by Anna Antonia
His vanity was my curse in my preteen years. He detested excess fat and I hadn’t been losing mine fast enough to suit him. Calorie-counting started then and only ended just a few years ago.
Even now I could feel the prickle of worry he’d find me too heavy. That was a given considering how I stopped dieting just about the same time I left Hawaii permanently. It took time to bury my habits of guilt and apology over every piece of food that crossed my lips, but it was a wonderful freedom to eat without fear of criticism.
Too bad all my freedom fell beneath the crashing waves of Patrick Brookstone.
He sat on the white leather sectional, bare feet propped up on the coffee table, and cable news dropping flashy bites of information on his oversized TV.
I didn’t doubt he knew I stood there. I imagined a normal father would get up and greet his daughter. Mine made me wait like a subordinate. Or a dog.
Sadly, I was used to this.
I stood at the entrance, hands crossed at the wrists and looking straight ahead but completely aware of his blond head. A lifetime taught me to read his mood from the slightest movement. So far, so good. Patrick waited until a commercial break came before deigning to acknowledge my presence.
“You got here earlier than I expected.”
Criticism. It was great to know he never surprised me with anything else.
“I was able to leave work early.”
He grunted and then stood up. It was strange how Gavin was just as tall as him, but never did his height make me feel so diminished. Probably because he never used his size to intimidate others.
“Melissa is upstairs.”
“Is she okay?”
He narrowed his blue eyes. They’d be lovely if they weren’t always filled with contempt or anger.
“Why wouldn’t she be?”
I switched to appeasement without a second thought. “Of course, she’d be fine. I just meant the reason you called me here.”
He stared at me for several moments. Perspiration dotted the small of my back. I hated this. I wished I was anywhere but here.
His lip curled into something passing for a smile. Of course, he read me correctly. His affinity for suffering was undeniable.
“She’s fine. She just misses you. I don’t want her unhappy, understand?”
“I understand.”
I heeded the warning. I was to be the perfect pet, bringing up nothing that might upset Melissa. Let her play with me, go shopping as if we were a normal mother and daughter duo, and then once she got her fill of normalcy, my father would step in and dismiss me.
Again, like a servant. Or a dog.
No wonder I never wanted to have one. It wasn’t because I disliked them. Great Danes, Beagles, Labs, Pomeranians—they were all so adorable and would’ve been a joy to have. Put simply?
I pitied them for being so damned loyal—even to those who didn’t deserve a shred of decency much less loyalty.
My mind traveled through dark corridors. I’d long ago given up on winning my father’s approval or affection. Still, I suffered the twinge of rejection every single time in his presence. When did he ever do anything for me because I was unhappy?
When did he ever care?
I shouldn’t let myself feel hurt. I was lucky he didn’t love me. If he did—he’d never let me go. We all had to pay for our happiness. At least I had my freedom…or enough of it. Being rejected and unloved was simply the price I paid to be away from this luxurious cage.
Patrick yanked my attention back.
“You’ll visit, make her happy, and then leave. Remember—that’s the only reason why you’re here.”
He didn’t need to remind me because obviously I knew the drill. I’d don a perfect mask. I’d go through the motions and play my part.
Patrick and Melissa would get to pretend they created a good family. They’d smooth whatever waves were disrupting their beautiful paradise in their mansion by the ocean.
I just had to countdown the minutes and seconds until I could leave and go back to my pretend-world with Gavin.
My father picked up the phone and sweetly said, “Honey, she’s here.” He then looked over at me and barked, “Sit. She’ll be down in a few.”
Despite my best intentions, I jerked forward. I slowed my steps and gracefully sat at the end of the sectional. I wasn’t a scared little girl jumping at the first sign of his anger.
Not anymore.
Now I was just a scared adult who learned to bury any sign of her feelings and suffer them in silence.
You can do this. You’ll just be here a day. That’s it. You’ve suffered worse.
Patrick turned his attention back to the television. Unease pricked my spine but I kept my back straight and eyes forward. I knew what was coming. It was the game he played as easily as breathing.
Silence, distraction, and then attacking just as you got comfortable…
“You’re still wasting your time being a code monkey?”
“Yes, Sir.”
What was the point of arguing? He believed I was wasting my life when I could be doing something more suitable to the daughter of a multimillionaire.
Like expanding his connections via a prodigious marriage.
“One day you’ll get it through your thick skull, Paige, that it’s a waste of your time. You’ll never move up. It’s the tech field. Men will never take orders from a woman. Even nerds.”
I’d heard the words a thousand times if I heard them once. I guess Patrick was right. I did have a thick skull.
“I enjoy my work.”
“I’m sure you do considering I’m supporting you.”
Not by choice.
I didn’t care if I lived in a shoebox studio. In fact, I would’ve preferred it. At least then I would’ve had the freedom to do what I wanted to my own damned apartment.
Patrick made it impossible.
I had to live in the place he saw fit as a stipulation for my quasi-freedom. We both knew what it was even if we never spoke about it. My luxurious apartment, the credit cards, the access to the cars and jets, all of it was just another method for him to exert control from five thousand miles away.
