by Julia Derek
“You can ask two questions back-to-back if I can have another kiss,” Dante whispered then, his breath hot against my lips. “Would you like that?”
“Yes…” I whispered back.
“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you…”
“Yes, please. I would like that very much…”
He laughed softly. “That’s what I thought.” Then he crushed his lips against mine in another kiss so hot I couldn’t stop my arms from wrapping around his neck and pulling him down to me, exactly like I’d feared I’d do. He didn’t resist and instead opened his mouth wider to deepen our kiss, our tongues involved in a tantalizing dance. His other arm wrapped around me and he brought me closer, kissing me yet deeper. The way he kept circling my tongue with his had me moaning again. Oh, God, this is so not good, I kept thinking; still, I couldn’t make myself stop and only pressed my body closer to Dante’s much harder and bigger one. I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven, he was making me feel so good with his mouth.
As suddenly as he’d begun kissing me, he pulled away. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, removing his arms from around me. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
I became hot and cold at the same time, not sure what was happening. Why had he stopped kissing me all of a sudden? He got to his feet and straightened his clothes. His dark eyes flicked to mine.
“I should go,” he said.
His abrupt change of mood had me so thrown I didn’t know what to say. I fought to regain some kind of composure. I got to my feet as well and cleared my throat.
“You don’t have to go,” was all I could think of saying.
“No, it’s best that I go,” he said and headed for my door.
“Really?” I could hardly believe what I was hearing. “But how are you going to get home? I’m still kind of drunk.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll find a way. I’ll see you Monday, okay?”
“Um, okay.” He seemed hell-bent on leaving, so there wasn’t really much else that I could say. He grabbed the door knob and opened the door. A few seconds later, he was gone.
I stood there, staring at the door he’d disappeared through for I don’t know how long until I finally woke up from my stupor.
What the hell happened?
Why did he all of a sudden not want to kiss me any longer? Was it something I did? Did I smell bad or what? I tried to smell my armpits. As far as I could tell, I didn’t smell too bad. I didn’t think it had anything to do with my breath being bad, either, or he wouldn’t have wanted to kiss me again after that first time.
Or didn’t he notice it then? Maybe it was only as he’d kissed me deeper that it had become obvious to him.
That must have been it. I cupped my hand in front of my mouth and blew out some air that I tried to sniff. It didn’t smell bad to me, but maybe you had to get deeper down my throat to notice… As deep as Dante had gotten with his tongue there in the end…
Oh, God. I closed my eyes and thought about just how embarrassing this was. Of course that was what had happened. He’d just tried to be polite when he’d said that he shouldn’t have done that. My breath must have totally repulsed him. I found my phone in my gym bag and speed-dialed Nina. I definitely could use some girl talk right now. But she didn’t pick up. Instead of leaving a voicemail, I texted her, asking her to call me ASAP.
Dante
It took less time than I’d thought to find a cab that would take me back to Crunch so I could get my Harley and ride home. Not that I deserved the luxury of having to wait a mere ten minutes before I not only spotted a cab, but one that was available, too. It would have served me right if I’d been forced to walk all the way back to West Hollywood after my behavior tonight.
As the cab drove along Santa Monica Boulevard, I stared out the window and thought about what a fucking moron I’d been to suggest a kiss in exchange for giving Ricki information about my life. Even though I’d somehow managed to convince myself that she’d never accept, I’d known all along that she’d take me up on the challenge, hadn’t I? I damn well had. Her curiosity about me coupled with her obvious competitive streak now enhanced by alcohol had made it impossible for her to resist it. Especially since I could tell that she liked me. As soon as the idea had entered my mind, I’d known that she’d go along with my proposition and that it would excite her, too. And then I hadn’t been able to handle it any longer, so I’d bolted.
Fuck. Now she’d hate me and not want to train in the future. Surely, sometime tomorrow I’d receive a text in which she canceled our next session. I couldn’t blame her. She probably thought me taking off so abruptly had something to do with her. And it did, but not in the way that she must think. I wanted to punch a hole in the cab window when I thought about how much I must have upset her. But I restrained myself; it wasn’t the cabbie’s fault that I was a fucking ass after all. The problem was, if I’d stayed any longer I would want to do a lot more than kissing Ricki, and then I’d really be screwed. On every imaginable level. I sighed. I guess I should be glad I’d at least left before we got any further. I’d call her tomorrow and apologize for my weird behavior. I’d come up with some kind of excuse to explain what the hell happened to me that hopefully would make her stop questioning herself. If she didn’t want to train with me any longer after that, there was nothing else I could do. I’d just have to suck it up and find another client to fill her spot.
To be truthful, the fact that I’d wanted to throw her down on that couch and have my way with her hadn’t been the only reason I’d felt compelled to leave all of a sudden. It had been more than that. I had felt things that I couldn’t remember having felt for a girl since Lara.
