by Rita Hestand
However, it scared her, too. The more she loved, the more she had to lose.
That evening as they retired, she and the baby cuddled in the bed, but allowed him room to lie down. He took his time locking the house, snuffing all the lamps, and then came to bed. He slowly undressed and wore his long drawers to bed. He took his boots and socks off and lay down. There was a long sigh as he laid his head on his pillow.
He looked over at Maggie and Abby. He reached over to kiss Maggie on the head and Abby on the cheek and told them goodnight as though he had done it many times, and Maggie never heard another peep out of him, except for a light snore a little later.
Maggie was grateful that he hadn’t demanded anything of her. She couldn’t bring herself to face him like that again. Things had changed, and she was nervous about living with him as his wife. Not that the thought wasn’t a nice one.
However, there would be trouble and Jesse might grow to hate her before it was over. She had to steel her feelings from him.
She had come to Texas of her own free will. Despite all her brave talk and her love rules, she had no control over the fact that she loved Jesse more every day.
***
After a big breakfast and dressing Abby for the long ride, Jesse got the wagon ready. It was a good hour’s drive over to Dr. Mabanks’. He wasn’t at home, but
Jesse didn’t let that bother him. He went to the barn and checked the supplies.
There was paint enough for the house and barn, too. Jesse made some sticks to stir the paint with and found a couple of brushes and kerosene for cleaning them.
He brought all the supplies out and put the ladder on the side of the house so they could reach the high parts.
Maggie walked about the place holding Abby on her hip. They saw a couple of squirrels, and Abby got excited and hollered at them.
After a bit Maggie let her down to run and play. Abby enjoyed running and Maggie had a time keeping up with her.
Jesse had already started on the house, when the two of them came around the front again.
It was barely sunup and the best time to paint.
Maggie helped him handing him more paint and stirring it for him. She even took a brush and began to paint, too, after a while. Abby played around the wagon, content with her doll and watching the animals about the place.
Jesse tied the wagon to the post and once sure it was secure, he let Maggie put her there. She would point to birds and watch the small animals about. She played with her doll and laughed at her parents as they painted the house. A couple of times Jesse tried to paint Maggie’s nose, but she managed to dodge him. By noon they were both tired and ready for a break. Maggie got out the chicken and potato salad she had made, and they spread a blanket in the yard and ate. Abby enjoyed it, and after she got her tummy full, she went to sleep. Jesse carried her back to the wagon and laid her down on a blanket. Then he helped Maggie clean the mess up.
“I sure could use a nap,” Jesse said as he helped her put the food in the front part of the wagon.
“I guess since we got half of it done, you could do that.” Maggie smiled.
“Come sit with me, Maggie.” he encouraged.
“Just for a few minutes, though. We gotta get this finished. Don’t you think?”
“We will,” he promised. “Thanks for helping me.”
A cool breeze stirred from the trees, and she sighed. She sat under the big elm.
Jesse laid his head in her lap and looked up at her. “You make a right nice pillow, Maggie.”
She started to object, but he was already there, and she was a little tired herself. She laid her head against the tree trunk and closed her eyes.
Her hand fell to his chest and before she knew it, she was asleep.
Jesse stared up at her. She stirred something in him that no other woman did.
He wanted her so bad he could taste it. However, he had to be gentle with her, not frighten her away. He’d do anything to keep her with him, her and Abby. It was like a small piece of heaven lying there, so close and touching but not touching.
Slowly, he closed his eyes. Finally able to relax, Jesse sighed with happiness.
When Abby awoke, he stirred and looked at the wagon. He heard her making a sing-song kind of noise and smiled. He looked up at Maggie who was fast asleep.
He brought a leaf up against her lips. She stirred. Her eyes opened slowly.
“Have a nice nap?”
“Very nice,” she admitted and tried to sit up. He came up toward her and stared into her eyes.
“I sure would like to kiss you,” he murmured.
“Well, I see you two been busy.” The doc walked up quietly, interrupting them.
Maggie scrambled for composure. Jesse stood up.
“Doc, you scared us. We were just catching a nap.”
Jesse wished the doc had better timing, but he was thankful for what he had.
Some day Maggie would be his again. He just knew it.
“Yes, I see that. Well, the house is looking better already. I hadn’t expected you to get to it this soon.” The doc glanced at Maggie, tipped his hat, and smiled.
“Thanks for the help.”
Maggie turned a beautiful pink as Jesse helped her up.
“We’ll have the rest done by sundown,” Jesse assured him.
“No hurry, no hurry at all. Sorry I wasn’t here. Had a baby over at the Connor’s house. Another boy, as if they need another one. Makes twelve. That man’s raisin’
his own army over there.” The doc laughed.
“Twelve children?” Maggie cried.
“Yes, and the missus swore this was the last one.” The doc chuckled. “At least she has them with little trouble. Some women are just naturally made for havin’
babies, though.”
“Doc, I haven’t introduced you. This is Maggie, soon-to-be Mrs. Coleman.”
Jesse pulled her to his side.
“Well, pleased to meet you, Maggie, and I take it that little scamp in the wagon is yours, too?” he asked with a chuckle.
