by Anna Antonia
I was his completely and he was mine.
For however long we had left.
And I didn’t regret a thing.
TWENTY-SIX
Minutes passed. Maybe it was hours. I couldn’t tell.
All I knew was I loved the heavy weight of his body on mine. I dared to taste the sweat dotting his shoulder and chest, moaning softly at the delicious saltiness. I wanted more.
More sex. More sweetness. More everything.
Gavin lifted up on his arms. I tried to tug him back down. He gave me a sleepy, sated grin.
“I’ll crush you.”
“I don’t care.”
He brushed his lips against mine and got up. “Wait here, love. I’ll be back.”
Tired but feeling exquisitely alive, I stretched my body and watched him walk into my bathroom.
What now?
Prickles of conscience attempted to seize my attention. I wouldn’t let them. Gavin and I made love and there could be nothing dirty or wrong about what happened in this bed.
To think I believed sex was something I wouldn’t ever need. Madness!
Gavin came back, a washcloth in hand. He parted my legs and gently cleaned me between my thighs. I reached out and stroked his arm, grateful for the tender care he showed me.
He frowned and sharply said my name.
“What is it, Gavin?”
“You were bleeding.”
I opened my mouth but no words came out.
Gavin cursed and got up, going back into the bathroom. I heard him curse again.
My peace evaporated.
I drew my legs up. I didn’t think I bled at all, not even sure if a bleeding virgin was a real thing anymore. Stupid. A 21st century girl’s parts were no different than an 11th century girl.
I was happy Gavin was my first, but I didn’t necessarily want him to know that I was a virgin. Would it make him wary of me, thinking I’d attach myself to him faster because of it?
And considering Gavin’s reaction, I wished he hadn’t found out.
He came out of the bathroom and sat down next to me. I didn’t dare look at him. My mask was paper-thin. He’d be able to tear right through it.
“Was I your first?”
Lie or not? My gaze darted to him. He already knew the answer.
Licking my lips, I whispered one word. “Yes.”
“Paige, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t think it mattered.”
Gavin put his hand on my shoulder. His voice gentled. “Of course, it mattered. Love, I would’ve taken more time if I’d known. You deserved candlelight and roses—”
Turning to him I cried, “But you gave me roses. See? They’re right there! And I didn’t need candlelight. I just needed you.”
Gavin rested his head against mine. A deep sigh wracked his large frame. “Love, I just wished you hadn’t kept this from me.”
Of course he’d feel that way. Gavin was a man of truth and integrity. Lying by omission was no better than lying directly. How many times would it take before I got it?
“I’m sorry. I got caught up and didn’t really want to think about it.”
He placed a very sweet kiss right above my brow.
“It scared me at first to think I made you bleed.”
“You did.” I took his hand and placed it between my legs. “By doing so though, you made me a woman. You made me yours.”
Gavin’s breathing changed. I didn’t have to look down to see him thickening.
I felt it too.
Primal satisfaction took hold of both of us. Without another word, Gavin slid his hand behind my neck and pulled me towards him for a kiss. I crawled onto his lap, rubbing my core against his shaft and feeling like I was going to explode with lust.
Gavin’s hands squeezed and spread my ass. I let out a ragged moan when his fingertips played with my entrance. Both of them. I wanted more.
I wanted to experience everything.
Gavin soon laid me back on the bed. I closed my eyes in drugged ecstasy when he brought his mouth between my thighs.
“Poor sweet pussy. I hurt her,” he murmured between wet licks. I arched off the bed so hard, Gavin wrapped his arms around my hips to keep me still. He kissed, licked, and nibbled every inch of me, thrusting his tongue deep inside me in carnal mimicry of what his cock would do to me soon.
“I don’t want to come on your mouth. I want to come with you in me!” I panted raggedly.
Gavin reached over to the nightstand. A quick second later and he was sheathed and inside me.
Our hands met, fingers entwining. This time Gavin didn’t close his eyes or rest his head next to mine. His gaze stayed on me, taking in every nuance of my pleasure and how he made me feel.
It was too much and not enough.
A minute later and I came. The last syllables of his name were barely out when he joined me. He’d said my name many times, but hearing it now—desperate and full of awe—was the greatest thing I’d ever heard.
Once we both caught our breaths, he cleaned me off again. Then we twined in the bed, my head against his chest and lulled to sleep by the sound his beating heart.
This was as close to heaven I’d ever come in my short life. I didn’t want it to ever end.
TWENTY-SEVEN
“Paige…Paige…”
I stirred, blinking quickly as I woke.
“Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty.”
I looked up to see Gavin. His tender smile brought the sun. I was so happy to see him, some part of me still in disbelief that we’d come together as man and woman tonight.
“How long have you been awake?”
“I never went to sleep.”
“What have you been doing then?”
“What else? Watching you sleep.” Gavin brushed a lock of hair off my naked shoulder. “You drool by the way.”
“I do not!” Wiping my mouth and cheek with the back of my hand, I sat up. “Do I?”
He grinned. “I’ll never tell. Ah, but you missed a spot. Right there.”