I pushed away thoughts of her as soon as they came into my head and thought about the many girls I’d been with after instead. I had a hard time remembering the faces of any of them, not to mention their names. Which wasn’t strange since I didn’t stay with a girl for more than a night or two. Not that I’d ever felt like staying longer with any of them, so it hadn’t been hard to leave them behind. I always made sure I never got to know the girls I went out with, which was why I usually picked them up at a loud bar or a nightclub. Girls who liked to party hard and weren’t looking for a relationship. That way I didn’t risk developing any feelings for them, or they for me. We used each other and then it was over. Things had been different with Ricki. I’d gotten to know her more—a lot more—than any other girl who I’d ever been even remotely attracted to. Well, except for Gabi, but the more I’d gotten to know her, the more I realized I only liked her as a sister, not a girl. So she didn’t really count. And she had a fiancé. Ricki, on the other hand, felt like anything but a sister to me. Not only did I like her, but I was discovering that I was more and more attracted to her.
Judging from the way my pants were still straining at the thought of her, I was damned attracted.
I was glad I happened to be wearing a jockstrap today, not a usual choice of underwear for me. This particular pair offered protection for my junk. One of my boxing clients had a way of kicking me in the balls when we trained sometimes. He claimed it was a mistake, but I was beginning to think it was his passive-aggressive way of getting back at me for not wanting to go out with him. If he kept it up, I might have to fire him. Well, eventually. The jockstrap was uncomfortable as hell, but today I was glad I’d worn it, as the protective cup had kept the erection in my shorts invisible to Ricki when I got to my feet.
The cab arrived at the huge mall that contained the health club and I took the stairs down to my Harley. Half an hour later I was in my bed, fast asleep.
I didn’t get around to calling Ricki until lunchtime the following day. I was praying that she wouldn’t pick up the phone so I could get away with leaving her a voicemail only. I didn’t think she’d want to talk to me anyway, so it would be best for both of us.
But she did pick up. Damn.
“Hey, Dante.” She sounded more upbeat than what I would have expected. Even so, I figured it was
better to start out with something light.
“Hi Ricki. How are you doin’ today? Hung over?”
“Yeah, it hasn’t been one of my best days.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Hey, I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday. It was really uncalled for.”
“Which part?”
Which part? Was she being serious? “Um, well, I guess all of it, but especially the kissing part. I have no idea what made me come up with such a screwed-up proposition. That was really immature of me. Can we please just forget that it ever happened?”
“Oh. Yeah, sure,” she said in a tight voice. “No problem.”
I sighed quietly. Fuck, I’m making this worse and worse, ain’t I?
“I didn’t mean that I didn’t like kissing you,” I added quickly. “I really did. Trust me, it was great. I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be kissing. You know, you are after all my client.”
“That’s true.”
“Yeah, so we shouldn’t be kissing even if we like it. Ever.”
“I guess you do have a point there.”
“Yeah, that suddenly dawned on me, so that was why I decided to leave. If we’d kept kissing, things would’ve gotten very confusing.”
“Absolutely.” Her voice sounded unnaturally light. I shook my head, pissed at myself for how badly I was handling this. But it couldn’t be helped. I had to nip this in the bud. “They’d have gotten very confusing,” she added.
“Right,” I said. “I’ve been there before and it never ends well. So you’re not upset then?”
“God, no. Are you kidding me?” she replied, her voice more assured now. “Why would I be upset, Dante? We were drunk—well, I was drunk—and things just got out of hand the way things do when you’re drunk. You can’t think straight. You know what I mean?”
I relaxed; this was not as big a deal as I’d thought.
“I do know what you mean,” I said, smiling wide now. “Well, I’m glad you see it that way. It was a mistake. A big mistake. So we’re still on for training tomorrow then? I mean, you don’t want a new trainer? I totally understand if you do after my immature behavior.”
“No, I like you as my trainer. And that’s all I like you as, to be honest. Let’s forget about what happened yesterday. As you just pointed out, it was a big mistake.”
“Right. Okay, great. I guess I’ll just see you tomorrow for training then, Ricki.”
“Absolutely. I’ll see you tomorrow at five thirty as planned. Looking forward to it!”
“Likewise! Have a great rest of your day, Ricki!”
“You, too.”
We said good-bye and disconnected. It took me several seconds of staring at my phone to digest our conversation. I could have sworn that she’d been as into the kissing as I had been. And not just because she had been all that drunk. Then again, what did I know about how drunk she’d been? For all I knew, she was one of those people who seemed almost sober when they were really pretty wasted, but not so wasted they didn’t remember what they’d done the night before.
I shrugged. Well, it doesn’t matter, does it? I should be happy this conversation had ended the way it had, shouldn’t I? It was what I had wanted.
Definitely, I told myself. Still, for some odd reason, that smile on my face was no longer as wide.
Ricki
Tears were burning at the back of my eyes when I pressed the End button on my phone. I blinked a couple of times to make the ones that wanted to spring forth go away. Dante didn’t deserve me crying even one drop over him, and especially not in public. He was just like every other guy I’d known. Not serious about me at all. I was just someone to hang out with and maybe fool around with a little. Fool around with until you suddenly realized I wasn’t worth risking your job for. That was what this was really all about. Just like Dante had said, it had suddenly dawned on him that, if we’d continued kissing, it would have ended badly. He’d said himself he’d been there before. He’d probably messed around with some other client and been warned by his manager not to do it again after the client had complained about him. Maybe he’d messed around with more than one client.