Jesse went to get Abby and brought her proudly before the doc. “This is Abby, the one with the earache.”
“I see you got her a bonnet. That’s good. Well, she’s a pretty little thing, like her mother,” the doc added as he went toward the house. “Thanks for the painting, Jesse, and I hope I’m still invited to the wedding.”
When the doc went inside, Maggie gasped. “You told him, too?”
“Sure did. I’m proud to make you my wife, Maggie. You’ll soon figure that out,”
he said and went back to painting. I’m not ashamed of you or of us.”
Maggie took Abby back to the wagon, and gave her the doll.
She helped Jesse paint till sundown.
“Got it done, doc!” Jesse hollered just as the red ball in the west was going down.
“Looks great, too. Thanks, Jesse. You leaving?”
“Yeah, I guess we better. The little one is pretty tuckered.” Jesse glanced at Abby, who could hardly keep her eyes open.
“You got a right nice lookin’ family there, Jesse. And I, for one, wish you all the luck in the world. You’re gonna need it, you know.”
“Yes, sir, I know.”
“See ya soon then.” He smiled. Jesse waved and they drove the wagon home, while Maggie held Abby in her lap. It was dark when they got there and all three of them went to bed without supper.
***
Maggie’s cooking pleased Jesse. But even a good breakfast wouldn’t help him face the day. At least he’d been so tired the night before all he could do was sleep.
He left right after breakfast. He didn’t exactly tell Maggie where he was going; just told her he’d be back as soon as he could. He set out to find a preacher. He hadn’t said much at the table. No use talking unless someone wanted to listen, and obviously no one wanted to but Abby, and she could only say a few sentences.
There were several churches near town. Jesse favored the Baptist church
where his folks had always gone. But he decided to stop at the first one.
The reverend nodded to him as he entered the old building. It stood
majestically against the town background. “May I help you?” the reverend asked, his attention turned to his task.
Jesse looked about. He almost felt the rejection the moment he walked through the door. The place didn’t have that feeling of being close to God, like the one he went to, but all he needed was someone to perform the ceremony. It didn’t matter where they were married, he guessed. He had to start somewhere, didn’t he?
“I don’t know. I got a powerful thing to ask, so I’m not sure.”
The thin preacher with sad gray eyes stared at him. “I don’t believe I know you.”
“Jesse—Jesse Coleman. Got a place a ways out of town.”
“You don’t look familiar.” The preacher stared longer. No smile broke across his face, no sign of welcome. Jesse knew he was in the wrong church. This was all wrong, and he wished he could just back up and forget it for a second, but he meant to make Maggie and Abby as his, and he would do what it took.
“I’ve been at war. I don’t reckon we’ve met. You’re new here, aren’t you?”
The preacher nodded. He continued to put out hymnals. “What can I do for you, sir?”
“I want to get married,” Jesse began.
“That’s not an unusual request.” The preacher finally smiled.
“No, I guess not, but my intended…well, there’s a problem.”
“Well, speak up man. What is the problem?” the preacher asked, not paying him a bit of attention, but obviously listening.
“She’s part black.”
The reverend turned about. “I see. Well, now, exactly how much black is she, son?”
“She’s a mullato,” Jesse said, studying the man who didn’t have time to look at him while he spoke.
“Have you thought this over? It could mean a lot of trouble for you, young man.” The preacher still didn’t face him.
“Yes, of course I have. But I want to marry her. We…you see, we have a child.”
The reverend stopped what he was doing and turned around. “Look, young fella. You don’t know what you are askin’. I don’t think that would be a very good idea. You come to my church, and I have never even seen you before. This kind of thing would stir the entire town up. Do you realize the trouble you could bring upon yourself and others? And the child?” The preacher waved his hand over his head as though he couldn’t handle such a crisis. Jesse got the message loud and clear. “The child would clearly be an outcast. Why, it wouldn’t even be able to attend school here.”
Jesse felt his temper rising. “I’m not asking for my child to go to school. I’m asking to get married.”
“Yes, yes of course. But this is highly unusual and….”
“Thanks, preacher, but I’ve made up my mind, and I’m bound to do it. If you won’t do it, someone else will.” Jesse backed out of the church slowly. What kind of preacher would turn him down like that?
Jesse shook his head. He should have known better. There was only one preacher to ask. His church. He bowed his head and said a little prayer for himself, Maggie, and his baby.
Reverend Daniels was a good preacher. The only preacher who wouldn’t put Jesse to sleep listening to. He’d been in the area for over twenty years. He, at one point or another, had baptized everyone in the church. That was Jesse’s last stop, unless he had to find a black preacher or an Indian shaman.
He opened the white picket fence gate and walked inside the beautifully manicured yard that held many flowers the children had helped the reverend plant. Jesse surveyed the outside of the church. It was the best-kept church in the
valley and had the most attendants. However, as he entered the sanctuary, he found it empty except for Reverend Daniels. Jesse silently thanked God for that.
He didn’t care for an audience.
Jesse took his hat off and approached the reverend slowly. “I wonder if I might have a word with you, Reverend.”
