Personal Challenges

by K. C. Wells

  Angelo was glad of the chance to be alone with him. “I promise not to distract you anymore, but to be honest, I think you arrived here in that state. And when I come to think about it, you were pretty much the same your last visit. Is everything okay?” Franco was a genuinely nice guy, and Angelo got the impression he had something on his mind. “I mean, if there’s something you want to get off your chest, we’re good listeners.”

  Franco bowed his head for a moment, and Angelo was dismayed at the aura of sadness that seemed to cling to him. When he raised his chin, however, his eyes were calm. “You’re a good man, Angelo. I am so glad we met, and even happier that I was instrumental in bringing you and Rick together. And I promise you, if I ever have need of your advice, I will ask.” Then he smiled. “So, have you given any thought to the music you’d like played as you enter? What about best men? I’m assuming you both want someone to stand with you?”

  “Glad you brought that up,” Rick said as he entered the room, carrying a tray laden with coffee pot, milk jug, sugar bowl, cups, and a plate of biscotti. “We’ve been talking about that very thing.”

  Angelo smiled. “Rick wants to ask his friend, Will. I can’t see him saying no, as both he, his husband and their two children will be at the wedding anyway. But my choice is a little… different.”

  Franco’s eyes sparkled. “I’m sure Maria will say yes in a heartbeat.”

  Angelo gaped. “How did you know I was thinking of my sister?”

  Franco laughed. “Knowing how close the two of you are? It was the obvious choice.” He folded his arms across his wide chest. “Well, that was easy. What about the music? We need to think about hymns. It’s traditional to have them during the service.”

  “No hymns,” Rick said in a firm voice. Angelo glanced across at him, and Rick shook his head. “And don’t you look at me like that. I don’t care if it upsets Elena. I’m not budging on this one.”

  “Hey, I’m with you on this, remember?” Angelo kept his tone soothing. “But I do like the idea of some music during the ceremony.”

  “Fine,” Rick said emphatically. “Then we find a friend who can sing, give them a couple of songs that actually mean something to us, and voilà. I’d much rather that, than have everyone singing along to something just for the sake of it.”

  “You’re not getting married in a church,” Franco reminded them. “The ceremony is pretty much what you wish to make of it. As long as the legalities are met, you can do whatever you want.” He grinned. “Within reason.”

  Angelo guffawed. “Don’t look so worried. We’re not about to do anything that would embarrass my mum, not after all the effort she’s put into making this wedding perfect.”

  “There’s something else we have to talk to you about,” Rick said. “But it can wait until after the coffee.”

  “That sounds mysterious.” Franco regarded him quizzically. “Something important?”

  “Let’s just say there’s one other detail we need to tell you about,” Angelo said with a smile. He glanced at Rick. “Forty-eight days? Really?”

  “I have a countdown app on my phone.” Rick got up and came across to sit on Angelo’s lap, his arms looped around his neck. “August the nineteenth will be here before we know it.”

  Angelo kissed him and wrapped his arms around Rick’s waist. “Then we’d better make sure we’re ready for it.” He looked into Rick’s eyes. “Still sure you want to marry me?” he joked. “There’s still time to change your mind. After all, there’s always Anthony.” He waggled his eyebrows.

  Rick laughed softly. “I think I’ll take my chances with you. Besides, I’ve already invested several years in training you to get you just the way I like you. Do you think I’m likely to chuck that all away over a hot guy?”

  Angelo gave him a mock glare. “Trained me?”

  Rick slid off his knee and made a run for the kitchen. “Franco, tell him how bad it will look if I’m hobbling on crutches at my own wedding!” he called out.

  Franco laughed. “I’m staying out of this.”

  Angelo joined in with his laughter. “I always said you were a very wise man.” He picked up the coffee pot and held it out to Franco. “Coffee?”

  Franco proffered his cup. “You’re not going to take revenge?”

  Angelo snickered. “He’ll keep. After all, I know where he sleeps.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  July 14th

  Colin disconnected the call and placed his phone on the coffee table. Disconnected. An apt word for how I feel right now. He’d known it was coming, of course, but anticipating the event and actually having it happen were two very different animals. He felt detached somehow, clinically observing it all take place, as if from a distance.

