by Anna Antonia
Unlike my last job where I was closed off in my own little cubicle, being Gavin’s PA meant I was often in the thick of things. Surprisingly, I liked it though.
I enjoyed the people I worked with and it gratified me to see immediate results from my work. I got addicted to ticking marks off a checklist every hour. I liked the near-instant validation of doing a good job.
Although Gavin had pretty much warned me I wasn’t going to be here long, I let myself imagine being part of his team permanently. Being at Axis 3 would make me feel like I was part of something important and special. It would definitely make getting up in the morning worth it.
I’d been missing that sense of purpose and belonging practically all my life.
I played parts to fit in, but never had anything ever felt permanent. I always knew I’d pass out of a particular sphere as quickly as I’d gotten in. I didn’t know how to plant roots because how could you do that when you weren’t even real?
Being at Axis 3 was the closest thing to normalcy I’d had. I could actually see myself shedding my skin, bit by bit, until the amalgamation of me came through.
But that wasn’t going to happen.
I was only a temporary body filling in someone else’s job until she was well enough to come back.
Gavin’s PA, Caroline Weston, had broken her leg while on vacation. He wouldn’t hear of her coming into the office or even telecommuting. Therefore, Caroline was currently recuperating at home, paid even. Gavin ordered her to just focus on getting well. That said so many good things about her boss’s character.
Caroline was lucky to have such a caring manager.
I walked a fine-line in doing the best job possible and still staying respectful of his PA’s methods and way of doing things. There were a few spreadsheets that could benefit from the use of macros, but I didn’t tinker with it.
This job, this desk, and this boss wasn’t mine to keep. Unfortunately, it was getting harder to remember that but remember it I would.
Anyways, there was one thing I could claim for now. The work was mine. That much I could own and so I gave it my all.
But the third night introduced something to me I just wasn’t prepared for.
Once again I found myself working past nine o’clock. Gavin was still in his office with only the desk lamp on. Against my better judgement, I stole the opportunity to look at him. His hair tousled and draping over his forehead, jacket off, shirtsleeves rolled up his forearms…wow.
What would it feel like to touch them? What would it feel like for him to touch me?
Gavin choose that moment to look up. Our gazes locked in place. My heart banged against my ribs and my fingertips tingled. I felt the same electric awareness as if he’d brushed his hand against mine again.
The pull to go into his office, round his desk, and touch him gripped me. I stood up and took one step forward before sanity returned.
Okay. It’s time to go home.
Clearing my throat and forming a friendly smile, I approached his door as if I intended to all along. “I’m done for the night, Gavin.”
I wasn’t but he didn’t need to know that.
Gavin kept his gaze on mine for another aching moment before sliding it back to his monitor. “See you tomorrow, Paige.”
“Goodbye.”
I cleaned my desk, shut my computer down, and was by the elevator in less than five minutes. Staring straight ahead at the highly-polished doors, I struggled to calm my haywire emotions.
Why did he affect me like this?
Yes, he was beyond handsome. Yes, he was an amazing boss and person. But one fly in the ointment couldn’t be ignored—he was Melissa’s son.
So was it the cliché lure of the forbidden?
It had to be. I was simply letting my emotions get the best of me. I would be fine come tomorrow…
The pleasing scent of cologne teased my nose. I startled, gaze flying up to meet his.
“Gavin!” I wanted to groan from the high-pitched squeal I let out. Clearing my throat, I tried again. “Calling it a day?”
“I have a dinner appointment.”
“Oh.” I searched for something easy to say but came up empty. Gavin rescued me from myself.
“How’s working here going so far?”
“It’s good.”
“Really? No issues?”
I shook my head. “None. I like it here.”
Was it my imagination or did satisfaction skim across Gavin’s gaze?
Duh. Of course, he’s satisfied. He doesn’t want to have to replace you since you’re a stop-gap to the real PA he has.
The doors opened. Gavin gestured for me to enter first. I didn’t understand why I was so nervous. It wasn’t the first time I’d been this close to him. My first day was spent practically sitting next to him all day long.
This was different. This wasn’t a boss and his employee. This was a man and a woman in a confined space going home after a long day at work.
Anything could happen.
We rode down in silence. I didn’t know if it was because I was so keyed up by the possibilities, but the air seemed to pulse with awareness. I sneaked a peek at the beautiful man by my side. The air caught in my throat.
He intoxicated me.
My fingers tingled again with the urge to brush against Gavin’s hand. A little touch. Just to see if the emotions thrumming through me were real or a figment of my imagination…
We reached the main floor with a gentle lurch.
“After you, Paige.”
I ducked my head and murmured “Thanks” while hurrying out of the elevator. That was too close. Another second and I would’ve touched him. What the hell was I thinking?
You almost blew it. Idiot!
Gavin easily kept pace with me because of his long-legged stride. Security let us out with well-wishes for a good night. Somehow I managed to smile and say the correct words.
Inside, my heartbeat slammed against my ribs like a trapped rabbit.