I scoffed. Yes, as smooth as he is, surely he has. Not that I’d ever run and tell on him, even if we’d ended up in bed and he told me afterward that he wasn’t interested in anything serious.
I left the drugstore I’d entered to buy the Diet Coke I’d been craving all morning that was also supposed to help my pounding head feel better. I sat on a nearby park bench and drank more than half of the large bottle. I waited for about five minutes for the soda to take effect. There was no change in the way my head felt. My hangover was still going strong, actually maybe even stronger than before. Of course, that might have something to do with the sun that had suddenly appeared from behind a cloud and was now blinding me so much I had to look away. I sighed. I should have figured all soda would do was quench my thirst. Oh, well. I finished the rest of it, tossed the bottle into a trash bin and headed back to my house.
Why was I so upset anyway? Hadn’t I known all along that Dante was a player? I mean, come on! I needed to be honest with myself. Everything about him screamed player, didn’t it? Yes, it did. It definitely did. He was a hot trainer with lots of tattoos and a voice with the power to make you feel all mushy inside. And he sure knew how to use that voice as well as his great smile to his advantage, not to mention his sexy body. Women must be throwing themselves at him on a daily basis—gay men, too, obviously. That I’d seen with my own eyes. I had been a fool to think I was somehow special just because he’d invited me to eat with him. He’d just been bored and I had happened to run into him, so he’d asked me to join him. I snorted to myself; well, I guess I didn’t need to worry about having bad breath at least.
My phone buzzed in my pocket then. I found it and pulled it out to see who’d contacted me.
Nina.
Did you connect with him yet? her text wanted to know. Her eagerness to find out shouldn’t surprise me; she and I had spent an hour turning the incident with Dante inside out when she’d finally gotten back to me this morning. She was convinced he was a lot more into me than I was. And she’d been sure he hadn’t bolted because he’d suddenly discovered I had bad breath. Sadly, that was the only thing she seemed to have been right about. And after some thought, I hadn’t really thought that had been the reason, either.
I called her. She immediately picked up.
“So?” she said with an expectant tone.
“He’s not into me at all,” I said, my throat aching with the need to cry again. But I took a deep breath to pull myself together. “Just like I’d thought.”
“What do you mean? What happened? You spoke to him?”
“Yeah, he called and apologized for kissing me.”
“Okay. That’s to be expected. That doesn’t mean he didn’t like it or you. What else did he say?”
I sucked in another breath to be able to talk. “That he’s done it before and that it never ends well. That it was all a big mistake. It was clear that he really felt that way, so I told him I agreed and that the only reason I’d kissed him like that was because I was drunk.”
“Hmm.” Nina sounded like she was considering my words.
I sighed as I replayed his last words in my mind. “He seemed so incredibly relieved when I said that. Like that was what he’d hoped I’d say. Then he asked me if I wanted to train with someone else. He obviously wants to get rid of me.”
“I don’t think that’s why he asked you if you wanted to train with someone else. He’s probably just worried you’re uncomfortable around him now.” Nina paused for a moment. “Maybe he was just embarrassed about what happened. You know, about losing control and everything. He is after all your trainer and not some guy you’re dating. I really don’t think he’d kiss you like that if he didn’t like you. I mean, who does that?”
“This one.” I exhaled. “Nina, he’s just a guy who likes to push the envelope. Another player. It’s o
kay. You really don’t have to try cheering me up. You were right from the beginning. I need to accept that he’s just my trainer. He’s not boyfriend material.”
I told her I had a horrible headache and that I needed to go lie down, so we hung up. My head didn’t feel that bad now that the sun had disappeared again, but I wasn’t in the mood to keep talking about Dante and what had happened between us. There was nothing else to say. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want it to continue, and I sure as heck wasn’t about to admit that I did. I walked into my apartment and plopped down on my couch. I spent the rest of the day flipping channels on the TV and eating ice cream and cookies while feeling generally sad for myself. My quest to get in the best shape of my life would have to resume tomorrow.
The next day as I walked into the office, I almost bumped into Aidan, who was leaving.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. Just what I need right now. Another reminder about what a loser I was in the romance department. I’d still felt depressed about my love life when I’d woken up this morning, not recharged as I’d hoped, ready to move on. Spotting the empty brownie mix box in my kitchen trash can had only served to worsen my mood. I gazed at Aidan, who’d stopped in his tracks and was contemplating me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I swallowed the growl that wanted to come out of me. What’s wrong with this guy? Why was he torturing me like this? Hadn’t he done enough already? I wanted to snap something nasty at him, but I didn’t want to come across as a totally crazy person, so instead I arranged my face in what I hoped looked like a neutral expression. Then I said, in as straight a voice as I could muster, “Yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