  “Col?”

  He gave a start. “Christ.”

  Ed sat beside him. “I brought you a coffee,” he said, pointing to the mug. “Wasn’t sure if you ’eard me come in. You looked miles away.”

  “That’s probably because I was,” Colin admitted. He sank back against the cushions. “That was Kelly, Ray’s nurse, on the phone.”

  “Oh Gawd. Is he…?”

  Colin shook his head. “Not yet. She was calling to let me know he’s in a hospice. They moved him there this morning.” He picked up the mug, glad to have something to do with his hands. That disconnected sensation was still with him.

  “In Edinburgh?”

  Colin nodded. “He’s in a Marie Curie hospice. It’s not a big place, according to Kelly. There are only twenty-five beds. She also says visiting hours are flexible.” His phone pinged the arrival of a text. “That’ll be from her. She was going to send me the contact details for them.” He sipped his coffee, his mind already going over flight times. The mental distraction was a blessing right then. Anything not to have to think about Ray…

  It took him a moment to realize Ed was no longer sitting beside him.

  Hell. Distracted was one thing—fucking oblivious was another.

  To his relief, Ed came back into the lounge, Colin’s laptop bag in his hands. He handed it over, and Colin gazed at him inquiringly.

  Ed did an eye roll. “I’m not stupid. You wanna book a flight, right? ’Cause I assume you’re goin’ to see ’im.” He flopped down onto the couch and reached for his coffee.

  Colin put the bag aside and stopped him in mid action. He kissed Ed on the mouth, wishing the simple kiss could convey just how much he loved this man. Ed made a soft noise, before shifting closer to hold the back of Colin’s head, deepening the kiss. When they parted, Ed didn’t let go.

  “Listen,” he said quietly. “I know this prob’ly feels like a shit deal right now, but you don’t ’ave to go through this on yer own.”

  Colin kissed his forehead. “I’m glad I have you to come home to.”

  Ed straightened, his hand falling to his lap. “See, thass’ what I wanted to talk to you about.” He met Colin’s gaze. “Let me come with ya.”

  “What?” Colin frowned. “Why would you want to put yourself through that?”

  Ed widened his eyes. “Oh, so it’s all right for you to go back an’ forth to bleedin’ Scotland every couple o’ weeks, but not for me to come with ya one time?”

  Colin took a deep breath. “You’ve never met Ray. You’re never going to, at this rate. And if you do, you’ll be seeing—”

  “Someone who loved ya,” Ed interrupted. “Ray cared for ya. That makes ’im worth a visit, right? An’ besides, I’d rather be at yer side, supportin’ ya, givin’ you someone to ’old onto when you need it, instead of waitin’ ’ere, wond’rin’ what the ’ell you’re goin’ through.” He cocked his head to one side. “You gonna turn me or that offer down?”

  A wave of fatigue rolled over him, and Colin sagged back once more. “Sounds like I’d be a fool to refuse, doesn’t it?”

  Ed leaned in, his warm eyes focused on Colin’s. “Like I said, no one says you ’ave to do this on yer own. An’ I wanna do this, Col. Don’t shut me out, ple
ase.”

  Colin’s throat seized up and he swallowed, but his mouth was dry. He hurriedly drank some coffee, grateful for the liquid. He couldn’t ignore Ed’s plea.

  “We’ll need to book a hotel for the night. I don’t want to go there and back in a day.”

  Ed nodded. “Then we’ll fly up there on Saturday, an’ come back Sunday. I’ll book us somewhere near the ’ospice, shall I?”

  Colin shook his head. “If we’re going to do this, find us somewhere in the city centre. Where there’s noise, and light, and—”

  “An’ distraction,” Ed finished for him. “I gotcha.”

  In that moment Colin truly knew he did. He opened up the laptop and switched it on. “I’ll get going on the flights then.”

  Ed got out his phone. “An’ I’ll search for an ’otel.”

  Colin laid his hand on Ed’s arm. “Thanks. I’m just sorry you’re getting to meet him in these circumstances.”

