by Julia Derek
“You just look like you weren’t feeling so good,” he said, peering at me with concern in his big baby blue eyes. “Like you just got some bad news.”
“What if I did?” I replied, trying to get past him. “What’s it to you?”
He grabbed my arm then. “I just hate seeing you look so sad.”
I threw a glance at his hand on me and frowned. “You do?” I laughed a humorless laugh. “That’s funny. Why did you string me along like that then? What you did to me has made me look very sad very often.”
He gazed downward and loosened his grip on me. “Yeah, I know. And it’s killing me. I really hate myself for what I did to you. It was wrong and I wish I could have it undone.”
His words sounded surprisingly sincere, making me pay attention. He gazed at me earnestly. “Look, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, Ricki. Something that’ll probably make you feel better with regard to what happened between you and me.”
“What’s that?” I was more curious than I was letting on.
He threw a glance over his shoulder, as if to make sure no one was standing close by. We were alone. He leaned into me and said, “I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m gay.”
I stared at him. “What? Is that a joke? If it is, it’s not funny.”
“I’m being totally serious, Ricki. I am gay and I’m now okay to say it out loud. Admitting it to myself. That was the hardest part.”
I considered him. It was clear that Aidan had meant every word he’d said. I patted his hand that was still attached to my arm. “Wow… Well, good for you, I guess.”
He smiled. “Thanks. I hope it makes you feel better about the way I broke up with you, too. Now you know that it wasn’t because you weren’t enough somehow, but that I’m just not into women. Any woman.”
I smiled back. “Yeah, it does make me feel better actually… A lot better.”
He exhaled. “I’m glad. So does that mean you forgive me finally for how I treated you?”
“Definitely. Thank you for telling me.”
“No, thank you, Ricki.” He gave me one of his sideways half smiles that used to make my stomach go wild with butterflies. But today it was completely still.
I frowned. “For what?”
“There’s just something about you that makes a person want to let their guard down. You have this way of making someone feel completely at ease and be themselves around you. Going out with you really changed my life.” He grabbed both my arms. “Believe me, if I was straight, I’d love it if you were my girlfriend. Any guy worth their salt would be lucky to be with someone as gorgeous as you are. And I mean gorgeous in every sense of that word, as much on the outside as on the inside.” He shook his head, sighing. “I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling more sexually attracted to you. I mean, if I couldn’t get it up for you, it could only mean one thing. But it took a while before I was brave enough to admit the simple truth to myself. And it was so wonderfully freeing.”
I tried to process all that he’d just said. “Wow… That’s pretty heavy.”
He nodded emphatically. “I know, but every word I said is true. You’re a truly beautiful girl.”
I smiled. “Okay. Well, now I’m definitely not mad at you any longer. Thanks for telling me this. My day all of a sudden got a little better.” Then I kissed him on the cheek and went into the office.
Dante
“Hey,” I said to Ricki when I spotted her at the fitness desk, waiting for me to come get her. I had been so busy with clients since we’d spoken that I’d had no time to dwell over our little misstep. By the time I was done training Jose last night, I was so beat I’d passed out the second my head hit the pillow. This morning it had been the same story—clients back-to-back with barely any time to eat in between, not to mention ponder my life. Which was good since the less I thought about what had happened, the sooner I could put it behind me. But as I saw her now, I felt myself puffing out my chest, lifting my chin and walking taller, much like a horny gorilla that wanted to impress a potential mate. What the hell am I doing? I forced myself to return to my usual, more relaxed gait.
“Hey,” she said and smiled as I stopped before her.
I gave her my best friendly smile back. “You ready to workout?”
She nodded. “Absolutely. And my foot is feeling much better, too.”
“Fantastic. Let’s go then.”
We walked deeper into the gym toward a quiet corner where I would have Ricki do full-body exercises with free weights. I quickly searched my mind for appropriate subjects to discuss to ease the inevitable tension between us.
“Did you do something fun last night?” I asked.
“Not really. I was kinda tired, so I just watched a movie with a girlfriend. What about you? You got a break from training?”
“Nah, I trained a buddy of mine. I need to get him ready for a fight.”
“A boxing match?”
“Not exactly.” I’d better change the subject. “Speaking of boxing. We never got around to box the other day. You feel like trying some today?”
“Sure. If you think it’ll help me get in shape.”
I gave her a wiseass grin. “Not only will it help you get in shape, but it’ll give you the chops to kick the ass of anyone who tries to mess with you.”
She gave me a long, cryptic look before she nodded. “I think that would be a great skill to have. Yes, let’s do some boxing.”
“All right. Let’s go downstairs then. The boxing area is there.”
No one was using any of the three sandbags for once, so we had the whole area to ourselves. Which was good in one way, bad in another. Potentially very bad… I suddenly regretted having brought Ricki down here. She and I should not be in an area where no other people were around. But it was too late to change my mind now. Besides, Ricki’s eyes had lit up at the sight of the sandbags, so she must want to at least try boxing.
“You’re gonna need to wear gloves,” I said and nodded to the racks where all the boxing gloves hung. “Unfortunately, some of them are pretty smelly.”
