Please Don't Tell My Parents I've Got Henchmen

by Richard Roberts

  Cassie loomed up beside me, all of a sudden. For someone maybe an inch taller than me, she could really make herself look big. Maybe it was the diabolically hopeful grin. “Getting inspired to make more heroic weapons for our rematch?”

  Teddy mimed slapping handcuffs on his wrist. “I bet she can beat you just with the ones she has.”

  “I'd like to see her fly again.”

  “I want to try out those gloves.”

  Holding up my hands to the crowd gathering around me, I announced, “First, we need introductions. Proper introductions. Let's go up to the basketball court and we can all show each other our powers, one by one. That's your membership application. Someone-”

  Claire whipped out her phone, tapping a notepad application up with the glee of an eagle diving on prey. “I'll keep the membership roll!” She gave a little shiver of excitement, golden curls bouncing.

  Everyone else stared in rapt adoration, but Ray and I managed to pull our eyes away. Staring at the opposite wall, I said, “Claire, you're getting carried away.”

  “Oh. Right!” The idea of a whole list of which of our schoolmates had what super powers had her squeeing so hard she'd lost control of her power.

  As people blinked themselves back to lucidity, I gave Teddy and Cassie a push towards the elevator, calling out past them, “Do all the mad scientists have something ready to show off?”

  “Oh, yeah!” Table Saw Girl scurried across the room, and hefted an apparently heavy cardboard box.

  Rocky looked glum. “Well, I've got Bloop. I was working on designs for hydraulic boots for Ray.”

  A memory of Bloop's construction made me squint suspiciously. “Made out of glass…?”

  The pout deepened. “Oh. Yeah. Maybe I can make them out of glass, and someone will have a power to replace the glass with metal?”

  “The Machine might do it. It's worth a try. Let's go see what everyone's got, and don't worry, Bloop will be a big hit.”

  There were even more kids here than last week. When we finally got out to the recess grounds, kids crowded around the fence, while Cassie walked out into the center of the lot. “My name is Cassie Pater, and I'm thinking I'll take the name Lightning Wisp. My powers-”

  “We've seen them!” Will yelled. Everybody laughed.

  Cassie was almost Lutra-esque in her lack of shame. “That's right. You have. And I'm never hiding them again!” She raised both arms, hands spread. Electricity arced around her to the ground in a hissing, strobing shower, then sprayed out from one arm like a wave of fire as she swung around in a circle. Chin held high, she strutted back to the fence, sparks still popping from her hair.

  The laughter mixed with applause.

  There was no need to ask for a volunteer. Table Saw Girl ran out with her cardboard box. “I'm next! My name is Laverne Atkins, and I'm a mad scientist. I may not be Penelope Akk-” She paused just long enough to shoot me an envious, admiring stare, “-but I think you'll like what I've got. Most of my inventions center around this baby.”

  Rummaging in the box, she pulled out a wooden tube about the size of a Pringles can. It had a slot on the side, and when she stuck a folded up wooden rod in the end, it reminded me a lot of those old rifles you had to pull the switch for. Or maybe a shotgun, because she pumped that switch, pushed it forward, and the rod unfolded and spun like a weed whacker, except with a shovel instead of a string. Swinging her tool at the ground, she carved up a two foot line of asphalt before the rotor wound down.

  More applause. Next to me, Claire typed away at her phone with the glee of a thousand monkeys in a demented attempt to reproduce the works of Shakespeare.

  Which left me to be the responsible one, who had to raise her voice and say, “Try not to damage the lot, okay, everybody? We're lucky somebody offered to pay for the basketball goal. I don't want the principal taking away my lab.”

  Teddy sprang to his feet. “I can fix it! Which means it's my turn!” He sprinted eagerly for the gouge Laverne left, rubbing his hands together. The air already stank of hot asphalt.

  There were dozens more kids. We'd be doing this all week, at least!

  “May I praise your generous estimate of our classmates' modesty?” Ray turned up the wicked on his grin as he leaned close to be heard over the chatter.

