Personal Challenges

by K. C. Wells

  “Uh huh. We would also use gestures, facial expressions and lip-reading, the idea being that we don’t rely on just one method, but a combination of all of them.” Blake scrolled through the site. “There’s a section on learning sign language as a family too. It says the level is pretty basic, but I figure Sophie could learn with us. And you can learn online too. That would be great for us.” He closed the laptop and placed it on the bedside cabinet. “We could start with the basics, then you and I could move onto level 1.”

  “There are different levels?”

  Blake nodded. “The way I see it? The more Nathan can communicate, by whatever means, the better his chances in life.” He sighed and shifted on the bed, until his head was on Will’s chest. “I know it’s going to be a lot of work, and it’s not going to be easy, but there’s plenty of help out there.”

  His words reverberated against Will’s chest, tickling him. Will closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Blake’s warm body against his, the way Blake gently stroked his belly, his fingers moving inexorably toward Will’s cock that jerked in anticipation. The last few weeks had brought with them levels of stress that had taken their toll.

  But things are looking better. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

  Will smiled to himself. Things would look even better in a moment…

  He kissed Blake’s forehead. “Hey,” he said softly. When Blake craned his neck to gaze up at him, Will smiled. “Lock the door, Blake.”

  The speed with which Blake dived across the bed was gratifying. And just watching Blake’s dick harden as he walked slowly toward Will, did wonderful things for his libido. Will rolled onto his belly, tilted his hips and offered himself, sighing with delight when Blake’s body connected with his, Blake’s weight pinning him to the mattress, his shaft hot and thick as it slid between his cheeks.

  Will closed his eyes and awaited the pleasure he knew was coming.

  * * * * * *

  April 20th

  Colin put away the last of the plates and gave the sink one final swipe with a cloth.

  “We’re a good fit, you know that?” Ed said from the doorway.

  Colin glanced at him and smiled. “Oh?”

  Ed gave an emphatic nod. “You’re the Yin to my Yang.”

  Colin snorted. “What you mean is, I’m the tidy freak who counteracts your inner slob. Except sometimes it’s not so inner.”

  “Hey!” Ed gave him a mock glare. “Don’t you go insultin’ my inner slob.” He grinned.

  Colin folded the cloth and placed it next to the tap. “So, do you have any work to do this evening, or do I have you all to myself?”

  Ed came into the room and pulled open the fridge. “I was gonna have a beer. You want one?”

  Colin shook his head. “Anything on TV worth watching?” Not that he felt much like vegging out on the couch. He was… restless. “You know what? Scrap that idea. I might go for a run instead.”

  Ed studied him in silence, a beer can in his hand.

  “What?” Colin retorted. “Can’t a man go for a run? Exercise is good for the body, especially when we haven’t had a match for a while.” He missed rugby. The team was in transition mode right then. Several players had quit due to other commitments, and with no replacements lined up, their numbers were severely depleted.

  Ed took a drink before speaking. “I was thinkin’ you an’ me might ’ave a chat.”

  “About what?” Like he didn’t know. Ray had been the elephant in the room ever since Colin had got back from Edinburgh. That was due in no small part to Colin. He didn’t want to think about his ex, let alone talk about him. Those moments when Ray came to mind, Colin was aware of the fluttery, empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. Ray hadn’t called, emailed, texted—not that Colin was at all surprised by that. But Ray was still there, in the back of his mind, a constant niggling that wouldn’t go away. And while he wasn’t in their conversations, Colin felt his presence in other ways.

  He and Ed hadn’t made love since that night. It wasn’t that he’d made a conscious decision to avoid sex, it was just that the desire wasn’t there. Something was eating away at his insides, and Colin had a pretty good idea what.

  He felt… guilty. The way he’d left, the way he’d made no attempt to contact Ray… Then a wave of fresh resentment would crash over him, as he recalled Ray’s revelations, his betrayal. That only led to more guilt. He needed to move on, leave it all behind him, but Ray couldn’t do that. Ray’s past was slowly killing him.

  “Come an’ sit with me on the couch,” Ed suggested.