“Paige.”
I stopped in mid-step and turned around. I realized then I walked away without saying a final goodnight. How rude and how very unlike the shell I’d constructed.
Bad Paige.
I could salvage this. Gavin probably didn’t even notice how off I was. Or if he did, he was probably used to it. No one that attractive could be unaware of how he affected others.
“Yes, Gavin?”
He stood perfectly still, gaze studying me for a distinct moment. Apparently, he came to a conclusion.
“May I give you a lift?”
Yes!
No.
As much as I would’ve loved to spend some more time with Gavin, who knew what I was capable of doing alone in the dark with him? Clearly, I was off my game tonight. I couldn’t take any chances of blowing it further.
“I couldn’t put you out that way.”
“It’s no trouble. I assure you.”
How to extricate myself out of something I very much wanted?
Gavin exhaled and then strode forward. I half-expected him to pick me up and put me in his SUV himself when he held up his hand. A cab pulled over. Gavin opened the door and ushered me in. He then spoke to the cabbie, handed him a fifty-dollar bill, and then turned back towards me.
I swallowed my protests because of the determined tilt of his mouth.
“Thank you.”
Gavin’s eyes warmed, seemingly glowing amber in the half-light. “Have a good night, Paige. See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.”
The cab pulled forward. Unable to stop myself, I looked behind me and saw Gavin standing at the curb. Looking right at me.
Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.
FIVE
“Paige.”
I looked up. Gavin stood at his office door. Seeing him wearing a cobalt-blue shirt and black tie with his hair deliciously tousled made my heart skip a beat.
Again. And again.
It’d been this way since two nig
hts ago. Anytime I was alone with Gavin, I suffered a peculiarly tormenting need to touch him. I’d never felt this before and frankly, I didn’t know what to do.
Really, it should’ve been criminal for a man to look this good outside of a fashion ad. If only he was a little sloppy, then maybe my pulse wouldn’t bounce around like this.
Too bad for me because Gavin dressed sharply every day. Fine linen shirt, tie, and jacket. They were obviously tailored and showcased his broad shoulders and slim waist perfectly.
The other night wasn’t just my burden because I definitely wasn’t the only one who thought him beautiful. Female and male alike. Over half the staff had a crush on him—which he appeared completely oblivious of. At least on the surface.
“Yes, Gavin?”
“It’s Friday. Go home.”
He’d already told me to leave earlier. I couldn’t avoid it, but I could push it off a bit.
“I have just one more thing to do, Gavin, and then I can leave you to your mutant night owl ways.”
He let out a little laugh.
I almost whipped my head up in shock. I’d yet to hear Gavin laugh. Until this moment I never imagined how sweet it actually could be.
“Mutant. That’s a first.”
“I’m surprised. Truly.”
Gavin laughed again. “Ah, Paige. You’re becoming indispensable.”
I didn’t gush with platitudes. I just kept typing. Inside, I was doing cartwheels. Gavin probably didn’t mean it the way I took it, but that was okay. I’d done well this week and I was happy to be acknowledged.
High off his praise, I finished entering my numbers and saved it.
“I’m e-mailing you the last projection file.”
“Thanks. Now go home.” Gavin turned around and went back into his office.
I allowed myself a small smile. I shut down my computer and slipped on my coat. I loved everything about my first week including my wardrobe.
It was delightfully feminizing to wear the satin undergarments, pencil skirts, peplum tops, and heels. Every time I looked in the mirror it was odd and delightful to see my perfectly-made face staring back, framed by big curls and not a single hair out of place.
While fun in a dress-up kind of way, truthfully, I still couldn’t wait to shed my designer threads, wash my face, and pull my hair in a ponytail. I planned to live in my pajamas for the next two days. I already had my favorite pair pulled out and waiting for me on the bed.
I was halfway across the room when I heard Gavin call my name. Surprised, I turned around.
“Did you need something?”
“Your numbers are wrong.”
My stomach tumbled, metaphorically dropping to the floor in a disgusting heap. I’d made a mistake?
No.
Gavin’s set expression confirmed it.
And then everything fell apart.
SIX
Impossible.
I didn’t make mistakes. I was too damned terrified to make them. I triple-checked my work out of habit so how did this happen…
Oh shit.
I was so pumped by Gavin calling me indispensable I hadn’t run back across my work. I’d saved it and sent an imperfect file to him. How could I have been so, so stupid?
This is why you can’t slip up. Ever. Every time you let yourself believe in the good things you get sloppy. You always fuck it up.
Somehow I’d made it to his side on feet that trembled in their three-inch leather heels. My voice barely rose above a murmur.
“What’s wrong with the numbers?”
Gavin’s gaze swept over my face with an intensity I hadn’t seen since my interview. I couldn’t read him, but the words were enough to prove I’d fallen from grace.
“The numbers are off by two million.”
My stomach took another tumble. Squish. Boom. I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know my blush stood out in ghastly streaks. The paleness always preceded a bout of lightheadedness.