  “You think it's going to take more than a week?” I couldn't keep my face straight. The other kids had just spent ten minutes arguing about who would go next. The current attempt to resolve the question involved comparing flaming hair.

  Who knew so many super powers give you cool hair? Me, I was stuck with braids the color of a rat. 'Agouti.' I had agouti hair.

  “You know what? Maybe I'll wait,” a girl announced suddenly.

  The confessions ran down the row.

  “Me, too. I'm not ready.”

  “My shirt is a mess. Somebody else go first, please.”

  “I'll try Friday.”

  That made something spark in my head. Pushing myself to my feet, I held up my hand. “Your fearless leader is warning you now that there will be no Friday. We have tests, remember?”

  The expected chorus of 'awww's went up.

  All eyes were on me. Taking off my backpack, I twirled it around, and rising glee turned my voice sharp. I could practically hear theme music swelling behind me. “Worry not. When we get back, I'll show you real power. You think you've seen my secrets! Ha! HA HA HA HA HA! I, Penelope… Akk…” I squinted, grabbing my head. “Okay, who has the mind control powers?”

  A high school girl with straw blonde hair let out a squeak. For a second she shrunk back into herself, but then reared upright, chin lifted, and marched stiffly out onto the asphalt. She was kind of pretty, although her pale blue dress had an overstarched, forcibly plain frontier farm girl look. Her hair was a little too wavy to ever be sleekly coiffed, and she twisted a lock around her finger as she gave us an awkward grin. “I guess Cassie wasn't kidding. Penelope Akk is the real thing. I'm Claire Deletere, and I transfer emotion.” Like something broke inside her, the shyness disappeared. Her straight back went from the stiffness of a mannequin to the poise of a dancer. She raised a hand, fingers spread like a fan, and swept them around at the crowd. “Watch, and listen, in awe!”

  For a couple of seconds, nothing happened. What were we even listening for? That faint music, like someone was playing that electro-swing music Ray likes way far off?

  Jacky burst out laughing. She had a hoarse, squeaky laugh, and as it went on her control over her shape dissolved. So did she, sagging down in a bluegreen heap into her clothing.

  “And with that, I'll be stealing away with this delicious prize.” Will's voice dragged our attention away from Jacky's laughter to the other end of the fence, where he swept Cassie up in both arms, holding her against his chest. Super speed must have given him a little extra strength, too.

  Cassie's opinion about this was, “Aaa! Will, you hypersonic hormo-” The yelling and kicking stopped, and she took his face in both hands, looking him right in the eyes. So calmly that I could just barely hear her, she said, “Your mind is being tampered with. Fortunately, emotions are electrical as well as chemical processes.” She touched a fingertip to his forehead, and light flickered.

  Will sat down on the ragged grass with a thump. Cassie landed in his lap. They looked at each other, and started chuckling.

  Jacky's laughter had already faded. I called out, “Be careful with that power. Nothing gets people more mad at you than mind control. But Claire? …congratulations. I know I'm impressed.”

  She let out another squeak, like the one that had her cringing bashfully before. Not it accompanied her strutting around in a circle like a rooster.

  As the applause began, I walked over to Claire, my Claire, and said, “Want to hear something crazy? I overheard my mom say once that there was a forty percent chance that some girl in our school would look kind of like you, have the same name, and have a mind control power someone might mistake for yours.”

  Leaning up
way close, she whispered into my ear, “I know for a fact there's a Penelope in sixth grade who has brown hair and super powers, but she hasn't joined the club, so I didn't tell you that.”

  I shook my head and went 'pfft,' and hoisted my backpack onto one shoulder.

  As I walked off, Claire asked, “Hey, where are you going?”

  “Downstairs. We've got so much… stuff now. My super power wants to give it a try.”

  “Not to mention that a dramatic exit after you've proved you're the only one who can resist mind control makes you look even cooler?”

  Criminy. She got me. I went 'pfft' again, then broke out into one, barking laugh. “I'm not resistant. I can spot when my emotions are being messed with because my best friend keeps catching me in the crossfire when she uses her mind control power.”