I whipped my hand up again, trying to find the embarrassing damp spot when Gavin laughed at me. It wasn’t malicious but rather boyish and full of joy.
Charmed, I teased, “How did you ever keep a girlfriend with this kind of sweet talk?”
Gavin laughed again. “I don’t know. Like and like. All my exes, the pitifully few I have, were oddballs like me.” A beat passed and then he noted drolly, “I notice you’re not protesting.”
I ruffled his hair and kissed the corner of his brow. “That’s because you’re beautifully odd, Gavin.”
“Beautiful and odd?”
“Both.”
“While you are just plain beautiful.” Gavin lifted me onto him so that I straddled his hips.
“You make me feel beautiful.”
Gavin’s smile faded and his eyes took on a serious cast.
“Look, Paige, I don’t always say the right thing. In fact, nine times out of ten I usually say the wrong thing. But I always try to do the right thing.” He rubbed my hips slowly. “I just want to get something out of the way.”
“What?” I asked softly, humbled by how open he was with his vulnerabilities.
“This isn’t a one-night thing for me. I want to see you again. Seriously.”
“You do?”
He smiled, showing his dimples and making me melt into a puddle of goo.
“Yes. In fact, would it bother you if I stayed the night?”
It never occurred to me he wouldn’t.
Even though I happily sat naked on him, I couldn’t control my blushing. Looking down shyly, I nodded my head.
“It would?”
My gaze flew up and I covered my mouth with one hand before dropping it.
“No! I meant that it wouldn’t bother me. I’d love it if you stayed the night. I mean…” I swallowed hard, trying to stem the tide of awkwardness. Clearing my throat, I tried again. “But only if you want to.”
Gavin’s palm cu
rled around my jaw. “I want to. Very much.”
“Okay.”
“Come here, little love.” He wrapped me in his arms and kissed my neck.
Enfolded and safe in Gavin’s strong arms, I felt contentment and something even rarer.
Peace.
So this is what true happiness feels like.
I knew then it had all been worth it.
TWENTY-EIGHT
I fell face down on the bed, panting and convinced I’d never tire of making love with Gavin. Even now tremors from my orgasm pulsed gently through me as my thigh muscles trembled uncontrollably.
“I can’t get enough of you, Paige,” Gavin confessed thickly while kissing my damp shoulder.
I turned my head and gazed at him through heavy-lidded eyes.
“I feel the same way. I just want you in me.”
“Yeah?”
“Definitely.” I reached for him, running my fingers across his ridged belly and further down. “I didn’t know it could be like this. I couldn’t even imagine it.”
“It’s usually not. What we have is different. Special.” Gavin groaned and looked up at the ceiling as my hand tried to fist over his heavy length. “Are you sore?”
“Yes, but I don’t care.”
On and on it went.
Gavin taught me how to love him on my back, on my knees, and up against the headboard. It was fantastically enlightening. Gavin was a perfect lover.
Sex between us was fun, tender, gentle, rough, sweet, dirty, raw, profane, and blessed. I should’ve been too sore to continue, but my body didn’t register anything but pleasure.
Sometime after midnight other needs surfaced.
“We never did get to eat, love,” Gavin murmured while stroking his hand down my back.
“Why don’t we order something now?”
“What do you have in mind?”
“It doesn’t matter. Just as long as it’s quick and their delivery gives me just enough time to pounce on you again.”
Gavin cuddled me closer. “Ah, love. You’re going to spoil me in no time at all.”
I kissed his collarbone and grinned like a blissful fool.
We had burgers and fries delivered. Sitting cross-legged on the living room floor while wearing his shirt, I fed Gavin bites of my bacon cheeseburger while he shared his strawberry milkshake with me.
It was lovely. We talked about work, the news, and it just felt…what was that word?
Ah yes.
Normal.
Wonderful, ordinarily extraordinary normal.
Once sated, it didn’t take long for carnal hunger to take over yet again. I didn’t have to say a word to Gavin. He simply picked me up and then introduced me to the wonders of shower sex.
As much as I would’ve loved the night to never end, eventually Gavin fell asleep in my big bed.
And that was when I finally crashed to Earth.
My beautiful angelic Gavin slept on his stomach, dark hair curling softly over his forehead. Drawing my legs up, I studied the perfect lines of his face. He looked younger, vulnerable even, while sleeping.
Carefully, I traced his chin and pressed my fingertip against his lips. I still couldn’t believe that this wonderful man had become my lover. Not only that but he wanted to see me again.
Seriously see me.
I never dared believe in the fantasy of tonight, but now I knew anything I could’ve imagined would’ve paled into comparison to the reality.
Reality.
Darkness cast its shadow across my joy.
There were truths I could conceal and truths that threatened to spill out into the light.
I’d made love to Melissa’s secret. A son that wasn’t supposed to exist. One whose very exposure would tear apart the life she’d built in Hawaii as the childless wife of Patrick Brookstone.
Pulling my hand away as if burned, I crumbled beneath the avalanche. All the thoughts I’d suppressed came tumbling out.
What would happen if Gavin found out my true identity?
Would he hate me?
