching for ...” she paused, choking back her anger and her tears. “I will not live like Zora did, alone, always wondering where her husband is, when he’ll be home next. Dying alone....” She turned, tears streaming down her face.

  The roar grew to deafening proportions. “Annie...”

  “No!”

  The cold simplicity of that one word cut through the red haze of anger clouding his brain. He felt drained and empty. Looking at the proud, cold woman before him, he knew that arguing was useless. “I would marry you.”

  “Yes, but you wouldn’t love me. Would you stay here? Would you be happy?” The tears continued to flow, but little other emotion was reflected in her face. “What happened between us was wrong, Luke. You don’t love me. I gave in to my own passion, so did you.”

  “I care for you.”

  “It’s not enough. Michael loves me. He knows the circumstances, and still he wants to marry me, now more than eve
r. He has forgiven me. Would you?”

  Luke swallowed hard, choking back a thousand protests, a thousand lies. Annie was right. What happened between them two months ago was a night of brief, flaming passion. It was wrong. He knew it then, and he knew it now. Michael was a solid, hard-working Christian man who owned a mercantile in Kingfisher. Annie and the child would be cared for and adored. What could he offer? He didn’t even have a home to call his own.

  God, why have you turned so far from me as to take my child?

  The bitter pain tore at his heart. Without another word, he turned and walked to the livery where Rio waited patiently for his master’s return.

  ***

  Hooves pounding over the dry ground, sides heaving, sweat dripping from his flanks, the tired horse stumbled at last, falling to his knees. Luke was pitched forward, lost his seat and lay where he fell, winded, not even caring what might happen next. The blue sky above, the unyielding earth below, Annie’s words, all melded together in time and burned through his mind in a tormenting crescendo until a deep unrelenting scream was torn from his very soul.

  Rio started at the sound. Snorting softly, he drifted a few paces away from the mad man writhing on the ground before him. At last Luke lay utterly still and drained. A small prayer tried to form itself in the depths of his mind, but the words would not come. A demanding voice echoing from the shadowy recesses of the past began somewhere in his heart.

  “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”

  A coldness came over him in that instant. He sat up, shutting out the voice and the thoughts that came with it. No, that’s not the way it is for me! I don’t need you. Throwing himself down, he lay prone in the dust of the road, his body wracked with sobs until there were no more.

  ***

  A gentle rain washed over his weary body. Luke woke with a start. It was dark. Head pounding, he sat up, unable to focus his thoughts. “How long have I been lying here?” He wondered briefly. He wiped his face on his sleeve. His body ached from the fall, his nerves were raw. Hunger gnawed at his stomach, and his throat was parched. Despair overwhelmed him as his mind tried to turn to Annie.

  Shutting out all thoughts and feelings, he resolutely stood to look for Rio. Whistling, he called the horse, and heard a rustling and creaking of saddle leather. He could just make out the bulk rising before him. Rio had bedded down a short distance away. Standing and giving himself a good shake, he trotted over to Luke, nudging him on the shoulder as he approached.

  “Looks like it’s just you and me again, boy,” Luke shivered in the cold rain. Unstrapping the buckles on his saddlebags, he reached in past farrier tools, a spare shirt, and a couple of books, groping blindly for his jacket. It was only then he realized the mistake. He had left the jacket in Annie’s front room. It had contained a few personal belongings and his pay from Addington. Leaning his head against the horse’s warm wet flank, he shook his head. “So now we’re alone and penniless.” His mouth twisted in a wry grin. “God, you must really have something against me.”

  Trembling from the cold and anger, he swung into the saddle. Clouds obscured the moon, and thunder rolled ominously in the distance. He should stop, make camp until morning, but he had an unrelenting desire to keep moving, putting distance between himself and the pain he had suffered in Rush Springs. Picking up the reins they headed off in a northeasterly direction. He realized ironically that his father’s home lay in that direction, as distant in time as it was in miles.

  The rain stopped sometime after midnight, and Rio plodded along. Luke dozed intermittently in the saddle, falling prey to the bitter cold. A faint light glowed on the eastern horizon as the sun began its journey above the land once more. The sky lightened, and the birds began their songs of joy that were as old as time itself. Luke rode on, his fingers frozen in their grip on the reins. As the sun rose, the warm rays dissipating the chill that clung to the earth, he began to feel his toes, his nose and his fingers again.

  “Whoa, there, Rio,” Luke said, reining in the big horse. “Maybe we ought to take stock of our true situation, here. What do you think?”

  Rio snorted and tossed his head, stopping as though in full agreement. Luke dismounted, and made a quick check of the saddlebags. There was enough dried jerky and hardtack to last a few days, that is if he didn’t mind some hunger pangs. His canteen was full, though in this part of the country ponds and creeks of fresh flowing water were plentiful.