She went over to a rack and grabbed a pair, sticking her button nose inside one of them. She instantly retracted her head and crinkled her nose. “Ugh. Yeah, this one stinks!” She went through several more until she finally found a pair that she deemed acceptable. I helped her put them on. Standing so close to her allowed me to smell her. Traces of something flowery and vanilla flowed up my nostrils, not unlike the way they had when I’d leaned in to kiss her less than forty-eight hours ago. Though today that note of salty ocean air was missing, probably because she had yet to get hot and sweaty… My mind instantly moved to thinking about how her lips had felt against mine, how sweet she had tasted on my tongue. Then I made the mistake of ogling her breasts, which were hidden under a tight-fitting, light blue workout top. It was so thin I could see the outlines of her nipples, which had become surprisingly defined suddenly. I felt myself harden in my shorts, as I wondered if she had put on that top on purpose. As soon as I had made sure her gloves were secured tightly around her wrists, I turned away from her and adjusted my shorts, killing my burgeoning erection. Then I faced her again.
“All right,” I barked unnecessarily harshly. “Give me twenty squats to get your blood flowing. Right now.”
She gave me a funny look, as if wanting to know why I sounded like I was mad, but she didn’t say anything. Instead she started doing the squats, using better form than I could remember her having used before. By the time she had completed them, I had gotten full control over my body. In order for it to stay cool, I needed to keep reminding myself that Ricki was my client and only my client. What had happened between us was a mistake that I just had to erase from my mind. I couldn’t allow us to have another hot encounter, no matter how much I wanted to take her home right now and tear off her clothes. Not only would it be unprofessional for me to seduce her—to say the least—but I had a feeling I’d have a much harder time forgetting about her t
han I had all those other girls who had come and gone through my life. I couldn’t risk that. Even if she’d want to be with me, I could never be with her. I was not meant to be in a relationship with any woman.
“Okay, what’s next?” she asked, her fists on her hips. Her face was set with fierce determination. “Do I get to punch you now or what?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the unexpected attitude. “Whoa… Should I be scared?”
“I don’t know. Should you?”
I raised a brow, but chose not to ask exactly what she’d meant by that. The way her pale blue eyes had darkened told me I might get a kick between my legs if I pushed it. I shook my head. I honestly had no idea why she looked the way she did, but then again, I knew that women were sort of nutty generally speaking, so it might not even have anything to do with me. Maybe it was that time of the month. I sure as hell wasn’t about to ask her about that. I decided that whatever it was that was making her so pissed, she might as well use it to burn some extra calories. Fury was a great motivator.
“Why don’t you start by punching this bag while I hold it?” I asked, pointing to one of the sandbags that hung from the ceiling. “I’ll be standing behind it. That way you get to punch me indirectly…” I winked at her and gave her a one-sided little grin. “Use small, quick punches like this.” I showed her how to do it by peppering the bag with a series of hard, fast punches, not going nearly as hard as I did when I was working out on my own.
“Okay,” she said and got in position. I adjusted her stance a little, then I went behind the bag and hugged it against my body to keep it steady.
“You’re gonna punch it for thirty seconds,” I said. “Go!”
She surprised me by punching the bag a lot harder than I’d expected, so I had to squeeze it more firmly not to have it knock me in the face.
“Slow down a little, Ricki. We’re still in the warm-up phase. You don’t want to pull a muscle.”
She ignored me and punched even harder and faster the longer she went. I figured it was best not to say anything else, but let her do her thing. She obviously needed it.
“And stop,” I said when the time was up. I gazed at her intently, sincerely impressed. “Wow, you sure know how to throw a punch, querida. I almost couldn’t hold the bag there for a while.”
“Yeah, right,” she replied, but the way her eyes were shining I could tell that she was proud of how well she’d punched. She went over to the water fountain and had some water. When she returned, she was smiling big, suggesting that whatever had pissed her off earlier was no longer an issue. Thank God. Yeah, it was probably that time of the month for her…
“What do we do now?” she asked.
“I’d have you kick the bag, but because of your ankle it’s best that you stay away from any leg exercises that involve that much impact. Even if it feels better, it’s still vulnerable to injury. We’ll do more punches, but let’s do some sit-ups first. Lie down.”
“On my back?”
“Yes.”
She lay down on her back and bent her legs so they were in the appropriate position to do crunches. I sank down in front of her and grabbed hold of her feet. An idea struck me. “You said you wanted to punch me before. Well, here’s your chance. Smack in the face. That is, if you can reach it.” I gave her a teasing smile.
She glanced at me like I was stupid. “How am I gonna punch you from this position?”
“You’re gonna sit up all the way and then punch me while I hold your feet.” I raised my chin and gazed at her with half-closed eyes, knowing she wouldn’t be able to resist the challenge. “Are you telling me you can’t do it?”
She huffed with outrage. “Of course I can do it!”
“Let’s see some then. I can’t wait to feel your fist on my face.”
“You’ll regret saying that.”
I laughed. “I doubt it.”
