Second Lover

by Gill Sanderson

  Fatima took the outstretched hand, and the two of them set off back. ‘Thank you, Dr Lyn,’ Fatima said.

  Ross had wanted to pick her up at her flat on Sunday morning but she had persuaded him not to. ‘I’ll take a taxi down to the hospital,’ she told him. ‘My flat isn’t on the route we’re going to take.’

  He knew why she didn’t want him to call. ‘You’re worried about what Doug will think if I turn up, aren’t you?’ he asked. ‘Lyn, this is not a good idea. I love you, you love me, even if you haven’t said so we should live for each other, but Doug is taking over your life.’

  ‘It’s just for a while. And I feel all sorts of mixed emotions. I couldn’t throw him out, there’s too much of my past wrapped up in him.’

  ‘Was it a happy past?’

  That was a good question. She was beginning to rethink things. With difficulty she said, ‘I thought I was—no, I knew I was in love with Gavin. But now I’m wondering if that love would have lasted.’

  He put his arm round her, and squeezed her. ‘This is something I can’t help with,’ he said. ‘I’m prejudiced. Just remember how much you mean to me.’

  Once again they had an early start. As she stepped out of the taxi, at the front of the hospital, he was waiting for her in the Land Rover. She climbed up into the front seat, leaned over to kiss him then said, ‘Let’s go.’ She looked at the back seat. ‘Flowers,’ she remarked, then, ‘What’s in the bag?’

  ‘A surprise. I’ll show you later.’

  She might have guessed he would be a good navigator. He drove through the light early morning traffic and soon they were on the M4 heading west. At first there were the interminable suburbs, but soon enough they were driving through green fields, with the sight of birds, and the line of downs in the distance.

  ‘I thought I was a town girl now,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘But when I see a bit of greenery, I realise what I’m missing.’

  ‘I know what you mean. Now, tell me what your parents are like. I think I know them from their books, but I’d like to know more about them before we meet.’

  ‘You sound like the anxious suitor.’ She giggled. ‘But I don’t think they will ask you what your intentions are. They’ll approve of the outfit.’

  He did look well. A grey leather coat over a thin burgundy sweater, cavalry twill trousers, and stout shoes made him look ready for a day in the country.

  ‘One does one’s best,’ he said. ‘Now, I’ve bought flowers for your mother. But I need to know more.’

  ‘Right. When they’re in England they live in an old farmhouse, Woodend Grange. It used to be my grandmother’s. The farm has been in the family for generations, and she always hoped that my father would run it. But he had the wandering bug, and the farm is let out to a local farmer.’

  ‘You lived there with your grandmother? You said once that you stayed with her in term time so you could study.’

  ‘Yes. She insisted I had regular schooling, and sympathised when I told her I wanted to be a doctor. She died just over a year ago, and I was so glad that she’d seen me qualify. She wasn’t so very old and her death hit me hard. In fact…’

  ‘You’ve thought of something?’ he asked gently, when she didn’t finish her sentence.

  ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said. ‘It’s just not possible.’

  ‘Tell me. I’ll say if it’s possible or not.’

  She shook her head, bewildered. ‘I don’t know what to think. It just struck me. My grandmother had died, I was very upset and working far too hard, my parents were away on the far side of the world. And I got engaged.’

  Delicately, he asked, ‘You think you might have—got engaged for the wrong reasons?’

  ‘I think so.’ She paused, and then said, ‘Ross, I feel terrible. I feel disloyal to my dead fiancé. He loved me. And I loved him.’

  ‘Love takes many different forms,’ he told her. ‘Who can tell which is the most real?’

  ‘I don’t know what to say. Can we have some music on, please?’ She felt very mixed up and tearful, and it showed in her voice.

  He said nothing, but selected a tape and slid it into the player. He’d chosen Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. As the cheerful birdsong of ‘Spring’ filled the car, she started to feel better. She might have made mistakes in her past, but she would be careful not to make them again.