  “I figured it would do ’im good to see another friendly face.” Ed smiled. “An’ I’ll be sure to share lots of stories about you.”

  “Oh God,” Colin groaned. But even as he pondered what on earth Ed would find to tell Ray, he couldn’t help but be thankful that he’d be there at Colin’s side.

  Because I really need him now.

  * * * * * *

  “When did you last see Ray?” Julie, the Staff Nurse asked them. The three of them were seated in her small office, and from beyond her door came the low hum of voices. She’d met him and Ed at the reception desk.

  Colin did a swift mental calculation, and realized to his horror that he’d stayed away longer than he’d intended. “Nearly four weeks.”

  She nodded, her face kind. “I’m asking because if it wasn’t a recent visit, then I need to prepare you. Since he arrived two days ago, we’ve had to intervene medically.”

  Colin became aware of Ed’s hand at his lower back, a comforting touch.

  “What does that mean?” Ed asked.

  “We had to insert a tube into his chest to drain off the excessive fluid that was causing his breathlessness. If we don’t see a significant improvement, then we may have to consider laser treatments to open up the blocked airways.” She paused for a moment, studying Colin’s face. “Helping relieve Ray’s shortness of breath and his pain is the first step we often take with patients who have lung cancer, but there are other needs that we must address too. We have to treat his anxiety and nausea. Plus there are other physical symptoms related to AIDS that have to be taken into account.”

  “Is he in a lot of pain?” Colin’s chest tightened as an iron hand squeezed his heart. It sounded as though Ray’s condition had worsened considerably.

  “His pain management regimen includes anti-inflammatory medications and opioids. We try to encourage patients to participate in determining doses of the pain meds, because the amount needed to block the pain will vary from day to day.”

  “Is he awake?” Ed asked.

  She hesitated. “Yes, although we’ve been giving him medication to help him sleep. That’s normal at this stage. The lack of sleep, combined with anxiety, often leads to depression, and this is the case for Ray. We’re treating that too.”

  “You said other physical symptoms.” Colin didn’t want Ray to see his and Ed’s reactions if they were surprised or shocked by his appearance.

  She nodded. “There are a few lesions on his face and neck. He’s developed Kaposi’s sarcoma, which again is often seen in late stage AIDS patients. And he now has a catheter.” Another pause, and this time she leaned forward, her voice gentle. “He knows you’re here. We told him when you called us. What you must prepare for is Ray’s changed mental state.”

  The hand around Colin’s heart became like ice. “Okay,” he said slowly.

  “Ray is starting to shows signs of having trouble concentrating and thinking. And you may see evidence of mood swings.”

  “’Ow much longer does he ’ave?”

  Colin was grateful for the touch of Ed’s hand right then.

  Julie was silent for a moment. “It might be three weeks, or closer to six. But no longer than that.” She addressed Colin. “Do you want us to call you when his condition deteriorates? We would understand if you couldn’t be here, given where you live. But if we think there’s the possibility that you could make it here before he passes, do you want to be told?”

  Colin’s face tingled and he had difficulty swallowing past the lump in his throat. He wanted to say No, that he didn’t want to be at Ray’s side when he shuffled off this mortal coil, but he couldn’t. Not when he knew beyond a doubt that Ray had no one.

  “Call me,” he said at last.

  Julie nodded, her eyes warm and so kind. “I’ll make a note of it. Would you like to see Ray now?”

  There it was again, that knee-jerk reaction to flee, to say no, he didn’t want to see what the last four weeks had reduced Ray to. He took a couple of deep, calming breaths, before meeting Julie’s gaze. “Yes, please.”

  “We’re both gonna see ’im,” Ed confirmed, his hand slipping around Colin’s.

  Julie smiled. “It will do him good to see some friendly faces. I understand he’s been on his own a lot.” She got up from her chair, they did the same, and then she led them out of the office and along a long corridor. “Ray’s room overlooks the garden,” she told them as they walked. “It’s a peaceful spot, and sometimes there are red squirrels in the trees.” She stopped at a door. “I’ll come in with you and see if he needs anything, then I’ll leave you alone. Would you like some tea? I can have some brought to you.”