Besides, who the fuck was he to look down his nose at me? A trust fund baby who never worked a day in his life, Patrick Brookstone was one of those guys who was born on third base and thought he hit a triple.
“Got nothing to say, huh? Truth hurts.”
No. You do.
Thankfully, I didn’t get a chance to answer because Melissa walked into the room, breezy smile on her face, lavender nightgown on her slender body, and dark eyes sparkling with joy.
“Paige, you’re here. I’m so happy to see you.”
I stood up, walking into her hug as expected but inwardly cringing. Physical touch was difficult for me because I had so little of it growing up. It was just another thing that made Gavin so special.
I didn’t have any problems touching him or being touched by him. In fact, I couldn’t wait to jump into his arms. I was greedy for his touch, insatiable for it, and not just sexually.
Gavin often laughingly called me his “little monkey”. Funny how both of the men in my life compared me to the same animal but affected me in completely different ways.
Melissa pulled back and held me by the arms. She looked me up and down and exclaimed, “You look so pretty! New York must be agreeing with you.”
Patrick grunted behind us. It could’ve meant anything but I knew it was nothing complimentary.
I smiled. “I’m happy there.”
“I bet you are,” she answered lightly while turning me around with an arm around my waist. “Honey? Is it all right with you if Paige and I take a walk around on the grounds?”
Not surprisingly, he frowned. “It’s late at night. No, you should be in bed as it is.”
Also not surprisingly, she bent to his will. “You’re right. Besides, Paige is probably exhausted from her long day.” She turned her attention back to me. “Tomorrow morning we�
�ll have breakfast and then take a walk. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds great.”
Patrick abruptly took Melissa by the arm. “Let’s go to bed, honey.” He walked her out of the room, not even bothering to give me instruction or look back.
As soon as they were gone, I let my shoulders slump.
Okay, I survived the initial meeting. Hopefully I’d be in the air within twenty-four hours.
A meal was out. Not just because it wasn’t offered but because I was too knotted up to eat anything anyways. Once I got to my childhood room, I took out my phone and checked for any sign of Gavin.
Not a text, e-mail, or missed call.
I swallowed my disappointment. Gavin knew I was going home for a family emergency. He was probably being thoughtful by giving me space even though he asked me to call him.
It wasn’t his fault that being back here made me feel like I was going to crawl right out of my skin. Loneliness set in just as easily as the emotional claustrophobia.
Although I was more than tempted to send Gavin a text or even call him, I was too afraid to take a chance. What if Patrick or Melissa overheard me? It was a disaster I didn’t even want to think about.
You can survive one night without Gavin if you want to get back to him.
Resolutely, I shut my phone off.
THIRTY-EIGHT
Breakfast was as familiar as it was dreadful.
Grapefruit. No toast. No juice. Green tea.
I schooled my expression as I swallowed down every bitter bite. Melissa chattered about all the changes she’d made in the main living areas, tactfully avoiding the reason for them.
My father didn’t add to the conversation, eyes glued to his phone, but neither of us doubted he paid attention to every word crossing our lips, much like he did our food.
Once the maid cleared our plates, Melissa stood up and asked with a cheerful lilt to her voice, “Paige, are you ready?”
Patrick looked up from his phone. “For what?”
“Don’t you remember, honey? Paige and I are going to walk around the grounds.”
“What for?”
Melissa touched his arm. “Oh, you know. Just girl talk. I missed her and since we don’t talk like we used to…”
I internally flinched. Of course, that was going to end up being my fault. I couldn’t catch a break, could I?
Patrick’s flat gaze settled on me. “Paige won’t make that mistake again.”
Show time.
“No, I won’t. I’m so sorry, Melissa. From now on, I’ll make sure to call you as much as you’d want me to.”
Melissa waved her hand. “You’re busy with work, Paige. You’ve got so much to do.”
“No, she doesn’t. She can call you every day if you want her to.”
I know I shouldn’t let it bother me. It’s the same thing he says always.
Knowing something and feeling something were two different things.
I smiled and nodded like an idiot.
Sudden thoughts of Gavin made the pain of submission less galling. I thought of how I teased him a couple nights before when he got irritable.
“Would the Lord and Master like me to destroy the offending laptop?”
“What?”
Standing in the doorway of his home office, I gestured to it. “The laptop offends you with its news, Sire, and must be destroyed for showing impudence.”
A begrudging grin tugged the beautiful corners of his mouth. “The only impudence I see here is coming from your saucy self.” He settled back in his chair and patted his knee. “Come here, wench, and appease your Lord properly.”
Needless to say, Gavin’s mood improved greatly after giving me three light swats to my backside before bending me over his desk and showing me just how saucy I could be.
That kind of playful submission was wonderful. It didn’t demean me like being here in Patrick and Melissa’s home did.
I wish I was there with him instead of being here.
Guilt at my growing deception assaulted me. If Gavin had any clue I was in Hawaii…God, he’d never speak to me again.
I had to do whatever I needed to get the fuck out of here and back to Gavin. Submit so I could escape.