  They bypassed Bristol, crossed the Severn Bridge, and turned right onto the A48. Her heart was beating a little faster now. This land always meant going home to her. It was so beautiful, in the softer, very English way of the Forest of Dean. She recognised villages, houses of old friends, walks she had undertaken when young. Then they were driving up to Woodend Grange, the only place she had ever really thought of as home. They passed along the drive, through the slightly neglected garden, and she saw the old grey stone building ahead.

  The Land Rover crunched to a stop on the gravel outside the front door. Her parents must have been listening for them, for they came promptly out onto the front step. Lyn’s heart leaped when she saw them; she sometimes forgot just how much she loved them. Both were in their mid-fifties, both had greying hair, but their bodies moved with the grace and assurance of a fit twenty-year-old.

  Gloomily, she saw them exchange a look of approval when they saw the Land Rover. She had known they would like it. She jumped down, hugged and kissed them both, then turned and said, ‘Ma, Pa, this is Ross McKinnon. I work with him, and he wanted to meet you.’

  ‘Really pleased to meet you, Ross,’ said her father, extending a hand. ‘Come and have a drink and then we’ll go for a walk before lunch.’

  Ross got on well, too well, with her parents, she thought sadly. Her mother was pleased with the flowers he had brought; both her parents were pleased with the contents of the bag on the back seat. Ross owned all her parents’ books, and he had brought them all to be signed. Even better, the books showed signs of being read and re-read. Ross was going to be made very welcome.

  First they had a quick cup of tea and then they went for a walk. After being cooped up in the car it was a real pleasure, and there were bittersweet memories of her childhood to point out. ‘I must come here more often,’ she said to Ross. ‘I forget how much I love it.’

  ‘I don’t know how you can stay away. This is a glorious place; I’d like to stay here for ever.’

  ‘Except when you were travelling to somewhere wild abroad,’ she reminded him.

  ‘Except then,’ he agreed, urbanely.

  Their projected short walk turned into a longer one, as it so often did. But eventually they got back to the farmhouse. Ross had already mentioned his interest in the highlands of Peru. ‘Come into the study, Ross, and I’ll show you a few slides,’ Lyn’s father urged. ‘Lyn and Jo can have a chat and carry on making lunch.’

  Lyn looked at the two balefully. ‘Don’t think we’re separating men’s work from women’s work,’ she told Ross. ‘After we’ve eaten, it’ll be your turn to wash up.’

  ‘No problem, I’ll be happy to.’

  She sighed. She knew he meant it.

  They ate in the conservatory her father had built onto the side of the house. Her parents liked eating as close to the open air as possible. As ever the meal was simple, mostly home-grown produce from local farms. Once again this was a habit learned abroad; her parents were accustomed to buying their food in the tiny local markets.

  ‘We know something of this American outfit that may offer Ross a job,’ Jack Webster said when they were all seated round the old oak table. ‘We met a party of them somewhere up the Amazon and they were thinking of setting up a hospital there too.’

  ‘Did they seem efficient?’ asked Ross. ‘Did they know what they were doing?’

  ‘I would say very much yes. They weren’t emphasising the religious bit and they weren’t looking for converts. At least, not yet. They had some good local people working with them and they’d listen to advice. They struck me as being hard-headed. They had ample funds, but they didn’t
think that every problem could be solved by throwing money at it.’

  ‘I found that with an American mission in the Himalayas,’ Ross agreed. ‘They were well supported, but they weren’t going to waste a penny. I liked them for it.’

  He went on to tell them what he knew about the plan for Peru. Lyn listened with sinking heart.

  ‘If I take the job I know it’ll keep me pretty busy,’ Ross enthused, ‘but not a hundred miles away there’s this range called the Grey Mountains. As far as I can find out no one has ever explored them properly. Certainly there are peaks there that have never been climbed. I intend to find time to get over there.’

  ‘Sounds great,’ Jo said. ‘We’ve been on the other side—the headwaters of the Amazon—but never climbed into the Andes from Peru.’

  ‘Come and stay,’ Ross said promptly. ‘Once I’m firmly established I’ll write, and perhaps we can organise something together.’