  The lab was pleasantly empty of people, and pleasantly full of… junk. The place no longer smelled of old metal and dust. Now it smelled of old metal and wet wood and the funny chemicals in paint and that funny non-smell when water has been sloshed around.

  Okay, super power. Something showy, but if I get a weapon or something that doesn't look like regular Penny could make it, I was shutting this train down.

  For once, I felt like I was actually talking to my power directly. Images flickered.

  A clock. Yes, a clock would be perfect. But a super amazing clock. Penelope Akk could work with more than just gears if it still had a clock theme.

  We had a giant bin of circuit boards. It seemed like every kid in the club had been saving their broken electronics to give to a mad scientist someday. Pictures hovered in my head. I'd need this, and this, and this.

  Some of it made sense, which was why I could keep track for so long. Clocks measured time. Digitally or mechanically, every clock ticked, second by second, around in a circle.

  I drew lines on a gear with a pencil, then fed The Machine some metal. It spit out a gear one twentieth the size, with patterns of gold wiring so small I couldn't see them anymore. I didn't need to. My power knew exactly where they were.

  Making circuitry that small was fiddly, and my power had to correct for the sounds and air currents of the other kids who had wandered down to watch. Cassie was rubbing her hands in glee, and the boy with the rainbow aura watched with a more stoic fascination.

  My power showed me how their powers worked, tracing out webs of neurons…

  This was seriously distracting, and I didn't understand it anyway. The clock. Focus on the clock, Penny. Better to lose control than lose inspiration.

  The world didn't go black, but it did become a blur. The next actually clear memory had me sitting on an old wooden chair, drinking a bottle of water someone had left with admirable charity and foresight. I needed it. My new super clock, looking remarkably like one of those old round alarm clocks with the glass face and metal bells, sat sparkling on the table saw's, er, table.

  Wow. I felt exhausted, like I'd given every muscle in my body a workout, but great at the same time. My power loved this new invention. Loved it. Hopefully that didn't mean I'd just made a bomb!

  Everybody was gone. How long had I been working on this? I pulled out my phone. 5pm. Yikes. That was kind of late, but not awful. Tidying my clothes, I wobbled over to the super clock, which was in perfect synch with my phone's, down to the second.

  Amused, I twisted the little knob on top of the super clock, turning it back to 4:30. The hands spun around. The digits on my phone's time readout spun, ending up at the same 4:30.

  Tesla's fictional family. It was not 5pm. I had no idea what time it was.

  Had I made a time machine? No. No, nothing had changed in the room.

  Hurriedly, I dialed up my mom.

  Her voice when she picked up sounded just a little concerned. “Penny? Are you alright? I was forty-five seconds from calling to check on you.”

  “I'm fine. I just got wrapped up in an invention and lost track of time.”

  “Lost track in a literal sense,” she guessed.

  The super clock, shiny and innocent looking, gave her words more accuracy even than she knew.

  “Yeah. Can you come pick me up?”

  o, that's it? You twist the knob and it changes all the clocks?” Ray leaned way forward over the lunch table they next day, peering at my new invention.

  Hunched over the super clock, I hissed, “That's just the only thing I know how to work. Look.” Turning it around, I showed him the USB port on the bottom.

  “HEL-lo.” His eyes gleamed with ravenous joy behind his fake glasses. “What does that do?”

  “I don't know. I could plug it into my phone, but I'm still a week away from proving to my folks that I can keep one without my super power destroying it. All I've got right now is this.” I held up my horrible crusty little old phone with the keypad and postage stamp sized screen.

  By the time I noticed the movement and turned to look at her, Claire had her sleekly thin but almost tablet sized phone out, and dangled the charger cord next to it. Her grin only differed from Ray's in that she was quivering with excitement.

  The USB plug fit into my super clock perfectly. Opposite us, Ray wolfed down the remains of his lunch without chewing, then slid around the table. He and I bookended Claire, crushing her between us as we watched her phone screen.