Would he think I’d purposely set out to seduce him?
You did.
No! That wasn’t true. I just wanted to get to know him. I didn’t deceive him out of maliciousness. I just…I just wanted to be with him. I didn’t mean for things to go this far. I didn’t set out to lie to him this badly.
But that was exactly how it would look to Gavin.
I didn’t have to guess if he was familiar with betrayal. Melissa’s abandonment proved it. What else had happened in his life to keep him from having more than a few relationships?
In normal circumstances, a man with his model-looks, caring personality, and immense wealth would have a near-impossible time wading through the women throwing themselves at him. Gavin didn’t court it for a reason.
He didn’t want fake. He wanted genuine connection. Something I could never really give him.
At least not the way I wanted.
Coldness pushed away the lingering warmth in my body. I slowly got out of the bed, pausing at the side to make sure Gavin didn’t wake up. Undisturbed by my exit, he slept on peacefully.
I padded over to my dresser, easing it open to pull out a t-shirt and underwear. I didn’t bother to put them on. Instead, I closed the door behind me and walked out into the hallway and slipped on my clothes. Quickly, I rushed over to the foyer and pulled out my keys from their place in the side table.
Needing the peace of my sanctuary, I turned down the corridor with the guest rooms, coming to an abrupt stop at the end. My hand trembled as I unlocked the door and slipped inside.
Normally, just the scent and sight of this space would be enough to lift me out of my darkness. It had very little effect on me. My guilt was too strong. My crimes unforgivable. My terror of the future too suffocating.
Would I have still been with Gavin tonight knowing this was how I’d end up feeling?
I turned on the desk lamp. The soft illumination reflected on the display cases. I walked over to them out of habit. Seeing my dolls safe on their shelves should’ve lightened the load.
Nothing.
Was what we did really that bad?
I recoiled from the question. Gavin wasn’t capable of being bad. Only one person was.
Me.
I did this.
I shouldn’t have kissed him first, but I did it because I really wanted this. I wanted Gavin to make love to me, to hold me in his arms as I fell apart over and over again.
Why else would I have gone out with him tonight? Why else would I have made sure there were fresh sheets on the bed?
On some level I knew this would happen. I lied and planned everything in my life too well for this to be a mistake.
God forgive me, but now that I’d committed my sin I understood how deep my depravity went because I still wanted Gavin. Now. Tomorrow. Next year. Always.
Regardless of the consequences.
A frown twisted my mouth. I was so stupid to think I’d tire of him. To believe I’d want friendship more than I wanted a romantic relationship.
We’d only had this one night and already he was a fire in my blood, a sickness in my soul.
Worse, I didn’t want to give Gavin up even though I knew it was for the best.
Nothing had changed.
There was no real future between us. Not with Patrick Brookstone for a father and Melissa Rice-Brookstone for a stepmother. By some miracle I’d been able to keep my background from Gavin, but it wouldn’t last forever.
The longer I stayed with him the greater the likelihood I’d have of being discovered. If not through his efforts then surely by my father’s.
And God help us all if Patrick ever found out.
He was irrationally jealous of Melissa’s past. I’d heard enough to know it. Hell, my existence was proof enough. I’d been conceived as a punishment and gift for Melissa. She couldn’t have her son, or any other children, so he’d given her me.
That was my father—cruel even
in kindness.
Disturbing as it was to know my origins, I now questioned my certainty that my father and I were very different from one another.
Only a crazy person would have done what I’d done.
Agitated, I turned away from the doll case and walked to the other side of the room. Drifting past the bookshelves, I dragged my fingers across the neat and tidy row of spines.
What should I do next? Break things off now or let it run its course?
Pain struck at my heart. I didn’t want to break anything off with Gavin. I wanted more.
More sweetness, more memories, more sex, more love…
Love?
Where had that come from? Gavin didn’t love me. He treated me kindly and was obviously a fantastic, attentive lover, but I couldn’t confuse that with love.
I was losing it. This was irrefutable proof I was spinning out of control.
Letting out a long breath, I sought to regroup.
Break it down, Paige.
It wasn’t a surprise I was confusing lust with love. It was straight out of Virgin 101. Gavin had been my hero for nearly half my life. I didn’t need to be surprised or blame myself for letting my feelings run astray.
What I had to do was pull myself together.
We were spending time and having great sex too. I didn’t need to cover the guilt with love to make this okay. I could enjoy it for what it was.
Besides, Gavin didn’t do love.
Marlene warned me and he practically did too. I would listen to both of them and keep my heart out of it.
Balling my fists, I clenched my jaw and let the pain roll through me.
I’m just raw because it’s so new. I’ll get past it. I always do.
“Paige?”
TWENTY-NINE
I whirled around, caught off-guard. I never heard his steps nor did I hear the door open.
Gavin stood there bare-chested, dress pants hanging low on his hips. Although he’d clearly just gotten up, his alert gaze belied that fact.
“Can I come in?”
I licked my lips and rasped, “Sure.”
He walked inside and closed the door behind him. Wide-eyed, I watched him cross the room until he stood right in front of me. Strange thoughts spun through my head.