I couldn’t afford to pass out. Not now.
Rushing past him, I looked at Gavin’s computer without permission. Later on I’d see that as another mistake in my Perfect Paige persona. But for the moment I was too terrified to think about anything other than scanning the screen, hoping and praying he was wrong.
I zeroed in on the odious flaw.
Gavin was right.
I’d neglected to put my decimal in the correct place. I’d shorted the projected sales for Axis 3’s latest app. I didn’t have to imagine what would’ve happened if Gavin hadn’t caught the error.
These projections were to be sent to the Account Manager for him to present to his client on Monday. The mistake had the power to be embarrassing to say the least, but could’ve been devastating if the client believed their company was losing money on the app.
Which, because of this double-damned decimal, they were.
I stepped away from his desk. My ears filled with static and my heart seemed stuck in my throat.
“Please accept my apologies, Gavin. This mistake is inexcusable. I should’ve never been so sloppy. There is no justification for what I’ve done, but please know that it will never, ever happen again.”
Gavin considered me from his position by the opposite end of his workstation. I couldn’t get a bead on what he was thinking, but I could only imagine.
You stupid, worthless woman! What kind of idiot isn’t careful when it comes to projections? Can you even add? Clearly, you’re the biggest moron on the planet because you don’t even have to add the figures. The program does. All you had to do was feed it the correct information but you’re so stupid you can’t even do that right.
The silence stretched to the point of snapping.
I was sick to my stomach from what he was going to say next. It had to be worse than my imagination. Regardless, I deserved to be fired without question. I couldn’t expect Gavin to tolerate imperfection, especially one as dire as this.
This time his silence overwhelmed, making me feel like I was drowning in his unspoken criticism. There was only one way to make this right.
It was over.
Somehow scraping my dignity off the floor, I squared my shoulders. My shell might’ve split at the seams, but it would last me long enough to do what had to be done.
“I understand your decision to replace me, Gavin. I apologize for the terrible inconvenience, being that this is Friday and all.” My voice thickened. I paused briefly before continuing. “There’s nothing in Caroline’s desk for me to remove. I can turn my entry card over to you now and leave the building immediately.”
Gavin didn’t say anything to my measured speech. He simply continued to look at me.
Shame didn’t even almost cover it. At least with my father I knew exactly where I stood with him. He’d berate me until he was red in the face. Afterwards, I’d be dismissed but at least it’d be over.
How badly I’d miscalculated to think Gavin’s silence was easier!
I reached into my purse and pulled out the plastic entry card and laid it on his desk. My emotions wanted to surface but I pushed them down with a ruthless shove. I wasn’t allowed the luxury of feeling sorry for myself.
I made a mistake and now I had to pay for it.
“All right then. I’ll see myself out.”
Walking around the side of Gavin’s desk, I kept my head high and back straight. I wasn’t going to compound my error by letting myself look at this beautiful and fascinating man one last time.
I’d lost that privilege when I let him down. He’d been my hero, someone I’d looked up to, and to know I’d screwed up this badly...
My eyes filled with tears. I blinked them back.
First, I just had to make it to the elevator. Then out of the building. Then into a cab. Then into my apartment. Once there, all alone like always, then I could let my shield down.
I didn’t have to guess how I was going to spend my weekend now.
I’d barely made it to the elevator when I felt a hand on my arm. S
tartled, I turned around and found Gavin standing there only inches away.
“Paige, what just happened?”
I dared to look into his face. I saw what looked like confusion and even concern. What I saw had to be wrong.
His hand is so warm. I can feel it through my coat.
Strange the thoughts that can come to a person when she was in the middle of dissociating from the temporary life she created.
Gavin clearly awaited an answer from me. I wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t seem like he wanted to humiliate me by having me recite my failings, but I could always be wrong.
Clearly.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand what you mean.”
His gaze mesmerized in the half-light. Standing this close to him I couldn’t help but notice his thick dark lashes and how long they were.
“Did you just quit on me back there?”
“I did.”
“Seriously? Over a mistake?”
“An inexcusable error. Yes.”
Gavin didn’t seem to notice he was still holding my arm. His hand squeezed harder.
“Paige…Jesus! I’m not a monster. Have I done something to make you think I’d fire you over something so petty?”
Petty? Did he not understand the gravity of the situation?
“It’s not petty, Gavin. I got distracted and didn’t go over my work. You can’t have someone in your operation that would do something to jeopardize your reputation and that of your company. I did the only thing I could do after making such an error.”
“Quit?”
“Yes.”
He frowned. “So you’d leave me without a PA, with no time to find one being this is Friday, over a decimal?”
I didn’t care for the mocking disbelief tinging his words.
“It’s not about a decimal.”
“Oh, I think it is.”
How could I care more about Gavin’s company image than him? Or maybe he just wasn’t understanding the magnitude of my error? Or worse—maybe I’d misjudged Gavin and he was doing this out of a sadistic sense of glee?