  “Looks like we’re either going to have to find us a job or turn to a life of crime. Don’t believe either one of us would really relish the latter, huh?” Luke pulled a set of hobbles from the bottom of the bags.

  “You look like you could use a bit of time off there, old friend.” Unsaddling the horse, he placed the hobbles on his front feet and turned him loose to graze upon the rich prairie. Standing the saddle upright so as to protect the tree, he stretched himself out on the soft green grass and was soon sleeping deeply.

  Chapter five

  “Jolene, sit still! It’s hard enough to get these shoes buttoned without you squirming all over the place.” Exasperated with her small daughter and the chaotic preparations for the trip to Fallis, Kate finally managed to finish the buttons on Jo’s high black shoes. Laying the buttonhook aside, she stood and looked at Jo critically. “Okay, you’ll do. Now scoot.”

  Jo jumped up, wiggling her toes in her dress-up shoes, “These shoes feel too tight!” she complained. “Oh, momma, you look so pretty! And won’t Jonathan like my dress? Where’s Candy? Candy, Candy, here girl.”

  Kate smiled as she watched Jo run off in search of the pup. She was indeed a vision in her deep blue calico jumper and white lawn blouse, her dancing red curls tamed into a matching blue ribbon. She sighed at the darned black stockings, and too-tight shoes, but they would have to do until she knew what the future held.

  Kate took a last look at herself in the small dressing table mirror. The image reflected there was at least fresh and clean. The dark green dress she had chosen seemed utterly feminine to her after spending so long in men’s clothes. Her skin, normally pale and creamy had tanned to a deep bronze accented by naturally pink cheeks and lips. Deep amber colored eyes fringed by dark lashes gazed at her from the mirror, and her thick brown hair, now shimmering with golden highlights from the sun, was pulled back softly from her heart shaped face.

  She shifted her attention from the mirror to a small tin type in an ornate frame. She and Will had looked so young on their wedding day. Even in the severe mourning dress she had chosen to wear, Will had made her feel special and pretty. He was smiling at her from the image, just as he always had in life, with a look that told her she was the most beautiful creature in the world to him. Her eyes misted briefly as she lightly caressed the picture, “I miss you, Will.”

  ***

  Jake had the team hitched to the wagon. Nana, Jonathan and Jo were already tucked securely into their places. Kate carried out the basket that contained the roast chicken, fresh bread, pies and relishes that she and Nana had spent the better part of Saturday preparing. Handing the basket to Jake, Kate couldn’t help smiling as she noticed the gleaming golden coats and brushed white manes and tails of the mares. The harness had been freshly oiled as well, and Jonathan had obviously spent a lot of elbow grease on getting the buckboard in top condition. Jake secured the basket into the wagon, then handed Kate up to the front seat. She thought they must make an awfully pretty picture as they headed off down the road to Fallis for the Sunday meeting.

  Though the trip to Fallis was only a little over four miles, it would take them more than an hour to make the trip by wagon as the road was a rough one, where it even existed, but the sun was up and beginning to warm the air around them. Even little Jolene was silent for a moment as they all drank in the beauty around them.

  “Are you going to see Mr. Johnson there, momma?�
� came the innocent question.

  Kate paused a moment, “He said he would be there today, so I expect we’ll probably see him.”

  “Well, I’m not sitting by him. I don’t like him!”

  “Jo, why would you say such a thing?”

  “Because he’s mean. He tried to cheat you. And I saw our horse, I think he hurt him.”

  “Jo, you mustn’t talk like that. You should respect your elders!” Kate admonished sternly, “even if I happen to agree with you,” she added under her breath too quietly for her daughter to hear. Jake glanced in her direction. He was the only one close enough to hear her last comment.

  The conversation between Nana and the children in the bed of the wagon turned to the prospect of the meeting and the picnic following. They gleefully discussed who would be there, and what the preacher might be like. Kate smiled listening for a moment before Jake’s question took her attention. “How was the colt? You saw him, din’t you?”

  “I did,” she sighed.

  “And?”

  “I don’t know, Jake. I didn’t see any cuts or obvious wounds on him. He was thin, and rough looking - I don’t know - it was like the spirit had just left him.”

  “Um-hmmm.”

  “That colt doesn’t belong to me anymore!”

  “I know.”

  For a long moment there was nothing but the sounds of the horses clopping, harness jingling and the carefree conversation drifting from the back of the buckboard.

  Kate sighed. “When Matt Johnson rode through our place the other day, Jake, it was as if he were appraising something he already owned!” A cold fear grabbed the pit of her stomach. “What if I can’t do this, Jake? What if I can’t make a go of this? I can’t bear to see someone like Johnson just walk in and take over our dream!”