  ‘They need doctors up there,’ Jack said thoughtfully. ‘Or at least some training. I remember when we were in the Amazon one of the local tribes brought a child to our camp. She was ill, the symptom was a pain in the belly. Well, I’d done a First Aid course, and I knew quite a bit about common jungle diseases—we always carried extra medicines for anyone who might need them. But this was something new to me. So I looked up the medical book that we always carried, and worked out what was wrong. Appendicitis. In fact the book gave detailed instructions on how to take an appendix out, but I didn’t dare. So we canoed back downstream and tried to get the child to the nearest hospital. But the appendix ruptured, and the child died of peritonitis.’

  ‘Not a difficult operation, an appendectomy,’ Lyn said. ‘Any doctor could do one in an emergency.’

  She felt rather left out in the excited planning that was taking place. When the dishes were removed from the table Jack fetched the big-scale maps of the area, and he, Jo, and Ross bent over them eagerly.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll wash up,’ Lyn said, half sarcastically.

  Her sarcasm didn’t work.

  ‘That’s nice of you, dear,’ her mother said abstractedly. ‘Now, Ross, this river here…’

  In fact it was Ross who straightened and offered to help, but Lyn had decided to be a martyr. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she assured him. ‘You stay here and plan. You came to meet my parents, and I want you to talk to them.’

  She went to the kitchen not in a tremendously good mood, but two minutes later her mother came to help. ‘I do like him,’ she said, seizing a drying cloth. ‘Very interesting to talk to and quite good-looking. Do you see a lot of him?’

  ‘Not a lot. He’s on my firm, but much of the time he’s working at a different hospital.’

  ‘He seems to think a lot of you. D’you think you’ve got over Gavin now? It was quite a while ago.’

  ‘Yes, I’ve got over Gavin,’ Lyn snapped. ‘But I’m too busy to look for a replacement. And I certainly don’t want another man whose idea of a good time is to travel to somewhere God-forsaken and leave me at home.’

  She couldn’t tell her mother she was falling in love with the wrong man again.

  ‘I liked Gavin,’ her mother said inconsequentially, ‘but I like Ross more. He’s got much more sense, dear.’

  ‘Much more sense,’ Lyn muttered to herself. ‘Of course he has. I wish I was the same.’ Out loud she asked, ‘Should I make coffee for us all?’ The rest of the afternoon passed more or less pleasantly.

  Eventually Lyn found herself drawn into the general enthusiasm, for she had forgotten how much fun planning a trip could be. Ross and her parents got on famously, and she couldn’t remember them taking to someone so quickly. But eventually it was time to go, as they knew the traffic on the way back would be heavy.

  ‘Get Lyn to bring you again soon,’ her father called, ‘or drop in yourself. You know where we live now.’

  Her mother kissed her, and then kissed Ross. ‘Been lovely to see you, Ross. Don’t lose touch; we want to know how things go.’

  Then they were on their way. One last wave, one last sad glimpse of the old grey building and they were driving back to London. Lyn didn’t know how she felt. Her feelings were mixed. ‘I’ll drive some of the way if you like,’ she said abruptly.

  ‘I’d appreciate that. Take over when we get on the motorway?’

  His easy acquiescence irritated her even more.

  ‘I really liked your parents,’ he said when she had taken the wheel. ‘They were all I had expected, and more.’

  ‘They liked you too. You’re just the sort of man they hoped their daughter would bring home.’ She knew her voice was cold.

  He noticed too. ‘What’s the matter, Lyn? Why are you irritated? Something I said?’

  ‘I’m glad they liked you. You said nothing that you haven’t said before. You didn’t need to go out of your way to charm them, you’re just the kind of man they like.

  They liked Gavin too.’

  ‘Come on,’ he said gently, ‘we haven’t known each other for long, but we don’t want to fall out over a simple misunderstanding. Tell me what’s wrong and if I can I’ll put it right.’

  ‘You can’t put it right. It’s what you are. I am very… attracted to you. But I’m not going to have a relationship with another Gavin. Not a serious relationship anyway. The Gavins of this world just won’t be tied down. That’s fair enough, they know what they want. But equally, I’m not going to be left behind while the man in my life wanders off into the wilderness and risks coming home in a… in a metal box. They sent me Gavin’s ashes, Ross, and I went and scattered them on a mountain top in Wales. I’m not going through that again.’