Ricki
Sitting up so I could smack Dante in the face was not nearly as easy as I had thought. I could barely get halfway up, which made me so furious I think I managed to get up a couple more inches. Then I tried to punch him on the chin, but by the time my fist connected with his face, it was with so little power I might as well have patted him. Which was the last thing I felt like doing, even though I’d already released most of my anger with him when I pounded the sandbag.
I lay back down again, determined to do better on my next sit-up. Maybe if I thought about the way he’d yelled at me earlier, ordering me to do those squats like I was a dog, I’d get a little farther… At the very least, I needed to pack some more power into the punch I wanted to give him, wipe that smug grin off his face.
I did a few more sit-ups and landed a punch that made him pull his head back. It pleased me tremendously. Ha! Having succeeded finally gave me the strength to do a couple more sit-ups and I got another punch on his chin. Strangely, this time he didn’t pull back, even though I was pretty sure it must have hurt at least a little because I’d felt him jerk slightly. Whatever. I guess he was one of those guys who got off on pain.
“Mmmm, I like that,” he said, confirming my suspicion but also annoying me now. I wasn’t here to give him pleasure.
“I thought you could do better than that, Ricki…” The smile on his face grew wider.
The teasing note in his voice riled me up so much that I pushed out five more sit-ups in rapid succession. Unfortunately, by now I was getting so tired that I could hardly pack any power into my punches.
When I’d completed fifteen sit-ups, having sat up higher than I’d ever be able to do on my own, I was so exhausted I needed to stay down in order to just catch my breath, not to mention recover from all the lactic acid accumulated in my stomach. My muscles were burning like they were on fire. Dante leaned onto my knees and gazed down at me for a long, silent moment. Something behind his dark eyes betrayed the content little smile on his lips. At first I wasn’t sure what that emotion inside him must be, but as I looked closer, I could suddenly tell: It was pain. Why is he in pain? I very much doubted it had anything to do with my weak punches.
“Are you okay?” I asked him.
He blinked and the pain was gone as suddenly as it had appeared. “Yeah. Why do you ask?” He laughed, but something about the laugh sounded off.
“You looked like you were in pain all of a sudden,” I replied.
When he didn’t answer, my gaze went to the scar under his right eye. I reached up and, as I touched it with a light finger, he flinched. He didn’t remove my hand, but the smile on his lips faded and he looked away. I let my hand fall back to the floor.
“What really happened?” I asked. “I don’t buy that it’s from a mosquito bite.”
His gaze went above my head and stayed there for a few seconds. Then it returned to mine, a pain in his eyes so strong I could feel it all the way in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly, my heart ached for him. What must have happened to him that hurt so much that I could feel it? Finally, he said, “You don’t wanna know.”
“How can you be so sure? I thought you told me I was so easy to talk to. Maybe you’ll feel better if you tell me. It’s clearly bothering you a lot.”
He shot to his feet and extended me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up from the floor.
“Let’s do some more punching drills,” he said.
We spent the rest of the session doing different punching drills combined with more core exercises, and by the time it was over, I was drenched in sweat. We decided to get together for our next session in another two days.
When I sat in my car, heading back to my house, I thought about how Dante had simply ignored our moment for the rest of the session. Telling him I didn’t buy the mosquito bite excuse had just been a hunch that had come over me; I hadn’t been nearly as sure as I must have sounded to induce such a reaction from him. But the hunch had turned out to be correct. With pain like that radiating from his gaze, something really bad must have happened, and it was obviously connected to the scar.
Unfortunately, I doubted offering him a kiss in exchange for the information would do the trick this time.
I wasn’t sure why that possibility had even flown into my head when he’d made it perfectly clear the night at my place had been a huge mistake not to be repeated in the first place. A dull pain spread in my stomach at the thought of how adamantly he’d underscored this fact. How he had been through it before, which was why he knew that so well. I had just been another girl to him.
Even so, our kisses had felt like they’d meant something to him, too. I allowed myself to relive his lips on mine for a few more seconds. The heat of his breath, he teasingly biting my lower lip followed by that soft laughter. His tongue exploring my mouth in that sensual way that had made me want to grab his hair and pull his head down hard, to make it easier for him. To make him kiss me deeper. But before I’d been able to do so, he’d suddenly realized he was doing something that apparently had to stop immediately.
I sighed heavily and made myself think about what I’d do tonight to distract myself from more thoughts of Dante. Nixon wanted to get together for dinner so we could talk about his issues with his on-again, off-again boyfriend. I was in charge of picking the restaurant, but I’d yet to do so. As soon as I got home, I opened my laptop and Googled restaurants in the West L.A. area for inspiration. I picked a little Italian place close to where we both lived and texted Nixon to meet me there at eight.
Nixon arrived at the restaurant just as I’d found an available stool in the bar. As he walked toward me, his shaved head gleamed in the light that came from the many candles placed on the wall shelves. As always, I marveled over my Puerto Rican friend’s great physique, which was, like Dante’s, covered with tattoos. Nixon and I had known each other since high school and had become instant friends, even though he was two years older than me. Now, eight years later, our friendship was still going strong.