  Claire unlocked the phone, plugged in the charger cord, and…

  Bleep.

  A new app showed up at the bottom of the screen. It didn't have a name, just a picture of my clock. A green progress bar crept upwards, downloading.

  Her phone also informed me that it was 12:53. Lunch ended at 12:55. Not enough time.

  Criminy, Penny. Can you be more stupid?

  Hoping I was being totally stealthy, I twisted my invention's knob, and turned all the clocks, including the old mechanical one hanging on the wall, back to 12:50. The app was downloading fast. That would be plenty of time.

  Download complete! Claire stabbed the icon with her finger, and Ray and I leaned in until our heads almost bumped.

  The new screen was mostly grey. What was I looking at? A menu. More options, but none of them with words, just symbols.

  “That looks like a bullet point list,” said Ray, pointing at one on the top row.

  Claire tapped it open.

  Sure enough, it was a list. Row after row of names, most of them gibberish serial number type names, but some with very obvious titles like 'Felicity's Megacomputer', 'Da Lurv Fon', and as Claire scrolled down, at least a dozen 'My Phone's and 'My Computer's.

  “Whose phone is 'Love Me and Despair?'” I asked, bemused.

  “Whose phone is 'You Know You Want Me?'” Ray asked, rather more sly.

  Claire cleared her throat awkwardly, her expression momentarily guilty.

  Neither Ray, nor I bought it. The expression, that is. It probably was her phone, but Claire was constitutionally incapable of embarrassment.

  Scrolling back up, Claire tapped on 'Felicity's Megacomputer.' We got yet another screen, with the time and date ticking away, and a few menu bars to change it.

  But under those were yet another set of buttons marked only with symbols.

  I leaned back, feeling a bit dazed. “I have absolute mastery over the measurement of time.”

  “There are ways to use this. There have to be. If you were smart enough, you could be a supervillain just with this device,” whispered Ray.

  We were back up to 12:54. I didn't want to adjust everyone's clocks again. “Wait wait,” said Claire, hitting the back button twice to the original menu. “One more.”

  She hit a button that looked like a targeting arrow. That gave us a blank grey screen.

  Claire must have already had an idea. She held up the phone, and waved it around slowly. Names flashed momentarily on the screen, including a bunch of 'My Phone's and 'Da Lurv Fon.' Each time one of those came into focus, we got its time and a whole bunch of more symbol options.

  The bell rang. Claire snipped the cord loose from my super clock and h
er phone.

  As she and Ray started to rise, I grabbed their hands. “Not yet. You have to see this, first.”

  Turning my super clock around, I turned the key on its back. It cranked a couple of times around as if I were winding up a spring. Then the whole back of the clock popped off.

  Inside was the real device, a compact little grey and green plastic oval.

  On its back were more connectors, with pins, what looked like an ethernet cable attachment, and holes I didn't recognize at all.

  Claire let out a long, strangled squeak of barely controlled excitement. Ray chuckled, a similarly restrained evil, “Heh heh heh heh heh.”

  Now we were done. Or so I thought, because no sooner were we all standing and heading for the door, than something flashed past me, and my jacket pocket got a tug.

  I hadn't had anything stored in there, but my hand dove in automatically. Out came a rather rumpled sheet of lined notebook paper. Someone with awkward handwriting had printed on it in pencil.

  Together, Ray, Claire, and I read:

  Dear Bad Penny

  Hello. How are you? Taking dictation is fun. I have turned one of my eyes backwards so I can see the expression on your face when you read this. Instead behind me I see Her rubbing Her pedipalp against one chelicera in the way that means She's impatient because I'm not doing things the boring normal way She wanted.

  Thank you for being nice to my sister. Polly says she is having a lot of fun, which only makes sense.

  PS – You did not give Lab Rat contact information, so meet him tomorrow after school at the green wooden table under the tree.

  At the door to the cafeteria ahead of us, Will and Cassie gave each other a high five.

  I did remember to sneakily put all the clocks back to the right time on my way to Geometry class. Which meant I was late. Such are the moral choices we face.