  Colin regarded him for a second or two, before reaching into the fridge for a bottle. Fuck it. If they were going to discuss Ray, maybe a glass of wine might make him feel better. He poured himself a glass and followed Ed into the lounge. Tigger sat on the window sill, staring out into the front garden. It’s a bit dark out there for spotting birds, Colin told the cat silently.

  Ed sat down and patted the seat cushion next to him. “Park that fine arse ’ere.”

  Colin had to laugh. “Don’t ever change, Ed.”

  Ed lifted his eyebrows. “An’ what would I change? Granted, me looks will fade, but that’s the same for all of us. The way I speak? Pfft. I’m too long in the tooth now to give a fuck. People take me as they find me. That doesn’t mean I can’t lay on the charm when I ’ave to—you catch more flies with ’oney, an’ all that—but I see no reason not to be meself with those who know me.”

  Colin put down his glass, leaned across and kissed Ed on the lips, a warm, fleeting connection that felt good. “Exactly. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

  Ed leered. “You can ’ave me any way you want me.” Then his face straightened. “Okay, I’ve been thinkin’ about Ray.”

  “And why would you want to do that?” Colin reached for his glass and took a long drink, relishing the crisp white wine. “The last time we spoke about him you were all for killing him.”

  Ed snorted. “Yeah, well, I’ve slept since. I’m a few weeks older an’ I’ve cooled off. The last three weeks ‘ave given me time to think, to put things into perspective.”

  “Perspective?” Colin gazed frankly at him. “Nothing has changed. He still—”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know what he did. An’ yeah, he was an arsehole not to tell ya. I’m not gonna argue with ya on that score.” Ed paused. “But being an arsehole doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve some compassion.”

  Colin blinked. It was the last thing he’d expected to hear from Ed.

  Ed drank from his can, and then cradled it in his hands. “Who visits Ray?”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Who goes to see ’im? Anyone?”

  Colin racked his brains. “He spoke about a nurse who goes there to do check-ups.”

  “’As he got any friends?”

  Colin had to think for a moment. Ray hadn’t mentioned anyone.

  Ed was nodding. “See, this is what I’m askin’. Does he ’ave anyone who’s there for him?”

  For the life of him, Colin couldn’t answer.

  Ed leaned forward, put his can on the table and then clasped his hands together, elbows balanced on his knees. “I can’t get ’im out of me mind. I don’t mean I’m thinkin’ about ’im non-stop, it’s just that he’s… there, like an itch I can’t reach. An’ the one thing I keep comin’ back to, is when all’s said an’ done, Ray ’asn’t got that many days left to ’im, ’as he? An’ that doesn’t feel right. He contacted you in the first place to ask forgiveness for the way he left, right?”

  Colin nodded, stunned into silence.

  “So you can’t leave it like this.” Ed’s gaze met his. “You’ve gotta ask yerself a question—do you forgive ’im?”

  Oh God. Now there was a question.

  Colin finally found his voice. “Do you think I should?”

  Ed shrugged. “Not my place to say, Col. Only you can answer that. But these last couple of days, I found meself thinkin’ about ’ow he must be
feelin’. He wanted forgiveness, an’ he only made matters worse. An’ the thought of ’im spendin’ his remainin’ days alone an’ feelin’ like shit ’cause he messed up again… ”

  Colin swallowed. Ed’s words conjured up an unpleasant picture. More than that, they gave him a clear insight into the man he loved. “You have a large heart, don’t you? You hide it well under a layer of gruffness, but there’s a soft core to you that can’t be denied.”

  Ed fixed him with a hard stare. “You go spreadin’ it around that Ed Fellows ’as a soft ‘n’ mushy side, an’ I will tan your arse so ’ard, you won’t sit down for a week.” His eyes twinkled. “I’ve worked too long an’ ’ard on me rep as a curmudgeon to ’ave you ruin it for me.” He reached out for Colin’s hand. “An’ you can talk. You’ve got an ’eart as big as the Atlantic. That’s why you went to see Ray in the first place.” He lifted his chin and locked gazes with Colin. “An’ that’s precisely why you’ll do what’s right. I know ya.” He leaned over and kissed him, slowly and thoroughly, and Colin melted at the intimate gesture.