Melissa turned to her husband and hugged him. “You’re so good to me, honey.”
He squeezed her to him and leaned down to kiss her square on the lips. I looked away as it went on and on. Clearly, their passion wasn’t just limited to screaming matches.
Gross.
Patrick finally pulled back and said in a gentle voice, “Go have your girl talk. Make sure you put sunscreen on and don’t forget your hat.”
“I already brought them down.”
He patted her back and watched as she put on the items as ordered before leaving us both. And of course, my father didn’t show a shred of concern for me.
Melissa was and always would be his first, second, and only priority.
“Here, Paige. You should put some on too.”
I took the sunscreen with a murmur of thanks even though I already applied mine before coming downstairs.
Wearing a pink wide-brim hat, designer shades, and a white maxi-dress, Melissa looked as slender and graceful as she did twenty years before. I long ago stopped envying her sophisticated and elegant figure and made peace with my vulgar curvaceous body.
Still, if anything, I wished I was taller.
She linked arms with me, bright smile on display as we walked out the glass doors spanning the back of the house and into the bright morning sun. The infinity pool looked out onto the wide expanse of green grass and a picture-perfect blue ocean.
I recognized it was beautiful here on this slice of paradise. A dream come true for most landlocked citizens. But all I remembered was staring at the walled drop-off day after day and seeing no escape from my life.
I suffered each hour, trapped and cognizant of it by the age of five.
No wonder I focused my dreams on Gavin. He was someone who didn’t have to live here. He was free to be whoever he wanted.
Successful. Admired. Loved.
God, it was so pitiful it bordered on pathetic.
“Why are you working for Gavin?”
I startled, panic pounding its way through my veins until I could barely hear anything over the sound of my racing heart. Did I say his name out loud?
It didn’t occur to me to try to lie. There was no point when I was neatly caught.
“Does…does my—”
“No. Patrick doesn’t know. Yet. It’ll only be a matter of time.”
Silly me. I thought Melissa really did miss me. Of course, she had a motive for calling me down.
Suddenly, I was glad all I had for breakfast was grapefruit. Anything heavier and I’d be puking my guts out.
“How did you know without him finding out?”
Melissa cut me a look. Unlike my father, she didn’t try to pretend their relationship was healthy or normal. That bonded us in a way he’d never see or understand.
“I’ve had to be creative to keep tabs on my son.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Yes, I imagine you didn’t or you wouldn’t have done this.” Her frustration spilled over. “Paige, why are you there working at his company? Does he know who you are?”
“No. I used Aricela’s maiden name.”
Melissa stared straight ahead. “You still haven’t answered why.”
I couldn’t get the words out. My reasons belonged to me and I didn’t want to share them. I definitely didn’t want Melissa to know I was seeing Gavin outside of the office. I couldn’t trust her reaction and we both knew Patrick was upstairs watching her from his study.
A sickness he couldn’t help much like I couldn’t help doing what I did by reaching out for Gavin.
We weren’t that different from one another.
“Curiosity got the best of me. An opportunity came up and I took it.”
“Your curiosity will end up damning us all, Paige. Finish
it now.”
Anger shot through me. I resented the surety in her voice that I would obey. But then I always did, didn’t I?
I controlled myself and merely said, “You don’t have to worry anymore. It was only a temp position. Friday is my last day.”
“Caroline is coming back on Monday then?”
Melissa’s tabs were indeed numerous to know the name of his assistant.
“Yes. She had a skiing accident and broke her leg. There was no chance of me staying there permanently.”
“You don’t sound happy about it.”
I shrugged. “I enjoyed my work.”
“And was that all you enjoyed?”
“Yes. Gavin is a great boss to work for. I’m sure I’ll get a great reference out of it.”
Melissa remained silent and then turned us to walk again.
“How…how is he?”
I felt torn. I didn’t have to be a psychologist to see the damage Melissa’s abandonment had done on Gavin. In many ways, she didn’t have a right to know after choosing my pig of a father over her wonderful son.
But then again, I didn’t hold the moral high ground considering what I was doing with Gavin. We were both guilty of hurting this man we cared so deeply for.
“He’s good.” I paused and then warmed up to the subject. “He’s brilliant actually. I’ve never met anyone smarter than him and I’ve been surrounded by smart people my entire career. Gavin’s people really respect him.”
“I heard he can be difficult to work for.”
“It’s true but it’s not for the reason you imagine.”
“Oh? I heard he’s cold.”
I wished I hadn’t heard the thread of worry in Melissa’s voice.
“I can see why people would think that, but it only seems that way if you expect him to buddy around with you or act like a salesman. You know, fake friendly.” I looked back over to the ocean. “He says what he means and means what he says. He doesn’t play games. You know exactly where you stand. Gavin…he’s…he’s a good man. You’d be proud of him.”
Melissa squeezed my arm tightly. I felt the trembling in hers. Her voice, when it finally came, was husky.
“Thank you for telling me.”
I blinked back tears, drowning in the sadness of her pain and mine. We both wanted Gavin and neither of us deserved him.