  “If there’s any coffee goin’, that would be great.” Ed gave her a grateful smile.

  “Sure.” She pushed open the door and entered the room with them following her.

  Colin fought the urge to weep at the sight that met his eyes. Ray was propped up in bed, with various tubes emerging from beneath his gown, and an air mask over his nose and mouth. An IV stand was beside the bed, and on a small table sat a heart monitor, along with a small grey console, from which came a long cable that ended in a fat plug with a button on top. Connected to the box was a plastic container, and Colin figured this was the infusion pump that delivered Ray’s pain relief. The plug lay on Ray’s bed within reach.

  Ray turned his head carefully as they approached him. His faint smile lifted Colin’s spirits a little. “Hey,” he said weakly, the sound muffled by the mask. His brow furrowed when he saw Ed. “Do… do I know you?”

  Ed stepped forward and grasped his hand that lay on top of the covers. “Nah, mate. I’m Ed, Colin’s other ’alf.” He winked at Colin. “His better ’alf.”

  When Ray let out a little chuckle, Colin thanked God for Ed. I should trust his instincts more.

  He joined Ed and squeezed Ray’s shoulder. “I leave you alone for five minutes and you go and get yourself a room with a view of squirrels.”

  Ray smiled. “Little buggers are always running around out there.” He sounded better, less breathless. “So… how did you two meet?” He pointed a finger at Colin. “This one told me a little, but I figured he was being economical with the truth.”

  Ed sat on the bed, and Colin took the high backed chair beside it. Ed grinned. “Well, I’m not surprised. He took advantage of me after plyin’ me with copious amounts of alcohol.”

  Colin gasped dramatically. “It’s a lie.”

  Ed fixed him with a hard stare. “That was you, right, on me couch? I ‘ave one thing to say to you—leather boot lace.” He gave Colin an evil grin.

  Ray chuckled. “Oh my God, the mind boggles.” He regarded Colin with a smile. “I like him.”

  Colin gazed with love at Ed. “I’m pretty fond of him too.”

  For the next hour they sat with Ray, chatting, although he and Ed did most of the talking. Ray appeared to be concentrating, and Colin was glad of that. They drank coffee and helped Ray drink his water through a straw. When Ray asked them what day it was, that was the first indicatio
n that he was tiring.

  Julie came in to do her checks. “Why don’t you two go and have some lunch while Ray has a nap? The Stable Bar pub is right around the corner, and they serve good food.” She smiled. “You need a break too.”

  Ed patted Colin’s arm. “Sounds like a plan. Come on, I’m buyin’.”

  Julie chuckled. “Can’t say fairer than that, can you? Get in there before he changes his mind. My other half always manages to leave her purse at home. It’s obviously a gift.” She left them after changing Ray’s urine bag. Ray had already fallen into a light sleep.

  Once they were outside the hospice, Colin inhaled deeply, and Ed put his arm around him.

  “She’s right. You need a break. We were both up bleedin’ early this mornin’ to get to the airport. Let’s go find this pub, ’ave somethin’ to eat, an’ then we can go back later an’ see Ray again.” His gaze met Colin’s. “It’s my turn to take care of you.”

  * * * * * *

  He looks knackered.

  Ed knew it was more than just the early start. Ray’s condition was clearly weighing heavily on Colin. One look at him as he sat at their table, his eyes so far away, and all Ed wanted was to get him as far away as possible from Edinburgh and its associations.

  Colin rose to his feet. “I need to find the bathroom.” He pushed back his chair and went in search of it.

  Ed put his head in his hands, his elbows on the table. He’d done his best to remain positive, because that was what Colin needed right then, but fuck, he was tired. He’d slept badly the previous night, and all he wanted was a long, hot shower, preferably with Colin in there with him. He’d knead away Colin’s tension with a good rubdown.

  Ed pulled his phone after checking there was no sign of Colin returning imminently. He scrolled through to Rick’s number. “Hey. You got a minute?”

  “Sure. I’m only doing the laundry. Angelo’s in his workshop. What’s up?”

  “I’ve only got a sec. I’m just checkin’ that everything’s in order.” He kept his eyes peeled the whole time.