The preacher turned to stare at him, a short, stout man with a cherubic face and a smile that spread wide. Jesse liked a man that would look at him, and the smile welcomed him.
“Jesse Coleman, isn’t it? Haven’t seen you in a while.” He stuck out his hand for a shake.
Jesse stared at the preacher for a full minute, shocked that he would recognize him since it had been a good ten years since Jesse had gone to church.
“No, sir, you haven’t. I’ve been at war, and then I took a job punchin’ cattle, and now I’ve come home,” Jesse said, watching the reverend’s face.
“Well, I hope to see you in here on Sundays again,” he began. “You sort of drifted away from the church when you began to grow up, didn’t you, son?”
“I reckon I did, but I never forgot,” Jesse added.
Jesse glanced about the church. Nothing had changed since he’d left, and it gave him reassurance to note it. “Maybe. But I’ve got something to ask of you, and well, I’m not sure you will want me in here on Sundays after I do. You’re really my only hope for a preacher, and I already tried askin’ at the church down in the valley. So I’ve gotta ask.”
“Jesse, after all these years, this is still your church. Why don’t we go into my office then, so we can talk about it?” The reverend motioned toward a door to the side of the church.
Jesse followed him inside. The office was small and consisted of one desk and two chairs that faced it. There was a square carton on one end of the desk, and a quill pen and paper at the center. As the reverend went around the desk, Jesse sat in the chair in front of him. He twirled his hat in his hands and tried to figure out how he was going to ask the preacher what he needed. The only things on the wall were a picture of Christ and a beautifully handmade cross of leather and silver fashioned with a belt buckle. He’d never seen such beautiful handiwork before.
“That sure is pretty,” Jesse remarked nodding toward the wall.
“Yes, it is. One of the prisoners sentenced to hang made it. I’ll always remember him for it. Nice fella. Too bad he had to hang. But at least he went the right way. He confessed his sins, and I was sure he’d been saved before he went.”
Reverend Daniels sat down and reared back in his chair. Jesse noted how his round cheeks turned red. His keen brown eyes took Jesse in thoroughly, and then he chuckled softly. “Goodness, is it that bad?”
Jesse cleared his throat, shook his head, and stared into the friendly preacher’s face. “What I need to ask is…well, is a little out of the ordinary for you. But I gotta ask it. You can refuse me if you have to, but I’ve still gotta ask. In the first place, I want you to know I am a Christian. I believe in God, and I know Jesus died for my sins. And I guess you remember baptizing me out at the lake those long years ago.
I was probably the only kid that thought he was drowning.”
“Yes, I remember that very well in fact, very well. I thought you’d never quit kicking. Caused quite a stir as I remember it.” The reverend chuckled merrily.
Jesse nodded. “And I know that God looks after his own. I’ve done some things I shouldn’t. I’ll admit that. But this isn’t one of them, Reverend. I’m not ashamed of lovin’ Maggie. You gotta know that. I love her with all my heart, since I first set eyes on her. But, well, there is a problem. We want to get married,” Jesse blurted out.
“Married? Well, that’s wonderful. Why is that a problem?” Reverend Daniels chuckled. “Marriage is a good thing.”
Jesse firmed his lips and met his gaze. “I reckon so, but well…because Maggie is part black, sir. And the war just bein’ over and all, and the slaves freed, it still isn’t commonplace, and I realize that, too. Anyway, we want to get married. I done set my mind to it and won’t be talked out of it.”
The reverend firmed his lips this time and stared point blank. “How much black is she?”
“I’ve been asked that before. Does it matter? I mean why does one ask
that kind of question? I mean, no one asked a white, ‘How much white are you?’ Why ask it of a Negro? They are just people, Reverend, like us. They bleed like us. They die like us.”
The reverend stared hard and long this time. “In some places, yes. In others, no. I want you to understand, Jesse, that whatever you have to tell me is strictly between you and me and not for anyone else to know. I’m your pastor, and I feel an obligation to understand your position. That’s all. Sometimes, it is important.
And I’m not sure why. I think the states are governing this kind of thing by the percentage of white they might have in them. It isn’t fair, no, but it’s fact.”
“Her mother was a mulatto and her father was a white plantation owner,”
Jesse admitted. “She's really more white than black.”
“And you want to marry her because you love her?”
“That’s right. And to make a family out of the three of us.”
“Three?”
“Yes, Maggie and I have a child; it was during the war.”
“What makes you so sure you love her?”
Jesse squirmed in the chair. “I met her during the war. Unfortunately, I had been commissioned by my commanding officer to bring her in. But, I fell in love with her first. Her innocence, her courage to try to make it without any help, without any money, or a man. Her determination not to be like her mother and live in bondage. It takes courage to break away from that on your own. Some men wouldn’t try it, let alone a young girl.”
“Yes, you are right about that. I’ve seen the same with several of the Negroes in this area. Talked down to, treated like they were animals, no respect, and yet they keep trying no matter what the obstacles. But what did you mean, commissioned to bring her in? What had she done?” The reverend’s head came up and he stood, restlessly pacing the small room.
“She was the Black Widow, a notoriously known spy for the Federals. My commanding officer ordered me to bring her in.”