  Ed got to his feet. “An’ now? I think I’ll ’ave an early night.”

  Colin glanced at the clock. “Er, Ed? It’s only eight o’clock. You can’t be sleep—” The penny dropped.

  Ed grinned. “Who said anything about bein’ sleepy?”

  Colin laughed, his heart lightening a little. “I might join you and not be sleepy too.” It had been too long, after all, since he’d lost himself in Ed, in the heat and passion they created between them. He paused. “I… I just have to make a call first.”

  It was easier to breathe once he’d made the decision.

  Ed nodded slowly in approval. “I’ll be waitin’ for ya in bed.” His eyes glittered. “I’ll be the one on all fours with his arsehole lubed up.”

  Colin put his hand to his chest. “Don’t say things like that, not before I have to make a phone call. How do you expect me to think clearly when you torment me with images like that?”

  Ed sauntered out of the lounge, waggling that firm arse. “It’s in me job description—‘Keep Col on his toes.’”

  Colin stared after him, shaking his head and laughing quietly. When all was quiet, he picked up his phone from the table and scrolled through. He paused to take a couple of deep breaths, not entirely sure of what he was going to say.

  When the number had rung six or seven times, Colin was ready to call it a night.

  “Hello?” Ray sounded drowsy, cautious.

  “Hi. Did I wake you?” Colin kept his voice low.

  Silence for a moment. “Yeah, I’d fallen asleep on the couch.” Ray paused. “I didn’t expect to hear from you again.”

  “To be honest? I didn’t expect to be calling you, but I’ve been talking with Ed. This was his idea.”

  “I guess I owe him, then.” A pause. “I am sorry, you know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I’m sorry we drank too much that night, I’m—”

  “You know what?” Colin was on his feet, pacing. “It was stupid what we did, yes. And although I will never be okay with the risk you took with my life, in the end I lucked out.” He caught his breath. “So I forgive you.”

  “You… you do?”

  “I don’t know if I’d be saying the same thing if I’d become infected, but let’s not go down that road. I dodged that bullet. You were less lucky.”

  “I… I don’t know what to say.”

  Colin reflected on Ed’s words. “Ed asked me a question tonight, and I couldn’t answer it. He asked if anyone was there for you.”

  In the pause that followed, he heard Ray’s breathing, harsh and erratic. “No,” Ray said at last. “There’s no one.”

  The knowledge made Colin’s heart sink. “But… why? You’ve been living there for thirteen years. You must have had relationships, grown close to people.”

  Ray’s sigh filled his ears. “I made a decision, when I first moved up here. I decided never to have another relationship. I kept everyone at arms’ length.” He let out a wry chuckle. “I think I see the boy who delivers my groceries more than anyone else. You were my last relationship, Colin.”

  “Why?” The thought of Ray alone, no one to share his life, and later, knowing he was dying… Colin fought back the tears.

  “Why? I couldn’t take the chance of putting someone I loved at risk. And I did love you.”

  That knowledge didn’t ease the ache in his heart.

  “This Ed of yours. Sounds like he’s pretty fond of you.”

  “He loves me.” The simple truth, plain and unvarnished, sent warmth through Colin. “Just like I love him.”

  “Then make the most of every day you get with him, all right? Life’s too fucking short.” Ray’s voice rose. “Promise me that?”

  “I promise.”

  Whatever else Ray had intended saying was lost in a fit of coughing. Colin waited until he’d stopped. “Are you okay?”

  “Sorry, Colin, but it’s time I was in bed. Thank you for calling. You have no idea how much it means to me. Good bye, and good luck.” The dull click signalled the end of the conversation.

  Colin stared at the phone. Is that it? Am I going to leave it like this?

  Then he realized Ed was upstairs, waiting for Colin so they could make love.

  The questions would wait until the morning. Right then he had a man to love.

  Chapter Eighteen

  May 5th

  When his phone rang, Colin was this close to ignoring Marion completely. In fact, it crossed his mind to pull the cable from its box on the wall. His own phone was on silent.