  ‘All life is a risk,’ he told her bleakly. ‘You just have to face up to it.’

  ‘Life is a risk. So why try to turn it into a bigger one?’ When he didn’t answer she felt her anger disappearing.

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you,’ she said in a more reasonable tone. ‘I was so glad that you got on with my parents, and I did enjoy visiting them with you. I was even proud of you! But the sight of you busy planning… it reminded me of times in the past. Times when I was left behind.’

  His coldness disappeared too. ‘Lyn, I said we haven’t known each other very long. I’m thirty-two now. Of course, I’ve had relationships before, some of them quite serious. But I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. It happened so quickly, the first time we met. I thought it ridiculous! But we’ve got to give things time.’

  ‘I’ll get dragged in! I’ll get hurt again,’ she wailed.

  ‘You know I would never do anything to hurt you.’

  ‘You mean you would never deliberately do anything to hurt me.’

  He bowed his head, acknowledging the fairness of what she said. ‘We’ve both got work to do,’ he said. ‘Perhaps we haven’t time to sort out complicated personal problems. Let’s just recognise the problems are there, but carry on seeing each other. Quite often things sort themselves out.’

  She paused before answering. ‘You’ve made me happier than I’ve been for… years, I think. I couldn’t bear not to see you. We’ll do as you say. And if it turns out to be a relationship that’s going nowhere—well, I will have been happy once.’

  ‘That will do for now. We’re friends. Dinner with me Tuesday night?’

  ‘Looking forward to it already.’

  He pulled loose his safety belt, and leaned over to kiss the side of her face.

  ‘Careful,’ she squeaked. ‘Don’t interfere with the driver.’ Things were settled. For the moment.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ‘I phoned the hospital, this afternoon,’ Doug said, ‘and got through to your ward. They said you hadn’t been in, that you had the day off.’

  Lyn didn’t need this. It had been a long, hard day, Ross had insisted on driving her home and she knew he’d been upset when she’d explained why she wouldn’t invite him in for coffee.

  ‘Lyn, I’m the man in your life now,’ he had s
aid. ‘Now let’s go upstairs together and introduce me to Doug. It’s time we met.’

  Somehow she had persuaded him that it wasn’t a good idea. But it had been hard.

  ‘So where have you been?’ Doug asked.

  She turned on him in a fury. ‘Don’t you ever dare phone asking about me again. Whatever I do with my time is my affair and mine only. I’ve been to see my parents with Ross McKinnon, a man I work with, and whom I very much like.’

  ‘You very much like? You can’t very much like another man. What about Gavin?’

  ‘Gavin is dead, Doug. You should know, you were there when he died. But life goes on. And if I find a man I like, then I’ll go out with him.’

  Suddenly she felt ashamed of herself. Doug’s face was stricken, as if he couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. There was shock in his eyes, dismay in the way his body went rigid. ‘But… it’s not a year yet,’ he mumbled.

  ‘I’m not getting engaged or anything, Doug. I’m just seeing him.’

  She thought of the conversation she had had with Ross earlier, and said, ‘We had a long talk on the way home. I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be seeing each other. He’s talking about going away for a couple of years.’ She wasn’t sure why she told Doug this; it was none of his business. Perhaps because the conversation earlier had been so hurtful.

  ‘Now I’m having a bath and then I’m going to bed.’

  ‘Sorry about everything,’ Doug said. ‘I know I’m a bit of a pain at times. I’ll try to be better.’

  He smiled at her. For a moment it was as if Gavin were in front of her, the blond hair and tall, slumped figure reminded her so of him. And that cheeky, little-boy smile, that was how he’d always used to get round her. On impulse she went over, hugged Doug and then kissed him.

  ‘I’m not really angry,’ she said.

  Before they had parted on Sunday Ross had suggested that their Tuesday dinner date be at a new bistro he’d heard about. ‘It’s rather posh,’ he had said. ‘Let’s wear our interview suits.’

  She had been rather excited by this, and on Monday lunchtime managed to sneak out to a local boutique and buy a new dress. It was red, emphasising her curves, and the shop assistant said that it went well with madam’s hair. Well, of course it did.