  Except he wouldn’t do that, of course.

  With a sigh, he picked up the handset and pressed the blinking red button. “Marion, what can I do for you?”

  “You have a visitor in reception.”

  He stifled his groan. “No. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to tell them to call back later.” Colin’s lunch hour was sacrosanct. Apart from a much needed break, it was the only chance he had throughout the day to call Ed, and right then he had some making up to do.

  “He’s very insistent.” What puzzled Colin was the amusement he could plainly hear in her voice. There followed a muffled conversation, and then Marion was back on. “He says to tell you, if you won’t see him now, then there will be no… foot rub for you tonight.” She giggled.

  And just like that, the tide of Colin’s day turned. “Send him up, please, Marion.” He put down the phone and gave his office a glance. The last thing he wanted was for Ed to walk in and find a mess. He would never let Colin hear the last of it.

  When Ed poked his head around the door, Colin didn’t waste any time. He tugged Ed into the room, pushed the door closed behind him and pulled him into a hug.

  Ed chuckled against his neck. “Someone’s pleased to see me.”

  Colin kissed him on the lips. “If it had been anyone else, they wouldn’t have got past Marion.”

  “Funny. She didn’t look like a Rottweiler to me.” Ed grinned. “Does she make a good guard dog?”

  Colin laughed and pushed him down onto the chair facing his desk. “Now, tell me why you’re here.”

  Ed gave a mock gasp. “I need a reason to visit ya? Yeah, I’m really feelin’ the love.”

  Colin gave him a stern glance. “I can count on less than the fingers on one hand the number of occasions you’ve been to this office.” His lunch could wait. This was more important.

  “I was waitin’ for ya to tell me what’s goin’ on, but seemin’ as I’ve been doin’ that for two weeks now, with nothin’ ’appenin’, I’m takin’ matters into me own ’ands.” Ed speared him with an intense gaze. “So what’s on your mind, Col?”

  Inwardly Colin groaned. I might have known I couldn’t hide it. “Is this about last night? I was going to call you today to apologize. I wasn’t in a good place last night, that’s all.” It hadn’t been Ed’s fault.

  Ed snorted. “That was obvious. I don’t think you strung more than ten words together al
l night. But like I said, it’s not just about last night. You’ve been like this for a couple o’ weeks.” When Colin stared at him, him stomach churning, Ed gave him a fond glance. “You thought I wouldn’t notice? You’ve not been yerself. You’ve been quiet, distracted… Maybe others might not pick up on those things, but I’m not others. I know ya too well.”

  Colin’s throat tightened.

  Ed cocked his head to one side. “Is it Ray?”

  “Why would you say that?” Ray hadn’t been a topic of conversation since Colin had called him.

  “Maybe because he’s been on my mind too.”

  Colin blinked. “Oh? In what respect?”

  Ed got up from his chair and walked over to Colin’s window. He put his hand to the frame and stared down at the busy London street below. “I think you need to pay ’im another visit.”

  Colin almost choked, he caught his breath so fast. Ed’s words mirrored his own thoughts with eerie precision. “I’d thought about e-mailing him or calling him.” That much was true.

  Ed shook his head. “Nah. He can lie his arse off in an e-mail or in a call. It’s trickier to do that when you’re face to face.”

  Colin shook his head. “Okay, when did you develop clairvoyant abilities?”

  “Eh?”

  Colin reached across the desk for his phone. “I e-mailed him, a week ago.”

  “Did he reply? What did he say?”

  Colin scrolled through his e-mails. “It’s not so much what he said, as what he didn’t say.” He found the e-mail and passed the phone to Ed. “I’d said I hoped he was still getting out for his walk once a day.”

  Ed peered at the phone. “Sort of a generic reply, ain’t it? ‘Thanks for touching base.’”

  “Yes, I noticed that too. But look at how he refers to my question.”

  Ed read aloud. “‘Those days are behind me.’ What the ’ell does that mean?” He scanned it again. “He doesn’t give much away, does he?”

  Colin sighed. “Exactly.” The thought that Ray had possibly worsened but didn’t want to share that knowledge, made his heart ache.